What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

(548 Posts)

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house? hmm

these, but even pointier

HumphreyCobbler Wed 21-Nov-12 18:08:44

that is brilliant
'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'
<weeps>

RyleDup Wed 21-Nov-12 18:09:04

My sil does this grin

JaneFonda Wed 21-Nov-12 18:10:04

Oh good God. grin

MyLastDuchess Wed 21-Nov-12 18:10:46

artisinal slippers

Hahahahahahaha! I wouldn't be able to help myself, I'd be all, "I'm sorry, I only wear mass-produced footwear."

NotInMyDay Wed 21-Nov-12 18:12:50

Someone said to me how upset they were to have spilled 30ml of breast milk. "it's liquid gold" hmm
No it's milk. And I say that as a breastfeeding advocate.

Oh yah i would like so like never date someone who didnt go to private school.

Guy to me and my friends. Who were all state educated. He knew this.What a cock.

Pagwatch Wed 21-Nov-12 18:14:04

grin

I have never forgotten the woman in the queue at the deli who shouted her order for taramasalata (back 25 years ago when it was considered posh) like this
'I would laike some tar -mar -slar -tar'

All rhyming . Like a posh deli nursery rhyme.

CrikeyOHare Wed 21-Nov-12 18:23:11

My ex once asked the assistant at Blockbuster - "Do you have Pulp Fiction, perchance?"

He sounded like a right twat and knew it grin

NirvannahCrane Wed 21-Nov-12 18:24:09

Haaaa. Tell me, does the word artisanal.....well..erm...is it pronounced with the word anal at the end? Or is the last part pronounced 'annal'? Were these slipper people friends of yours or could you leave afterwards, eye rolling heavily and vow never to return?

Nowhere near as pretentious as yours but I was once at a barbeque attended heavily by pretentious sorts and listened politely to a woman say 'Well, the reason I feel I should have a career break is so I can re-connect with myself. And I can also get on to sorting out the lower paddock for Little Martha's pony...honestly, it's so boggy, we can only access it in the range rover at the mo....'. It gave me the need for another can of strongbow and a B&H <classy>

grin

MarshaBrady Wed 21-Nov-12 18:25:39

So funny grin

notjustamummythankyou Wed 21-Nov-12 18:26:58

An acquaintance at a toddler group was trying to placate her little girl. "I think she needs grissini".

Breadsticks, love. Breadsticks.

MsGee Wed 21-Nov-12 18:27:08

I was once told by a colleague that at her parents house you could get up to third gear in the driveway.

She made it clear from day 1 she thought she was a cut above me. sadly for her I was her boss and she was crap at her job, so she didn't last long

BalloonSlayer Wed 21-Nov-12 18:29:01

DH was talking to someone about an area of the country and the bloke said "Ah yes, I've got a house down there."

Pagwatch Wed 21-Nov-12 18:30:36

My mother once grudgingly cooked burgers for us to eat watching the rugby at her house.
She brought it all in on a tray and said 'forgive me. I haven't decanted the tomato sauce'

My DD has come out with a couple of doozies but they would make me sound like a twat.

Bearfrills Wed 21-Nov-12 18:30:38

At the park this summer, having a packed lunch on the grass, I called to 3yo DS: 'come here sweetheart and eat your brioche!'.

As soon as the words were out of ny mouth I knew I sounded like a pretentious twat. Thankfully a friend was there to point it out to me grin and in my defence it was crappy Warburtons brioche from Asda.

XBenedict Wed 21-Nov-12 18:30:55

Talking to a friend about her holiday, asked her something about the flight and she said "DD has never flown where she can't lie down" hmm

ProcrastinatingPanda Wed 21-Nov-12 18:31:05

"I'm so over flying economy class"

Said by BIL to be about a fortnight after he was complaining that he was so skint that he couldn't afford cat food so had sent his cat outside to hunt its own dinner hmm

iklboo Wed 21-Nov-12 18:32:03

When I was about 14 my nana & I wandered into a newly opened video shop. In was in the scrag arse end of the very rough estate where we lived at the time. Think Shameless but worse. In her vair, vair best Received Pronunciation my nan said

'Excuse me, but how does one go about joining your clientele?' Totally without irony. I could have died blush.

Friend's SIL at dinner "It's sooo difficult when you have children to try and maintain some semblance of career, and to balance that with the care and attention they need".

Not a pretentious view in itself, however I knew she was a PA who married the boss, quit work the moment she could and never went back, and still had a full time nanny and cleaner (with just one child).

(yes judgeypants are giving me a wedgie!)

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 21-Nov-12 18:35:47

'For years I never really engaged with popular culture at all'.

Said to me in one of those 'Do you like/remember <insert band/TV show/etc>?' conversations.

Made me feel like a right lowbrow actually it didn't, well not as much as it made the other party sound pretentious, snobbish and condescending.

I was moaning about having to show my DH how to use his new phone to a group of mothers. One of them asked me why his secretary was unable to help him ...

Eglantyne Wed 21-Nov-12 18:37:48

iklboo Our nans would have got on brilliantly!

Mirage Wed 21-Nov-12 18:40:44

A chap I garden for was discussing the pleb issue with me and a neighbour.Neighbour had never heard the word before so we explained what it meant.I commented that it was rarely heard these days.The chap I work for said 'Well of course,you wouldn't mix with the class of person who uses that sort of word,public school educated people.'

I remarked that I did indeed mix with some very upper class people,but thankfully they had good enough manners not use such words.

That shut him right up.

MammaTJ Wed 21-Nov-12 18:42:56

Nasty chavvy girl belonging to the nasty chavvy family who live across the road from me. Both homes Housing Association.

Asked what class she is 'Middle class of course'. This is the same girl who has left college because the new HT will not allow them to wear short skirts or low cut tops. This with her parents approval.

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