Please remove your book from my knickers DS

(409 Posts)

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 26-May-11 10:30:11

stop licking the stones dd (every trip to the beach since she could pick them up, shes now 2 1/2....)
dont lick the mole hill
dont lick the frog
do you see a pattern....

dont eat that..

Your willy doesnt go in there

dont shut your sister in the rabbit run

no i wont kiss your willy better, if you left it alone it wouldnt go 'big' and hurt.

i dont care what <insert kids character here> does or sayes they are NOT my child therefore they do not have to follow my rules

get that out of your nose

stop snorting after every sentence (dd is an avid peppa fan)

i dont think the rabbit will like your crisps ds

LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON!

please dont use my boobs to warm your hands, hands out of mummys top please

yes daddys willy is bigger than yours pulling it wont help you have to be patient... 3mins later... repeat.

oh and calmly discussing nappies/toilet training at meal times.

i could go on all day, the joys of 2 under 4.

"Get out of the tumble dryer DS"

"Why is there a chewed sausage in the bath?"

MumblingRagDoll Thu 26-May-11 10:33:35

Don't push your tongue through the knot hole in the fence...no... the neighbours don't want to see it.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 26-May-11 10:33:43

grin

Sirzy Thu 26-May-11 10:36:27

5 mins ago "no Ds, you don't eat that raw potato like it's an apple"

openerofjars Thu 26-May-11 10:46:48

"Oh FGS, if you don't like it, just put it on the side of your OWN plate, not mine"

"PLEASE stop wiping your hands down my jeans!"

"Wipey time!"

"COME BACK HERE right NOW"

"Yes please, darling. I think I've got a glass somewhere."

openerofjars Thu 26-May-11 10:48:41

Through gritted teeth:

"NONONONONONO do NOT open the cubicle door!"

confuseddotcodotuk Thu 26-May-11 10:55:27

Marking my place ;D I found the sippy cup in the oven genius haha

KvetaBarry Thu 26-May-11 10:55:35

'mummy is not a trampoline!'

'mummy is not a climbing frame'

'my nipple is not a hand/foot hold!'

'I don't think that insect is edible'

'why is the screwdriver in the washing machine?'

'your football is NOT an apple' (he still took a huge bite out of it, then ran in screaming because it tasted disgusting)

cosysocks Thu 26-May-11 10:56:32

Please don't pick your nose and eat it whilst wiping your bum!

CoffeeDodger Thu 26-May-11 10:57:42

No i dont want to know how many poos you did or what they look like.. pleasr stop describing them to me! (4yo DS)

montmartre Thu 26-May-11 11:03:17

Tee- you may not believe this, but I have to say " please take the frog off your penis" on a regular basis too! grin

grin

Looks like I've got years of this then. I was hoping when he started talking things could get more rational.

Silly me.

Psammead Thu 26-May-11 11:13:21

'How is there popcorn in your nappy?'
'no, he's not a bear, he's a cat'

'Will you STOP playing with the cat's food?! He doesn't play with yours, does he?'

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers Thu 26-May-11 11:14:03

Don't lick the rain off the car, go and get a drink of water.

CakeandRoses Thu 26-May-11 11:21:16

v funny thread, nice one OP.

Stop riding the baby!! (regularly screeched at said to toddler ds when astride the back of his crawling 9mo sister hmm)

No, it's not a button. Will you STOP pressing it!? (said to ds when pressing dd's birthmark and asking it's a button for the millionth time)

No, it's not another finger (said - between sniggers - to ds as he's squeezing his willy bloodless in order to 'strengthen' it for better use as an extra digit to press his calculator keys)

openerofjars yy, to the cubicle doors, i was pleading with ds on that very mater yday

OTheHugeManatee Thu 26-May-11 11:22:00

CoffeeDodger I have had that conversation with my 39-year-old DP. grin

SenoritaViva Thu 26-May-11 11:27:20

My friend had to say 'twins, stop peeing all over each other whilst bouncing on the trampoline'

'I don't care that Mr Nobody has got out of bed, I'm only interested in you'

'It was not Mr Nobody but you who drew on the walls. Come on admit it'

'Yes I suppose your fanny does have a nose'

Make sure your willy is tucked RIGHT into the bottle (whilst talking him through an emergency car wee)

Pancakeflipper Thu 26-May-11 11:28:31

" Mummy , look look, I am wearing a poo hat..."

My stomach lurches at the memory

SenoritaViva Thu 26-May-11 11:28:50

Oh and 'no I don't think horses like to eat strawberries' (to DH at the weekend)

rumpleteaser Thu 26-May-11 11:37:50

Please don't be sick on my toothbrush.
Stop brushing your hair with my toothbrush.

greygirl Thu 26-May-11 11:41:36

'Please stop impersonating deities in public'
'where have your knickers gone?' (endlessly)

TechLovingDad Thu 26-May-11 11:42:41

"Do you have to come in and eat your breakfast, while I'm on the pot?"

"Please stop telling everyone I wear Mummy's clothes, they'll think I'm weird.
What do you mean, good?"

"No you can't sing the word 'bumhole' in a Christmas Carol."

"What is THAT doing THERE?"

"No thanks, I don't need to see inside your mini. Yes, I know it's pink."

All at varying ages.

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