D'y ever wonder how life got like this?

[FrumpyGrumpy]

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

[FrumpyGrumpy]

New to MN but like what I read so far. Struggling to get by day by day at the minute and feeling isolated but not enough to make the effort to join in the 'groups' the whole world seems to think are just what I need!!!!

Have daughter of 4 and girl and boy twins of eight months. Not had time since they were born when all three kids have been well, am I just cursed? Throw in a house move that took 6 months, a partner that works away most of the week and a mother-in-law I can wait another lifetime to deal with and I've ended up the sort of person I used to look at and wonder how life got like that.

Anyone give me hope that when the babes are eighteen months I'll feel better?!! If not, anyone tell me that alternate nights of gin then chocolate is an ok passage through?

[twins2cute]

Hi FrumpyGrumpy

Know exactly what you mean! I have twin boys who will be 3 at the end of May. Each stage is such a challenge. I have finally started to feel like I am getting there! Has taken me a lot longer than other mums of twins I know as I have had a number of setbacks along the way. One mum whose twin boys will be 3 at beg of May is expecting another baby and the baby was planned! I had the boys at 33 weeks after 3 weeks of uncertainty as they had twin to twin transfusion syndrome. 2 weeks in special care. When they were 5 months old I had my first gallbladder attack. Painful!!! In & Out of hospital with that. Had my gallbladder removed when they were 1 year 2 months. Felt soooo much better!!
One of the twins then at 18 months had a febrile convulsion that lasted nearly 2 hours. He ended up on a ventilator. He is ok now and hasn't had another one. That christmas they both had what the doctors say was chickenpox but we aren't convinced. Then my dh had 3 weeks off work with possible kidney stones but then he was ok. Then when they were 2 yrs 3 months I had bronchitis and ended up in hospital again. I was at rock bottom but as usual I was managing to cover it up. That was until I saw a young lady doctor who saw through me and I just fell apart. The day before i had told my mil to f off which is totally out of character for me. Throughout the whole of the 2 & a bit years I had been made to feel inadequate etc... and I finally broke not helped by the bronchitis. The dr wanted me to take anti depressants but as we were going on holiday later in the year I didnt want anything to affect that. (the usa with their visa waiver questions!) So she arranged for me to see a councillor. i have talked through so many issues like having the csection (not by choice) not being able to establish breastfeeding and feeling a failure. It has really helped. Only issue still that is not any where near sorted is in connection with my mil but i am finding other ways to cope with that. Like using the time when my dh takes the boys to visit them as some me time!! I haven't seen my in laws since last august. only people we see are my bil & his partner. See my side of the family a lot though.
I've waffled on for ages but I just wanted to give you some hope that you will feel better! Take out my gallbladder time and by 18 months I prob would have been coping better. The councillor diagnosed that I was suffering from PTSD as I had never been able to deal with anything when another problem got chucked our way.

I so know what you mean about the isolated bit. I tried the "groups" but they were more stressful than anything! Although maybe if I had started going when they weren't mobile then it would have been slightly easier?! But thats another thing that I have had to realise theres no point saying if only!
I also get so fed up with all the twin questions. I wish people would see past it. I know that people are curious but sometimes I just want to be a mum! If that makes any sense? I have learnt to avoid the gazes of people who look like they will pounce to ask the twinney questions and while some people probably think I am being rude it is just self presevation!

I have this year had about 10 weeks where my dh was away all week and then home at the weekends in body but not mind! as he was training to be an ambulance technician. We are now settling into a shiftwork lifestyle now. He works 12 hour shifts and has 1 hour drive each way so is gone for all of the boys day.

Ask lots of questions on this site. its great I just wish that I had found it sooner. Its great to read other peoples posts as well. I think the thing I have learnt from this site is that probably everyone has a tough time but most never show it. It would be so good if people felt able to be honest about how things are, I know that if I had been then I probably wouldn't have got to the point I was at.

Hope this has helped a little. Keep talking even if its on here & not to a face to face person. A trouble shared and all that! Will be thinking of you! and i bet i'm more frumpygrumpy than you!! (grin)

[twins2cute]

Oh and one more thing! If all else fails go with the gin & chocolate idea!!

[RTMTMML]

Hi frumpygrumpy. I'm a twin mum too. Just wanted to say hi and let you know that there are a few of us on here and we've been there too. My DTs are 14 months old. Busy isn't it. I also have 3 older children, 12, 10 and 6.

[TwoIfBySea]

Frumpy is there anywhere you can go during the day?

I have dst now age 3. I moved here when pregnant, it is a very clique town so I knew no one and the ante-natal class wasn't exactly friendly. Not only that but DH used the car for work and I was stuck in this damn place each day. But regardless, when dst were born I would put them in the buggy and walk to the local park or down to the main street and back. Anything to get out in the fresh air. I didn't want to join the groups either as I felt it was more for the mums of singles and the clique would be there.

I don't think it has meant I missed out. I just found things to do and when DH ended up with a company car I would go to the better towns where there are places to go, nice parks and lochs etc. DH works shifts so I was like a single mum almost, did it all myself (and without a 4-year-old I take my hat off to you!) My MIL recently died but the whole IL family apart from DH's brother are a nightmare. For my own sanity I keep well away.

It does get better, the work load won't get easier but when they learn to walk you won't feel like a pack mule (or was that just me!) carting them around. Then when you have a lovely dd and dst you can congratulate yourself on staying sane! You'll get there, I can't vouch for the gin as I don't drink but at the end of a long day a lovely piece of chocolate would go down a treat.

[FrumpyGrumpy]

Hey girls, thanks for messages. Hanging on by fingernails at the moment as oldest one came down with bug after youngest just got over. Middleton still to decide. Indulged myself in great paddling pools of tears when all went to bed and feel better for it! Gona eat crappy box curry thing now and get to bed to prepare for night. Its hugely difficult to get out largely because of age difference. Today babes were grumbly and would have liked to swing round the streets for an hour but no good for oldest. Any why is it that babes will sleep in a moving buggy but never a still one when you're swing-pushing at the park??!!!

Shouldn't beat myself up I know but the hardest bit is that she an me were a good team and once I got over the shock of being a mum when she was 18 months I just loved doing all sorts with her. We both notice that those days are gone and I notice that they're gone forever esp as school beckons this year.

Its awful to say it but I'm finding it hard to take much pleasure in babes. I can see they are fab and progressing well but they wail at me so much and are newly extremely jealous of other when I pick one up.

Must stop whining!! What I came on to say was thanks for the words. It is hugely comforting to share with others who know and the anonymity is madly wonderful (I'm Mrs private!!).

[RTMTMML]

hi frumpygrumpy. You keep posting good or bad honey. Don't worry the pleasure will come when you're not quite so exhausted!

[maggiems]

Hi Frumpygrumy, I am a twin mum to boys aged 3 years and 10 months. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed my twins first year, I took a year off work and it was the best of my life. Both my boys were good, didnt cry often (they make up for it now) and although didnt sleep throughout the night, they always went back to sleep after feeds. We had no nights of pacing floors . I have to say that if I had a child of 4 at that stage things would have been very different. I think I would have been exhausted. Whilst I was able to sleep when the boys slept , there is no way that I could have done that with a boisterous 3 or 4 year old. I know it sounds awful but I now look at babies and think arent they so boring and whingy compared to my highly interesting chatty boys. Of course when they were babies I thought 3 or 4 year olds were virtually adults, not at all interesting and my babies were amazing.. It must be very different having both scenarious at the same time. I have found that things got a lot better since they started to interact more with each other and rely less on me . This seemed to coincide with them getting more sense and easier to be reasoned with although we still have our irrational moments. However they both developed at different rates in different things , eg DS1 srated to have tantrums at about 16 months whereas DS2 didnt really have tantrums until he was over 2. It probably would have been worse if they had both had them together. The upside is that it is really nice when you see them chatting away and playing together and you appreciate that they will always have each other . Like you I like the annonimity of the message boards and I was never into groups either. Hope things get better soon Maggie

PS I wouldnt bother with chocolate nights. Just stick with the gin. I find little and often is the cure. A hangover is a nightmare but one or two glasses of wine/gin/vodka takes the edge off things!!

[TinyGang]

Oh FrumpyGrumpy, I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW what you're going through and love the title of your thread

My dd was almost three when my twins arrived. We're three years on now (twins now 3.5 and older dd 6.5), and yes (with help) it does get better - but we still have days that seem beyond me if I'm honest. Not everyday now though it's true and it did used to feel that everyday was beyond belief.

Wonderful though they all are, it's been a tough call and only those of us that have done it can possibly know what it's like. Trying to keep up with the older one's requirements when you've got baby twins with pressing needs of their own is so difficult.

It is hard to step back and enjoy them because there's so much to do all the time. People say, 'oh just leave it..', but things get worse if you do that too often!

A house move and partner away a lot too? I feel faint thinking about how you must've managed all that.

Agree with you and twins2cute totally about joining 'groups'. They are just not my thing, (although I had a go), and just turn into yet another thing to try and fit in and rush about for. Everyone insists you should join them though and I guess it's nice if you like that sort of thing, but not for me. What I needed and craved more than anything was a BREAK sometimes -time on my own to screw my head back on!

I do hope all yours get over these bugs - any illness just sends us into overload. Very hard. Hang on in there; chatting on here is a way of contacting the outside world without too much effort, but it's quite addictive! Gin and chocolate sound a good prescription to me - you deserve it big time

[FrumpyGrumpy]

Girls, having a better night. My dear sweet dad turned up at 5.45pm to help out with bath and bedtime. (My parents are great but both at work.) Made the difference between a tense frantic time and just a busy time.

Brought a tear to the eye to read your messages over again. I have been desperate some days and nights and it feels like a weight lifted. You could say I'm just an emotional wreck or you could say that I'm touched by the generosity of spirit (yours, not the liquid type!).

Short message so I can drag the body to bed as quick as but know that you have made a difference just by a few little tippy taps.

Sleep well all x.

[FrumpyGrumpy]

Anyone else look at their body and wonder if its worth saving or just needs gifted to science at a mutually convenient time!!

Trying to keep thoughts positive (who the hell....) so I guess at least I've got a body .

Partner here today so burden shared a little and we did get little more sleep last night (only up twice which I rate as huge success). At least I have someone to wipe my nose on now.

Tinygang you give me hope, thank you. RTMTMML did you laugh or cry when you found out after 3 that there was 2 more? I'd take my hat off but that's where I'm keeping my boobs.

[triplets]

Hi everyone,
I am sitting here reading all this because I am too fed up and wound up to go to bed, I should, its past midnight and we have to be out for swimming lessons in the morning by 9am! I am as some of you know the exhausted mother of 7 yr old triplets and I am 53!!!!!!!!!! Tonight was like every other night this week, kids decide to watch a video when its almost bedtime, we are having supper. Father puts on Star Wars, well thats at least 2 hours, they start messing around asking for more food etc, Father gets ratty, turns off the telly, three tantrums all round. Two go storming off to their rooms and number three refuses and shouts to his father he hates him. Now I can say this because everyone except me is asleep, but it is NOT the childrens fault, they truly are not bad kids and I mean that. I sometimes feel life would be so much less stressful if I was on my own with them, then saying that makes me feel guilty. Harry is 64, we had these children late in our lives through awful circumstances, we both get sooooooooo stressed, and sooooo tired, I feel at times as though we have just grown so far apart now, that we just both exist around the children, for the children, it is not their fault, they did not ask to be here. They are here and I love them to bits, as exhausting as they are, but oh, why did it have to be this way? I don`t know why I have poured this all out, but three the same age is so very very hard.

[Kelly1978]

Hi frumpygrumpy - welcome to mumsnet.

I'm another mum of twins, albeit a very inexperienced one - mine are 3.5 weeks old! I often wonder how on earth I ended up a mother to 4 kids.

I do actually go to groups - I find it's a lifesaver getting out of the house as much as possible rather than stay indoors with them. I did have to go to quite a few tho, before I found one that was genuinely friendly.

I also get annoyed with the whole twin circus and mine are still tiny!! It's so frustrating the number of times I turn around and someone's got their head in the pushchair peering at the babies! The before I know it I'm surrounded, with no escape route! My older two were just as cute as babies - but just cos there are two these get so much attention.

triplets - I'm not surprised you are overwhelmed, I couldn't imagine triplets, twins are hard enough but at least there is a hand for each baby!

[MarsLady]

triplets......... my hat is off to you. Unlike frumpygrumpy I do not keep my boobs there. They are somewhere near my ankles. lol

If anyone deserves to rant then it's you! I think you do an amazing thing bringing up triplets. Can't quite get my head around it.

Love your posts frumpy. I laughed hysterically for weeks when the sonographer turned the screen around and said.........."you did say that you were doubly sick didn't you?"

[FrumpyGrumpy]

Kelly1978, three and a half weeks, guess you're getting nooooo sleep then. How are you feeling? What age others?

Marslady you same as RTMTMML? Still learnin this game. I hear ankle warmers back in fashion!

Triplets - my heart goes out. Been thinking about you tonight. I shouldn't be up in the smaller hours either but its a great time for putting everything a bit straighter in the head. I find after a hellish day its theraputic to just have silence to think and get perspective (although both babies and my older daughter have each had a turn at being up so far tonight which doesn't look good for the rest of the sleeping hours, and I'm alone again).

Type away and rant and rave gallore. I will if you will. D'you make the swimming lessons at 9am? If so, bloody well done. If not, bloody well doesn't matter. Timekeeping is for folks with too much time on their hands.

[Kelly1978]

Hi frumpygrumpy
One gets up 3/4 times during the night, the other just twice, so although I'm tired I'm not doing too bad. Full of cold tho. I don't get to stop for a minute! My others are a son, 2 and 4yo daughter, so I have my hands full.
How are you today?

[triplets]

Hi all you supermums,
Tonight was no different! Husband walked into sittingroom after I had put my trio to bed, read to them for 20 mins despite the fact that I also have tosillitus, almost three weeks now. Anyway got to sit down at 8.50pm, caught the last 10 mins of Baby Baby programme, husband opened door, took one look at what I was watching and stormed out, feel I cant win at times! If I come on here he says "any chance of me getting on there", feel as though I cant do right for wrong atm. Anybody got a good cure for this awful throat? Had a course of penicillen last week, no help, been back to the doctor today, he says yes it looks painful and yes its been going on a long time , gave me a prescription for more antibiotics, in fact two lots but said hed rather I put up with it than take them as they are very strong and could cause nasty side effects! Also I am broke and so am trying to put up with it and could not afford the £13 prescription charge! By the way if you havent seen it Baby Baby is on Sky at 8.30pm and its all about multiple births. Hope you are all coping out there xxxxxxx

[twins2cute]

Has been a while since I have managed to get on net. Time just seems to fly by.
Triplets I also take my hat off to you.
I understand what you mean by "I sometimes feel life would be so much less stressful if I was on my own with them, then saying that makes me feel guilty." I often find especially now that my dh doesn't see the boys for 3 or 4 days that when he is around the applecart is well and truly upset. I also dont allow things that he does allow and then I feel undermined & inferior although I know that he is trying to help in his own way. I have found ways to manage being on my own and then my dh will come in and do something totally different! When my dh is home for 4 or 5 days i find that I feel crowded if that makes any sense?! I tend to stay up late just because I need a bit of head space. I usually get that when the boys have a sleep in the afternoon even if I am doing washing up, ironing etc...

Last night we were both awake for ages as one of the twins was awake being sick. I think i changed his bed 7 times last night. Washing machine is working hard this morning. I feel shattered this morning has been ages since we've had a bad night like that. Reminded me what it was like when they were little. For those of you there at the moment it does get better with the nights and then its just occassionally!

On Monday I took the boys for yet another hearing check. They have been every 4 months or so since they were born. The dr finally decided this time to refer them to the hospital to be seen. She says they both have glue ear and probably need grommits. I was taken aback when the dr said about one of the boys. "This is the worse he's been. He's as deaf as a post!" I think he manages really well and has an amazing amount of speech if that is the case! I think if I had been in my more sensitive state where I was last summer I would have been in floods of tears with that statement. But I now feel stronger so don't take things so literally. Shows me I have moved on although i still have a long way to go to get back my confidence around people that I don't know. If only life was as easy as mumsnet! Anyway got to go. Boys are off nursery this morning so no catch up time this am.

Hope you are all ok this morning.

[MarsLady]

hi frumpygrumpy, yes it's me. I was only RTMTMML for a couple of weeks and have gone back to my original name.

I hope today is going better for everyone. I have a sick DT1 and had a rubbish night, ah well......

[Tortington]

am working from home ( as you can see ) becuase my dt1 is ill - sore throat etc. hope everything gets better for everyone.

triplets sounds like things are rubbish for you at the mo. xxxxxxxxx hope it gets better

[triplets]

Hi everyone,
Throat is feeling better so that has bucked me up, kids had a new friend home for tea and they were unbelievably as good as gold, that is until Rebecca managed to pull the blind completely off the wall in the boys room, the least of my problems! Isn`t it amazing how down and depressed you can feel one day then good the next?

[TinyGang]

Hi plate spinners - dropped any plates today?! Keep going supermums

Triplets you are having a tough time. Highs and lows sound so familiar, and extremes of emotion are exhausting in themselves. Hope things pick up.

Feeling very guilty because we blew up at our three yesterday for making an unholy mess with their toys for the 999th time and not clearing up. I'm talking tipped out jigsaws, barbie 'bits', 8" of crap on the floor to crunch across - the lot. At one point they were all sobbing because we threatened (I'd never do it, but had reached the end of my tether with the mess) to put everything in bin bags. Normally I try at least to keep the frustration to a mumble but it all burst forth yesterday

By contrast this evening, I spent a lovely couple of hours messing around down by the beach with older dd while the twins were with Grandma. Highs and lows - don't you just love 'em?!

[FrumpyGrumpy]

Aww, Twins2cute the sickness thing is so fresh in my memory I can still smell it. And does it travel!!! Wishing you a peaceful night, life is tough enough without illness butting in.

God, don't you wish you could bag emotion sometimes and bring it out of that secret cupboard when you're ready! There's gotta be a law that prevents the makers of Barbie making those bits so damn small, bit like her thighs, totally impractical!! She'll never get a man looking like that .

Talking of men, Triplets how's yours? My trick when someone is pushing it is to be ultra, helpful, kind and considerate. Its hard but boy does it unsettle them and turn whoever it happens to be into putty in your hands. It was my way of dealing with THE MIL until I couldn't even stomach that. I know I'm a witch!

Gotta run, babe awake!! Sleep well all.

[triplets]

Me again,
Mines in better mood today, must be the very nice supper I cooked and the half bottle of wine he had! What do they say about the way to a mans heart?

[MarsLady]

Good for you triplets!