It's still so quiet here! Giggle - great to hear from you and your coping strategies. My LO was due on Tuesday and my coping strategy is being out of the country with work. We might have to do something this weekend as I feel the need to mark it in someway.
MummyofAdela - so sorry to hear that you are back again. Having said that, you did well to concieve again so quickly - if you can convince your partner, 3rd time lucky?
I'm just about to hit 40 and no sign of another pregnancy so this may be it for us but then two dc's keep me busy enough!!

hi, just wandering through to catch up, I sort of feel the need...
lo's due date was last week, I got through it by going to an interview and getting a new job I just think I want to make everything change and start a new chapter of my life iyswim.
Hugs to all of you who are in a rubbish place at the moment, and wishing you lots of luck with whatever you want to do next.

I've noticed it has been quiet in here too, I hope you are all ok.
mumofadela selfishness is a right of passage on here, we have all been there, and I am so so sorry it is happening again to you. When I suffered my 2nd mc I just couldn't believe my bad luck.

To all you other ladies that have been on here, when you feel ready there is an 'emmsys onwards and upwards' thread on the conception board. We all started off on here, so come join us whenever you feel ready.

<<Vjay waves to cupcake and mermaid>>

just cleaning away the cobwebs, ah thats better, loads of cake crumbs and empty packets of mini eggs behind the sofa tut tut

mumofAdela honey this place is a great place to be selfish in honey.
So sorry you are back here, I think I remember you back in January too.
You have a horrid weekend ahead of you, why is it always weekends? Thinking of you.

In our hearts I think we know the answer to that question 'is it time to stop' but I am not brave enough to say it out loud even in a whisper cos then I will make it reality.

Only we can know how lucky we are to have our dc, it does not take away the loss of our los. I am trying really hard to enjoy what I am so blessed to have and not linger too long in the bad lands of the last 4 years.
Wishing you strength through the next days and weeks.x

Sorry, I've not read all the threads, so I'm being selfish and just posting about me.
I did write here end of Jan after a MC and had fantstic suport. I was lucky enough to conceive again but am now in the beginning of another MC at 8 weeks

Yesterday I had blood when I wiped, went to Dr this morning and have a scan booked Monday. Meanwhile cramps have set in and a few clots etc. Feeling so gutted, second MC in 6 months. I am 45 so guess I'm lucky to have conceived anyway. I think this is it now. Anyone had a similar experience, at my age, and gone on to have a baby, or should i just stop. My partner wants to stop trying as he doesn't want me to go through this pain anymore.

I am so lucky to have my 9 year old daughter anyway. Should I just stop this now and get on with things?

I still keep an eye on it as well. x

Can't believe it's been a month since this thread was active

Just wanted people to know that a few of the Emmsys Onwards & Upwards girls still keep their eye on this thread so if anybody needs a hand to hold or anything, give us a shout

Ackyboo

So sorry that you are going through this as well, it really sucks doesnt it. Im a SAHM so I dont have to think about going back to work. I do a bit of admin stuff for DH's business but nothing that requires any hard work. You should take as much time as you need before you return, as you say its not even been a week yet, we need time to sort our heads out.Do you have a sympathetic GP? Hopefully they will give you as much time as you need with a sicknote.

I just had a lovely chat with my friend and she helped me see that all the things I thought at the time were perfectly normal, things like hoping they had got it wrong She said just take each day one at a time, we will find it hard but will get through it. Hope that doesnt soung glib, I know some of the things people say are well meaning but come across a bit crass, it is hard to get what you want to say out without it sounding like a cliche.

Hello everyone. I'm new to mumset, so please fogive me for just jumping in on your thread.
undertheduvet - I feel exactly the same as you. I too had a m/c at the weekend and we are completely gutted. I had no problem with DS who is 6, but since then conceiving has been a living nightmare! I've had 6 failed attempts at Clomid and when I finally gave up any hope (other than IVF) I got caught in 07 only to have a mmc at 10 weeks. We decided to give up completely and low and behold I got caught again in April 09! This is the one that I lost at the weekend. I feel so sad and empty. At 35, difficulty conceiving, 2 m/c behind me I really don't think I will ever have my much longed for 2nd baby.
I'm seeing my GP on Monday to beg for a referral to investigate why, but I'm not hopeful as I believe the norm is 3 m/c.
Sorry for rambling everyone, but I just feel like you all understand.

undertheduvet - do you work? If so how soon are you planning to return? I get the impression that people think that once the physical side of the m/c has happened I should be back. I really don't feel ready or strong enough emotionally yet.

ChoChoSan, littlebellsmum , neeko Thanks for your kind words.
Sorry not been back here before now, havent really had the chance to get back online.
I ended up miscarrying naturally on sunday, so the first tablet must have helped it along. I didnt have much pain apart from a few cramps, so for that I am thankfull. Went back to EPU on monday were they scanned to confirm it was all over, so no need for any more intervention.
I have a DS who is 3.7 but he was staying with my parents for a few days so me and DH could just be with each other.
We have both been sad, weepy and tired but luckily have been able to talk to each other and work through it together. He has been a total rock for me over the last week and it has really made me appreciate how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband.
Today is his first day back at work so I hope he is coping ok. His boss and wife have been through this so at least he will be understanding and know that DH has lsot a baby too not just me. He is having some problems dealing with my parents in that they dont seem to be acknowledging his loss too, just always asking about me. I think that at some point I will have to broach this with them, as I dont need to deal with any bad feeling between people on top of all this
I am going to take my DS to one of his groups this afternoon, so hopefully I'll be ok. My friend will be there so will have some support, she has been a star as well, having tragically gone through this herself twice.
Physically I feel ok, a bit tired but nothing else, Emotionally Im not sure how I am, I suppose that taking it one day at a time is the best plan, today I feel OK so Im going to focus on that.

Thanks for letting me ramble on again, letting things out like this is a good vent. I've been on mumsnet since 2006 but have mainly lurked, only posting occasionally but only now I am realising how helpful it can be.

i know i'm on a mc thread but i cant remember where it is, so i'm verry sorry if its not this one!

i'm so fed up and i want to cry. i started poas about 1 week after my mc which i was getting faint + i kept taking them they were getting stronger and stronger then there was nothing, no line for about 3 days, so i thought well in 2 weeks time my af will come (as was always the case pre mc) but theres nothing, almost 4 weeks on no af we had unprotected sex a couple of times so i've taken pregnancy tests, but nothing!

i just want my af to come so life can get back to normal, i want to start trying properly again but how can i if my af wont come

Undertheduvet so sorry to hear your news. It all takes time. The numbness is normal and is possibly preferable until the physical side of it is over. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. A M/C is, in my opinion, one of the worst things to experience and everyone deals with it differently. Just go with your feelings. Take care.

ruby It took 7 weeks after my
MM/C (12 weeks) to have a period and another 7 weeks after that for my next one. I think anything and everything is normal after a M/C. Just give your body time. (God, I know it's hard)

LBM HOpe you're doing ok. Miss our chats.

HI Undertheduvet - so sorry for both your loss and your crap few months. Sounds like you are doing really well to already be in medical management. My mc was in Feb and on occasions feels like yesterday.
Take loads of time for yourself, eat lots of chocolate and spend time with your dp.
Don't worry about ramvling here - this is what it's for. You are doing really well to be on here at all - there will be good days and really rubbish days but it will get better and the empty. numb feelings do go imho

So sorry to hear your news undertheduvet. I haven't really got anything to say, just wanted you to know that there are people out here to hear you. Look after yourself and get all your tears out. I can't offer much consolation at the moment, and no one can make things better, but you will start to feel better with time. I hope you have got someone to give you lots of hugs.

Can I join you guys?
Just found out today my baby stopped growing at 8 weeks ( I should have been 10)I'd had brown spotting at 6 weeks and has a scan but there was a heartbeat then, spotting stopped and I thought it was ok. However spotting started again yesterday and got worse today so went back to EPU to find that it was all over.
Am feeling really numb at the moment and a bit disbelieving of it all, am having medical managment, have had first pill today and have to go back on monday for the 2nd. I feel like I am stuck in limbo at the moment as not much is happening.
This has capped off a pretty crap couple of months, my lovely nan passed away suddenly in april, my other nan had a stroke around the same time( she's on the mend now thankfully) all the stress made my dad quite ill (he has heart problems after a heart attack 2 years ago)and now this.
Sorry for spewing this all out but it feels better to have it all out rather than festering inside. Thanks for letting me ramble

Im not sure if this is normal or what to think of this, but yesterday I had a bit of brown spotting, as you would when you are about to start your period, but nothing happened...AF never made an appearance and today I have had nothing at all as well. Had a few period type pains for like a minute each time here and there but nothing really.

It will be 4 weeks since my MC on sunday/monday and I know that AF takes a while to come back but is it normal to have brown spotting then absolutely nothing?

What do you guys think?

Ruby, I know exactly how you are feeling, I had to ring and cancel my first midwife and scan appointment today. The receptionist at first assumed it was because I was chosing to go private, so it was hard to say I have had a miscarriage. I would be 10 weeks now too, but I am trying not to think about it too much. Hope that having a good cry helps and that you get some tlc at home.

Today however is the first day that I have not felt pregnant (at last), so I guess my levels have dropped significantly over the last day or so. I will be testing at the weekend to check that I get a negative test. In some ways getting a negative test will be more of a relief than anything, as I need to know that I will be able to start ttc again soon.

Hey guys...was feeling alright for past couple of weeks, work was stressing me out and I think that maybe I went back too soon (only had a week off) but this week seems to have been a bit better.

Today though I feel as if I've had a setback, have been feeling a bit hormonal and a bit rubbish and been feeling exhausted for about a week like how I was when I was pg (also been going to the toilet every half an hour or so) so I was more than glad to finish work today. Anyways, dp picks me up and we're in the car and Im on my way home when I get a call from the Midwife asking why I missed my appointment with them today...I just wanted to cry and have been feeling shit ever since. So I had to explain to her that I had an mc and that both the GP and hospital were aware. She was really apologetic (which makes me feel uncomfortable, does anyone else get that?)and that was that.

Last friday I also got a letter from the NHS Appointments Department saying that their records show that a referral was made by my GP to book in with the hospital and that I have not made an appointment, so I then had to ring my GP Surgery and explain to the Receptionist that I had an MC which is already on my records and therefore dont need to book in with the hospital.

Im just getting really tired of the NHS and their insensitive incompetence! I understand that errors can be made but for fuck sake this is the third time I've had to epxlain that I AM NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE!!! The fast-track service also rung me about 2 weeks ago to ask if a midwife had called me to book an appointment, which makes it even worse as the appointment with the midwife should never had been made.

What hurt me more was that if I was still pregnant (would have been about 10 wks), I now know that I would have had my 1st midwife appointment today .

I know this is overly obvious, but I just really want to be pregnant again. Feel shitty so Im off to have a cry and go to bed.

Hope everyone is better than me today...RL1 Xx

Thought I would update, hcg now 660, so still going down painfully slowly.

I have been offered blood tests for dh and I to see if there is any reason for the last 3 m/c's. Have any of you done this? Is it worth it?

cupcakefairy, rubylove, everyone, how are you?

Thank you all for being here. I am now getting more used to the idea of the inevitable now. HCG from 1024 to 842 over 2 days. It is slowly reducing, not at normal rate, just frustrates me further. I have to have another blood test on monday. In the meantime I have major headache and feel sick, and very low generally. I am not sure how much of what I am feeling is directly to do with the miscarriage (felt sick with previous miscarriages when I did not know they were happening), and how much is depression. I feel so low at the moment. It is good that I have children to look after or I would be in bed all day. Sorry this is very me post, but I am not in a good place right now.

cupcake Thanks, Im in the same boat re: the Christening, would have had my 12 wk scan by the time of the Christening and to make it worse my due date was the day after the twins 1st Birthday but I'll tackle that hurdle nearer that the time...

rainbowdays I have fingers crossed on both hands for you, there's nothing worse than waiting for news is there?

Lots of Love...RL1 Xx

Just a quick update: I am no further forward with knowing what is going on. Apparently I have not miscarried YET, but still threatened or 'certain' according to the foolhardy doctor who says the pregnancy sac has shrunk (what do they know about anything!). So in limbo for a while longer. Bleeding stopped and cramps normal pregnancy level. So who knows what is going on, I certainly don't.

People are so annoying always asking when you're going to pop one out aren't they...I get that all the time too. One friend asked me just a week after the mc (he hadn't known I was pg) I just changed the subject cos I was so taken aback..

But I would advise just saying something like 'we'll let you know!' or 'hopefully someday' and then start talking about your sister's babies again, or something else, so they don't push it with you.

To be honest I have always found it rude for people to ask me and dh when we will have kids (unless they are v close friends) but since the mc it has annoyed me even more, because people have no idea whether we have been trying, or have miscarried already etc. It has definitely made me more aware not to ever ask personal questions about it to other people.

Hope you have a lovely time at the christening anyway. My little goddaughter was christened recently and it was such a lovely day, if tinged with a tiny bit of sadness for me as I should have been telling everyone I was pg..

Thanx for getting back to me cupcake very much appreciated.

I feel like 95% per cent of the time Im generally okay, its just that sneaky 5% that catches up with me when Im not expecting it, havent cried much only when it was happening and the next day when my best friend sent some beautiful white lillies to my house, which was lovely but it set me off a little bit.

The only worry I have now is that my sisters twins are due to be Christened mid July. I absoultely adore the twinnies and I have no issue being around babies etc but I am absolutely DREADING when people come up to me (and I know they will) and say "oooh so when are you two gonna start having kids?" or "when's it your turn?" because I really dont know what I am going to say, kinda inappropriate to tell everyone I mc'd when at a Christening really. Im not overly teary about the mc but I hope I dont fall apart if I do get asked.

I am looking forward to the Christening as my sister had trouble conceiving the twins (after 3rd attempt of IVF, bless her) so I am more than happy for her and I dont want to be miserable but deep down I know that my fiance and I ask ourselves those questions almost everyday.

Spoke to dp about it and he doesnt know how to approach it either...I was really looking forward to going back home and seeing everyone again for the lovely celebration (I moved away to live with dp) but now its putting a downer on it a bit

Anyone got any advice???

RL1 Xx

Ruby...are you me??
I am also 24 and have wanted to be a Mummy more than anything else since I was about 6! I lost my baby in early April. I should have been 19 weeks now (believe me, thinking 'I would have been x weeks' is very normal probably until your due date!)
I too have those moments of 'was it my fault?' and 'why couldn't my stupid body carry my baby?' I think we have all thought like that at some point since miscarrying.

Give yourself time. For the first few weeks after my mc I was constantly on the verge of tears and thought that would never go away. It does. I still feel sad for my lost angel, of course, but it gets easier. Sounds weird but getting your first period after mc is a bit of a milestone; you know your body is getting back to normal. Talk to your fiance, cry, eat chocolate, watch Friends...do whatever your body is telling you you need to do. My DH and I are trying again now and w have real hope for the future. I really hope you get your baby soon.

Really glad MN has helped you; I know I would be a wreck without having had everyone here to chat to. So so sorry for your loss; it really is a crap thing to go through. Take care xxx

I just wanna say how great you guys on MN really are...you do not know how much your words are helping. I have been looking around on the site for about a week now and have not been sure what to write but I feel the need to share something...

I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago and was about 7 weeks pregnant at the time. My fiance and I were over the moon, and just like that it is all gone. I didnt really have any pain (no more than a heavy period) but just bled for about a week. Two weeks on from miscarrying, I have no trace of even being pregnant, no pain, no bleeding, nothing, as if it never happened. Sometimes I feel like I dont really have the right to be upset as I only knew about the baby for two weeks before I lost it, but I really really wanted the baby and Im gutted that this has happened.

All I keep thinking about is that I would have been 9 wks this week and that I should be pregnant right now but Im not and just feel empty and inadequate that I could not carry my baby full term for whatever reason. Is this healthy?

It did not take very long for me to get pregnant in the first place(my dp and I started tryin in Feb) and after this now I really wanna start trying again even though the thought of losing another baby petrifies me. I think I have been coping with it quite well and have been quite upbeat but in the last two or three days while I have been back at work (I had one week off sick) the feeling of need to be pregnant is constantly on my mind and I cannot really think about anything else.

Even though I am quite young, for a few years now (Im 24) all I have ever wanted is to be a Mother and my fiance has always wanted to be a father also, I cannot help feeling, for want of a better phrase that its "just my luck" or lack of that the only thing I've ever wanted in life didn't happen. As this was my 1st m/c I am hoping (and praying) that things wont always be this way, but as Im sure you can relate this is one of the worst things to go through if all you want is a child. So far my experience of pregancy hasnt been the best one and I get mad at myself for feeling sorry for myself but the need for me to be a Mum I dont think will ever go away until I hold a baby in my arms.

Sorry if Im rambling on, it all made sense in my head, lol!!

My heart goes out to each and every one of you that have been through this, cos it is so S**t!

So sorry for what you're going through kaytee but I agree with Gracie - I drove myself mad looking up what scans should look like when I had mine at 6 and 7 weeks too. You should get an appointment with your GP and they can then refer you for another scan at your EPU instead of waiting for 12 weeks; you will drive yourself mad before then!
Feel free to chat to us here though; we all know what you're going through!

Kaytee you really need to get someone professional to talk you through what was found on your scan. Checking yourself on the internet is only going to worry you more. Surely if they thought you were miscarrying they would offer another scan a week later to compare the two, not make you wait 4 weeks. You'll go mad! With a scan at 5-6 weeks it can be much more difficult to give you the answers you need.

thanx gracie girl so much, i went for an early scan because my friend is supposed to be pretty much exactly the same dates as me and she had an early scan and saw the baby at 8 wks i guess i was really excited and went for one too and mine just looks nothing like hers or any of the other 7-8 wk scans i found on the net, i noticed about 3 wks ago i had a tiny tiny bit of spotting and ive had some cramps, like lower back pain and it kinda feels a bit like period pain in my lower abdomen, my next scan is on the 24th of june apperently i shuld be 12 wks then, im soo nervous, im thinking about going earlier, i just wanna know theres a baby there,not sounding harsh or anything ive read soo many stories on the internet and im pretty worried because it seems to be rare that there are any miracles coming out of having an empty sac. unless the doctors do have my dates wrong but shuldnt you still be able to see the bean and the yolk at 5-6 wks, because my sac is clearly and fully empty no growth at all

Kaytee I'm sorry you are having such a bad time. I don't understand why the staff couldn't explain to you what was going on. Are you sure of your conception date? That would also help to date the pregnancy are long and short cycles would vary when you ovulated.

For what reason did you have an early scan? Were you having pain or bleeding? When is your next scan going to be?

my last period was the start of april so that wuld make me 8 wks wuldnt it....going by what the doctors dated me i shuld be 8.5 wks and i went for scan on 2 june wich showed me empty sac

hi im sorry for all of your losses i am going through same thing right now and its driving me crazy...im also 20 and went for a supposed to be 7-8 wk scan but when i went all i could see was a round empty sack but the lady who did it didnt say anything just that it was too early to tell if it has a heart beat or not there was no bean or yolk or heartbeat, im sooo confused because my friends that were pregnant were calling there babys little jellybeans or whatever but i have nothing to call mine as there is nothing to see, the lady who did the scan was really quiet and really gave me no information at all, i had to look it up on the internet because i knew something was not right...im sooo worried and confused and waiting for this next 2 wks is going to drive me crazyyy, i know i have to be 7-8 wks but i dont know.....the sack was clearly empty tho, any advice or answers i dont really have anyone to talk to as i am single and going thru this alone and i feel as tho the doctors and ultrasound people arnt taking me seriously im freaking out, if there is nothing there why couldnt the lady have warned me or sumthing instead of me reading bout it on the internet,i just wanna know so i can get on with my life

Scones are good for your morale!

Water retention and too much to eat!!!! Oh well, these scones are going down a treat, will just add to the fat until Tuesday, then I will have no more excuses.

Yummy I love scones!

Is it water retention or your digestion playing up?

ARRGGGGG - why do my stretch marks have to reappear today..... I never had so much bloating before with my previous m/c's. As if I am not feeling rotten enough, not that it makes a jot of difference, but I had tried to convince myself that the bloating was going away, now I know differently. Or perhaps it is just the extra cakes I am eating here . Anyhow, thought today nice warm scones with fresh homemade jam would be nice, so help yourself they are there on the table for you.... please come and get fat with me!

Of course it makes sense. It is in a sense a relief to know for sure...I went 3 weeks not knowing if baby would be ok until they finally told me poor LO had died.. and then the day I had my medical management in the hospital, the overwhelming feeling after passing the sac was relief. It sounds horrible, but it wasn't like that...I just knew we could start to pick up the pieces and try to move on after that...
Hope the next few days are ok for you, and keep those cakes coming!!

Rainbow Thanks for the cake, baking is a good coping mechanism - yummy! Rainbow it makes perfect sense, going for a scan is supposed to be a happy time for the majority, its horrible when you know its not going to be happy news. I went with studying a lumpy bit in the ceiling during the scan and just pretending not to be there. Is someone going with you? If nothing else to tell you whatever the doctors/nurses said when you'd switched off and couldn't listen. Big hug, we're here if you want a chat.

It completely makes sense. I found that my mmc wasn't really "real" to me until I got af afterwards. I still kept thinking to myself that perhaps the doctor had made a mistake.

Cakes all round, baking is my coping mechanism, so more today.

My hpt was lighter today, so I can finally start to accept that I have m/c'd and move on, I am not looking forward to going to the scan on Tuesday, but I guess at least it will check that everything has gone. I am hurting but just glad to finally know, if that makes sence?

Rainbow I had an ERPC for a MMC in February at 11 weeks, my test went negative 2 and a half weeks later. Can I share your cake???

Yum thanks I was just starting to think about lunch but cake sounds like a much better option!

Thank you for your replies cupcake and neeko, my tests are not getting any fainter yet, but it is only 4 days since the bleeding started, so it is clearly going to take a while for me. I have stopped passing clots, but still spotting.

Anyway cupcake, I spent last night baking, so here is one huge banana cake, and one massive chocolate cake for us all to share... I did bake a ginger cake too, but it flopped!!!!

Hi rainbowdays sorry to hear what you're going through. I had a mmc at 12 weeks and it took about 2 and 1/2 weeks to get a negative test result. Hpe you are being kind to yourself at this awful time.

rainbow I'm not sure how soon you can get a negative test as I didn't take one until 4 weeks after my mc (which was negative)
I would say it could be a couple of week sbefore ti stops being positive as those hormones stay in your body a long time! Hopefully someone else who regularly took pg tests after their mc might be able to give you a more definite answer.

Of course you can have chocolate though banana is my personal favourite so I'll make one of those

Sorry to be asking such a personal question, but how soon can I be expecting to get a negative test? With my previous miscarriages at 5+ weeks I got negative test the day or day after starting bleeding, today I tested nievely thinking I would get a negative test but it is very strongly positive still. I am only a week further on, so surely it will not take long to get a negative test? I am more convinced that I have m/c'd as I have started passing clots now with the bleeding and cramps.

cupcakefairy - can I have chocolate cake? I will bring in one next time I come.

rainbows days, i hope your doing ok. crossin fingers for you. i really hope it all turns out ok.

Hi rainbow- sounds v similar to my experience. At 7 weeks I had cramps and bleeding- they found a very weak heartbeat on scan but said baby was too small... when I went back at 8 weeks they told me baby had died. That week of waiting was really horrible and I just felt sick the whole time with worry so I can really sympathise.
Obviously I hope it turns out differently for you and that would be amazing...but just know that the ladies here have all experienced this horrible thing and are a great support. Get comfy and help yourself to cake

Sorry that you're joining us rainbowdays. My thoughts are with you. Poor you having to wait a week.

Please can I come and sit with you all for a while? I am in the limbo-land of not knowing if I am miscarrying or not. I am fortunate enough to have 3 wonderful children but have also had 3 previous early miscarriages. My previous miscarriages have all been at 5 weeks. But I am now at 7 weeks with cramps and bleeding and no heartbeat could be found on the scan yesterday. Got to wait til next week to find out whether I am miscarrying or not. Mentally my brain says it does not look good, all the elements point to m/c, but my heart refuses to give up that hope that all is still ok. So I hope you don't mind me being here while I wait?

Hi ladies, how is everyone?

LovelyPear are you around somewhere?? I know you'd been on hols and were back weekend just gone? Hope you had a really lovely relaxing time.

thanks so much for your kind words, it has made me feel better to know others are out there ..

Similar to you Gracie, I work with children and that was why I had to tell lots of parents/carers I was preggers due to risk of catching illnesses (measles/rubella etc), then had to tell work colleagues and family as I didn't want them to hear from anyone else ... so it is difficult, plus I was so happy I couldn't hold it in, it's difficult hiding sickness/tiredness and hormones!. .

It's also reassuring to read that other ladies have become pregnant shortly after a m/c and gone on to have healthy babies... it dosn't bring back the one we've lost but its some comfort.

Amyboo I pleased your getting the support you need from friends, and best wishes for the future.

Cupcake, thanks for the good advice and kind words.

xx

Summerblock I'm so sorry you have to join us. I too told lots of people I was pregnant (I had ERPC at 11 weeks after MMC) as I work in A&E and so much of my job can be dangerous to pregnant people (heavy lifting, violent patients, xrays, infectious patients, etc etc). Also as lots of people at work knew I'd told other friends too in case they found out through work collegues. So after my MMC I had lots of people to tell. I only told my parents and DH's parents face to face. I rang one friend and cried at her down the phone, when she finally figured out what was wrong through my sniffles she did all the communicating for me and rang in sick for me too. I sent a group text message to all other friends saying what had happened and to leave me in peace for a while.

For the record when I get pregnant again, I will still have to tell people at work, and I know which friends were really supportive last time and they will get to know again.

I did hear a few comments telling me I should keep it more quiet next time.... why????... My MMC was bad enough without having to go through it with no support. I can assure you there are many things that cause miscarriage, but the baby hearing you tell people isn't one of them!!!

Hi summerblock I'm sorry you're joining us too but like you said, this site is a godsend and it's so good that we can all understand how the others feel.

My advice about lots of people knowing, ask somebody to be your 'newsbreaker'. A friend offered to do this for me and even though I hadn't told many people I was pregnant, it was great to know that he was going to break the news to my friends at work and I wouldn't get any awkward questions. He also pulled aside a couple of senior anagers to tell them what was happening so they'd know to be sensitive for me. I told a couple of people myself but found that in the first couple of weeks after the mc, I couldn't say the words 'I had a miscarriage' without crying so if you're feeling vulnerable, do ask friends. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to be able to do something to help you out.

Sorry about your best friend; lovely for her that she's pregnant but will be hard for you
Hang in there ok, it honestly does get easier.

Hi summerblock. Sorry you're having to join us. Hope you're not feeling too down after your D&C last week? I also had a mmc at about the same time - 13 weeks for me, but baby had died at 12 weeks - just at the end of April. It will be 4 weeks since my ERPC on Thursday, and I'm just praying that af returns on time. Like you I'd told lots of people already because I was so excited. It's acutally been quite nice because now I can talk to friends about it - even if they haven't been through it themselves they are understanding and listen to me. I know what you mean about hiding away though

Sending you lots of virtual hugs.

Hi, wondered if I could join please?,

I'm sending lots of love and hugs to the ladies that have had a m/c.

I went for my 12 week scan last week, 21/5/09, with my hubby and mum and was devastated to hear the sonographers words 'sorry no heartbeat, you've had a missed m/c'.
I had no symptoms, only a nagging feeling things were not well, but put this down to being paranoid. I opted for a D&C straight away, couldn't bear the thought of waiting, but I can understand why others would choose alternative ways. If anyone is waiting on this option then I could offer some reassurance that it was v. straightforward and I felt physically fine afterwards, was only 'asleep' for 10 minutes.

I told soo many people I was preggers because I was so happy, and now I'm hiding away because I will cry if anyone asks me 'hows bump'. I am so glad this site exists as I'm so upset, my best friend caught pregnant at the same time as me and we spoke every day. I have a healthy 10 year old, and am counting my blessings ... thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I'm sending my thoughts to all of you and its some comfort knowing there are others going through this aswell, although I would rather this had not happened to any of us

xxxxxx

i just thought i'd pop in and say hi, feeling more and more positive as the days go on. feeling ready to start trying again too.
i have a hospital appointment for a scan this afternoon, to make sure everything is clear then we just need to wait fot a negitive pregnancy test.
looby imo just because you sisters baby breathed her own oxygen, doent make it any diffrent to what you went through. your baby died too. a miscarriage is definatly not 'minor'

looby whatever is happening in other people's lives does not reduce the sadness of your miscarriage, there will always be someone worse off than you, but its not a competition! Please don't feel guilty, your miscarriage is not "minor". You need to give yourself weeks and months to grieve.

On a practical note it took about 2 weeks after the bleeding completely stopped for my pregnancy test to go negative.

not having the best of weeks, i know that it has only been a week since the natural miscarriage started looks like its complete now just got to do a pregnancy test.

firstly one of our friends sister had her baby at 25wks unfortunatly she passed away 1 1/2 days later, which made me think my mmc was minor compare to that. had a very big cry on monday, then today my DD's ballet teacher has just announce she is expecting and it is due in dec, so now i have to face that every thurs ( i think we'd be the same number of weeks).

But on a happy note the friends who i was going to be a surrogate for last year as announce that they have found another one and that collection and plantation takes place next week, so i'm going to focus on that.

thought i could handle this as it was a early mmc but i guess my emotions have other ideas.

hello all - haven't been around for a bit - hope you are all ok?

Sorry that the new people are joining this thread - but it really has been a great support to me and hopefully will be to you all as well. xx

cupoftea that sounds really hard - but if you not using contraception then i think he must have it in his mind too. x

This is kind of a final post on here from me - I feel like am now ready to move onto a ttc thread - and my AF arrived on Saturday (CD 35 if you count the MC as CD 1) - so I now feel like my body has kind of righted itself.

Bye bye all xx

Hi all, thought I'd pop in and say hi. I'm so busy with my course, I've hardly had a chance to think about the mc. I'm managing to talk to the pregnant lady at work without getting upset anymore.

I don't think dh wants to try again He wants me to look for a FT teacing job for Septmeber, whereas of course I should have been winding down at that point ready for the baby coming in November.

I know our baby wasn't planned, but I'm upset that he doesn't want to try again. I have plans until beginnng of July, so I can keep my mind off things until then.

However, after all he has said, we haven't used contraception on a few occassions, so maybe at the back of his mind...

Hope everyone is coping okay.

HI Leon
Sorry for your loss - your concerns about wanting this baby not a new one is quite normal and whilst it gets better, I don't think it ever really goes. people who have had mc years ago still talk about the one who got away or who wasn't meant to be or just the one they lost so, stick with it. My mc was 3 months ago now and whilst, I would love to be the 24 pregnant, I should be, I can live with the fact that I'm not. However, it took many tears and lots of weeks to get to this state. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve - no matter what anyone says, you have lost and need to grieve.

Hi leonifay I'm so so sorry for your loss
Don't apologise at all, everybody on this thread has miscarried and we're here to support each other, it doesn't matter how far along the pregnancy was.
My mmc was at 8 weeks so only 2 more than yours and I found it incredibly hard to deal with so don't play down your grief.

So sorry for what you experienced at the hospital, that really is horrible...especially that porter! Obviously has no experience of mc at all.

Anyway, stick with us here we'll listen and not tell you you shouldn't be upset!

i cant stop crying especiallly leaving the hospital and a lady taking her new born baby home for the first time, sat down next to me, she was showing him off to everyone and glared at me when i started (silently) crying while waiting for dh to get the car. she said this was the happiest day of her life and i should be happy for her. i just sat there crying and couldnt find the words to tell her to f off while she bitched to her dp about me.

sorry about all the mistakes, my head really isnt with it.

the lady who scaned me this morning said to me 'are you sure you had a positive pregnancy because i cant find anything' when i started crying, the porter told me off and said i shouldnt be so upset as i wasnt that far along in the pregnancy

hi, can i join you. i had a mc today, well it finally happand today it had been coming for a week. i was 6 weeks pregnant, i'm so devistated.

dh told mil and her responce was, you can try for another in a couple of days, i know its silly because i wasnt that far along but at the moment i cant even contemplate trying again, i want to but all i keep thinking is i dont want another baby, i want that baby.

the lady who scaned me this morning said to me 'are you sure you had a positive pregnancy because i cant find anything' when i started crying, the porter told me off and said i shouldnt be so upset as i wasnt especiallly leaving the hospital and a lady taking her new born baby home for the first time, sat down next to me, she was showing him off to everyone and glared at me when i started (silently) crying while waiting for dh to get the car. she said this was the happiest day of her life and i should be happy for her. i just sat there crying and couldnt find the words to tell her to f off while she bitched to her dp about me.

i know so many of you have lost babys further along in your pregnancys and i have no right to feel like this so i'm really sorry if i have upset or offended anyone i just needed to put my feelings somewhere.

Hi all, how are you all doing?

I'm having a bit of a bad day today and finding even the simplist things mega hard.......like getting dressed and cooking food

I'm really hoping that I will start to get better soon

Hi Eva and Em sorry you are joining us but as everyone has been saying, the support here is great. I miscarried 6 weeks ago and I wouldn't be in the place I am now without knowing all these lovely ladies are holding my hand through it.
Vjay is right, it is a scary time. We're now thinking about ttc again and I do have a real fear this will happen again but only you can know when your body is ready, physically and emotionally to go through getting pregnant again.
Anyway, just wanted to say I'm another listening ear here if anyone needs one

Hi eva i had 2 mc's last year, and found this thread a god send. First mc was in June, the second in October, then found out I was pg again at Christmas, I'm now 25.5 weeks pregnant. It is heartbreaking going through all this and a very anxious time when you do get pg again, but I just wanted to let you know it can happen, you just have to try and stay strong and positive, this is where this thread comes in handy .
Good luck with whatever you decide xxx

Hi Eva - sorry you need to join us and sorry for your losses.
Wether to TTC again is very much your choice and 4 weeks after a mc is still early
Look after your self

Can I join in?

Hi to everyone

I have had 2 miscarriage in 11 months, one last june and one 4 weeks ago, not sure whether to ttc again, it is heart breaking, both pregnancies ending at 8 weeks

Hello Em, really sorry to read your post, I can't believe they have no appointments for 12 weeks that is shocking, the nurse/doctor that I saw was very kind when they said we have an appointment for the next day and asked me whether that was too soon, I wanted it out of me soonest, I don't think I would have been able to handle a 12 day wait......

My thoughts are with you, the ladies on this thread have really kept me going.........

One thing they did say that the chances of having a 2nd/3rd pregnancy that ends in miscarriage is not higher than normal, but I am quite worried about falling pg again because I would absolutely hate to go through this again......take care and look after yourself and remember you are not alone, sending you lots of hugs....x

Hi Em - really sorry to hear your story - twice in three months must be hideous. I'm not sure what advice is given after two mc's but there are some lovely ladies on the Emmsys onwards and upwards chain who may be able to help?
I completly understand how you feel about hating your body etc - I had my first mc in Feb too and am scared about it happening again, should I get pregnant.

Sorry - little advice, lots of sympathy - take care, look after yourself and hopefully someone else is around who can help more

I had a MMC in February, and have found out this morning that I have had my second in 3 months. Last time I bled a lot up to the point the scan said that the heartbeat had stopped... and then NOTHING for 12 days, and then 3 weeks of bleeding, and considerable pain. I opted for the natural way of miscarrying, and I said "never again". This time I have asked for ERPC, but they have no appointments for 12 days. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I have to go through the same again as before, I might go slightly mad. I want this over with. Having read the comments on ERPC, I am now worried about having it and reconsidering whether I go through the awful alternative of waiting for my body to recognise I am no longer pregnant. I hate my body at the moment! I don't want to be off work any more - I was off 2 weeks last time.
What solutions do hospitals/ medical staff offer you for any 3rd/ later attempt for a baby? I can't face another pregnancy without knowing I might be able to reach full term.
Thanks.

Ray81 I was like that - ok for a bit after a couple of days crying. I just found that it did come back a couple of times - but each time, less bad than the first.

hoops Glad it was ok today and that you feeling better. Sometimes tohe witing for it to happen is almost worse.. xx

Loobyboo so sorry that you are joining us. I had my MC naturally too (on Drs advice) - I have to say I only had one really bad day - the rest was ok. And once the bleeding stopped I felt alot better (emotionally as well as physically). I know what you mean about wanting to say it to someone - that's exactly how i felt. This place has been really good for me xx

Hello everyone.....ERPC went really well today and actually feel alot better than I did yesterday....thanks for the support everyone and I'm glad Ray that your procedure went ok, are you having a little service or have you not decided yet?

I'm with you virtually and sending you lots right noe xxx

i didn't know whether to join this thread or not last week found out that i had a mmc after a scan went due to funny discharge i should have been 9wks +4 but was told by the scan person that it had not grown pass 6wks which would have been when we did the test and found out properly.

It was a shock to discover we were expecting again (have 2 DD's 6&4)and got our heads round that and then to have this funny discharge on may bank holiday & the next day i knew then something was not right as my last 2 i had nothing like that, i'm not a very positive person so i thought the worst and this was confirmed at the scan.

we decided to see if my body would do it naturally and if not was booked in for a ERPC, i didn't know what to expect with any of it. my body has gone the natural route and it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be, horriable, painful yes, but coping with it at present and just waiting for it to finished.

I never thought in a millions years that this would happen to me as i had 2 good pregnancy before. ( even after last year finding out i had a blood clotting disorder Factor V leiden) not an issue the doc said after the mmc as i have been pregnant before.

sorry its long just wanted to say it to someone else other them my lovely DH who has been wonderful.

Glad you got through it ok Ray and no I don't think you're in denial at all; there is no 'normal' for how much you should cry or whatever. Just feel what your body tells you to feel. Glad you're seing friends; after my mc my best friend stayed with me in our flat while my dh was at work and it really helped me to not think about everything too much and wallow.

I totally feel that way about songs too and love to listen to lyrics properly. I really like that Miley Cyrus song it's beautiful and it's true you do have to just keep going, it's all you can do

Hey guys,

The erpc went ok, as well as can be expected.
Hoops Good luck for today we all know what your going through and are here whenever you need to tal.

Feeling ok at the moment off out to lunch with my best friend in a minute as its her 0th today and then out to luch with my other best friend tomorrow so keeping busy. Feel alittle down, i cried alot last week when it all happened but havent since then, am wondering if that is normal ? perhaps i am in denial??

There is a song that i realy like and reminds me to be strong it goes.........

I can almost see it that dream i'm dreaming but theres a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it. Every step i'm taking every move i make feels lost with no direction, my faith is shaken, but i gotta keep trying, gotta keep my head held high.
Theres always gona be another mountain, i'm always gona wana make it move, always gona be an uphill battle, sometimes i'm gona have to lose. aint about how fast i get there aint whats waiting on the other side, its the climb.
Those struggles i'm facing, the chances i'm taking, sometimes might knock me down but i'm not breaking, i may not know it but these are the moments i will remember most just gotta keep going, i gotta be strong just gotta keep pushing on........ Keep moving, keep climbing, gotta have faith.

I dont know if anyone else feels the same about songs but sometimes it feels that they are written just for me.

Thinking of you today hoops.
I agree mmc is so cruel as you still feel pregnant and your body still thinks you are.. hope you will be able to come back and talk to us here

I kept thinking they'd made a mistake too. I think that's the hardest thing with a mmc. Because you don't have any symptoms as such, it's really hard to come to terms with. I didn't really come to terms with it until a few days after the ERPC.

Hi hoops997 sorry you are joining us. The crying really took me by surprise - and it seemed like it would never end. It does get better - but I still have up days and down days - and still cry sometimes - for me it has be a month now since the MC.

Look after yourself, cry and talk to us on here xx

Thanks amyboo, I keep thinking that they have made a mistake at the scan place but then I remember the little kidney bean just floating in space with no heartbeat, took about 3 hours to sink in, been crying ever since esp when someone asks me if I'm ok

Really sorry you're joining us hooops997. Try not to be too nervous about the ERPC - it's really not too bad. I just found mine to be very emotional and I cried lots. Hope it goes OK for you. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. x

Hope it's ok if I join you all, I had a mmc today, baby died at 6.5 weeks and I am supposed to be 8 weeks, am booked in for ERPC tomorrow......am a bit nervous about it, have to be at hospital for 7 30 tomorrow morning......

amyboo Using contraception has been so odd after having not used it for what seems like a long time!

Sorry you still bleeding hope it stops soon - guess it just varies from person to person x

Great news about af cupcake. Must be great to get a bit of normality back. I'm now 14 days since my ERPC - still bleeding It's really annoying me. I'm thinking of going to the gynae again if it doesn't stop by the weekend.

Hope af arrives for you iggypiggy. Can't believe I have at least another 2 weeks to wait. Quite aside from the annoyance of having to use contraception again, I really want to start ttc again

Am hoping will be sometime after this weekend.. which sounds about the right time? Glad yours came - great news!

AF arrived today very pleased body is getting back to some sense of normality.

I was counting from day of the actual miscarriage Iggy. Day 1 in cycle is always start of af so counted this cycle from first day of bleeding too... as the bleeding lasted 2 weeks rather than my af's usual one week, my cycle was about a week longer than usual so nothing too weird

Hope yours comes soon, the waiting is so horrible!

Ray81 how are you? xx

Hope AF arrive soon cupcake

When are you counting from? The day teh bleeding stopped? Cos for me that is only 23 days... but is 30 days from when MC happened.. guess AF not for a while for me...

Hi all. Ray wishing you all the best for your time in hospital today. I hope you have the support you need.

Glad you're both sounding chirpier Iggy and Amy and yes, Iggy that is horrible about the 17 mcs I can't imagine that at all.
Good luck with the waiting for af too...I'm on day 41 now and the waiting is driving me mad! I know she is coming very soon though, have all my usual signs...

Amyboo I guess so... although haven't properly discussed with DH - guess we both need to agree before can go ahead.

Spotting must be very annyoying - hope it stops soon for you xx

Hi iggypiggy. I'm also doing fairly well this week. Things seem to be more back to normal, although I'm still getting light spotting, which is really irritating me. Still, lots going on at work and at home with lots of decorating, so I'm keeping busy and just willing the weeks to pass so we can start ttc again.

Will you start ttc again after af?

Hope everyone else is ok? How are you all feeling?

I am quite good this week - but I think AF should come sometime from around the weekend onwards, so am expecting another dip when the hormones kick in for that.

ray81 so sorry you joing us, esp as I 'know' you the ttc thread I hope the ERPC goes ok today xx

I heard an awful (although I guess good in the end story) from a friend who said that someone she knows has had 17 mc's - but thankfully also has 2 DCs somewhere amongst the MCs. I'm not sure I could deal with that many

Hi Ray, so sorry you are joining us but you're v welcome.
I had a mmc at 8 weeks and it is devastating. Friends of ours have had 4 unexplained miscarriages at 12 weeks and I know that they are finding it incredibly hard to come to terms with and accept. I really do feel for you and think you're just so strong to have come this far. Be kind to yourself and you can talk to us here about anything

Hi ray81. Sorry you're joining us. MMC are horrible - that's what I had. I found it very hard to come to terms with, as I had no symptoms at all. Hope it all goes OK for you tomorrow.

x

Hi Ray - sorry you have to join us. 4 mc in 5 years and it's just bad luck..... how horrible for you .
Hope you have round the consolation that chocolate can bring - well it worked for me

Hi guys,

Can i join you all.
I had a scan on thurs was meant to be 10 weeks and there was no heartbeat, baby died about 8+4. This is my 4th Mc in 5 yrs of ttc. i have DD who is 7.
Am feeling devastated as you can imagine.
We have had investigations and by all accounts they are all normal so they are saying this is just realy bad luck.
I have an ERPC booked for tues as my body is not doing this naturally at all, have had no bleeding at all and still feel very pg so just want to get it over and done with.
Am swinging from crying lots, being numb and forgeting for a few seconds and then crying again. Am finding it very hard to cope.

It will be nice to talk to people who understand how i feel.

Morning girls; amyboo sex was ok for me but I didn't have an ERPC so that's not very helpful sorry!
Becks yes I have noticed I'm going to the loo more too! Weird... might be just cos when I was pregnant I obsessively drank water and had to pee loads so my bladder might have got used to that!

lovelypear I definitely recommend checking our some of the old Cathar castles in SW France if the weather isn't great. Toulouse is also a pretty nice city. But, I wouldn't worry too much about the weather forecast - the weather can be quite changeable in that part of the world, so the forecast isn't always very accurate....

Thanks for the comments r.e painful sex. I'm changing gynae anyway, so I think I'll get an appointment now, and talk to them about it if it carries on....

Morning,

amyboo I had an ERPC and sex wasn't uncomfortable or hurt so I would speak to your Dr. However I have notice a weird 'problem' I seem to have a weak bladder, I used to be able to hold it hours, now it's a matter of minutes, has anyone else experienced this??

I hope you all have a lovely weekend x

Hi amyboo, I didn't have an ERPC, so not sure if that's normal but it might be worth asking your doc? what sort of pain was it? maybe see if it continues and then make a decision? Have fun with your painting this weekend!

Can't believe how many of us have a connection to sw france! I guess it's a very popular holiday destination. The forecast is rubbish so really hoping there are lots of lovely things to see and do (and we'll definitely be sampling the wine!).

Iggypiggy I'm really glad you're having a better week this week. I agree it's those little unexpected shocks which bring you back down the hardest. No less than 5 of my friends are pg and due around my EDD - I'm just trying to focus on the positive and feel happy for them. Hope you and cupoftea continue to keep your chins up at work .

Very best of luck and lots of sticky vibes to becks and others who are ttc now. See you all in 2 weeks! xxxx

Sorry if this is TMI, but had sex for the first time since ERPC yesterday, and it was a bit painful. Is this normal? I don't normally have any trouble, but last night there was definite pain particularly on one side...

Sounds like everyone's got nice weekends planned. I'll be painting the spare room/future baby's room. The builders were in 2 weeks ago to plaster etc - just after the whole MMC thing happened... Still, at least it'll keep me/DH busy for a few weeks and keep our minds off ttc, etc.

Thanks BE hope you have a really lovely weekend. We're off to London for the weekend too so won't be around much either.
Iggy glad things are a little easier at work.
Hope everyone's doing ok today.

Hiya ladies,

Cupoftea - big hug - it is hard when you first come across peeps who are pg - you kinda want to be pleased for them but at same time feel so jealous etc.

Anyway ladies won't be about much this weekend as we away to wedding and catching up with rellies. Hopefully we'll have a good break away.

Hope you all do ok this weekend too.

the girl in the office is ok actually - and I don't really mind her mentioning stuff about her PG at the mo. I think it was just such a shock last week, I was stupidly cross with her (and irrationally!) but now am fine again... the hormones make you a bit nuts don't they!

Sorry Iggy cross posted with you.. I'm good thanks still feeling quite positive this week cos I know we will be ttc again soon...
Really glad you're feeling better this week Is the girl in your office talking about her pg loads or not too bad?

That's so funny everyone seems connected to SW France! LovelyPear we're staying in Milhars which is pretty much just down the road from where you're staying! (Well, a little bit to the east of Moissac) No I've never been before either, only been in the northern parts of France which is so different so really excited We're staying in a little gite. Amyboo thanks for the wine tips! My DH will be very pleased to hear all that...

Now, aside from holiday stuff...amy don't go feeling guilty at all about changing gynae. I'm going to change GP after this whole experience as not a fan of mine at all. Plus the worst thing about being in hospital for my medical management was the coldness of some of the staff - you need to deal with someone you are totally comfortable with.

Cupoftea how horrible for you! I'm so sorry some people are sooo insensitive it really bugs me. I guess this is one tiny good thing about going through mc - we all know to be sensitive about pregnancy etc.

becks it's a totally different situation for you with the PCOS so of course you shouldn't wait for af before trying... good luck with it all got my fingers crossed for you x

cupoftea poor you - the PG woman in my office really brought me back down - but am actually ok this week - so guess was just the shock and the reminder again of what I've lost. I hope you feel a bit better soon xx

Amyboo sorry you bleeding again - that's rubbish xx

Becks hope is not too long a wait for you.

lovelypear glad AF arrived for you and hope you enjoy your holiday!

cupcake how are you?

xxx for everyone

cupoftea that must have been awful for you. Poor you Thankfully I've not got any pregnant people near me, otherwise I think I'd have a similar reaction!

My doctor gave me the results of the analysis last night following my ERPC last week. Apparently there was nothing of note, which I guess it good, as it means it was just random chance - no actual medical reasons... Bleeding has randomly returned today though, which I'm not happy about.

Hi All,

How strange I have family in that region of France as well (on DH side), It is lovely and I'm sure you'll have a great time.

Cupoftea I'm with you on the pregnant women front, I am usually such a nice person but I have to admit this MC has turned me in to a real sour and bitter person. I dropped my ds off a nursery yesterday and there was a women moaning about 'having' to go on maternity leave! I was so upset, i just thought how on earth can you moan about that when your going to have a beautiful baby in a few weeks.

I have decided to ttc again soon, I suffer from PCOS so waiting for AF could be a VERY long wait and as it took so long to conceive this time I thought I may as well make the most of being at a fertile peak.

Hi all, how are you doing?

I was doing okay, but I went back to my placement school today and there is a woman here who is pregnant. She was going on and on about being pregnant- being really precious about it actually.

Then she said her sister was going for her first scan today. She said, 'I've warned her how shocked she will be to see the baby jumping around so much in there!' My mentor asked me, 'were you shocked when you had your scan?' (meaning with the 2 children she knows I have)

I was so stunned for a moment I said nothing. I haven't told anyone in the school about my mc, so they weren't to know, but I felt like saying, 'the last scan I had, 2 weeks ago, showed my baby dead in the bottom of the sac- so no, I was not shocked to see it jumping around. Nor do I want to hear you going on and on aboout how awful it is to be pregnant. How about you thank your lucky stars and shut the hell up!' But as this was the first time of meeting said lady, I kept my mouth shut!

Obviously feel quite low tonight now

How funny indeed - my family live just south of Toulouse! It's a lovely part of the world - I absolutely looooovvvveee going to see my parents down there! You'll both have fab holidays! (and the red wine is superb! - great Corbières, Minervois, Côtes de Languedoc - in fact most of the vins de pays d'Oc are wonderful!)

I'm definitely waiting one cycle before ttc again. Like Lovelypear Iggypiggy and cupcake I think I need to give my body a break. I've been busily collecting recommendations for a new gynae today though. I'm definitely going to change to someone with a warmer bedside manner. I feel kinda guilty about changing, but I guess that's the Brit in me thinking I have to continue with the person I've been allocated...

Hello cupcake! Thank you, we're really looking forward to it, although the forecast is not great!

How funny, we're going to be about 1 hr north of Toulouse in a village called Brassac (near Moissac). Never been to that part of France before so hoping to do some exploring! have you been there before? where will you be staying? We'll have to swap tips! xx

Hi LovelyPear really hope you enjoy your holiday! We went away to Devon just after the mc and it really does help to get away from everything. Will be thinking of you.
Whereabouts in France are you going? We're going to SW France in a few weeks, just north of Toulouse. Really hoping for lots of sunshine!
Glad af has arrived for you anyway and like you say, things can start getting back to some kind of 'normal'

hi everyone. amyboo I'm so sorry you were having a rotten day and didn't get a response. It's only a few days since your ERPC so it's natural to feel like very low. Poor you, I hope you're feeling a little better now.

I haven't been on mn for a few days as I've been busy preparing for our holiday - we're going to sw france for 2 weeks on Sat, and it's the first time away with DS, so I'm trying not to panic and pack everything including the kitchen sink! It's very good timing, and I'm hoping it will do all of us the world of good.

AF arrived yesterday, so it has brought everything back into my mind, but I suppose it's good to know my body is carrying on as normal. amyboo, I was told I could fall pg again straight away, but as cupcake says I think they recommend you wait for AF for dating purposes. Personally, I'm not in a rush to ttc just yet, and want to take a break from thinking about it all. I suppose that's why I haven't been on here much lately.

Hope everyone else is ok. xxx

Amyboo think I cross posted with you earlier, so only just seen your post.

I am waiting until after first AF too, which is what the doctor told us to do - for similar reasons to cupcake - basically I feel like I need to give my body a little break - and I need to know that everything is working again as normal.. Also am not actually mentally read yet...

Hello
Amyboo I was told to wait until after 'my next bleed' to ttc aswell but I have heard from loads of people on here that they only say that so they can date your next pregnancy more easily. It seems to be fine to get pregnant straight after a mc without af (I'm sure plenty of people on this board could tell you stories)
However, we decided we would wait for my first af anyway. This is just because personally I feel my womb has undergone trauma and I felt it might be too much to get pg again straight away. This sin't for any medical reason; just a personal feeling I have that I wanted to let it 'settle' a bit.
You will soon be able to talk about it without crying, honest. It took me about 2 weeks.
Good luck with ringing the doctor.

hello - how are you all?

I am feeling much better this week - after a pretty bad week last week. i guess is just ups and downs... Am waiting for AF - but guess won't arrive until next week or the week after...

amyboo - hope you feeling better?

BionicEar glad you feeling ok - am expecting AF to remind me of everything too.

Big wave to everyone else. hope you all ok xx

I'm still here too. Getting over my ERPC from Thursday. I've been told to wait a month before ttc again - is that what everyone else got told/has done?

Have to ring my doctor tonight to find out the results of the analysis they did from my ERPC. I don't expect they found anything though... Am also thinking of changing gynae - I'm still annoyed that she didn't come and see me before doing the procedure on Thursday...

Taking one day at a time like becks130 and seem to be doing OK. Can even almost talk about it without crying, which I suppose is positive.

Hi All,

I'm still here, taking each day as it comes. Thinking about ttc again, i need something to focus on.

Hope everyone is ok

You're right CupCakeFairy and Bionic its gone very quiet in here, I can still hear the echoes of CupCake's voice from yesterday.

Everyone ok?

Hello Cupcake I'm here!

Just swung by to check on the gang.

Amyboo extra big hug to you today - the low days are worst but hope tomorrow improves.

I'm doing ok today - just stressed with work but hey ho.

Catch you all later.

Hug hug to you all.

Wow, it is quiet in this cave...

<cupcake listens to sound of her voice echoing back...>

Everyone ok?

Having a low day. I feel like crawling under my duvet and sobbing. Not entirely practical at work... I wish the sadness would just go away.

Hi BionicEar glad you made it back
I haven't had af since mc, am waiting for it now..but I have read loads of others saying they found it emotional/difficult when theirs came.. I'm hoping mine will give me a little more closure and I can then think about moving on and ttc again but I have no idea if when it happens it will actually make me emotional

Jacanne sorry you're still bleeding, that sucks and really doesn't help to start moving on does it hope it stops soon for you. And don't go down the road of 'should you have known'...this wasn't your fault and as one of my nurses told me - there's really nothing you can do that would have affected the outcme of the pregnancy. Thinking of you x

Hello ladies!

Been a busy week so haven't been online for few days and last night was unable to break in - methinks our PC does this on purpose - hmmph!

Have had my 2nd AF since mc so was and quite moody all week although I didn't mean to be. Is anyone else finding they are more tetchy with their other halves or is it just me?

I still find having AF very difficult cos (1) it reminds me of what I have lost and brings back the memories of losing baby (2) it another blow to say "not pg" again. Is this a normal reaction?

Sorry not a particularly jolly posting - just needed to talk.

Hi all,

I haven't posted for a couple of days, I think the hormones are still at very high levels, I feel hormonal at the moment. Thankfully the bleeding has stopped and I am actually finding it a little easier, it's almost like that constant reminder has suddenly gone.

Squilly I'm with everyone else I don't think it's something anyone could ever forget, I think we just have to deal with it in our own way.

So sorry you are having a bad weekend Squilly - I always feel a little sad on Fathers Day as that's when my first EDD was - I m/c that one.

I feel kind if angry too Amyboo so I know what you mean.

I am still bleeding and I'm now into week 4. I keep thinking it's getting lighter and then it all comes back again. GP says that tests are all clear though there was indications that I had an infection (which then makes me worry about m/c - did that cause it, should I have known?) but all clear now. Generally I don't feel so ill but am still feeling blue.

Thanks happybump I will keep an eye on it and maybe ask my doctor if it carries on.
Squilly so sorry for how you are feeling this weekend. As Amyboo said, I'm sure the sadness never goes away, it just becomes different. We're here to listen anyway

Hi squilly. I don't think you should feel silly for the way you felt yesterday. I think my MMC has just bought it all back for my Mum. She lost 2 and I know she still feels sad for them. I don't think you ever really get over a MC do you? I think you just try and get past it... So, please don't feel silly for feeling sad and upset.

Sorry..I haven't read the threads at all to date but I had to post this somewhere and here felt right somehow.

I've had an awful day today but feel really silly about it. I had my 2nd miscarriage 10 years ago today. I've had 4 and always try to forget the dates involved, so I can't get sad about it all. But with it being a Bank Holiday, this one sticks in my mind.

I've been grumpy all bloody day, rowed with DH (very rare) and suddenly realised the date...it might not be connected. It might be nothing to do with that...but now I'm thinking about it and I can't stop.

I always wanted a big family and I have a beautiful dd (8) but I feel ludicrously sad for the lost lives just today.

I'm going now. Trying to get a grip. I don't cry often about it all, so it feels a bit weird, but I feel bereft....

hi amyboo
So sorry you are feeling angry. I haven't had an ERPC, I'd booked one for me but ended up having MC naturally before it happened ... I think I got a different type of closure as a consequence.
I felt I was moving on then I had a few sad days. For me it has been a bit of a roller coaster but mostly I feel optimistic. Some days are better than others.

cupcakefairy unfortunately I've noticed I've been getting tubbier .. all self-inflicted though and very enjoyable. I figure I'll sort out the tubby tummy later. All joking aside though ... if you are worried and your weight loss has been enough for your DH to comment on you might want to just ask your dr, just in case?

Well done for getting through it amyboo... definitely good to take things one day at a time! Don't forget we're here for the harder days...(and the easier days too of course!)

Just wondered, have any of you noticed changes in your body since your MC? Maybe I am just paranoid but I'm concerned about every little thing now and relate it all back to the MC...

In particular I've been losing weight which both my dh and bf have commented they'd noticed (and my dh never notices stuff like that!) ...just worries me cos I've been eating way more than normal (chocolate!) yet still losing weight. I guess it could just be the stress?
Also been having much stronger ovulation pains this month (at least it feels like ovulation; I hope it is!) which worries me af pains will be worse this month. I'm such a worrywart!

Sorry to hear you're feeling low sophable and becks. I had my ERPC yesterday. It was very emotional and I cried lots when I came out of the anaesthetic, but I'm so glad to get it over with. Looking forward to trying to move on now. The bleeding had almost stopped, and apart from feeling very angry, I'm OK... Going to take the next few daysa day at a time and hope time flies...

Cupcake hope they stop too - I been googling dream meanings (how sad!) and says these dreams are common when people feeling depressed on when they resenting someone - both of which seem vaguely likely for me...

good news re: you not beeding scan etc. hope AF comes soon for you xx

Morning ladies...so sorry to hear about all this sadness Iggy I think the weird dreams are normal...I had loads around the mc and still a few now, especially about looking after babies and leaving them in random places and forgetting about them...horrible hope yours stop soon. Also so sorry you feel so sad about this girl at work. I too feel angry at the pg people I know because I feel like they take it for granted...which is unfair of me cos really, I don't know what kind of personal pain they could be going through/have been through.

Big hugs to you and Sophable and Becks... I think getting af is bound to be emotional as it reminds you again of what you have lost. Just cry if you need to. Sophable I know what you mean about being overwhelmed with sorrow- it scared me; I'd never felt like that in my life. Go and get lots of hugs from anyone you can find!!

Well, I had my final appointment at the hospital this morning. They did a pregnancy test and as it was negative and I'm not bleeding, said I didn't need a scan. They also said my ovaries were healthy (from previous photos they had taken) and that my leg pain after pethidine was normal. I could have cried with relief when we walked out - I hadn't even realised what a huge weight was on me until it was lifted. I feel one step closer to closure now that's for sure. Just got to wait for af now

Also - keep having wierd dreams... keep dreaming I have murdered someone.. bit worried about that..

sorry for randomness of post/ frequency of posting

hello to everyone else <waves>

Had rubbish day yesterday too - maybe something in the air! So very upset about this girl at work. Thought I was ok - but sometimes huges waves of sadness get me - without warning

Hope everyone has a better day today xx

kidowner I'm not sure I can help on this - but I recently found out that someone I work with is pregnant - almost exactly the same due date that i would have had. I inexplicably feel v. angry towards her - not her fault - she doesn't know about the MC and is happy news for her. But I just don't want to speak to her... I can't help it.. We are not close friends, so not really the same situation. But maybe it was too hard for your friend to deal with? Some people might think I am not terribly upset about the MC as I only cry at home, in private and I can talk about it with people that know without getting upset in front of them...

I expect is hard for you - but am guessing is nothing you have done - is probably just that she couldn't deal with it

others may have other perspectives - which may be more helpful?

I'm wondering if any of you could give me some advice. My exf had a mc but didn't tell me when I had a baby until after.

I was expecting again and she told me she did not want any more ch/ren anyway, but later she didn't tell me she was pregnant and then did go on to have a new baby. What is the best way react if someone has had a mc and you've had a baby?

Do you think f/ships are doomed? It took me 3 years to get over the loss of my friendship but it was her breaking off fship with me rather than the other way round. I never blurted out how happy I was to have had a baby or anything as insensitive as that.

She really did not seem to be terribly upset about the mc but is that ever true?

becks130 sorry you aren't feeling good either.
I think it's normal to not want to go. Last Thursday there was a baby shower for a friend who is due in a few weeks. I decided not to go but gave a gift to another friend to pass on. I didn't make a big deal about it as I didn't want my friend who is expecting to even know I mc (I think you have enough worries when you are pregnant with out taking on someone else's sadness and although she is a friend we aren't really really close). However my close friend who is incidently a councellor said to me in a tone that implied I was being really rude not to go ... "what! why aren't you going! whys that ... just don't fancy it". I made up an excuse about a prior engagement.
I am glad I didn't go but sad that I felt I had to miss it.

sophable so sorry you are struggling. I recently went through a bad day too with a similar scenario thought I was okay was looking forward to the AF, got it and just felt overwhelmed with sadness.

I had a couple of days of "what if's" and a few days later now I feel a bit better. I am trying to shift my focus to the possibilities of the future rather than dwelling too much on the past. It's hard though. I find this thread very helpful and I also find reading other people's stories help me too.

Take care

So sorry that you're feeling so low today Sophable and Becks.

*sophable8 really sorry your feeling so low today, big hugs to you x

I'm not feeling very good today either, just heard one of my friends is getting ready to go in to hospital to have her baby, and I have a party to go to on Sunday which would be nice but another friend is due in a few weeks. I feel really horrible because I should feel happy for them but I just can't, I can't stop crying this evening

ladies i'm really really struggling today. got my period, which started yesterday, at exactly the same time as the miscarriage started 28 days before, in the same work loo. which was horrible. but it was just tiny bit of spotting. now today i have full on heavy periodl.

i thougth i'd feel relief that everything was working and we could ttc once i got my period, but i am absolutely devastated. ahve been crying on and off all day. and now. i feel so overwhelmed with sorrow in a way i don't think i ever have in my life.

I know what you mean amyboo am usually so happy too. Think you need scan for your own piece of mind xx

Thanks for all your support - you're all so nice. I can apparently speak to my doctor at 19h tonight, so I'm going to ring and double check I can have another ultrasound tomorrow just to confirm. I know I'm being silly, but I really need to put my mind at rest. I can't wait for this all to be over. I'm normally such a happy person and this is making me so sad

amyboo on my first scan I was told baby was too small and heartbeat was too slow - but that there was a very small chance it would be ok. So was in denial for the 8 days till the second scan where I was told that there was no longer a heartbeat and no further growth.

The Dr did pretty much tell me it wasn't going to be ok - but i didn't believe him until I had proof. I guess is natural to feel like that? Although I do hope that you do get a miracle story - cos that would be excellent. x

It sounds like you definitely need to ask for a double check. I never saw my baby active...I had 3 scans over 3 weeks, first week they couldn't see enough, second week they said baby was too small and heartbeat v faint, third week they said baby had died.. so I kind of knew the whole time it was all going to go wrong.
It's a v diff situation for you I think you should ask and tell them you are just concerned cos it was so active at 10 weeks.

Ah, the googling curse!! We all know we shouldn't but we just can't help it!!

We're definitely planning to start ttc once things are OK. We're both really keen to start a family. The gynae says we have to wait a month before trying again...

For the scan, I'm just concerned because it was so active on the 10 week scan, and I've had literally no feelings that anything is going wrong. The gyane said that she couldn't find a heartbeat and that the baby looked too small, and checked with a internal ultrasound. I made the mistake of googling today after worrying all night about it, and found some miracle stories, so I just want reassurance I guess that it really is true... I know I'm kidding myself

cupoftea and becks I'm with you - we'll start focusing on ttc once af appears. DH is actually keen to get started straight away but I feel I want to give my body a bit of time to settle down. Thanks for sharing your sotry cupoftea*.

*Neeko thanks, that is reassuring about your af - I was concerned my cycle seems to be behaving very strangely right now. Temps up and down, CM coming and going...stressing me a bit so good to know it's prob not just me!

Nolonger- really glad you've come over we are here to hold your hand through the hormone crash and keep drinking that wine! ;)

Amyboo I kept wondering if I should ask for another scan to check before my medical management but dh and I knew really that the docs were right. Two of them looked at the scan, and showed us how the sac had 'disintegrated' (her words!) and there was no baby... but if you really don't feel convinced ask them to check again. I know what you mean about the boobs!! I was so relieved when mine went back to normal it just felt so horrible seeing them after the m/c really hope tomorrow is ok for you.

Welcome nolongerchunky sorry you joining us, but I have found it really helpful to 'talk' on here when I can't in RL.

Jacanne hope work is ok for you.

Neeko so pleased you got your AF

amyboo that's good that your DH is talking about it - mine is a bit in denial - but has got upset once.

cupoftea that is good that you had a successful second pregnancy - hopefully the same will happen for you this time.

I am very undecided about trying again - am kind of feeling a bit anti babies at the mo... guess is my way of dealing with it. But not sure if good...

cupoftea I feel the same as you, I feel that I need to start trying as soon as my period comes back. I think that it will help me move forward.

Morning everyone and welcome to Amy and nolonger- sorry you are having to join us

For those who have miscarried their first ever baby- I miscarried my first pregnancy in 2000, and my fiance decided he did not want to try again. We were very young and I was at university. I thought my heart would break- We didn't plan the baby, but losing it and knowing I wouldn't have the chance again for a long time was very hard to deal with. After 3 years, my fiance and I seperated. I could not move past the fact that he didn't want a baby, and I (probably unfairly) felt that meant he didn't care about losing our first child -that wasn't the only reason we seperated though.

I ended up having dd1 in 2005, my second pregnancy.

There is every chance that losing your first baby will not mean losing your second, whenever you choose to try again

I think I need to start TTC again as soon as my period appears, as I know how I got stuck in that emotional rut last time- I ended up feel resentful of anything to do with pregnancy/babies can't go through that again!

amyboo they didn't as 2 people checked my scan and I could clearly see for myself I still tried to convince myself that they had it wrong, but I had to come to terms with it in the end. I had the ERPC the day after I found out which was good for me as it meant that I didn't have too much time to dwell on things. Also just thought I would say that they say that you have cramping and bleeding after, I didn't have any cramping and the bleeding has almost stopped, physically it really isn't too bad.

Hey amy.they did for me.they def will if u ask,I was offered it anyway.convinced me that the baby wasn't hiding somewhere (knew that really just didn't want to believe it.)

Agree with becks that erpc harder emotionally than physically.I'm sure it was the best option for me,am now trying to move on mentally...at least my body knows I'm not pg now,that's a start.

Thanks to everyone for the welcome.am truly finding rl a struggle at the mo and can't help beating myself up about it.

The sun is shining today though...

xx

Thanks becks130. Can I just ask - did they do another ultrasound before the ERPC to double check? I know I'm being silly, but I'm worrying myself that the gynae might just have made a mistake. Do you think I can request that they check again just to be sure?

Morning,

amyboo I just wanted to say that I had the same as you, I found out at my 12 week scan was a total shock as I was feeling fine, no bleeding, no pain and ALL pregnancy symptoms still. I also found having the symptoms very hard to cope with, I had the ERPC last thursday and I can honestly say that it was not as bad as I imagined it would be, emotionlly it it a lot harder than physically. The good thing about having the ERPC was that as soon as I woke my symptoms had gone, it has made it a lot easier to move on.

Good luck for tomorrow, i'll be thinking of you x

Oh and hugs to nolongerchunky. I have my erpc tomorrow, and am glad to hear yours went OK. I'm looking forward to having my pre-pregnancy boobs back so I no longer think I'm pregnant every time I look in a mirror.

Clearly that should have been "haven't cried yet"...

Thanks so much to everyone and their kind messages. Am feeling a little more positive today, and I have cried yet, which is a good thing I guess. I've been speaking to a few friends and it seems that lots of people miscarry and go on to have healthy babies. I'm trying to focus on that at the moment, as I really worry that it'll take ages to get pregnant again and so the pain will carry on for ages....

My usually quiet DH is also talking lots about what he's feeling, which is good as I was worried he might bottle it all up inside. I think we're gonna take one day at a time and try and move on. I guess we won't really get past it until we get past week 13 on a next pregnancy. Ha - I've just realised the irony of losing a baby in week 13. Unlucky for some indeed...

Hi everyone and sad welcomes to the newbies. Just popping in to let you know that AF arrived today 44 days after ERPC. I know a few of you are in the waiting game to so I wanted to let you know that mine took a while. Hope you're all coping ok. Take care.

Love and hugs back nolongerchunky - sorry for your loss.

Hi all.started a thread after being diagnosed with missed m/c at my 12 week scan,cupcake invited me here but for some reason I felt really strange about joining - think my emotions are just all over the place at the mo!

Had erpc on Friday,it went as well as could be expected I guess and at least I've stopped feeling pg which sort of helps. Couldn't wait for natural mc as was worried about effect on ds (15mo) and also my body was showing no signs of admitting defeat - no pain, no bleeding,nothing.

Went to work today,it was horrible,am a mess.was on the edge of pmd after having ds by em cs,am not sure I can deal with the hormone crash AND no baby it's just overwhelming.

However I know from you guys that I'm not alone and I know some of you are having a harder time than me- am planning to get some perpective on this at some point!

Have tried to catch up with thread but there are lots of people so it may take a while, at this point I'll just send love and hugs to anyone that needs them this evening.

And then I'll have another big swig of wine.

Sorry for the essay, feeling lonely xx

Sorry your having to join us Amyboo this thread is a great support network, we're all here to support each other.

i'm glad your starting to feel better cupoftea, I'm doing an open uni course and I am VERY behind, so I can just imagine how your feeling.

I have come back to work this evening, everyone has been really nice but it was very hard. I work in a fatility clinic and I dreading when someone calls, we have a lot of people thinking that they are the only one's that have problems

Sorry that you are joining us Amyboo - must have been so hard after seeing your little one kicking at 10 weeks.

Iggy that really sucks about the girl at work - I have a few online friends that are due around my EDD and that's hard enough. I hope you do get a BFP before Nov.

Glad you're feeling a bit more positive now cupoftea - hope your work goes well and I'm glad you are giving yourself time.

Sorry that you are feeling lonely Lovelypear - though I know DH was v upset about our m/c and has been wonderful I know that he won't remember milestones and that they won't mean the same to him - I think it's just different for men - not that that helps.

Becks - I too hope you get to see a gynae soon.

I had a very bad day yesterday but have felt a little better today. I am going to work tomorrow (I do one day a week in an infant school) and I am dreading facing a whole new group of people - I have told my head and said that I don't really want to talk about it and although it is nice for people to be sympathetic it makes it harder in some ways. I had a lovely nurse take my swab yesterday - she was so kind that she had me in tears in minutes.

Lovelypear Thanks - feeling bit better now. Can't really tell her as, bless her - she can't keep a secret - she will massively gossip about it. But one girl at work knows and has offered to speak in my defence if I accidentally murder her

cupcake Yes - if I am PG before Nov then it will prob be easier - is rubbish timing, but nothing I can do... so will just deal with it. xx

Amyboo - sad welcome to you. So sorry for your loss I miscarried my first pregnancy almost 4 weeks ago. You can cry as much as you want here, we all do!

Iggy soooo sorry to hear about the girl at work. That is so rubbish for you, especially as I guess you have to see her every day I have a friend at work whose wife is due a couple of weeks before I would have been, and my SIL's sister is also due in Nov...but at least I don't have to see them all the time. I'm just hoping and praying I'll at least be pregnant by the time they're having their LOs! As you and LovelyPear said...that is what will keep me going!

Hi Cupoftea glad you feel able to start some work again, that's great!

Becks what a shame your GP has seemingly fobbed you off sorry... really hope you get to see a gynae soon.

Hugs to everyone else!

Managed to cross post with everyone!

Amyboo I am so so sorry. It is devastating - there's no way around it. Stick around here if you can and hopefully you'll find some comfort. xxx

Morning all. Iggypiggy I completely understand as two of my close friends are also pg and one is due in Nov. Are you close enough to this girl to explain what has happened? It might help to make her aware and maybe be more careful about how she acts around you...? Both my pg friends know my story and they have been fantastically supportive. Doesn't mean that it isn't bloody hard to be around them sometimes though. I think cupoftea is right that ttc will help us, as long as we're ready.

Hope everyone else is ok. DH got back from his friend's stag last night, and had completely forgotten about my scan. I was a bit hurt to say the least and cried myself to sleep with him lying next to me. I never knew that mc was such a lonely experience .

cupoftea is v. bad timing isn't it - I guess we will ttc again soon - going to wait until after first AF tho. Whenever that might be. xx

amyboo am so sorry you joining us - but this thread has been great support for me. I know what you mean about the crying in - for 2 days I thought I'd never stop or be happy again. The worst bit is whent he hormones are still all over the place. It was my first pregnancy too. have some hugs. it's truly rubbish xx

becks- I'm feeling more positive today. I've picked up my work this morning and feel ready to re-focus on that. I've been so wrapped up in the MC that I've not given my course a moment's thought since handing in my essays last Tuesday! I am meant to be submittling a large piece of evidence this Friday and giving a presentation which I haven't written yet, so need to get moving with that. I'm still staying off until Friday though, don't feel ready to face my class yet.
Hopefully the gynae will be able to give you reassurance that things will go well next time I hope you don't have to wait a year this time.

Lovely pear- glad you have been discharged. I think that is what I needed to think about moving forward, instead of dwelling and waiting. 4 weeks back and forth to EPU was enough thanks!

Happybump- so sorry you are feeling low. I'm sure there are hormonal implications with stopping BF so that has possibly upset you too. I hope you find some comfort here.

Hope everyone else, Cupcakefairy and Jacanne, are doing well today x

Can I join? Found out yesterday that I'd had a MMC at 12 weeks (about 1 week ago). Have to go for an ERPC on Thursday... It would have been my first child. I'm devastated. I just keep wondering why this has happened to me. The baby looked so happy and was wiggling about at its 10 week scan, so I assumed I was safe. I never thought it would be this sad, but I just am so sad I can't stop crying.

iggypiggy- that really is crap. I think that could potentially make things harder for you as you say, what awful timing
I guess this could possibly happen to all of us considering we should have been approaching the 'safe' period.
I really feel for you

Do you think you will be TTC again? I think that will be the only thing that will help me move on TBH...

my day started badly - girl at work just announced she is PG - I would have been announcing this week too (in 2 days I would have been 12 weeks - scan was meant to be on fri). She is due just days before I would have been. Am so worried that all of her milestones will remind me of the ones I should have had.

Feel v.

Hi All,

Happybump It must be hard for you at the moment, I'm really not looking forward to getting to milestones.

cupoftea how are you feeling today? I think that we all need a good cry at times.

I went to see my GP yesterday as I was concerned that the MC could have something to do with me having PCOS and wanted to get that sorted before I even consider trying again. They basically said that they are unable to treat me so I have to be referred to a gynaecologist, hopefully I'll be seen this side of 2009!

Hi Happybump...sorry you're feeling so low. Milestones are hard- I should have been having my 12 week scan this week
It's just crap and there's no two ways about that!

Glad your dh made you feel better - they are great for hugs aren't they

thanks Iggypiggy. Your kind words have helped.
DH got home I told him I felt sad, he gave me a BIG hug and I feel so much better.
Shedding tears has been good too.
Tomorrow is another day.
xx

So sorry that you having a bad day happybump

It seems to come and go for me - and I guess milestones in terms of dates will be v. hard for me too.

This thread is an exccellent place to vent - everyone on here is lovely.

Sometimes is good to cry - I am not a teary person - but have found that this has really affected me. So can be fine for a few days - then suddenly upset again. Am sure hormones make it worse too.

Look after yourself xx

Hi all
This is the first time I have posted on this thread. I thought I was being really together about my recent mmc at 13 weeks but I feel really sad today.
I am not sure if it is just my hormones (I just got my first AF post mc) and I have also just stopped BF my DS (16.5months), I think it is all just hitting me. I would have been about 20 weeks pregnant this week, so half way!
I just feel so sad for our loss and I am crying as I write this. Got to try and get myself together a bit before DH gets home from work.
Thanks for listening.

Thanks Jacanne and LovelyPear...that does reassure me that you have both been feeling the tiredness too (obviously I'm not pleased that you've felt like that but YKWIM!) I'm glad a bank holiday weekend is coming up; I'm gonna try hard to catch up on sleep properly!

Sorry you're still bleeding LovelyPear that is rubbish and doesn't help you to move on does it! Glad they have discharged you though.
We are not TTC this month, will start to think about it in May but more properly in June... so maybe we will be jumping on the TTC bus together

Hi everyone

sorry you are feeling down again cupcake fairy - it seems to hit me in waves - I'm okay and then I'm not. I've been worried about infection to as I had a temp last night and have generally been feeling crap - I went to the GPs today and had swabs taken and bloods but he suggested that I am just low at the moment and that's to be expected - it's the tiredness that is bothering me the most - am not being a very good mum to my dds at the moment.

I am going to try taking Pharmaton capsules, recommended by a friend - they are kind of a pick-you-up - she says they worked really well for her.

Glad you have been discharged Lovelypear - hope the bleeding stops soon.

Hi everyone. I haven't posted for a few days as DH has been on a stag do in Spain and so I had my hands full with DS!

Cupoftea I had my post mc scan this morning too, and it really brought me back down with a bump. Sorry you're having a tough time too - I think it does take time to sink in. At least it's reassuring that your body is quietly getting on with things...

I have now been discharged which I suppose is a relief. Apparently there is more blood still to come (I have been bleeding for 3 weeks now !), even though I thought it was stopping. Without giving tmi, I've had a few surprise clots recently too - it's just such a gruesome reminder I wish it would stop!

Cupcake, I hope you'll feel better after a chat with the doc on Thurs. I was worried about having an infection too, as I was exhausted and feeling nauseous, but sometimes these symptoms are just down to the trauma your body has been through and it takes a while to recover. Hope all goes well at the scan on Thurs.

Waves to Iggypiggy, Becks, Jacanne et al. GracieGirl and Neeko, I have been known to lurk on the Onwards and Upwards thread, but really not feeling ready for ttc just yet. Wishing you lots of luck and sticky vibes!

Hi all,

Just back from my scan. It's nearly all gone, so I've been discharged now. As I left the ward, I burst into tears for the first time through all of this (I cried at initial scan 4 weeks ago though), I think it was the realisation that it is all over now

Why it hadn't hit me before then I don't know.

The scan showed one of my ovaries with an egg which they described as 'ready to go'. It's funny how after all this, our bodies just carry on as if nothing has happened.

Hope everyone has a good week.

Morning everyone.
Neeko I hope I will be chatting with you and the others in Onwards and Upwards within a few weeks! So see you there

Cupoftea really hope you are feeling better today.

Becks that is great that you got out with your ds I couldn't have done the same in your position I don't think. I hope you don't have to wait another year to conceive Do you chart your cycles...mucus observations and temperature? It works wonders for knowing when you are fertile.

I am feeling quite down today. My thigh muscle is still painful from where I had the pethidine injection; everyone is now telling me I need to see a doc about it. We have our post-mc scan on Thurs so will ask about it then. Also feeling sooo so tired this week and am paranoid it could be because of an infection. Is anyone else feeling abnormally tired? I don't have any other signs of an infection so hopefully it isn't....

Anyway, big hugs to you all today

Hello all.

Glad the worst is over cupoftea - that's exactly how it was for me in terms of bleeding slowing quickly. I had something similar re: the big clot later - I assumed was uterus lining/ placenta type thing, but it came a while after the pain etc.

becks I was like that for a while - I was ok at work, but then I would cry as soon as I was alone in my car driving home (presumably looking like was mad). I think you make yourself cope for a bit - then at some point you need a cry.

DH was saying that I was v. depressed for a couple of days too... I couldn't do things - like I couldn't feed the dog, but couldn't explain why etc.

I have to say - whent he bleeding stopped it was better - still sad and horrible, but better.

Neeko sorry you're going, but can see why you would need to graduate from this thread. I hope I will move onto the other thread at some point too. Although am not ready to go back to ttc yet. Hope you get a sticky bean soon xx

Cupoftea we all feel like that sometimes so don't feel bad.

I hope you are all well.
I've spent a long time with one foot in this thread and the other in the onwards and upwards thread and feel like it's time to move on, so I probably won't be posting as much on here now. I will still lurk sometimes though and if any of you need anything come find the lovely ladies on the onwards and upwards thread where we'll be glad to help. I also hope when you're ready you'll join us there. Wishing you all luck and sticky beans when you're ready to try again. Take care.

Hi all,

Neeko and GracieGirl- I haven't got round to telling my mum yet.

Jacanne- can't believe your mum said that, how insensitive and silly! I bet you were really relieved when you suffered your mc

Becks- well done you for getting out and about with your ds. That is a really positive start and I'm sure talking to the GP will help.

I have my scan at 9.30am to check that it's all passed. I'm pretty sure it has. Sorry for the TMI but I passed a large clot yesterday, randomly, a good 14 hours after the cramping and heavy blood loss. No idea where it came from! Well...obviously I know where it came from but you know what I mean...

Feeling a bit selfish and resentful today. I read a thread by a poor woman who is having a tough time of it during her early pregnancy and I just felt, 'well, be thankful that you're pregnant at least', which is really not like me. I feel quite ashamed of myself but I seem to have lost control of my feelings.

I've decided to go back to uni on Friday, but I'm not going to feel guilty about not going in until then.

Hugs to you Becks - we went out a couple of days after the m/c with the family - had a lovely day but was a wreck by the evening - remember that you've had been through quite a physical ordeal as well as an emotional one.

Glad you're feeling better today Cupoftea - it feels like it's never going to end doesn't it? I think you should tell your Mum but know how you feel - a lot of people make tactless remarks because they don't know what else to say but feel they need to say something to make it better. My own Mum's classic was "well it must be a relief that the thing you feared would happen actually has and you don't have to worry about it anymore" .

Take it easy today and pamper yourself if possible.

Morning all,

cupoftea I hope the pain is starting to get better, I'm really thinking of you x

I hope your all ok today.

I Tried the get on with normal life thing yesterday, DH took the day off of work and I insisted we took DS to legoland, I felt I really needed to spoil him and remind myself what I have got instead of what I have lost. It seemed to work while I was out and seeing my DS face as he realized where we were was great, but as soon as I got home that was it, all I wanted to do all evening was go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

I'm thinking of going to see my GP on Monday, I know it's very soon but I really want to ttc again soon (but not yet obviously). It took us over a year to conceive as I suffer from PCOS and the thought of having to wait another year is really upsetting for me.

Morning Cupoftea, glad to hear you are feeling physically a bit better. Families are often a bit of a pain as these time, but like Neeko says, they mean well, they are just worried about you. I think it would be wise to tell your mum, finding out from someone else won't be nice for her. Could your DH tell her perhaps?
Take care.

Morning Cupoftea Glad the worst is over for you. YANBU but try to think of it as that they love you and are concerned about you rather than passing on gossip. You will probably feel the need to talk about it over the next few weeks and at least you won't have to tell them first. I have found saying the word miscarriage to someone generally brings on the tears but if someone already knows I can talk about it quite bravely.
As for your mum, could you text her? That would make it less emotive and more matter of fact in that you think she has a right to know but are just trying to get on with things.
Remember the hormones will make you react more strongly to things than you would normally. Take care.

Morning all,

A HUGE thank you to GracieGirl and iggypiggy for taking the time to post yesterday when I needed help. I'm thankful to say that the worst occurred during that time. I managed to sleep the whole night without changing a pad, which was a relief. My IL's took the dds overnight so we had some peace and quiet.

However, I'm a little because I haven't told my family about the pregnancy/MC. I confided in a sister who was not very supportive, so I decided not to tell anyone else. Unfortunately, since dh confided in his mum yesterday to ask for help with the girls, she has already told her husband (understandable) and also dh's sister. I only know this because sister rang dh to ask about my bloodloss on her mother's behalf I asked dh to pass on the message that this is not gossip to be shared around the family and I'd appreciate it if she didn't tell anybody else. Unfortunately I don't know who she has already told.

I now feel I should tell my mother, as she would be really offended if she found out from someone else. Unfortunately my mother is of the 'well it's for the best, pull your socks up and get on with it' brigade, which I'm already doing, so I don't need patronising.

Gosh, what a big moan!! Perhaps I am being mean, but I really wish MIL could have kept this between herself and FIL AIBU? (Wrong thread, I realsie!)

Morning all,

cupoftea I hope you are managing ok, thinking of you.

cupcakefairy Hello - I kind of left this thread about 6 weeks after my miscarriage & joined everyone on the Emmsys Onwards thread, but I've been lurking since and saw that cupoftea was in pain yesterday and no one had replied. Couldn't let her be alone at a time like that. I'm meandering back to my other thread now, shout if anyone needs anything.

It was lovely thanks LBM great to get away again after a week at work and now getting back into it slowly!

LovelyPear know just what you mean about emotions hitting you after a few days...the night we left the hospital I was weirdly giddy, laughing and joking - I think it was the shock and the relief of it being over..2 days later I crashed right down.

Cupoftea glad your dh has been sorting things out for you and wow- GracieGirl you're definitely the right person to have around in a crisis

Hi Cupoftea Hope you're coping ok and the pain is passing. Take care.

Littlebellsmum don't think hormones are anything to get excited about. It's a tear tomorrow since my beloved gran died and think it's more that than anything else. How are you? DH out that you're on MN?!

Hello to the rest of you lovely ladies

Cupoftea - hope you are feeling better now. The guidance from my Red cross trained husband and my gp the next day was if you loose enough blood to pass out - that is too much and you should go to A&E.
Mine was 10 + 5 and complete and the main, painful bit happened when I was home alone with my 5 yr old. I can so relate to you not wanting to move - by the time dh arrived home from work, I was reading far more bed time stories than normal and just couldn't leave my " nest" on the settee. And when I did ( apologies for tmi!) - it was just horrible, blood everywhere. I then spent about 2 hours on the loo, in tears. Luckily, dd had been taken to bed by then and didn't have to watch.

Neeko - very tearful? Sorry to hear about how hormornal you are being. ( from the non symptom spotter!)

Love to everyone else - Cupcakefairy how was your holiday?

cupoftea I hope the pain has subsided a little now. Reading your posts just now brought it all back to me, it's such a horrible thing to go through.

Don't feel at all embarrassed about asking your DH to come home from work. I did the same and was glad I did as I needed the support and didn't want to be alone with DS. Glad that you had Iggypiggy and GracieGirl to help you out too.

Just look after yourself now and rest if you can. I didn't realise how much it had taken out of me until 3 days later when I felt sick and exhausted from trying to carry on as normal. Not sure if it's recommended, but I found drinking guinness with dinner helped me feel more human!

Cupoftea good to hear DH is home and you are getting parents support too. Northampton general staff sound nice and very helpful. Iggy is right about watching how often you need to change your pad, obviously not an exact science so ring the clinic back if you aren't sure about anything.

Just about to nip out for 2 hours, I'll be back later to see how you're getting on.

cupoftea cross posted - that's really good xx

cupoftea is a really miserable time, hope your DH gets there soon.

I could also feel the blood loss - I did read somewhere (and graciegirl might be able to confirm this? or might have better info?) that you need to watch how often you need to change a pad. If it's once every 45 mins then you might need to go in. I changed quite a few times, then it settled down to every few hours quite quickly - so I didn't have to go to hosp.

I think there are only 2 things to avoid - tampons and baths!

I really wished I'd had a hot water bottle - so maybe that would be good? I felt v. cold.

Graciegirl Is good having a dad who's a Dr - but not sure about a DH - the hours they work!

Ok, I have rung the Gynae clinic. They were great, very reassuring. She got out my notes and said she remembered me with the no heartbeat, heartbeat, no heartbeat scenario (great, already have a name for myself!)

Anyway, she explained that 3-4 hours of intense pain is usual, after that, or at any point where I feel I am not coping then just to go in and they will have a look. In the night she said to go straight to A&E. She is keeping my notes out on reception in case I need to call back. I'm loving NGH at the moment, they've been very helpful.

Dh is ringing his mum now to explain the whole situation (we hadn't told any parents about the pregnancy yet) and I think he's asking if they can have them over night.

Has your DH made it home yet? Having a doctor for a DH has its advantages except for when you have a miscarriage they are too busy looking after other people 90 miles away to come home and hold your hand! (sorry grumpy episode over with!)

Cupoftea just trying to find my advice sheet I was given at the hospital about how heavy the bleeding had to be before you should seek medical advice. Can't find it, I didn't bleed with my MMC until I got to hospital for my D&C so didn't take much notice of the advice sheet. At least it sounds like you have a 24hr alternative to A&E in Northampton, as A&E can be a bit of a nightmare, so you can curl up on the sofa and see what happens.

Wow GracieGirl- what a star! And how lucky having a doc for a dh to give you advice. Yes my hospital is NGH and I think I might ring the gynae ward, just to explain what is happening.

Iggypiggy- by the sounds of it, you were in lots of pain too It's like a kick in the teeth- your baby has died AND you get to be in loads of pain

I have now taken 2 ibruprofen and 2 paramol (paracetamol and dihydrocodeine), have hot water bottle, still in PAIN. When I move (even on the sofa) I can feel the blood loss.

My DH says there is an Emergency Gynae Clinic at Northampton General but he's not sure of its opening times. How's the bleeding and pain doing?

cupoftea I have to be honest and say the pain I had on easter sunday was dire but my body was clearly trying to get something out - and the pain eased alot once I passed something quite big (sorry for tmi).

My Dad is a Dr and my mum a Nurse - so i had on had medical advice as was staying with them at the time. My Dad prescribed a large glass of wine (works for period pains too!) and i just stayed on the sofa - pacing a round a bit from time to time to ease the pain.

Not sure if that helps? I was quite lucky and would say was only 3 or 4 hrs with the worst pain - then it settled to sort of milder cramps and lots of bleeding. Am sure we all different tho.

Hugs to you xx

I'm afraid its a bit of a postcode lottery, you get a different service in each hospital. Now i assume your nearest hospital is Northampton General hospital? My DH works there as a doctor. Just rang him and he says to go to A&E if bleeding is heavey or the GP walk in centre next door to A&E is open 24 hours a day and they could admit you do the gynae ward if they thought it necessary. Who arranged your first scan? or was it your routine dating scan?

What would they do at the EPU in terms of a check up GracieGirl?

Cupoftea I'm pleased to hear your DH is on his way home, you need more than a 22 month old and us lot on Mumsnet for support! If you think you need to go in for a check up do it before the weekend starts as no doubt it will get more complicated.

Sorry for the TMI by the way ladies!

Thanks GracieGirl- yes I am bleeding quite heavily now. It's so horrible. I feel really embarassed but I've asked my dh to come home from work I'm due to collect my little girl from nursery in half an hour and right now I cannot bear the thought of moving. I've also got my 22 month old who follows me into the bathroom asking, 'what's that blood? You sad mummy?' It's not fair on her to see so at least if dh is here he can take her to the park.

Cupoftea are you bleeding too? Do you need to ring your early pregnancy assessment unit? Try a nice warm bath. I'm here to hold your hand.

Cupoftea you poor thing. Take paracetamol too, get a hot water bottle and snuggle up on the sofa with your duvet.

I'm in so much pain. I've taken ibruprofen but they haven't touched it yet. I'm curled up. How long does this last??

Becks so glad the procedure went well. That's so sweet what your dh said.. mine too keeps reassuring me that we will appreciate our children so much more now.

I noticed a huge change in my mood once the bleeding was slowing down too so hang in there girls
I had 7 days off work. But thankfully for me as it was over the Easter period I only went back to a 4 day week, then had another week's holiday already booked. I couldn't have gone straight back into it all otherwise. Take as much time as you need cupoftea*

*Iggypiggy I too will be so stressed with worry if/when I get pg again...but that's why we are all here to hold each others' hands

Thanks for the hugs. Feeling a bit better today.

Neeko sorry you feeling sad - I had a couple of very good days - then was very sad again - is so up and down

Becks130 I think I cross posted with you yesterday - so didn't see your message - glad the physical side of the D&C was ok. I totally understand about how awful you feel - I couldn't see myself ever being happy again last week - I do think that there are ups and downs - has only been a short while for me and I've still noticed that some days are better than others - but the beginning bit was the worst. have hugs xx

Bluemoon sending you sticky vibes - I can imagine I would be totally the same if Iget PG again - I will worry so much xx

Cupoftea I went back to work too early - you def need some time. I went back on the Thurs after the MC on easter sunday - I had to take Friday off as was far too tearful etc. Have found this week a bit better. xx

I am hoping so, its probably just me being paranoid. Its weird, this time me and bf are almost ignoring the fact i'm pg, so if things are ok it will be a bonus. Feeling a little bit lonely cuz of it though, i want to tell everyone!

Aww hope you are ok, it does come up and hit you when you think you are reasonably over it, even i had a cry to myself last night about the past bean and the new bean. Sending you a big hug and hope that doesn't make it worse!

Pains could be ligaments stretching?? I'm sending you lots of sticky thoughts just in case but feel you won't need them. Rest lots and stay positive. I'll be here if you need me!
I'm very hormonal this week. Spent a LOT of it in tears. No idea why this week should be worse but hoping it ends soon.

hello girls and sad welcomes to the newcomers, this thread really helped me, i wish i'd found it sooner.

hi neeko i am a bit worried, i've been having some pains, but cant get in to the doctors til next week. no bleeding though so i am hoping that is a good thing. i've told no one, want to know things are ok this time, you lot are just priveledged to know first! and hows things with you?

Hi everyone. Well done to Becks, physically the worst part is over and you will find coping mechanisms for the emotional side - one of which is us! I don't know if it helps but my nephews were told that their gran had gone to be a star when she died and they accepted this. I think you'll have some uncomfortable questions from your DS for a while, but at 3 he'll hopefully forget in time.
Cupoftea I had eight work days off work, went back for seven as I knew the Easter hols were coming up, then had hols and I'm now back at work. I teach and found while in the class I was ok, but other staff were difficult to deal with. Actually struggling a lot this week but don't understand why that should be.
Hi to everyone else. Bluemoon Hope your symptoms are going strong

Becks, the Miscarriage Assoc have some downloadable sheets and one of them is about how to talk about it to your children - it might be worth a look.

Talking to Children about Pregnancy Loss

Oh Becks its just not fair is it! big hug. We're all here to hold your hand.

I feel so sad, It feels like a nighmare that just won't end. I haven't had much bleeding at all, it's almost stopped.

My biggest fear is telling my DS who is 3 years old, I didn't want to tell him until after my 12 week scan just in case this happened but my GP let slip so I had to explain to him at 9 weeks that I was pregnant, now I have to try and explain that i'm not

Cupoftea have as long as you need off work. In the end I had 4 weeks off, everyone is different. My first week I had the scan on the monday and found out baby was dead, was sent home to miscarry, nothing happened so had ERPC (D&C) on the tuesday of the following week. I then had 10 days off following my operation, I felt dizzy for a while and wasn't physically or emotionally up to work. I've worked there for 8 years and have only had about a week off in all that time so I told myself not to feel guilty about it. Also I'm an A&E nurse and so I have daily contact at work with people miscarrying and also those who go into labour apparently not knowing they are pregnant, as well as other pregnancy complications, so I didn't want to go back till I could look after these people properly how they deserve to be looked after. They don't want their nurse to be crying in the corner!

Becks well done for being brave and surviving today.

Cupoftea - I would take the weds and Thurs of - you need to give yourself time.

Thanks iggypiggy -I could do with a lifted mood so I hope it stops soon

I'm glad it went well Becks, that's great that you were home so soon. How are you feeling in yourself? Is your dh okay?

What does everyone think is an okay time to have off work? Might sound like a silly question, but I'm not sure what to do. I was meant to be in my placement school yesterday and today, but I'd already taken both days off as I had the scan yesterday and was predicting bad news.

Problem is, I am due back in hospital on Monday for a scan and the D&C if necessary. I don't know how I am going to feel afterwards? I will probably be fine to go into school on the Weds and Thurs, but I don't want to go in and feel emotional and make an arse of myself when this is a new placement. Uni have said do what I want, but I don't know what I want.

Jacanne my mood lifted considerably from the day the bleeding stopped - so am guessing that is when hormones settled? I still feel sad - but is not quite how it was when was still bleeding. xx

Thank you for all your supportive messages, it's really helped. The D&C went well so I was home by lunch time. The emotional sides ie much harder the physical side. It was a little harder when they gave me a leaflet about the anti D and your baby

cupoftea I hope your doing well, my thinking is to take one day at a time and as my husband has said our dreams haven't been shattered they've just been delayed. Lots of hugs to you x

Hi everyone - hope you're all doing okay today. Sorry to see you here Becks .

I'm feeling pretty down today and also very irritable - keep snapping at my dds which isn't fair on them. The bleeding is still quite heavy and I'm so sick of it all - think I should have had the surgical mangament again - would all be done and dusted now.
Do you still have all the hormones while you are bleeding or do they stop before that?

Hi. Becks really sorry to hear you news. I agree with evrything that Gracie said about D & C exceot I only bled for 36 hours after. It does help with closure but I'm sure you're aware you wont be "over" it for a while to come. Take care.

Iggy I know exactly what you mean about the MC flooring you... you just don't expect it will happen to you. Was talking to my Mum last night and she said she just took all us kids for granted (she had 4 and no miscarriages) but this has made her realise to really appreciate your kids and she knows I will when I have one.
And I agree about the grieving thing too...you almost don't think you 'deserve' to be grieving but then something happens that totally takes you by surprise and you get low again, and realise this is definitely genuine grief we are experiencing. It's so hard. Hugs!

Becks hope today has not been too horrendous for you.

Becks I had a D&C in February for a MMC at 11 weeks. It doesn't hurt at all. You are under anaesthetic and wake up when its all over. I had to have pessaries vaginally a few hours before the operation to dilate my cervix (though my friend who had same operation in same hospital 4 weeks later had to take tablets instead). The dilating of your cervix then happens gradually over a couple of hours and depending on how quick they take you for your operation you will start bleeding. The will be asleep for about 45 mins and usually wake quite quickly afterwards. Afterwards I bleed quite heavily for 24 hours then like a normal period for just over a week. Then pain was slightly worse than normal period pain but not horrendous. Depending on how determined you are to escape they will let you go as soon as you've pee'd, walked, ate something and passed wind! (so sneak some of your own food in if you don't like the hospital stuff).

One of the benefits of a D&C compared to others I have spoken to is that you know when you wake up that your baby is completely gone, its sounds awful and trust me its a terrible thought but you don't get weeks of worrying whether you'll pass it at any point.

Becks - I'm holding your hand today, let us know you you get on.

So sorry you both joining us cupoftea and becks130 as you were both on the Nov thread with me too.

becks130 When I knew I was having an MC I asked lots of people about D&C vs. Medical management and everyone was very positive about how D&C was ok (in awful circumstances obviously) - the thread is here

Although i had only been trying for 5 months to concieve - it seemed like forever and the PG was so wanted - the MC completely floored me, in a way I never could have predicted xx

cupoftea I agree about grieving - although oddly I kind of hadn't thought of it as grieving, i have just been feeling so terribly sad - almost without reason - although I know the reason... v. hard to explain.

Anyway - hope you all ok xx

Becks I'm so so sorry, and so sad to see yet another familiar name from the Nov thread I hope more don't join after their 12 week scans ...you must be feeling horrible.

I had medical management for my mmc which was sooooo painful, but I hear the d&C procedure you're just out cold and wake up with it all over so I'm sure you will be fine.

Big hugs!

Hi Becks- so sorry to hear your sad news. It just floors you, doesn't it? I only found out yesterday too, even though I'd suspected for 3 weeks.

It feels strange, grieving for somebody you never knew and had only known about for a couple of months, and yet the pain is so real. It's like a double loss, as the baby is gone and so are your dreams for a new future.

I havn't had a D&C, my last MC was natural, and this seems to be going the same way. At the hospital they told me that it doesn't hurt though, and the whole procedure is over in an hour.

Best wishes for today, and I'll see you on here when you feel like talking.

Sorry I forgot to say that i see a few from the Nov thread, i hope your all doing ok x

Hi,Can I join? I found out yesterday at my 12 week scan that I've had a MMC, baby died at 7/8 weeks. I am so sad and finding it really hard to deal with. I have to go in this morning to have a D&C, I can't bare to wait another few weeks for it to happen naturally, I just want it over so that I can try and move on. The hardest thing for me is the thought that I'm not going have the my little angel that we tried so hard to conceive, it took over a year as I suffer from PCOS.

Has anyone had a D&C? Does it hurt?

oh cupoftea...i'm so so sorry. the due in nov is the first thread i've ever hidden on here, it is just too painful to see it keep popping up...

it does get easier, is very up and down, and this thread is a life saver...

cupoftea so sorry to hear your news. I've been following your progress for a little while and had been really hoping it would all be ok for you.So for you that it's not. I hope you are coping ok and letting the grief out. I know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better, but know that we are here for you. Be kind to yourself and deal with it in anyway that helps.

cupoftea sorry to hear you are having your second miscarriage. Stay on this thread, everyone will look after you.

cupofteaplease I am so sorry that you're joining us here, but of course you're more than welcome. Three weeks seems a very long time to be dealing with the possibility of a mmc - it must have been incredibly hard for you.

I have found this thread and people here to be very supportive, and felt good that I could just rant and people would understand. I'm so sorry that this is the second time for you. I hope you find some comfort here.

There are a few of us here from the Nov thread now. Hopefully we can stick together and hold hands in November to get through it.

cupcake, I know what you mean about not being ready emotionally yet. I'd like to take some time before we start ttc.

I think my bleeding has stopped today . I will wait and see though as my body has been surprising me a lot lately. I'm feeling ok - it's a gorgeous day and so trying to remain positive. Hope everyone's well xxxx

Hi- is it okay if I move over here to this thread now? I was meant to be 11 weeks tomorrow, but I finally had my slow/mmc confirmed today. I had suspected 3 weeks ago this would be the outcome of this pregnancy.

This is my 2nd mc and I remember it being very hard emotionally last time. Not looking forward to the crashing hormoness...

How is everyone doing? I recognise some names from the Due in November thread- I hope you are okay.

Thanks LovelyPear I know I do just worry way too much about everything! Temp was down today so really hope it stays that way for a bit...then goes up nicely for ovulation! Don't think DH and I will properly ttc this month though; I would quite like to see clearly on my charts that cycle is settling first. Plus I don't quite feel emotionally ready for that yet.

Neeko I have had a peek in Onwards and Upwards, there certainly is a lot of ovulation knowledge in there! To be honest, having used Natural Family Planning for 3 years I am pretty good at reading my body and will be able to tell when I'm ovulating...just so hoping it happens soon I don't want more trips to the docs!

LBM how horrible seeing your friend like that. I found it bad enough just men I didn't know walking towards the maternity unit with car seats, all ready for their newborns

Hope everyone is feeling ok this morning.

littlebellsmum what awful timing to meet someone you know who has just had a baby

I cancelled my 12 week scan - but was meant to be on 1st May. Am actually bit worried about the EDD and how I will feel , but that is a long way away.

Jacanne that's good that you called the EPAU - hope it stops soon tho.

lovelypear sorry your bleeding still carrying on - there's no general rule for how these things happen it seems - everyone is different - which is so frustrating because I want to know when i can expect my next AF etc etc.

Bluemoon glad you doing well

Neeko I know what you mean - yesterday I was like that - up and down.. xx

hello everyone

thanks for asking neeko i am doing good, but very tired and very scared, hoping my bean is hanging on. your dh sounds lovely, the chain was such a nice idea.

jacanne and lovelypear hope things get sorted for you soon, its feels like the bleeding will never stop, but it will eventually.

waves to all the other girls xxxxxxxx

Evening ladies - yes Neeko,I'm sneaking a post in but then he's watching Sharpe which I'm not too keen on !!
Good to see you can still post even though you're now at work. Your dh sounds lovely!

Cupcake, Lovely pear and Iggypiggy - great to hear from you. Hope the day is going better. I actually had my 12 week scan which wasn't nice, especially as I met a friend on my way out of the hospital who was the proud father of a 2 hour old baby... Needless to say I didn't visit and lied about why I was there!!

It does get better - I do still feel sad about what I lost, but it's managable and life goes on pretty well.

Hi. jacanne Hope you're coping ok. It's the most awful thing in the world but it WILL pass eventually.
Lovelypear Keep an eye on that bleeding and make sure you mention it at scan. The day you are supposed to have your dating scan is awful. Glad to hear you've done something positive.
cupcake Girls on onwards and upwards know lots about ov after mc and are very welcoming. Just ask! Be like me and keep a foot in both camps
bluemoon how are you keeping?
LBM are you still getting grief for being on MN? Hope you're doing ok.
I'm feeling very up and down today. Can't believe how oten the hormones take you by surprise. Tomorrow will be a better day <fingers crossed>

Evening everyone. Bionic and Neeko. Both your stories are lovely and very moving. I think it's so important to remember - every time I look at the rose bush we planted I feel so sad, but happy that we'll have roses year after year to remember our baby.

Cupcake, try not to worry too much. Your body is bound to be adjusting still after the mc, so this month may not be a typical one ovulation-wise. I do understand though, it's so hard not to worry, isn't it.

Jacanne, I've had more clots today too, even though my bleeding slowed down to brown spotting a few days back. It feels so long and drawn out now - just want this physical reminder to be gone! I have a scan on 27th so will wait until then to ask the doc.

I've been a bit wobbly today as I should have been having my 12 wk scan, but I had a lovely day out with friends in the sunshine, so trying to stay positive.

Thanks Iggypiggy - I phoned the EPU and they said that it was probably just the blood picked up on the scan and I have to keep an eye on it - oh and no work tomorrow either.

Bionic I nearly cried too that is so sweet of your dd! Yesterday was the first time I have managed to keep it together talking about the m/c... all other times I have started welling up but yesterday talked to HR manager about it and he was very kind, saying I could have my leave as compassionate leave.

Feeling a bit down today though. I chart my cycles so take my temp every day and it hasn't gone down yet since the m/c over 2 weeks ago which has worried me; it's usually much lower than it is at the mo before I ovulate....which then sends me into a panic of 'oh my body still thinks its pregnant' and 'I'm not going to ovulate' and (as always) 'we'll never have children' just so worried.

Neeko so lovely about your pendant. My DH said before mothers day that he'd buy me a present for it if we were pregnant by then... we were but by the time the day came round we were so worried about baby it felt like bad luck to be buying anything to do with babies. We have bought a little something to remember our little one by though.

Have been lurking a little over at Onwards and Upwards but don't quite feel ready for it yet!

Maybe is just a bit that is left then? Guess it should stop fast if it is? maybe go to Dr is continues longer than a day?

I had one day after the m/c - they said it was complete - just some blood clots to get rid off - tbh I thought that they had come out in the days immediately after because I did pass some more clots then.

Jacanne Not sure if normal - but sounds like your body still has stuff to get rid of? Are you going for a scan at any time? x

It's been 9 days since my m/c and I have just started bleeding quite a lot, have passed a coupld of clots and have some period like pains - is this normal - I thought it should be stopping soon?

Bionic that's so sweet - think it would have made me cry tho! But to be honest - it doesn't take much at the mo!

Neeko that's lovely about the pendant... such a nice idea x

Morning.Big waves to Bionic Glad you're back with us. Your DD sounds very sweet.I could feel myself welling as I read your story.
I think the thought will always be with us. My DH bought me a beautiful chain and pendant as a belated Mothers day present last week (I didn't think I was a good enough mum at the time to deserve one ) It has a tiny diamond in it like my tiny baby and everytime I touch it I remember. It's nice that he (convinced it was a boy) is close to my heart.
Life can be so cruel, but we're strong (and becoming stronger everyday)
I hope you all have a day with some hapiness in it today.

Bionic - your daughter nearly made me cry too! I don't know how you didn't!! I would expect to think about what you lost a lot- I still do, it doesn't hurt so much but it's still there

Congrats Bluemoon am so thrilled for you - hope bubba continues to hang on in there.

Haven't been on for while as needed space and also life been real busy both social and workwise.

Find that I still think about baby most days - and kina feel it daft that I am, but at same time know it's early days.

My little girl put a lump in my throat earlier as when I picked her up from nursey she has drawn some pictures for me and gave me one saying, "Look Mummy I drew our baby for you so you won't forgot what our baby looked like." Was on verge of tears but managed to hold it together and gave her a big hug and kiss. Her keyworker look like she was going to cry too!

Anyway hope all you ladies are doing ok. to any newcomers am sorry you're here with us, but this bunch are a good bunch to hang out with for support.

BlueMoon You are welcome to lurk on the other thread, most the people on there (like me) aren't pregnant yet but there have been loads of BFP's this month. Its a lucky thread!!

hi everyone, thank you all so much for the congrats

i am obviously worried silly!

gracie i hope to join the other thread soon, just going to sit quietly in the corner til i know things are ok....

BlueMoon its great to hear you are pregnant again, I wish you all the luck in the world. Don't feel guilty for having happy news, I can imagine how worried you are feeling now. Have you looked at the Onwards and Upwards Emmsys thread? There are lots of newly pregnant people on there who have all previously had miscarriages.

That's amazing news Bluemoon congratulations! So pleased for you. Also you birthday is the day after mine!

My bleeding stopped on Sunday (yesterday) - so that was 2 1/2 weeks from the initial spotting and exactly 1 week from the MC.

cupcake glad you had nice break - although can imagine spending time with a 11 month old might make you a bit

I am feeling 1000 times better today (which may be temporary) but I don't care - am going to make the most of feeling better. I had a lovely weekend, should never have come into work last week, so glad i took Fri off. Now ready to deal with work again.

hugs to all xx

Sophable didn't see your message last night but yes, my DH and I are so much closer since the mc too...he has been v affectionate and we are just generally being very clingy at the moment (in a good way!) so that is definitely a good thing about all this. (I find it's helpful to look for positives...for example, my little goddaughter had chickenpox last week and I wouldn't have been able to go anywhere near her had I still been pregnant....small consolations.)

Huge congrats, Bluemoon! Brilliant news. xx

Bluemoon - fantasic news! Hope is great thing on this thread. Lets hope there's more soon - Neeko.....

Hi ladies, we're back from our lovely hols. It was a great week and very healing for me. We also spent lots of time cuddling our lovely goddaughter who is 11 months which was sooooo lovely ...I practically cried seeing my DH with her he was so cute can't wait for one of my own!

Hope everyone's ok, have tried to catch up a bit- bluemoon congrats, amazing news and gives us all hope
BonyM I stopped bleeding Thurs, exactly 2 weeks after my medical management so that was a relief, but for the first week I was still passing quite large clots.
Iggypiggy hope you're feeling a little better, Know exactly what you mean about wanting people to know and not wanting them to know! It's s hard. I've told a lot of people recently and it has actually been quite therapeutic (and incredible how many of them have said 'oh I have one too' or 'my mum/sister/aunt ha one'...it really is so common, sadly)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi, and sad welcomes to all the newbies

ladies hi.

bluemoon wow! fantastic news.

i still can't stop eating!!! and get sad several times a day.

but it is much better then it was. and dh and i are very close atm which makes everything feel better.

night night sleep tight

Any time Night night.

i'm glad it wasn't just me then!

i am off to bed very soon, thank you for looking after me!

Have a list of phantom symptoms the length of my arm
Sending you lots of sticky thoughts. Now get to bed woman, you need LOTS of rest!!

i know, its hard not to build your hopes up though isn't it, i'm sure i was imagining symptoms when i wasn't pg yet (!), but its good that you are keeping positive

yes this will be our 1st (if he/she sticks this time)

Thanks BlueMoon I'm trying not to build my hopes up as I know it's early days to be TTC again. Congratulations again. really hope you'r beans very sticky. Is this your 1st?

neeko i found out on 4th feb (day before my birthday ) that i had an mc. i had one af between mc and finding out i was pg. i never expected it to happen so soon, i was hoping but didnt think it would happen!

fingers crossed for you neeko it will be your turn soon i hope

That was a nice thing to do.I hope you are feeling ok. How long has it been since your MC?
I think I'm on 2ww. Had a +ive on opk last week and still no sign of AF since MC (It's been 5 weeks since ERPC)so fingers crossed she's not coming at all. I know my chances are slight, but...

thank you neeko and how are you?

i haven't told anyone yet apart from bf of course, but i wanted to tell you ladies because you have all been there for me and i will never forget all your support and kindness. i wanted to give you all some hope from someone who has been in your shoes.

BlueMoon So pleased for you! That's wonderful news and I think this thread needs a little hope.
Hope you're sitting with your feet up, relaxing and smiling to yourself. You must think positively and take it all one day at a time.
I hope you'll post on the onwards and upwards when you feel ready as there are a few newly pg ladies on there who know exactly how you are feeling.
Congratulations again.

Hi to everyone else.

thank you jacanne

i know its a bit cheeky to post my news on here, but until i know for sure everything is ok i think i will still loiter around here if no one minds....

Bluemoon - that's wonderful news and I'll keep everything crossed for you that your little bean sticks

hi girls, sorry haven't been on in a while, i have actually been reading all your comments just not posting. i was here in spirit

apologies if i upset or depress anyone; i found out on weds that i am pg again but am torn between being stupidly excited and being really scared for my tiny bean. its only very early days so i am desperately hoping this time is the one.

jacanne i bled for around 10 days, it will stop even though it feels like it won't.

waves to all the other girls xxxxxxxx

I'm with you there - pads are horrid! Hope it stops for you soon too. xx

I know what you mean, it's like a constant reminder that you don't really need and I loathe wearing towels. I think it actually might be slowing a little today - it's still really pink though.

I hope yours stops soon LP.

hi Jacanne, it's been nearly 2 weeks for me and in the last couple of days it has slowed to brown spotting. Can't wait for it to stop!

Hi Jacanne
Mine went on for 10 days...
I don't think there's anything to worry about yet

Hi everyone - I hope you are all feeling okay and haven't had too bad weekends.
Does anyone know how long you tend to bleed for after a non-surgical m/c. I don't remember it going on for this long when I had the ERPC. It doesn't really seem to be getting any less and it's been 7 days now (though not getting any worse either).

Thanks LBM, I'm sure you will be pg again soon. Both DH and I are v much looking forward to the bd ban being lifted !

Scorpio, hope all went well with your DH?

xx

LovelyPear - pleased you had a good day, yoga, biscuits and crap telly sounds like a good plan.
Your need to be pregnant again is completly understandable - I remeber it well, I didn't want to be only 1 w pregnant, though, I wanted to be at the 10 weeks I was when I lost the ( unplanned) LO. I'd be about 19 weeks now..... However, onwards and upwards, I;m not but given a bit of luck and lots of bding, we will be and soon!!

Take care of your self

Thanks Graciegirl. I've had quite a positive day today so feeling optimistic tonight . DH is out this evening so I am going to do some yoga and then watch telly and munch biscuits.

Hope everyone else is ok? It's v quiet on here lately...

LovelyPear you don't sound callous at all, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Its a normal reaction to a miscarriage, to be desperate to be pregnant again but scared to death of how you'd cope with being pregnant again. Its just over 2 months since my MMC at 10wks.

Sorry iggypiggy, I meant to say hope your migraine gets better soon. At least the weekend is coming up, hopefully you'll be able to rest and we might get some sunshine to cheer us all up. xxx

Morning all. Gigglewitch thanks for the teletubby hugs , I'm so sorry to hear they're talking about hysterctomies .

I still feel low - I'm really spotty and tired, and just feeling sorry for myself (sniff). I can't stop thinking about all my pg friends - 5 so far - and how I so much want to be pg with them.

I'm so confused. Part of me is desperate to be pregnant again straight away, but another part of me is so scared of it all going horribly wrong. The thing is, this baby was unplanned, and I was completely shocked and scared to discover I was pg (DS was nearly 12 mo at the time). We had planned to try again nearer to Christmas '09. But now I'm just obsessed with having another baby, and I feel so guilty for ever doubting whether I wanted the lo we lost.

Before all of this happened, I was perfectly happy to wait until Christmas before we even thought about trying again! Sorry if that sounds callous, as I know many people here have been trying for a long time.

Giggle just popped back to say hello and join in your group hug!

Waves to everyone else - remember us oldies are still around on the Emmsys onwards and upwards thread, you can always shout us if you need anything. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/736693-emmsy-39-s-onwards-and-upwards-part-2-more-good

Morning iggypiggy Hope your head feels better. Try to do something you enjoy today and see if it will help to boost your mood.

Morning all.

giggle reading your post made me so - things are rubbish aren't they xx

Lovelypear that's horrible - you don't need reminders like that.

Neeko thanks for suggestions - will see how I feel on Mon - have decided to tell someone at work - which oddly may help a bit.

Today I have said I have a migraine - which is actually true as had one last night (rarely get them - usually stress releated). So still feel bad from that anyway.

Hope you all have an ok day x

Aww Giggle My heart goes out to you. There's really nothing I or anyone can say to make you feel better. Just know that we're here for you and that there's no thought or emotion that you can't voice on here. I hope time helps you to deal with what must surely seem the cruelest of losses. Be really good to yourself and allow yourself to grieve for what might have been in any way that wotks for you.

yet more hugs to all of you - big teletubby style group hug methinks

iggy you gave me a lump in my throat - I want to be your boss and just let you go home when you want to.

scorpio and LBM, we're still travelling along this long shitty path together eh... I really feel like I know you in RL.

jacanne - lots of people knowing means lots of support. Hope your DD understands enough to have hope as well as the inevitable sadness. Neeko and LP - one day at a time, hope tomorrow will be better.
soph - I need to catch up on your posts a bit, find out where things are up to.
such a shame we are all having such a shite day (or two?) but hey ho at least we're all doing it together.

As for me, no more beans. They're talking hysterectomies and things are generally quite rubbish. Am indescribably grateful for my dc, getting each of them was a long and scary road, and even if it were possible (which it isn't) I would not be mentally able to do all that again. Hence why it's taking so long to "get over".

Hi ladies. Just a quick post to say sorry you're having a bad day.
at midwife Lovelypear. How awful. As if the whole thig isn't hard enough.Hope you're ok now.
Iggypiggy I had a week and a half off although doctor would have signed me off for longer. I only went back when I did as I knew I had 2 weeks holiday coming up. take what you need off and tell the boss you're grieving. Make up some auntie if you have to. Or how about sore back or sinusitus? Just do what's necessary to keep you sane.
Jacanne Good luck with the school run. The news will have gotten around but to be on the safe side lie as low as you can for a couple of days.
Sending you all a big hug and I don't care if it's not MN! (So there!!)

Ah Lovelypear that is awful - how crappy that they didn't sort that out for you. I'm not suprised you were upset.

Iggypiggy your boss sounds like a flipping nightmare. I'm not working now, but when I got married my boss was exactly the same. But he was a sexist, bald, middle-aged salesman (not that I'm bitter )! It's crap that your female boss can't be more understanding. Just confide in whoever feels right when the time is right.

Jacanne your dd sounds like a little sweetheart! It's so hard telling everyone but hopefully as Neeko says people will be very understanding.

I had a call this afternoon from a midwife at the birthing centre trying to arrange a scan. I was pretty shocked and explained that I had a mc. She was very apologetic and I was in tears as soon as I put the phone down. I thought today would be a good day, but it's turned out to be a bad one.

No need to apologise - I hope you have a better day tomorrow and take it nice and easy - are we allowed to send hugs on this thread - I know its not very MN.

Is hard to explain re: my boss... she will be ok about it in terms of me taking time off etc. But she will be unable to help herself from asking me continually if I am pregnant in the future and will start favouring the others as she has a real thing about people getting PG. She has asked me if I am pretty much every month since I got married...

Is v. hard to explain... she is a strange person... has no children and is single - 20 yrs older than me and obsessed with work. She lives to work.. and doesn't like kids. She won't mean to favour others - she won't be able to help it.

Anyway - can't go in tomorrow - have to take day off... might just tell them I have food poisioning.

Apologies everyone - am having bad day - rambling etc. xx

I had a week off the first time - I'm only working one day a week now so I won't have to work until next Weds. Just found out that my DH(who luckily had this week off as a holiday) has been given compassionate leave for next week if he wants it. Part of me is dying to have him home but I also think I need to try and get on with things.

Iggy Piggy I would tell someone at work - your boss if you can - there's a leaflet that the miscarriage society for employers that you can download. Can't believe that someone could give you a hard time about this.

Lots of people knew about this one because we told my dd (who is 6) after the first scan - she knew stuff was going on but not what and was very anxious - lots of tears at school - we decided it was best to tell her what actually was happening because I think she thought I was ill. Anyway she told everyone that we were expecting so I am going to get a lot of comments come Monday - have tried to tell everyone that I can via email and FB. I just need a big sign now that says "I don't want to talk about it!"

There is one person I might tell. But not my boss - she won't understand and will be cross with me anyway (illogical - but that is another story!)

Did any of you have much time off? I haven't had to take any so far as have managed to fit everyhting into the holiday time as I was off till today...

I don't know if it helps you but I have told lots of people. I find that everytime I say it I accept it a little more and people have been so understanding. Keep your chin up (as my gran would have said!)Take care.

Not long to go now until 5pm - if you can stick it until then. Maybe you'll feel ready to confide in one person soon. It's always worth getting a bit of extra support if you're comfortable with that. xx

Am trying to think... but I guess I might be able to hang on till 5pm - then call in sick tomorrow? Am totally torn between wanting to tell people so they will understand and wanting people not to know so they treat me normally...

Sorry you feeling bad too is rubbish isn't it. xxx

Hi iggypiggy - is there someone there you could tell? I'm sure they would understand... If not just make up an excuse and head home. Poor you.

I'm feeling crap as today I have heard that two more of my friends are pg. Of course I'm happy for them but it's harder than I thought it would be.

Want to go home from work - not sure can deal with it but can't as haven't told anyone here.

Morning all!

Scorpio good that you Dh will be home today

Neeko how are you?

Giggle sorry you feeling so low - it sort of comes and goes fro me - but is always rubbish.

I am feeling bit low today as am back at work and have time to dwell...

Morning Scorpio Hope you have a lovely reunion and DH suffers no ill effects from his op.

Giggle - love to you, allow some sad time but make sure you have some happy time too.

Soph - DH does thai boxing (fights in shows and is ranked, very serious he is about it!) and went to Thailand to train with the Thai's and with some other friends, so holiday and gym time really. He hsould be home today.

Hi Giggle. Sorry to hear you've been so How long has it been now since your last mc? I really hope you're starting to feel a bit brighter now and that you'll soon have a sticky little bean of your own.
I know what you mean about crying for your LO. Know it's not the same thing but found myself in floods of tears at Grey's Anatomy last week. A child died and the doctor claimed that the only way she could cope with her job was to turn away from the tiny little coffins and make plans for tomorrow. Guess that's what we're all trying to do in a way. I was in floods and can't bring myself to delete that episode from my Sky + - Sad eh?

have caught up now. Hugs to you all.

The up and down goes on for a very very long time, sometimes more up than down but still no apparent logic to it. You're all strong women, you prove it in every bit of insight that you put in to this thread, and we'll all get through this together. Just so crap that it has to keep happening. Agree with the theory that some are just not Sticky and something's wrong. Doesn't stop us looking for every bit of stuff we allegedly did wrong and every flippin opportunity to blame ourselves. I am currently blaming myself for having antibodies in my blood and the mc's twenty years ago when nobody had bothered finding out that i needed anti-d and others...

Can't believe how long it is taking me to 'get over' this one - if you ever do. Went to a funeral last week and totally cried my heart out, and I knew it was for the lost bean as much as for the lady who died. Takes some figuring out.

Hi Neeko - yes, very well actually, just about to raid the dc's egg supplies!!

scorpio shit! what a horrible shock!! i'm so sorry you and your dh are going through this...why was he in thailand...sorry i don'tknow your story...poor poor you...

so sorry to hear your news jacanne....that is awful, thinking it would be fine and then finding out it wasn't...

my ds is 5 y o. i have a big problem...i CANNOT STOP EATING! literally stuffing food all day...i've put on 5 lbs and counting and on top of all my sadness feeling stodgy and rubbish isn't helping at all nevermind that i can hardly squeeze my jeans on! when will it stop?

Hi Littlebellsmum. Hope you're well today.

Evening ladies - Jacanne, really sorry to see you back, I remember you as the good news story earlier. Take time and chocolate and you will get through it. And yes, I did blame my self too - I don't any more mind, have come round to the view that it wasn't meant to be but it has taken time
Scorpio - what a horrible return home for you both and you were counting down the hours. Ah well he should be home soon?
Giggle - glad to see you again! How was your holiday and how are things with you? Is everything back to "normal" yet?
Hi to the lovely Neeko, Lovely Pear and Iggypiggy

Welcome back Gigglewitch. Hope you had a great holiday.

hi all, been away on hols, just found you again so going to catch up with all the [millions] of posts...
Hang in there girls, there probably is a light at the end of the tunnel but we must be in the fourth carriage

Evening everyone. Scorpio, so sorry to hear about your DH - it must have been a blow to hear that after so long apart. Hope all went well today and that he can be back with you soon.

Jacanne, I know completely how you feel - I have been avoiding most friends and less-than-immediate family as I don't quite feel ready for the real world just yet. It's also hard not to blame yourself, but you mustn't torture yourself like that. Easier said than done though - I have been doing it too...

Sophable, I'm glad you managed a good day out in the park. My evenings are usually quite sad, as after DS goes to bed I'm on my own preparing the dinner until DH gets home. My days are generally quite good, although only because I'm so busy with cheeky chops. How old is your DS?

We spent a lot of time in the garden today which was lovely. Seeing a good friend tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that. Hope everyone else is ok xxx

Scorpio Sorry bout your DH. Know how excited you were to see him. Hope he's ok and he gets home soon. Hug to you.
Jacanne My baby was 9+1 and I didn't find out until I was 12wks. It's horrific to know that your baby had a real beating heart that stopped and as a Mum you feel you should have known the instant that it happened. I think you have to believe that a sticky bean is meant to be so and a non-sticky one is not. Your baby will forever live on in your heart and it's no one's fault. As my DH said to me, it's not as if you were bungee jumping or anything. As I said before, allow yourself to grieve and take comfort in the georgeous DC you do have. Sending you big hugs.
Hi to everyone else. Hope you're having an up day.

Scorpio poor you - I hope your DH is ok and back with you soon. Lots of love xx

Jacanne so sorry for your loss. I also have been blaming myself - wondering if the hot tub I had before I knew I was PG was to blame - or the alcohol I drank after I got a BFN on a PG test (which three days later was a BFP) made a difference etc etc. I have also been worrying about the exercise I did. But probably it wasn't any of that - it probably just wasn't meant to be.

Glad you had a better day Sophable

Hope everyone else is ok? xx

Jacanne - so sorry And yes, i blamed myself - i had dyed my hair 3 weeks before coming pregnant, i had sex when i knew, etc. NOTHING and i mean NOTHING you did caused it.

Not seeing DH today.

here just putting it here so i dont have re-tpre, i dont expect any love as you all have so much going on, iykwim.

Soph - its very up and down, very much so. allow it.

Thank you Neeko.

Can I ask something else - I know that it is a common feeling, to blame yourself but I keep thinking that I really must have done something wrong - at 8 weeks the baby was exactly the right size and there was a heartbeat - it wasn't a blighted ovum- things seemed to be going well - I just keep wondering that if maybe I hadn't had those 2 cups of coffe a day, or if I'd just stayed in bed the day after the first scan or, well lots of things really. I didn't blame myself the first time - that pregnancy never really got started but this time was different because of that heartbeat.

I also had such strong symptoms, right up until the beginning of last week - I've never been so sick or tired in a pregnancy and the two weeks after the pregrnancy apparently ended were the worst. I really don't understand what went wrong.

Hi Jacanne so sorry. It's bloody awful isn't it? I too wanted to hide away and just talk to people on MN as thought only they could understand. A month further on I'm starting to feel stronger. It's important to let it all out wherever and however you feel most comfortable. This is very real grief. Please be kind to yourself.

I'm very sad to see so many people here - so sorry for your losses too.

Hello, can I join you. I posted a while back about bleeding at 8 weeks and having a scan and seeing a heartbeat. Well I started bleeding again at 12 weeks and another scan showed that the pregnancy must have stopped shortly after that first scan because there was no growth or heartbeat. I was and am in a state of shock - they told me, after the first scan, that it would probably all be fine because of the heartbeat and I let myself believe that - didn't think I could be one of the 5% it goes wrong for. I was readyish at 8 weeks but at 12 thought that everything would be fine, left DH at home looking after the children and went on my own . Well it happened on Sunday night and a scan on Monday revealed it to be complete so I don't have to go through any more hospital visits. I had help from Lovelypear and some others when it was all happening.

At the moment I'm kind of hiding away - doing things with my family but avoiding people I know - does anyone else feel like this - I just don't want to talk to people and it was the same last time I miscarried.

Hurrah for a good day - and yes, Sophable it is very up and down!

good day today. lovely day in park with ds and friends. sad evening. it is very up and down isn't it?

Scorpio - how many hours to go!! Enjoy tomorrow and how every he is home for , rest enjoy and bd as much as you can!!

Iggypiggy - my last day was a big loss day too, then it just stopped. Hope yo uare ok as can be.

Soph - hoping you are having a good or at least better day today

Well DH will be home tomorrow, I can't wait, i really can't.

I agree with neeko - I think we were all in denial for some time. For me, there was a bit that thought/ hoped I was still pregnant untill my 12 week scan of nothing.
Sophable - good to hear you have found the cave and are having a better day today - good and bad days come and go. Hang on in there and there will soon be more good than bad days

thanks neeko for asking. a much better day today....

Hi Lovelypear and Iggypiggy. I think every woman who has ever had a mc is in denial. Surely it's the only way we cope as the full story is too much to bear? Glad to hear you are both talking about it in RL. It's definitely better that way.

Hello iggypiggy. Sorry to hear you went through it all yesterday, although I'm sure like me you feel a little bit relieved that the worst has finally happened. Completely know what you mean re being slightly in denial. I still feel a little that way tbh! I'm almost scared to think about it too much in case it completely crushes me. Just make sure you're looking after yourself, as I was so completely wiped out a couple of days after my mc that I thought I might have an infection (I didn't).

I'm still feeling really flat and low, although I'm busy with DS all day which is a distraction. I find myself feeling guilty if I catch myself smiling or laughing with DS. I can't do anything right!

Hello all - sorry that you joining us soph biut is a lovely thread for support - just horrible circumstances.

scorpio I hope you feel better soon - and that film helped xx

lovelypear I know what you mean about wanting to talk about it alot - I am doing that with my mum and sisters - poor things!

BonyM Sorry you still passing large bits of stuff... hopefully will all stop soon.

My news is that it finally happened yesterday afternoon - today have hardly any bleeding after loads yesterday (and passing sac and some clots etc - sorry for tmi!) plus the worst period pains have ever had - but they disappeared and am feeling ok now.

Not sure how I feel at mo - slight denial I think. Especially as am not5 at home.. will be shock when am.

Have a nice time Scorpio. Hope yesterday was the last down day for a while.
Sophable how are you doing today?
BonyM Hope your mood is starting to lift a little and that you have sunshine where you are to help you on the way.
BlueMoon Hope you've had a happy easter.
I've been quite positive lately. Spent a long time cuddling my baby nephew yesterday which is positive. Still feel a bit sometimes when I see a newborn of pg lady, but definitely beginning to look forwards more often that back. Our time WILL come.
Big waves to everyone else.

thankyou all I fell asleep at about 9pm but feel much better today. Going to my parent's house later for roast, so i will have some comapny today

Evening ladies. don't have much time to post tonight but wanted to welcome Sophable and send Scorpio a big hug. Hope you're all doing ok. Will catch up soon.

Evening ladies. don't have much time to post tonight but wanted to welcome Sophable and send Scorpio a big hug. Hope you're all doing ok. Will catch up soon.

sorry you're having a bad day, scorpio. sounds like a good night's sleep is just what you need, so good idea to get tucked up in bed now and take your mind off it all with a film.

sounds like your dh was a little bit insensitive to say that, but men are rubbish sometimes, and as he's far away he's probably even more useless than normal at getting how you're feeling right now. well done you for having the kids on your own for nearly 3 weeks - I'm not surprised you're feeling tired and hormonal! hope your dh will give you the spoiling you deserve once he gets home.

my dh finds it hard when I want to talk about the mc all the time, as I think men deal with these things completely differently.

look after yourself in the next few days. hope you get a decent sleep tonight. xxx

i kind of don't 'get' Russell Brand, just its a nice film a world away from my world at the moment, iyswim.

poor you, horrible that you're alone with the kids and feeling like this...

are you going to let russel brand soothe you??

x

WELL - you have asked now, lol

I am home alone with my 3dc for 2.4 weeks - DH is living it up in Thailand and i am starting to resent him, to the point of ignoring him he is home on wednesday. in the childrens defence they have behaved beautifully like always.

I feel all hormonal and want to cry alot and the last day or so ttc & mc has hit me like a brick in the face. Then DH said to me on the phone today that things are nice how they are, but we can still ttc. i was so mad as it felt like he was being shite on my mc'd baby, iyswim?

Also i am very lonely this last couple of days. and so tired, had NO sleep last night. Going to get in bed in a sec and watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall on box office.

scorpio, feel free to vent about your bad day as i'm here and it helps me to hear it

Soph - your body has physically as well as mentally been through alot - you will still be recovering and should rest a little bit more I even felt jelly legged a week later.

having a bad day today

i went running today for first time in over a month, just for 10 minutes, and i nearly fainted!!! was totally dizzy and had to crawl (embarrassing) to a park bench.. i can't be that unfit, is it cause of preg hormones. i'm sort of assuming that because i've done a preg test and it is negative (hospital made me do that and phone them) and have finally stopped brown spotting that all is as normal. is that not right?

slightly better day today, but dh is very wary of me so i must be partic scratchy. he isn't in fab place either tbh.

Morning all. iggypiggy glad to hear you're ok - I was getting worried! Sorry to hear about your fall, and that you're still waiting for things to start happening . Hopefully you won't have too long to wait now.

Hi sophable, I saw your other thread too and so I'm glad you've found your way here. Completely understand how you're feeling. Just give yourself time - it's still early days.

bluemoon, sorry you've been poorly! Hope you're making a speedy recovery now. You must have been sneezing v hard to bruise a rib!

bonym, I also have a bump still, although it is going down slowly . It's so unfair that our bodies take so long to recover! Hope all goes well with your mum today. I'm hoping that I never have to talk about it again with my MIL, as she ALWAYS manages to say the wrong thing. Neeko I'm glad to hear yours is more understanding! I'm sleeping a lot too - afternoon naps and all, and DH is really helping out with DS so feeling v lucky on that front.

I went back into hospital on Sat morning, as I was feeling really nauseous all the time, and just completely wiped out. I was worried about an infection, but they scanned me again and confirmed that the baby had gone , there was just a lot of blood still to come (sorry tmi). Apparently it's normal to feel that awful after a mc. I'm feeling better now, although like BonyM just generally flat and gloomy and on the edge of tears all the time.

Phew, sorry for the huge post! I feel better knowing that we're here for each other. Hope everyone can enjoy Easter Sunday xx

Hi all, not been on for a few days.

Sorry that you are having to join us sophable - I have just been reading your other thread and can completely empathise with the comfort eating and putting on weight thing. Although all my pg symptoms have gone now after medical management on Tuesday, I still look pregnant . Big fat tummy from eating too much chocolate but am finding it so comforting.

Emotionally I think I am feeling a bit better - haven't cried much since Tuesday but feel very flat and gloomy. I'm finding it really hard to muster any enthusiasm for anything at the moment and feel I just want to sleep. Poor dh has been up in the mornings with dd2 every day since we found out about this (letting me lie in until about 9am) and I'm feeling guilty because he could also do with a rest. He's been looking after me so well and yet he's feeling so down about what's happened and is just soldiering on.

iggypiggy - I hope it's all over for you soon, although I think it can be a couple of weeks before it's completely done with. Although they didn't let me out of hospital until the sac had gone, I'm still (4 days later) passing largish bits of stuff (sorry if TMI) which has surprised me. I guess it's normal though.

Sorry so many of you have insensitive MILs. Mine doesn't know what's happened as we are not close