Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing misscarriage #New Thread

(243 Posts)
Adventuregame Thu 11-Jun-15 17:51:59

The 'Headwreck and Hope' thread has helped a lot of us who have gone through miscarriage from innitial fears over bleeding and cramps to the procedures and aftermath. A new thread was needed before the old one filled up so here it is. Any questions, worries and hand holding then this is your place. Hoping the ladies on the old thread find this one. stay strong. You will get through this.....

strawberrycrumble Thu 11-Jun-15 19:50:34

Hi, thanks for doing a new thread, I have received lots of support this past week on the other thread, it really has been invaluable. I miscarried on Sunday at 11 weeks after finding out there was just an empty sac. Still really struggling with it especially waking up in the mornings and forgetting for those first few seconds what has happened, then it hits all over again. I just want to feel a little bit normal if that makes sense but its not happening yet.

Tftpoo Thu 11-Jun-15 20:19:21

Thanks for the new thread adventure. Like strawberry, this thread has really helped me over the last week. Things seem a bit better today although I know there will still be difficult times in the coming days and weeks. It's nice to know this thread is here.

Worried257 Thu 11-Jun-15 22:02:55

Thanks for the thread adventure. I just had a miscarriage today at 6 weeks, so it's all very raw still. Horrible to think I woke up yesterday thinking everything was fine and now I'm not pregnant.

I have a question for others on the thread - how did you decide when to try again? We are going to give ourselves a bit longer to come to terms with the loss before we think about it properly but it already feels so daunting. I desperately want to be pregnant again, but I don't know how I can face TTC.

mmegateaux Thu 11-Jun-15 22:44:40

Glad to be here on the new thread. Things seem to be happening very gradually for me. Today I had excruciating cramps for a short time before a lot of blood and stuff came out. Then I felt better again. Is it normal for it to take place over several days, does anyone know?
Genuine warm hugs to you all. This is such a particular kind of hurt we are going through.

Adventuregame Thu 11-Jun-15 23:02:16

Worried there is a Trying To Conceive after miscarriage thread that I'm on if you want the link. Some people try again as soon as the mc is over, some wait for one complete cycle and some a little longer. After my mc all I wanted was to be gp again but I've chilled out a bit now and just seeing what happened. It's a choice only you and DP can decide. When you're ready I guess is the most important ?!

Adventuregame Thu 11-Jun-15 23:04:10

mmega it's different for everyone from what I've read. Mine was 2 days of spotting then horrendous contractions which ended at A&E on gas & air and even then I hadn't actually miscarried - my body did not want to let go. I had an ERPC 4 days later.

Purpleprickles Fri 12-Jun-15 20:30:14

Hi all just popping in quickly. Today has been ok so I'm going to hang onto that.

adventure thanks so much for the new thread I'm not ready to say goodbye yet.

Hugs to all xx

Tftpoo Sat 13-Jun-15 08:05:40

Glad you had an ok day purple. I thought I was going to have a horrible day on Thurs - a week since the scan where we found out and the day we were meant to have the dating scan - but it actually wasn't too bad. My twins are poorly though and they were so upset yesterday. There didn't seem to be anything I could do for them, they just cried inconsolably and it made me so sad again last night, sad for them that they are I'll and sad for myself.

Purpleprickles Mon 15-Jun-15 18:03:16

How is everyone? Bad day here, feel like I should be "over this" but I'm not. Does anyone else have mad emotions, I'm so up and down its exhausting? I feel like I'm not dealing with any feelings but I don't know how to deal with them.

Adventuregame Tue 16-Jun-15 09:51:36

Purple when I had my check up scan 2 weeks after erpc the consultant said I'd been very brave about it all which had no douby helped me through the physical side but he warned me that now the hard part would start. He said that for 2'3 months after I would experience times of sadness or moodiness and generally feel low out of the blue. He said you just have to go with it.

Adventuregame Tue 16-Jun-15 09:52:52

Spelling : Doubt not douby and 2/3 months not 2'3 !!

mmegateaux Tue 16-Jun-15 13:28:57

Purple that's exactly how I feel. I want to just 'get over it' by sheer force of will but I don't think that's possible. I've got a leaflet from a local pregnancy loss counselling service but I haven't plucked up the courage to phone yet. I wonder if it might help me process some of the feelings. Not sure there's a right way at this point.

Tftpoo Tue 16-Jun-15 18:16:18

Hi all. It's so bloody hard, isn't it? I also am willing myself to get over it, convincing myself it's a normal part of life for many women which sometimes works and I feel ok but sometimes it's just so painful. The only thing that helps me at the moment is the thought that it is so painful because another baby would be the most worthwhile, precious thing in the world to me. Got to keep believing it will happen. Not sure if that makes sense...

FraggleRock77 Tue 16-Jun-15 20:08:44

Some support needed please. I'm a week on from a 7 week scan with no heart beat. I've had no bleeding and I've got another scan on Fri before a D&C. It's driving me mad now. I feel in complete limbo. I'm also worried after reading another thread that i won't be offered the op hmm

Tftpoo Wed 17-Jun-15 08:19:06

Hello fraggle. You're doing so well, the waiting must be just awful. Huge hugs to you. I don't know why you wouldn't be offered the op, the hospital were happy for me to have it after finding no heartbeat after 9 weeks, there was no discussion once I said that was what I wanted. Is it to do with how far along you were? If they are reluctant for you to have it I think you have to say that is what you really want and push for it and they will have to do it (unless there is a good medical reason not to).

I had to have three scans in the end before the op although I only had to wait three days. After the first one where they told me what had happened I asked that they didn't say anything to me at the next two, just get on with what they needed to do. I didn't want to hear for a second or third time that my baby had died. If you'd rather they didn't say anything at the scan on Friday, you can ask the sonogrpaher to just get on with it. At the second they offered to show me the screen - I declined but again, it's up to you and whatever you feel might help you deal with the situation.

Take care of yourself, I will be thinking of you over the next few days xx

FraggleRock77 Wed 17-Jun-15 08:27:41

Thank you Tft for your kind words. I hadn't thought about asking the sonographer not to say anything. I had already decided that i wanted the screens turned off so i couldn't see.
I'm only 7 weeks and i read another thread on here where the women was refused at that stage. It's all just hideous!

Tftpoo Wed 17-Jun-15 11:17:47

I think the NICE guidelines are to leave it 2 weeks and let nature take it's course (probably because it's cheapest for them) but for some women (myself included) that would just cause additional emotional distress. If you are insistent that you want surgery I think they should do it. There was no mention of guidelines when I had it done, they just accepted my decision and got on with the arrangements. I hope you have a similar experience, this is bad enough without having to worry about fighting your case for surgery. If you need advice or reassurance on this, it might be worth trying the Miscarriage Assocication website or helpline, they were so helpful to me when I called, even though I burst into tears on the phone!

FraggleRock77 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:53:41

Thanks for your helpful info and kind words Tft. My stomach currently feels like a washing machine. I feel sick and tired. Maybe it's starting!

mmegateaux Wed 17-Jun-15 14:41:54

Hugs to you both tft and fraggle. I've been keeping busy but when I stop I feel tired and low. Am eating all the sugar.

Billi77 Wed 17-Jun-15 21:00:52

Hello, am so sorry for all your pain, Had a 8.3 week scan yesterday and small embryo present with no heartbeat. Had booking appt today with midwives only who referred me to EPU for another scan tomorrow and filled me with false hope about not being able to tell at 8 weeks, etc have had no spotting or bleeding and still have all the symptoms. Even cravings. That and near catatonic sadness.
Will opt for D and C to get it over and done with so I can move on and Ttc as soon as possible.

FraggleRock77 Wed 17-Jun-15 21:45:52

Sorry for your loss Billi. It's all just hideous. I want it over too so we can ttc ASAP

Billi77 Wed 17-Jun-15 22:11:16

So hideous.

FraggleRock77 Wed 17-Jun-15 22:28:08

Are you 38 too? I just ask in regards to the 77. We have a wonderful DS and I'm freaked out about my age too and conceiving again! confused

mmegateaux Wed 17-Jun-15 22:58:24

I'm 38 too. This was my first pregnancy.

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