Facing pregnancy alone?

(1000 Posts)
thedogsrolex Thu 12-Jul-12 18:30:46

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 11:00:36

Heehee I have my CSA forms ready to go, in case of any trouble!
Are we sure they either aren't the same guy or aren't closely related grin

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 11:01:37

Oh no- I hope she doesn't look like him. Once the most handsome man on the planet to me, but now closely resembles a meerkat!
I don't want a baby meerkat! blush

angelelle Sat 28-Jul-12 11:14:07

Ha ha I know, well I think babies often look like their fathers at birth but then change and become a mix of both parents. Yes of course I hope that I am not going to be haunted by his face for the rest of my life (although will still love her). I think a lot of these men are related. Scared, immature, spineless etc etc smile Seems to be a lot of them around. Shame I had to pick one!!

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 13:42:36

And me!

SwissArmyWife Sat 28-Jul-12 18:58:46

There must be a club, or a website where they all get together. "Twatsnet" - latest thread - "left my pregnant partner today, what's a good Xbox game so I can blank it all out?"

Just discovered today that my xp went out and got drunk last night, which really angered me when i'm stuck at home with my DD trying to do everything. I got really angry with him, I couldn't help it. I hope I made him feel guilty though.

Finally DD is in bed, after a very long day, so I'm going to crawl in to bed and eat cake and try not to think about everything.

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 21:37:28

What a pig, I got that and pictures of him draped all over girls on Facebook. You would think he's the least likely bloke on the planet to do this too? I bet the others are too?
<off too google twatnet>grin

Pickles77 Sat 28-Jul-12 22:26:19

Seems mine met someone else and they've gone on a nice jolly weekend away together.
I don't want him but it bloody hurts. One minute your up the next your down! See grin

SwissArmyWife Sun 29-Jul-12 07:09:02

Oh pickles what an arse, how long has it been since you split? Couldn't imagine how i'd/I will feel if/when mine finds someone else. I don't think he will for a while, not with a baby arriving in three months, but the thought of it makes me feel sick.

When is everyone due by the way? And have any of you got a plan on how to cope when your baby arrives?

Also have no idea about the birth, my mum was my birth partner last time but this time round she'll be looking after DD! He told me he wanted to be at the birth but I just don't know if I want him to see me like that...

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 07:49:53

Well he finished with me at the beginning of June over the baby. Devastated. In some ways I still love him but I know now I love who I thought he was.
Im due 28th September. My best friend is coming along but in a way I'd like to be alone. He says he doesn't see the big deal about being at the birth! I don't think I want him seeing me like that so I think I put on my birth plan to keep checking with me. I think I'll let him in for the final few seconds. But then again I don't want him ruining my first few moments with my DD. still trying to do the right thing by the twunt see!!!smile

SwissArmyWife Sun 29-Jul-12 10:00:18

Sounds like a rebound relationship to me! Men are good at those.
I still love mine too, and he said this would have been so much easier if he didn't love me, but he does. But I think this break up will be good for us, I can't imagine the stress of being together and arguing constantly with two children to raise. It's a massive shame as we connected in a way that neither of us had ever experienced. Guess it just wasn't enough though.
Maybe by the time the baby arrives we will have both calmed down a bit, but i'm not holding out any hope.

I think you should just do what feels right for you at the time. If he doesn't see it as a big deal, don't have him there. Otherwise it'll be disappointing for you, if he's there and doesn't share your excitement. When I had DD her father was there, but did nothing to help, sat and played a game on his gameboy, and when i'd had her I asked if he wanted to come and say hello but he shook his head and walked out. It was massively disappointing and would have preferred him to not be there at all! (This isn't the same ex by the way lol)

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 10:10:41

Well I know we will come out on top in the end grin let him have his rebound. It bloody hurts though. Glad I deleted him on Facebook so it won't get rubbed in my face.
That must even harder yours admitting he still loves you. I know mine doesn't he told me that its because of who I have become(standing up for my baby!)
Oh no I think it might be no men at my labour... You just put me off lol grin

angelelle Sun 29-Jul-12 11:22:44

Good morning. Just to add my two pennies worth. Mine went into a new relation when I was 3 months pregnant, and I did get it rubbed in my face. I don't think I have ever known a pain like it. We had already broken up when I got pregnant to be fair but we were still in a sort of relationship ie hanging out, having sex, talking on the phone....so to be abandoned at pregnancy felt like shit. As far as I know they are still together 4 months on sad I am also at the point where I don't think I could take him back due to pain of him totally turning his back on me but it is hard when you have feelings for someone. However, todays news!!! I think I said in another thread I had let him know I was leaving for my mums to give birth, just a very short text message as I felt it was the right thing to do. I got an answer at midnight last night. Asking me when i was coming back and then talking about the olympics!!! I showed it to a friend who said she thought it was cold, obviously I am trying to not read too much into it as I cant take much more pain. I have had this before, six weeks ago I had a text asking how I was etc, next time I spoke to him he told me his girlfriend didn't like me being pregnant....which was nice. So I am not even sure I have the strength to answer as who knows what he might say next week!!

oh well, two months to go and then all focus on baby hopefully smile

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 11:24:44

Two months smile your a week ahead of me.
Don't reply... Id leave it now and see what becomes.
How are you doing otherwise?

angelelle Sun 29-Jul-12 11:45:25

I am fine thanks, yes, not sure I will reply although it is tempting...but actually the desire to throw myself on the phone to him was less than I expected which means moving forward so v. proud of myself. Yes, I am 4th october. Physically have never felt better, had a really easy pregnancy so far although I did think I had preeclampsia the other night at midnight due to blurred vision and called the nurse hotline. They told me to stop googling things, lol. THis is when it is hard to be alone, you get that 'what if something happens, who would take me to hospital'! But in two days back at mums so then I will feel more relaxed. Its the mental side that has got me...luckily I live in a country where the streets are paved with gold for pregnant women so got a psychologist within two days of going to midwives and crying, all for free. She was OK, it was more me just chatting about feeling abandonded and let down. Also had some good friends supporting me. Had a hard time going out for fear of bumping into him and her, not what I really want to do when I have a big tummy, lol. Now just cleaning up flat as I dont know when I will be back...probably be six months though before I dare set foot in this country again! Need to get back into shape and look hot before I see him again, isnt it ridiculous how you think as a woman. grrr. Starting my NCT classes in uk next week, not really looking forward to sitting there with couple. Unfortunately my mum lives in a posh area so the likelyhood of there being any other single mums there is small but I will get back to you on this one, ha ha. Anyway, 7 months on I am kind of used to it now, i live in a scandinavian country where dads take half their share in everything to do with the kids so every time I go out I do get it shoved in my face with dads with prams etc. I am getting over it now.

How are you??

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 13:27:37

Thats good your getting support smile i worry about the pre eclampsia too! Are you excited or just stressed about your move?
My midwife has on my notes that after the birth they must try & put me somewhere alone. As it may cause me more emotional damage and stress seeing doting husbands bringing flowers and shite.
Well you know exactly what I mean?
Maybe you could mention it to your midwife?
I know exactly what you mean about the antenal classes- im dreading it too. We are in the same sort of area.
I had the hospital the other day & was seen on the ward with all the newborns. Cue seeing daddies carrying in car seats and babies out to go home. Well when I arrived at reception I was in rather a state sad. You can imagine!

Would like to say thanks to rolex for starting this thread. It's really helping me, and speaking to others is helping me too. I'm starting to feel better, stronger and happier. So thank you smile

chocoraisin Sun 29-Jul-12 17:29:03

hello ladies... just dropping in to say I now have my gorgeous 3 and a half week old DS2 with me, and my older DS1 had an amazing 2nd birthday party last week, minus his wayward dad.

My STBXH left me for OW when I was 15 weeks pregnant. I never thought this would happen to me, and it's been at times horrendous and frightening. I felt lonely, stupid, abandoned, angry, scared... I've moved in with my parents and given up my job and my home. It's been a horrible experience, no doubt about it.

BUT I thought you'd all like to know that now my DS2 is here it's just amazing. His 'dad' comes to see him for a few hours a week and sees his brother fridays and saturdays during the day, so unlike some of you with absent twunts I still have to deal with him quite a lot. But it's getting easier. Even when he acts like an utter tool (like asking me yesterday if I'd seen my solicitor and would I accept £500 cash to let him divorce me instead of me divorcing him for adultery? Um, NO you CUNT. I've been having our baby, and I can't be bought!!). I just let it roll off me now though. There's no going back and the more I enjoy these wonderful precious moments with my amazing kids the more I realise he's the one who has lost something - not me.

He's told me he isn't planning to see them at Christmas and is going on holiday with OW 'somewhere hot' instead. Do I feel sad? No. Because the idiot will wake up one day and realise that the most incredible young men he should have been raising see him as that bloke they can ask for cash from now and then, instead of the man they turn to for advice, love and support. And in the meantime we are free to enjoy our lives smile In the future I know I'll meet someone who deserves to be with me and my kids. But for now, being a single mum of two is actually bloody lovely. So hang in there if you're scared or depressed right now, because I promise you the best is yet to come - and all the while you are surviving this you are becoming the strong mummy your baby needs you to be.

Pickles77 Sun 29-Jul-12 17:31:38

choco congratulations!!!
What a twunt your exp is!!!! Your right he will realise. You sound like your doing incredibly well!!! Well done xxx

Pickles77 Mon 30-Jul-12 19:12:40

Today is a down day sad very upset. Next week it's my birthday and I'll be pretty much alone. I just feel so sorry for myself tonight, I have no one to share kicks with or show baby clothes too. Find it really hard to discuss with my parents. I know they aren't disapointed in me but it's hardly ideal.
I just feel so let down.
Sorry to post. I thought I was a lot better.

chocoraisin Mon 30-Jul-12 20:09:53

its ok I understand how you feel. My toddler just had the most almighty melt down tonight, and went to bed with no dinner (wouldn't eat anything) now my newborn is screaming bally murder with wind and won't latch. Never thought I'd be desperately trying to breastfeed in front of my dad while the house shakes with the screams of my children!

The thing is, I know deep down that my parents don't care or judge at all, they just want to help. I just wish that someone else was helping instead which is pointless! My 30th bday came and went 7 days after my baby was born too, I chose not to really mark it but my family have made me feel special anyway. It's a rollercoaster we're on and it's normal to want to get off!! I think the thing is to try and take the long view, and look to next year not next week if you can, in the long run we will get through all this and be glad we have because our kids will make it worthwhile x

SwissArmyWife Tue 31-Jul-12 11:19:52

I feel let down too, had my exp screaming down the phone at me yesterday. He left me in a complete state, all because he thought I had said something that I hadn't, and he punished me for it.

But you know what? He kind of made it a lot easier to stop feeling so rubbish about everything, because i've now seen how cruel he can be and if i'm honest I really don't want to be with someone who can be so lovely one minute and a heartless bastard the next. I do not deserve that kind of treatment, especially while pregnant. After ten minutes of sobbing I stopped and could actually see clearly.

It will still be hell for me to get through this, but i'm ready for it.

Pickles can you not arrange to see some friends for your birthday?

choco Just try and appreciate that you have your parents for help, even though it is not a position you want to be in, at least you have them.

I'm going to stay at my mums for a while tomorrow, and to be honest I can't wait. I am exhausted.

hugobobby Tue 31-Jul-12 17:21:32

hi I had a baby 10 years ago, I faced having c section on my own, went into hosp and discharged myself 2 days later, it was a struggle as i have 2 older kids, i was 41 when i had my third, i must say that i have tried to teach my kids to treat others as they would like to be treated, and to enjoy life, not materials, it sounds daft and we have and still do struggle, i have always worked and for low pay, i am very proud of my children, the eldest in final uni year, 2nd one on her way, and my youngest is still my princess. I have had no family help, and have not asked anyone to help me, i do recieve tax credit re on such a low wage, and have demoted myself and took a lower paid job to be there some of the time with my children. I can honestly say that my life has not been easy but i do not feel sorry for myself and realise that we could have a lot less, mums are strong thats why we carry and give birth. I have made mistakes in life but having my children is my greatest achievment

Pickles77 Tue 31-Jul-12 17:54:35

Thank you for your positive posts, I'm sorry I haven't posted I'm really struggling again. I'll try pick myself up and post more tonight smile

angelelle Wed 01-Aug-12 16:06:37

Hi pickles and the rest of you lovely ladies. Sorry to hear you are feeling down pickles, if it is any consolation i feel shitty today. I landed in the uk yesterday, v emotional leaving My Home of three years and not being able to shake the feeling of being sent to coventry by the father as he wants nothing to do with birth. Has now Said he wants to be informed after birth and see à photo. Anyhoot, as i am rh- in bloodtype i foolishly texter and asked for his bloodtype out of interest, dont think it makes à difference. Landed in uk thinking this is it, new life starting, fortet about him..turn phone on and text From him asking why his blodgroup is important. I didnt answer. An hour later i get à totally random text about à work thing he was dealing with!! Aghhh i left the freaking country so now it is safe to talk to me. Because i am weak i did answer but heard nothing back. I dont want him to text again as it gives me à stomach ache. Spent today punishing myself thinking about him and his gf and feeling like crap. Wish he would just go away. I know he Will want to see his dd which means i Will have to see him again in à few months. Dreading it, if i could just walk away i would feel better but i know i have to see him again and i am already worrying about how i Will react to this after seeing someone every day and then them just turning their back and then not seeing them for 6 months....i know he is the biggest nob ever but i still have feelings sad so pickles, i am too feeling crappy today, hopefully better tomorrow. Thanks for all the other posts here, this is à good thread for support. Xxx

angelelle Wed 01-Aug-12 16:10:57

And chocraisin, thanks for your lovely post. I know it Will get better. For me it is not the worry of being à single mum. I have à lovely supportive family. I just cant believe someone i put on à pedestl would do this....just goes to show. And one day i too Will get over the hurt of him treating me like shit and be so happy for My dd and he Will be the one missing out.

skyebluesapphire Wed 01-Aug-12 22:24:01

Hi pickles and choco <waves>

I know I'm not pregnant but just wondered how you were pickles and found this thread :-)

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