Nick Duerden in the Guardian - His wife "leaves me fully alone with my daughter for the first time" at 16 months!

(493 Posts)
beanieb Sat 02-May-09 23:57:03

piece

Is this normal, for a father to not be left with their child alone until they are over a year old?

pottycock Sat 02-May-09 23:58:16

god no. surely not.

TheCrackFox Sun 03-May-09 00:11:44

I actually couldn't finish reading his article as it was so self indulgent.

Glad to see books about becoming a Dad are as crap as books about becoming a Mum. I am all for equality.

No, it is not normal to look after your own child for the first time at 6 months.

Tinker Sun 03-May-09 00:17:45

Started to read that and then thought 'What's the point' - what an insult to single parents who do it day in day out.

piscesmoon Sun 03-May-09 00:33:21

It was 16 months not 6 months TheCrackFox!!
I would have thought it abnormal that he wasn't left in sole charge before 6 months.

violethill Sun 03-May-09 10:15:09

The Guardian Family section is like this every week now....total self indulgence.

No, I would have thought it's not normal for a father to not have sole charge of his child until they're 16 months. Weird. I believe in equal parenting.. but I guess that doesn't make such good copy.

spicemonster Sun 03-May-09 10:18:03

What a pathetic article

sarah293 Sun 03-May-09 10:19:28

Message withdrawn

Hassled Sun 03-May-09 10:19:44

Agree - it is sellf indulgent wank. Tiresome and boring now.

"The day, uninterrupted by the influence of selfish childless friends or alcohol, has been perfect"

The only selfish person in that piece is the author. What a twat.

giantkatestacks Sun 03-May-09 10:20:24

It was just bizarre wasnt it - though the fact that he then got steaming drunk when he was the only adult in the house sort of suggested why he hadnt been left.

And he wound me right up by saying that they had been trying for ages with no success and all the hideous stress that brings then when finally his dp announced they were pregnant he went into shock and reacted as if it was the worst thing in the world. Idiot.

Millarkie Sun 03-May-09 10:22:48

His reaction to being told of his dp's pregnancy was enough for me to put down the paper and walk away..pathetic

LupusinaLlamasuit Sun 03-May-09 10:24:30

What a twat. The missus should have decked him when he retched on the news of her pregnancy. And never mind the drinking, what dickhead gives a 16 month old a Kinder Egg toy?

Gorionine Sun 03-May-09 10:43:48

I read the article in a very different way. I saw a dad who was very scared at the idea of being a dad but has since given it his best shot. The only thing that I would really, really desaprove of was the drinking bit.

Lupus, I gave my children kinder toys to play with at this age, under supervision (and after having scoffed most of the egg myself)they NEVER put them in their mouth.

FWIW I was really exited when I found out I was pregnant for the first time but God was I terrified as well! It is one thing to think you want something, it is another to be sure you are definitely going to cope with it when the time comes.

As far as I am concerned, when a fist child arrives, it is all trial and errors for mothers as well as fathers.

spicemonster Sun 03-May-09 10:52:45

I actually am just as cross with his partner as I am with him. I get so tired of women who infantilise men like this. Why hasn't she 'allowed' him to care for his child? And why hasn't he pushed to do it?

Yes he was scared of being a dad but I can't see that not caring for his child until she's 16 months is 'giving it his best shot'. It's abdicating responsibility. Don't you think it's about time grown men started to grow up?

Hmm, I read it slightly differently in that it was the first time his DW had been away for a long period ie 36 hours and he was responsible for her routine over a day. TBH I probably didn't leave my DD1 for so long until she was a similar age although DH certainly had her for 3/4 hour periods. It is a different proposition as I still directed what happened over the day. Agree though that I wouldn't have been impressed at the drinking stuff.

violethill Sun 03-May-09 11:00:10

Hear hear spicemonster.

Behind every ineffectual father is a mother who allows it to happen.

Why on earth shouldn't the father be able to manage the daily routine with his own child? It's all common sense anyway. There's no handbook is there. I think some mothers like to take total control, and make out that looking after a baby or toddler is some huge great deal, and that there is a 'right' way of doing things. Very unfair on the child as well as the father.

foxinsocks Sun 03-May-09 11:01:04

yes I thought that too spice (re infantalising men).

though gawd knows what goes on in other people's relationships tbh

crokky Sun 03-May-09 11:06:34

Strange and boring article, couldn't be bothered to finish it. The guy sounds like a prat.

RaspberryBlower Sun 03-May-09 11:17:55

I thought the same as Bakewell. I didn't take it to mean he'd never been left alone with the child, just that the mother hadn't been away over night before.

MollieO Sun 03-May-09 11:26:31

Gosh, reading something like that makes me glad that I'm a single parent and that is a sentence I never thought I'd write. What a twat. I am amazed at his irresponsibility of being what sounds like blind drunk whilst in charge of a toddler.

I wonder why she hasn't left him in charge before. At least he has probably got what he wanted - if she reads this article she won't be leaving him to care for their daughter until she's 18.

I only got as far as the bit where he vomited on finding out that he was to be a father. Knobhead.

I am starting to wonder why I bother with the saturday grauniad at all.

FattipuffsandThinnifers Sun 03-May-09 11:35:48

I wondered what was the point of the article. Wow - dad looks after child!! Gosh that's worthy of a 2-page feature hmm

It was boring and pointless.

It made sense why it was published when I saw he's got a book out. Presumably he's a friend of the Family section editor.

SnortyBartFast Sun 03-May-09 11:35:54

but she had never gone away for the weekend.
she had always been around.
these thigns happen,
i left dh solely in charge of ds when he was around 11 months, he got stung by a wasp and dh had to ring me ... but it was only day time hours, not hte full 36.

i too was amazed when he drunk the champaynge, and the rest, and was thinking, how did they cope with the 16 month old?

I just loved the line "ipod down to an acceptable level" - so as long as you can actually hear, its fine to have headphones on while playing with your child then?

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