grieving, feeling low, trying to support lots but feeling drained......need a little something for me please.....

[Psychomum5]

sorry....shouldn;t be here I don;t think as I am not depressed as such, but I just need to let it out, and not wanting it in chat and people giving 'light' answers IYGWIM.

I am drained and low tonight.......am feeling quite rung out and not sure on my reserves.

I cannot go to DH....he is deeply grieving for his grandma, as are all the children and me, but I feel as tho I don;t have the right to feel this bad.

couple of insensitiv comments have come in.....one from my aunt, one from someone I thought a friend, now feeling utterly crap about ((Flame, if you are reading.....tis P.....text crapness))

anyhoo.....am needding to pull me out of this slump and need something for me, so this really feels quite self indulgent.....but.....I want to continue supporting and I know that to do that, I need something for me.

help

[mehdismummy]

hi. Why are you feeling blue? Nobody expects you to be superwoman everyone needs to have time just not to be the happiest person on the block. You have alot going on at the moment. Sometimes just talking helps.

[Psychomum5]

oh..I am ok really.....just very drained and not sure how to replenish me without the wine.

I need to sleep, but then, I also need to MN too!!!

my heart hurts......I have never ever felt grief like this before...and I feel so much guilt for that....I never grieved like this for my uncle even tho I did love him....I guess I never felt connected to him like I have to DH's grandma.

and I feel as tho I am taking something from DH if I cry like I want to

[berolina]

dh may be very touched if you show the depth of your grief, and hence your love for his grandma.

Holding hands and having a good old sob together might help both of you.

My deepest sympathies for all your loss.

[wrinklytum]

Psychomum you are feeling like this.

Give yourself TIME to grieve

Have a large glass of wine,go and soak in a bubblebath and have a good cry.Often a good cry can help

Sending a big virtual hug >

Must go now,work beckons and I have been procrastinating on mn xxxxx

[Psychomum5]

thankyou both.

I am just.....oooh.....I don;t know....in need for me I guess without wanting to ask from others that I know would give but I cannot ask....

babbling I know......my head is a little jummbled.....head hurts, throat hurst from the holding of tears, heart hurts, body aches (cramp still won;t go)!

[mehdismummy]

grief hits us in different ways. Of course you hurt. Somebody you love and feel connected to has suffered. I am so so so sorry. Grieve because its normal its part of who you are and probably why your husband married you. It wont help keeping it bottled up it will eat away at you until you will just suffer in the long run. When my dad died i put it to the back of my mind. I saw him in his coffin. Nothing hit me that he had gone. I have suffered ever since for it. Your dh loves you. You dont need to hide anything.

[Psychomum5]

thanks

I guess that I am scared that if I start, I won;t stop

the children need me to be strong.....DH needs me to be strong....he has always been my rock, and I have needed him to be my rock a lot.....how can I not be his rock, the kiddies rock....I can;t let them down.

[mehdismummy]

nobody expects you to suffer though. Crying will help. Wait to the kids are in bed. Your dh would not want you to be in pain. If she were with you what would grandma say to you? She has not gone she will always be with you because you had such a strong connection.

[Psychomum5]

I know....logic and heart says it....there is a teeny gremlin on my shoulder tho.

HUGE

DD1 and DD3 have just been out and said they have seen great grandma sat with great grandad sat on the moon having a honeymoon as they have not 'seen' each other for 22yrs.....they seem more at peace.......why can I not have the innocence of children, it seems so simple and they seem at so much peace for what they ave 'seen'!

[Squirdle]

Oh honey! You know I know how you are feeling. It was the same as this when C's dad died. I loved him like he was my own dad, but had to stay strong for C and A. I needed to grieve, but they needed me to stay strong too.

Grieve though! I stayed so strong that it hit me hard a few months later and it didn't do me any good at all.

You are so strong and supportive for your family all of the time, you CAN fall apart sometimes.

Big hugs for you, S and the children and rememeber you know where I am.....x x x x

[Squirdle]

Oh and I know from the last post you will be saying 'Pot..Kettle etc' but I know what you are like cos you are far too much like me!

[Psychomum5]

oooh...skirdle.....thankyou

I need a physical hug that cannot come from S as he needs me strong

[Psychomum5]

Squirdle!

[mehdismummy]

are you on msn? Children find it easier to let go because they dont have hang ups like adults. The gremlin on your shoulder is just your fear of letting it go.

[berolina]

Giving expression to grief is - and generates - its own strength.

Can you and dh just cling to each other for a while?

[Squirdle]

Go and give him a hug and he will hug you back. Tell him how sad you are, he needs to know. He loves you and wouldn't want you to be strong for everyone else at the expense of yourself. You CAN grieve together.

She was obviously a very wonderful lady.

[Psychomum5]

dh has gone out.....a 'freind' came and took him on a BBQ hunt.

am here, girls in bed with a dvd, boys in bed with a dvd....I am with MN!!!!

am appreciating this tho,I have to say....

[Psychomum5]

Oh, and wine

[onlyjoking9329]

i don't think it will hurt your DH and kids to see you cry in fact it may make them feel that it is ok to cry.
Sending you a hug at this sad time, don't feel that you are not allowed to be upset you have lost someone special.

[Psychomum5]

OJ, thankyou.

I want to cry (I have a little, but I seem to stop it before it becomes a sob IYGWIM), my throat HURTS

[mehdismummy]

cry and post! Talking helps. It sounds like she was a very special lady perhaps thats why you were so close. Kindred spirits? Seriously what would she have said to you if she was still here.? She is at peace with her beloved dh. She knew you would be ok.

[Doobydoo]

So for you.NOW Seems like a good time to cry..ifykwim...if you are worried about sobbing uncontrolably in front of your family try and have a damn good sob now.I have done that before and will do again.I t will not do your family any harm to see you cry too.but if you are worried about not being able to stop...do it now! or in the bath.Please don't be so hard on yourself.And there is nothing wrong with the wine

[Squirdle]

OJ is totally right, you are human, you are sad and sad people cry. It's good for children to see you are not immune to sadness.

And children do cope with loss so much easier. A decided not to go to his beloved grandads funeral because he didn't want those memories. He wanted the memories of him cycling through McD's drive through for a milkshake and being wheeled up their lane in a wheelbarrow when the lane had flooded...with a torch to light the way. I loved the way he put his explanation of not wanting to be at his funeral.

And OJ, you truly are an amazing lady. I read your thread from time to time and your courage and strength amazes me x

Psycho, wine is good. Crying is good. And MNing is good. I have to pick up Al from his first gig soon, but like I say, you know where I am x

[Psychomum5]

why dod no one tell me that crying in new glasses is a bad bad thing

but crying.....feels good

[Squirdle]

It lets it out, and it does help. I've been crying too much too today...scary, sad meeting last night