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Original poster

Getting DS ready for boarding school, what did you do?

229 replies

smilesandsun · 07/08/2015 08:27

Hi,

I'm trying to prepare ds as best as possible for boarding school. Looking for any sweet ideas to make the transition less stressful.

I'm making a little photo book as a surprise. We're talking about it little and often in a very positive way (which it will be).

what else should I do?

OP posts:
DarklingJane · 07/08/2015 08:42

Smiles

You might find this thread interesting.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/education/2392137-Thread-For-Boarders?msgid=55941722

housepicturesqueclub · 07/08/2015 08:42

Ring up and cancel, its 2015.

Original poster
smilesandsun · 07/08/2015 09:09

housepicturesqueclub thats a very pointed view, where did that come from?

I'm certain its the best choice and will give a great opportunity to my DS thank you.

DarklingJanet thanks :) i'll take a look

OP posts:
3nationsfamily · 07/08/2015 09:19

Have him pick out some new bedding and posters/ pinboard to take to decorate his personal area and make it special.

daydreamnation · 07/08/2015 09:20

How old is he?

Theas18 · 07/08/2015 09:26

I don't know about a surprise photobook. If he's feeling homesick I'd imagine that might just remind him of all h'es missing! Absolutely plan and make one with him though.

How old is he? I assume 11 or 13? And has experience of being away with school a few nights etc.

Personally I'd big up good stuff whilst not pretending that he wont sometimes want to come home and that there is a safety net for this ( what ever the school do- does he have constant phone access, or have to call at set times? etc). Make sure he knows the safety net and how to access it - and ultimately that if it really doesn't work it's not the end of the world and he can come home BUT really has to give it a year or what ever unless there are issues that mean you would pull him out immediately ( I'd also say that to him do he knows that if something really dreadful happens you would drop everything for him- maybe next time there is an abuse story on the radio or something)

happygardening · 07/08/2015 09:45

My DS who's boarded from 7 took some photos with him (not a surprise album) his brother the dog me and DH, his pony etc. He also took a teddy bear, he also chose then a new duvet cover etc and dressing gown and pyjamas. 10 years later he still chooses a duvet cover and he also chooses particular towels, shampoo tooth paste shower gel.
Most important thing be positive believe your doing the right thing, ignore housepictureseclub and they'll be plenty of other who makes comments like this most have no direct experience of boarding in 2015 and are just talking unadulterated crap. Let you DC know that you'll really miss them but don't cry or you'll just worry them.
We always make a big thing about his last meal at home before returning to school at the beginning of every term, when he was younger we often did something on the day he went back (assuming that they go in the evening late afternoon) otherwise you're sitting around all day counting down the minutes before you leave.
After 10 years of boarding the last day of the holidays is always rather hard, I still miss him all the time and get excited in the last week of the term because he's coming home another mum I was talking to the other day who's DS has also boarded as long as mine also feels the same. Boarding is a balance whilst we as parents believe that this is genuinely the best educational option for our DC's then a all is well the balance tips in favour, when we stop believing this then the balance tips against it and it all starts to become very difficult. There is no perfect education system.

DarklingJane · 07/08/2015 10:07

I have to say that in all his years the only photo ds displayed was of the dogs.

Original poster
smilesandsun · 07/08/2015 11:24

thanks all very useful I will get him to help me with the photos. I've planned outings to get dressing gown, duvet covers etc with him and making it a special day with fun things also scheduled.

He is 10 and in most ways looking forward to it I think. He's been on camps etc for weeks at a time before so hopefully it will be ok.

OP posts:
vixsatis · 07/08/2015 14:42

The most important things are to be positive about it yourself and not to cry or linger when the time comes for saying goodbye. hg has it spot on. The school should help with this- DS's prep swept all the parents off for a stiff drink.

Really comfortable bedding, teddy and some books would probably be top of the list- he'll be back home for an exeat fairly soon and will have a better idea of what he wants (which will depend a bit on what the school allows and what the current crazes are). Going back after the first exeat is a hard bit so taking back a new toy or game at that stage can be a good idea.

To be honest, I don't think I'd do a surprise photograph album- it rather emphasises the drama of separation: I'd be inclined to have him help pick out some pictures for his pin board in a low key sort of way.

summerends · 07/08/2015 16:33

I agree with everybody else.
Just let him know that he will be homesick at times but most very happy boarders will have gone through that at the start, especially when they are tired. Make sure he knows that he will be surrounded by kind people who want to know if he is feeling miserable.

Original poster
smilesandsun · 07/08/2015 16:41

thanks summerends, I agree. We've been talking about all the positive things and the things to do if he's upset or has a question or just missed home. I do agree that the school will cope brilliantly with it, they have to as they deal with it all the time I guess.

OP posts:
happygardening · 07/08/2015 16:53

Some boarders settle instantly DS2 did, but the vast majority take a couple of terms (DS1). All get exhausted especially by Xmas, the Autumn term feels the longest, the firsr couple of weeks are usually very busy because it's all new but often after that many suddenly realise what theyve actually signed up to so have a little wobble,

summerends · 07/08/2015 17:38

I think it is harder when a DC is n't starting with a group of other new boys and has to have a period of adjustment before feeling comfortable with friendships so as not to have periods of feeling like a spare part.
Homesickness can strike when they are not engaged in an activity and not feeling part of the general social chat. I am not sure what can be done to avoid this apart from having pre existing friends which of course is n't often possible.
Boarding prep schools should be very good at managing this and, as has been said before on other threads, boarding accelerates making really good friendships.

IndridCold · 08/08/2015 10:53

Don't let him take anything that he would be too devastated to lose. DS insisted on taking his stuffed Gromit, as all the others had teddies and things. It got lost and that was a mega trauma!!! Luckily we found him again but DS, now a strapping 16 year old, still gets really upset if I mention it.

housepicturesqueclub · 08/08/2015 21:12

You say "where did that come from?" as if you know me and it's an out of character thing to say. It's plain weird to 99.9% of us for anybody to want to send a child to live away from home, how traumatising. I guess you all went to boarding school yourselves? Children at normal schools in poor areas/poor upbringing have gone on to oxbridge, so it seems to me they are an "inconvience" to have at home except for holidays.

They have not signed up for anything, you signed them up, they are children, don't shift the blame on to them.

ExitStageLeft · 08/08/2015 21:24

Agree with housepicture. This just came up in my active news feed. I can't imagine anything worse than sending my children off to live somewhere else under a guise of it being better for their education.

Yuck.

Strokethefurrywall · 08/08/2015 23:44

And what do you know of the OP's situation housepicturesqueclub??
There are many reasons for wanting a child to go to boarding school that don't involve just wanting them out of your hair and the OP doesn't have to justify herself to you or anyone else. Many kids thrive away from home - pull those judge pants out of your crack.

CheckpointCharlie · 08/08/2015 23:54

I went to boarding school when I was 13 and the BEST thing for me was my tuck box, which was a silver kind of mini trunk thing.

My mum filled it with mars bars, crisps, drinks cartons and loads of other treats. It really helped me! Not just a nice link to home but I could share stuff which was good!

Also a phone card was good but I was at boarding school in the 1990s.... I suppose being able to text you if he needs you? Access to all the stationery he needs, I sometimes needed stuff that I couldn't 'pay' for.

I had the most amazing time and am still hugely close to the friends I made over twenty years ago.

YY to a duvet cover. Maybe a diary?

PandaNot · 08/08/2015 23:58

My ds has been the one to make the decision to start boarding in September. He's going to ballet school and it's an amazing opportunity for him that we wouldn't deny him, no matter how much we will miss him. No one in our families has ever boarded. You really have no clue what has led to the decision so commenting on how awful it is to 'send' your child to school is very uncalled for and not helpful.

Smilesandsun: we've been trying to talk about it casually, discuss what to do when he is missing home so that he knows it will happen. I'm undecided about photos etc, I have a feeling it may make things worse. The advice we've been given from school is little and often with phonecalls, not in the hour before bed and bring 'a little bit of home with you'. We're working on it but not quite got everything prepared yet!

SuburbanRhonda · 09/08/2015 00:00

Maybe if the OP said why she had chosen to send her 10-year-old away from home it would help.

But I'm struggling to imagine any situation where you would choose to be apart from your small child for such long periods of time.

HarrietSchulenberg · 09/08/2015 00:12

Housepicture is right. Packing children off to boarding school just smacks of wanting someone else to raise your child because you can't be arsed to do it. Or desperate social climbing.
At least, that's how it looks to everyone else, apart from those who have made the same choice as you.

JenniferClarissa · 09/08/2015 00:19

Be prepared for your DC to set the pace: I have/have had two boarders. DC1 liked lots of emails/phonecalls/being taken out for Sunday lunch by nearby grandparents. DC2 preferred to immerse themself in school, hated Skyping even though it was available (it wasn't when DC1 was there) and preferred to be in school with friends at the weekend. At both prep and senior school we were encouraged not to contact DCs for the first couple of weeks to allow them to settle in.

I won't go into our reasons for boarding, except to say it was the right thing for our family at the time we decided to give to a go, and that our (DH and my) relationships with both DCs are really close. It worked very well for us.

CheeseBaguette · 09/08/2015 00:30

Alot of misconceptions on here about boarding schools and why people opt for them.

Not all are private or academic. There are state boarding schools too.

The choice to board is not always made on an educational basis.

I have no idea why the OP and her family have opted for boarding but I wont make assumptions,judge nor expect or want an explanation.

JenniferClarissa · 09/08/2015 00:30

Re photos - DC2 had one of these picture pockets and enjoyed choosing the photos together to go in it (I would not have chosen the one of me he picked Grin)