30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

I'm going quite mental. I want to know now whether I am pregnant or whether I must pass GO and not collect my baybee. It's this hanging around which is so fucking annoying. Bof! 20 minutes and I'm off to ride my horsee.

Why thank you, MadameCamel. Something is missing though...

Ah, there we go. A selection of gin and vodka bottles is now lined up along the bar for us to consume bash each other over the head with.

aerie and skiinghorse - how's the big bad 2WOOLF? Are you still, meh, whatever, or have you PdOAS yet?

Oops posted in the wrong place - so here it is again:

Hello Beshies, back after a week of high family drama, much driving up, down and across the UK, and hospital bedside attendance. Pleased to say patient, who was in high dependency, is now on the mend. However, chances of conception pretty much ruined by the 400-odd miles between me and SFF.

Have I missed anything?

camel The Jock in me yearns to be a Loch BESH Monster... Love the titles

Welcome carrots. I'm guessing you might be a fellow ginger - there are a few here! Barman (is it still David?) A bright orange WKD for the Wotsit-head new BESH please

Whoops horsey, cross-post. So clearly not meh, whatever then.

Ponymum I am as cool as a cucumber about it all, i.e., frantically checking my gusset and sitting still waiting for something to "twinge". I ov'd day 12 this month so the droid is due wednesday. I have had no symptoms of note this month - my chin-droid-zit has not yet made an appearance and I could've eaten a horse yesterday then felt bloated. I've also been a bit poopy - but this, again could've had something to do with scoffing my own bodyweight in an extremely spicy dahl.

Casper Last month you had a v v v long cycle and as you were only a day behind me droid-wise last month I don't think you've missed your OV yet - unless of course your body has now decided to play ball and pop out those eggs when there's no chance of you getting a shag. From the hubby at least...

Someone make carrots answer the questions.

Casper That sounds horrid. Small Miss Piggy-style hiiiiiiiiiiYah to express sympathy.

David is still behind the bar; I've dusted off the Desperate Romantics for VAG; the champagne is on ice. Have I forgotten owt?

Ski You could POAS for the funs?

I POAS yesterday - nuffink. Not even wet fingers.

Oh horsey, well my advice is to wait until Wed and try to keep busy in the mean time. And if it is any use, I have had runny poo poo off-and-on since several days before testing... (niiiice)

Who has the list of questions for carrots? I only know the rude ones and she might be a little delicate.

Well I am supposed to be working but just thought I'd just pop back in for a moment and BLIMEY! It's a bit busy in 'ere. Takes me back to me old student days where when you went into the bar everyone knew your name... but there was no gin drunk, I can tell you.

OK go ahead with the questions. I can take it.

No, I'm not a ginger-headed lass. I just like carrots .

I do have a DS - does that make me ineligible to be a BESH? (Not sure I want to be a hag!!). But I do want another, and I am mid-30s now, so...

Which of you good ladies already has a DC?

hello BESHs - will you have me back???

I have overcome the insanity and am back on the gin.

Hello, I am sloping in to mark my place on the thread, even though I'm barely TTCing (technically am woofling, but honestly it would be National Lottery-chance babyPASS if I were diffed). Is cunning tactic: the less you try and the more mortgage you commit to, the more Fate steps in, right? RIGHT?!

My dog thinks she's WOOFLING; is her season, though I'm guarding her like a Victorian maiden and not letting her out of my sight. She tried to hump the puppy yesterday. and and . not sure I want a baby you can't crate for an hour or two while you get on with stuff...

carrots I am ginger too. And PROUD of it. Apparently it doesn't affect fertility.

Kim What news? Hope prune juice was signed off. [papercut]

ski yes, yes, pee sticks, schmee sticks - but what does your instinct tell you? Have you have a good ratch around your nethers for secretion clues? [concerned stupid TCOYF-woman face]

@ wildfig you mean they've not yet forced ginger haired people to not reproduce? Oh I'm so glad! My friend has gorgeous ginger locks which I've been envious of since childhood and she recently had an ADORABLE little boy. What a loss to the world when that law gets passed!

just wondering if that sounded a bit like, "well my best friend is black/gay/ginger"

But seriously, I do just like carrots. I have brown hair. Hope that's ok

C'mon with the questions already.

As I recall:

1. Do you like gin?
2. Do you have white walls?
3. Something about holes too.

Talking of, I went to the EPU, which took like 4eva, and all seems to be OK, clink clink, cheers Bitter Evil Splendid Hags. I got dildo-cammed, blimey - most action I've had for a while - and saw a blob on the screen, and they don't think it's a boil. To think Pony that you freaked out at the shaving blood.

kimdeal

1. No.
2. Yes. Want to paint them but DH thinks it's a waste of money.
3. Holes?? The mind boggles...

WTF is a droid?

BTW hello carrots Brown hair will do - but better still if you have some sort of efnic in there.

kimdeal - Thanks for the hello, and thanks to everyone for the welcome

Hmm, efnicity. Well, I did call my DS's muslins muslims for ages before I realised I'd got it wrong. Does that count?

Gah, you all type too fast, or maybe I'm just very slow these days. Actually, I am.
Now, now - carrots you have to like gin - oh actually, a freakster AKA Scorpette doesn't either. Pony will help you with the holes question. Droids are from Star Wars, and turn up in knickers.

One step ahead again! Muslins - that reminds me of that joke about Jews/juice - did you hear it? That Michael McThingy.

Oh you've probably already posted again, and now I sound like my great aunt Berta who was always about 5 minutes behind everyone.

yippee, I am NOT my great aunt Berta.

kimdeal Sorry, I just CAN'T like gin. Will white wine do instead? It's sort of the right colour, nearly!

pony sitting comfortably, waiting for questions.

Droids. Well Star Wars I DO know. I'm a very sad SW freak. Don't admit that often but YOU brought it up. Not sure it's ever been seen in my knickers though. Please advise further.

No I didn't hear that jews/juice joke. sits expectantly

Kimdeal that is GREAT news!!

carrots, you don't have to like gin, you just have to drink it. We'll ask again:

1. Do you drink gin? (hint, say yes)
2. Are you a 'journalist' for the Daily Heil?
3. Is there a man involved or are you a turkey baster type?
4. Either way, who is your lesbian crush of choice?
5. If man involved, is he (a) still at school, or (b) suffering senile dementia?
6. Now the big test: which is the correct hole? (a) wee wee, (b) foo foo, or (c) Mr Hanky's house?

Technically the baybee makes you ineligible but I managed to sneak in here with one, then had the audacity to get a BFP as well. (v early days) As punishment the other BESHies make me 'entertain' them. The current game is making me get up on the bar and then throwing firecrackers at my feet to make me dance. Some might say it's humiliating but me, I can't get enough.

Evening carrotty and welcome. If you are not a total loon now, you will be soon I promise. Stern headmistress of Loonacy is Scorpette who will be along to roadtest your tongue-in snogging ability shortly.

Hey there piggy and figgy!!! Welcome back to you! I see the search party that went out looking for extreme also unearthed you two reprobates too? Triples all round!

ponymum

carrots, you don't have to like gin, you just have to drink it. We'll ask again:

Oh well fair enough. Pass a glass.

1. Do you drink gin? (hint, say yes) Yeees.
2. Are you a 'journalist' for the Daily Heil? Err- no.
3. Is there a man involved or are you a turkey baster type? Def a man involved. An adorable and gorgeous man with whom I am madly in love
4. Either way, who is your lesbian crush of choice? Errrm, ok, interesting question. Do I have time to think?
5. If man involved, is he (a) still at school, or (b) suffering senile dementia? Definately on the (b) side.
6. Now the big test: which is the correct hole? (a) wee wee, (b) foo foo, or (c) Mr Hanky's house? now then. I'm wondering if that's where I've been going wrong all these years...

Hey, congrats on your BFP! I was planning on a first month BFP but so far I've not even ovulated. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since I had my mirena removed so still time.

I take great umbridge at the fact that I'm not allowed in here because I have a DC. Firstly, that's clearly my efnicity - one rule for all, please - and secondly it says nothing on the door about such rules. Therefore I'll sue.

So, aside from this being TTC in one's 30s, does one also have to prefer girls? Just wanting to clarify that.