Mums of angels! wishing, carrying and holding rainbows.

[fanjodisfunction]

May this thread bring us luck and lots of support through the journey of life after the death of our little ones.

Thank you for the old thread whatever and fan for the new one!
Lets hope this one brings us some more bfp's................

I really hope so blizy lots of positive vibes being sent out for us still ttcing.

Made it!!!!
whatever I never had any cravings!!! I was quite disappointed at this.mmm.... Cream soda... Lovely . Enjoy xx
Shakey. Glad the feedings getting easier. Rose sounds like she's doing well.xx
Too the emotions you re experiencing are totally normal. I miss Georgie so much particularly when I love & adore Phebs so much. As Phebs grows it makes me wonder even more what our Georgie would be like. Just because you re focussing on being a mum now doesn't mean you re neglecting Thea.you can t do anything practical for Thea anymore you did all you could. Xxx enjoy your babymoon xxx
Hi all: hope you re all well?
We went to the nursery today sorted the paperwork out had a look round & met Pheb's care worker. Seem nice & on the ball at the nursery. Back next week for first settling in session. My poor baby is growing too quickly & going to nursery eek.... I ve only got 2 weeks of mat leave left!!!
Mantra to self ; stop thinking of work & enjoy last 2 weeks. Xxx

Angel, 2 weeks is 2 weeks - enjoy it while it lasts! I had to tell DH that yesterday - he's got 2 more weeks off before he has to go back and he was already starting to fuss. Don't ruin your last 2 weeks mentalling about work.

Oops, think I hear Maia crying - will be back soon.

Thanks for the thread fan, may it bring you your bfp!

too your conflicted feelings are normal. I thinks mums of several children always have a nagging worry about whether the children are all getting enough/their fair share of attention etc and our situations are all so much more emotionally charged. Hope the feeding/weight gain is all still going well?

For our new thread, a poem for Freya, Phoebe, Ella, Cillian, Rose, Maia, Samuel, Joshua and the little rainbows still tucked up inside and growing, with love and hope:

A different child, people notice
There's a special glow around you.
You grow surrounded by love
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day you'll understand.
You'll understand there was once another child,
A different child.
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes.
That child will never keep them up at night.
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all...
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever:
How infinitely precious,
How infinitely fragile is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost
you will tell them with great compassion:
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here because my parents tried again."

In memory of all our loved and missed children xx

Looking fwd to blue coming back soon too

Ellypoo and Nancy, welcome to our special group, so sorry you had to be here too. I hope we can be hands to hold and shoulders to lean on as you go on on this heartbreaking journey xx My DD Bobbie was born sleeping at 20 weeks in Oct 2010. Her little sister Freya was born loud and healthy in August last year and is the light of my life. I hope the stories of the rainbow babies here give you some hope. They are no replacement or substitute for their brothers and sisters, the grief continues, but they bring comfort and much much joy and laughter xx

too, been looking at your pics and Maia is just gorgeous! Love those eyes

spilt thank you for the poem, it was lovely, my DH is one of those children, he is my in laws rainbow.
I hope we are blessed with one soon.

I'm enjoying the sun, having a peaceful day by myself, sometimes I really relish the quiet of being alone.

Oh that poem is beautiful - thank you spilt. If you don't mind, I would like to copy that and send it to a friend of mine who's baby boy was born sleeping last June, who is very heavily pregnant now with her rainbow - I think she would really like it too.

I also hope we are blessed with a rainbow soon too - it definitely gives me hope reading about your rainbows on here too - hopefully we will be able to join you soon, along with fan and blizy (and everyone else I may have missed). It is what I am focussing on at the moment, tbh.

Had an estate agent round to value our house yesterday - we are moving to a new house soon, bit of a fresh start for us. As soon as he walked in, he said 'have you had a baby?' I had to explain that yes, but she died - he nearly cried, his wife is 19 wks pg with their first so it upset him to hear it. It wasn't his fault - I haven't been able to put any of the baby stuff away yet, so it's all out everywhere.

Anyway, it is our 5 year anniversary today, so I picked up some lovely steak from the butcher - I really missed rare steak when I was pg, so am making the most of it now!

Not sure if it's sensible or not, but I may do a pg test in the morning - AF due on Monday, and don't think we 'caught' the window this month, but there is still that hope in the back of my mind!!

Hope you are all doing ok and managing to enjoy the lovely weather xxx

Ellypoo that question or " is this your first?" can be difficult can t it? I was talking to 2 women in town yesterday who asked the same & I always relish talking about our Georgie .... Maybe I'm mean but I m not bothered if my story upsets anyone. I always think you might be upset momentarily but it's our life : deal with it.one women I met at a training day when I was heavily pg with Phoebe asked the fateful question I responded and told her about Georgie & she replied the normal platitudes then said " I won't tell my daughter as she's currently pg & I wouldn t want to upset her!!!" I thought " no but it's fine for me & us to experience it & it does happen!!!" that sentiment maddens me.
Rant over; take care & enjoy your steak. Xxx
Spilt that poem is truely beautiful though I cried all the way through it. So true xxx

Hi everyone, sorry I have been awol for a while, I just haven't had time to post. Cillian is settling in lovely at home but we have had a lot of trouble with breastfeeding. I have had a lot of support, thankfully and we are still trying to crack it but I think he is just not strong enough to get the hind milk so he is never full. I have had to top him up with formula at times because he is just starving and cant settle, the bf woman at the hospital thinks its because he was fed formula when on special care. This weekend I am feeding then expressing and giving him the last bit by bottle, i cant keep that up when dh is out all day though. I go back to see the bf woman on monday so will see what she suggests then. We registered Cillian yesterday and then went to the cathedral and wrote a message for Ciaran to leave in the childrens chapel to let him know we are always thinking of him. it was nice to think that Cillian can draw him pictures and write messages for him to take there when he is older.
spilt thank you for that poem, i cried reading it too. I know Cillian will always know how special he is and that he has a very special big brother in heaven.
fan, Blizy and all the other ttcers, fx for you this month, hope the new thread brings lots of luck and bfp's x
too congratulations on the birth of Maia, these early few weeks are so special arent they. I like to think we appreciate them a lot more than other people, every time i am up in the night, shattered i keep thinking how lucky I am to be in that situation.
Congratulations to razz and shakey too and welcome Samuel and Rose x
Welcome Ellypoo, sorry that you find yourself here but these ladies have seen me through ttcing, pregnancy and now the birth of my rainbow. Hope you find the support as helpful as I have. I lost my first baby, Ciaran at 24 weeks in October 2010 due to pre eclampsia. I then had a miscarriage in March 2011 before going on to conceive my rainbow, Cillian who was born just over 3 weeks ago now x
Sorry for not posting to everyone, loads to catch up on, I will try and be better and staying up to date now x

split that is an amazingly beautiful poem. I miss Mia so, but how I long for a little rainbow sister or brother for her.

Hi ladies,

I wanted to introduce myself a bit, not sure how much I'll post on here but I'll try and read anyway.

We've just embarked on TTC again. We have a DD who is in reception, and a surviving identical triplet who is now 2, we lost his brothers to acute twin to twin transfusion syndrome at about 26 weeks, they were all born at 31 weeks.

Now in the 2ww, I'm not completely sure I'm ready for this... :(

ruede welcome to the thread, glad and sorry that you find your way here. So sorry to hear about your babies.

My daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks last april, we also suffered a miscarriage at 6 weeks in july. We miss Ophelia everyday.

Welcome Rude xxx
Sorry for your losses. I had my fabulous " rainbow" baby 5.5 months ago : Phoebe after 2 MCs in 2008/9 and my first DD was stillborn on 10/10/10 at 41 weeks ; Georgie.
Good luck ttc xxxx
Hi all xxxx

Sorry not Rude but Rued!!! though you may be rude ( when called for!!!)

Ellypoo feel free to copy it on - I came across the poem just before christmas and have read it many a time with tears and/or lumpy throat. So beautifully expressed. Best wishes to your friend! Hope you enjoyed your steak, yum, I love it rare

ciwi lovely to hear from you, know just what you mean about no time to type. I often read but have no hands free to write messages. Sounds like you're doing really well, sorry the feeding is such a struggle, hope your bf lady can give you some practical help. 3 weeks old already, wow!

angel and elly yes those questions... I never reallised before what a loaded question "is this your first?/How many children?" etc is. The thing I hate though is the horrified silence you get when you say about your lost child. It's odd. I want them to grasp the horror of it, but equally I want them to let me go on talking about Bobbie in a natural way rather than reduce the conversation to hushed tones of "oh no, I'm so sorry..." What do you say to that?? I often blurt "that's ok" wtf?? as if they are apologising for treading on my foot and I am accepting their apology. But there is more to the story than just "she died" and it would be nice to feel welcome to keep talking but it makes people so uncomfortable. That's why I love you lot

Welcome rueDe. Did you name your boys? Fingers crossed for your 2ww, I don't think you ever feel ready for it, but deep breath, and here's hoping! xx

Gorgeous day wasn't it yesterday fan? I got outside to clear and tidy up our strawberry patch. Not long now until we will be overrun with them again. Picked over 30kilos of strawbs last year from the garden! And I didn't get to eat a single bloody one due to being pg and too scared to risk it after the toxo last time Can't wait now

Yay found you thank you for this lovely new thread Fan Really hoping this is thread for you, Blizy and Elly to get your BFP's xx

Gorgeous poem Split sums our situations up beautifully xx

Welcome Rued losing two of your triplets but also having a strong survivor must be so hard and quite conflicting I should imagine - trying to grieve but having a prem newborn to look after. I lost my dd Erin at 35 weeks last August, she had fetal cancer. I am now 17 weeks pg with my rainbow. I also have a 5yr old gorgeous dd who is in reception too x

Great to hear from you Ciwi sorry to hear you are struggling a bit with the bf. I hope the bf counsellor can help you, it is tough I only managed 3 months with K xx

Late night last night at the SANDS event - K had a wonderful time dancing away til gone 11pm. Anyone who's friends with me on fb can see the balloon she decorated to release for Erin - bought a tear to my eye. Gorgeous day today off to hobbycraft shortly to get stuff to make an Easter bonnet with K

Morning ladies.
Hi rued - so sorry to hear about the loss of 2 of your triplets, that must be so hard for you, such a conflict of emotions. Good luck on your 2ww, fx for you!

Well, the steak was absolutely divine!! Really enjoyed it!!

Didn't do the test in the end - I thought it gentler to wait for AF, somehow less dissappointing, and I'm pretty sure it's on its way - going to fully go for it next cycle though!!!!!

Hi Ciwi - congratulations on the safe arrival of Cillian, how lovely to go to the Childrens Chapel in the Cathedral, I think it's so important to have somewhere you can go to to think about our angels. Everyone has already made me feel really welcome, and it gives me a lot of hope to hear about all the rainbow babies x

Enjoy making your easter bonnet wtw!! Another sunny day for us, think a beer garden and pub lunch is calling!!!

Just got back from the old firm game (watching it in the pub) DH not a happy boy!
What another glorious day!

wtw easter bonnets, my mum made me one and I ended up in the local paper as I won the competition, the hat was a huge top hat with a nest of eggs in the top and a rabbit looking into it. Can't wait to see K's post it on FB when your done.

Fan- Dh and I watched it at home we are happy bunnies!

Welcome to the thread rued, I'm so sorry to hear about your precious babies, it must be so bitter sweet. My dd Zoe was stillborn at 41 weeks last feb and we have been ttc our rainbow for 10 months now.

I'm having a very quiet weekend with Dh after him being away from work all week. He dropped the bombshell that he will be away most weeks for a while. I am so how the hell will we ever have another baby if he is only here 8 days a month.

blizy I wont tell DH for a while that your the enemy! well just not today!
It must be tough, with dh being away so much. Have you worked out your ov times for the time he is home? As many say on here it only takes one time. I really have my fx for you!

Your poor Dh, he will be smiling soon enough.

Luckily my ov times for te next 2 months are a sat and sun( hopefully). I just dont need the added stress of possibly missing ov.

blizy to look on the bright side, if he is home for the ov, then its less stress for performance as in he has missed you so he is more likely to to do the business and also they do say the more you both enjoy the more chance you get, so with the relief of him being home should (i hope) help you get pg. I suppose with us being in this situation (nearly a year ttc) then we need to clutch at every silver lining, (or make them up)

www.fertilitypoints.com this is a website that my friend sent me a link to, some interesting things on there.