My baby daughter died. I want her back

(673 Posts)

Hello, have been a regular poster since my eldest daughter was born 4 years ago. Never expected to be starting a thread in bereavement.

I was 35 weeks pregnant last week when I stopped feeling regular movements. A frantic dash to the hospital ended with an emergency c section after a scan showed she was showing signs of a viral infection. They thought we gone in time but when they took her out she was much worse than they expected. She died after about 40mins. We spent 2 precious nights with her before having to leave her there and come home for our other daughter.

I am numb. I can't stop shaking. I hate myself everytime I close my eyes I see 4 red words on a white background 'you should have known'

I just want her back - she shouldn't have even been born yet

Pitmountainpony Fri 06-Sep-13 14:50:26

My heart goes out to you op and three girlies....and Rosduk.
It is a small amount of parents who go through this thank goodness and the rest of us can only imagine the heart break you experience.
But anyway I feel for you all and the precious children you have lost. I am so sorry.

RatherBeOnThePiste Sat 31-Aug-13 20:15:26

Big hugs wtw and 3g. Thinking of your beautiful girls xx

Ledkr Sat 31-Aug-13 19:37:12

3girlies I think your post may have been missed.
Sorry to hear of your little girl dying. What was the cause if you don't mind me asking.

Flossiechops Sat 31-Aug-13 19:11:29

Happy Birthday little Erin xxx

Remembering your beautiful Erin

thinking of you, your family and erin
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rosduk Fri 30-Aug-13 22:59:39

Sorry I have just seen your little girl would be 2. I should have checked the date. I hope the day went ok. Happy birthday Erin xx

Rosduk Fri 30-Aug-13 22:55:04

Hi there,

I had EXACTLY the same situation with my baby boy Thomas last November. He lived for 2 hours after a premature emergency section. I really hope you are ok, I found writing down my feelings in a diary helped in those early days as I passed through sadness, anger, jealousy- every emotion under the sun. It is now 9 months on and I think of him throughout the day, every day, but although we are still grieving it has got easier.

"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there." 
~Author Unknown

Stay strong xxxx

Pawprint Mon 26-Aug-13 10:58:02

So sad for you. Take care.

Squiglettsmummy2bx Mon 26-Aug-13 07:16:14

Thinking of you x

Chubfuddler Mon 26-Aug-13 06:00:37

WTW sorry I didn't notice this last night, but just to let you know that there are many MNers who often think of you and Erin, and of Scarlett and Bea and the others who should be here and aren't.

Life is horrible sometimes. We grasp for explanations but there aren't any. I hope you and your family are as well as can be.

Jollyb Mon 26-Aug-13 05:40:33

Happy birthday Erin x

Mintyy Sun 25-Aug-13 21:36:05

How beautiful
X

Darling baby Erin - today you should have turned 2. We miss you so much. You would have been so proud of your sisters today. I hope you saw the balloons we sent to you.

2 years without you - yet on days like today it still feels like yesterday. I'd give anything to hold you again and kiss your beautiful face just one more time.

Happy birthday my forever baby xxxxx

Smile29 Fri 31-Aug-12 22:03:48

So sorry sad {Hugs} there is no way you could have known, please do not blame yourself xx

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Fri 31-Aug-12 21:53:04

Can't believe it's been a year already whatevertheweather I am sure Erin is smiling down on you and giving an extra special angel cuddle to her new baby sister Holly, many congratulations.

3girlies Fri 31-Aug-12 19:25:03

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. We lost our youngest daughter 8 wks ago and are devastated, at least we had 6 yrs 8mths with her though. We all want them back so much, you are not alone. X.

Oh whatever, I am so proud of you, which sounds silly. But yes, you have come so far, and you have helped many while you travelled your own difficult path. Three beautiful girls to love now. xx

Thank you ladies - this thread reminds me of how far we've come from the dark dark early days. Am so very proud of all three of my beautiful daughters xxx

So sorry for your loss whatevertheweather, you did nothing wrong x I know these words are of little comfort but I am thinking of you and your family x

Cadmum Sun 26-Aug-12 09:54:11

Thinking of you... May you find peace and continue to be an example of true strength.

saffronwblue Sun 26-Aug-12 09:17:42

I have been thinking of you whatever on Erin's birthday. Congratulations on the birth of your third DD. What a bittersweet time for you all.

frasersmummy Sat 25-Aug-12 22:20:35

wtw.. I hope you got through today as well as could be expected and that you now have a glass of wine

we have been thinking of you all day and I have had a candle shining for your little daughter in Glasgow today

sending you all hugs

MammyToMany Sat 25-Aug-12 22:16:42

I have read your thread from the start in tears, your love for Erin shines through with every post and I am so sorry she couldn't stay with you. I am humbled by your strength and would like to wish your beautiful girl a happy birthday and also to say congratulations on the birth of Holly xx

CouthyMow Sat 25-Aug-12 21:46:32

Happy Birthday, Erin. Xxxx

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