Remembering with love all our departed brothers and sisters – “The angel inside us”.

(227 Posts)
dejavuaswell Wed 19-Jan-11 09:04:36

My sister Jane died on 24th October 1992. We never knew exactly how she came to crash her car. There was no proof that there was any other vehicle involved but it was very hard to explain what happened unless she swerved to avoid something.

Jane was the youngest of 5 (4 girls and a boy). She died in a road accident 15 months after she graduated. She was closest, chronologically, emotionally and tempermentally to my brother. My older sister, the secular one, has always kept a picture of Jane on her bedside table and my younger sister, the religious one, puts everything down to God?s Will and seems to think of Jane as the lucky one for being in Heaven before the rest of us.

After many years of hardly mourning her death Christmas 2010 was really difficult for me. I had such strong images of her lying cold and alone in the cemetery wondering where the rest of the family and her boyfriend were that it has made me really tearful and spoilt Christmas 100%.

When I think about all that happened in my life since Jane died it seems so unfair that she died before marriage and parenthood and before she could make proper use of her hard-won degree.

This thread follows on from this very moving one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/641812-For-Jonny- and-all-our-darling-departed-sisters-and-brothers

dejavuaswell Wed 19-Jan-11 09:05:55

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died April 26th 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Evansmummy: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday March 9th, died October 17th 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): twin sister Caroline, birthday September 29th, died August 27th 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died October 19th 2009.

evansmummy Thu 20-Jan-11 15:44:32

Well done deja! And thanks for posting our dates.

shelley, hopefully you find this. Sorry to hear about your separation. Is it fixable? Do you want it to be?

Still thinking of everyone else xx

shelleylou Sat 22-Jan-11 12:25:29

Hi i found it. Went to check on the old one to see if a new one had been started.

Separation isn't fixable so onwards and upwards. As I've learnt life goes on whether u want it too or not so will deal with whatever it throws my way hopefully with the same dignity and grace i have dealt with all the other challenges.

Is it me or is this month flying by?

evansmummy Sat 22-Jan-11 21:10:18

No, it's just you grin

dejavuaswell Wed 26-Jan-11 09:47:28

I had a dream about Jane last night. The first time in ages (10 years?) that I have done this.

It seemed to take place in the former family home. We were all together having Sunday lunch. That was it, nothing else.

The human brain is a very strange organ!

shelleylou Wed 26-Jan-11 10:16:23

I think its because there are soooooooooo many things going on in my life atm. I thougt it would just be me.

evansmummy Sat 29-Jan-11 22:47:28

dejavu, it is strange indeed. Quite often dreams or thoughts come out of nowhere and surprise you. I never dream of Jonny. Once in nearly 3 years. I'd like to dream more, but I guess I think about him a lot so there's no need for it to come out in a dream.

shelley, I guess being busy is a good thing? Keeps your mind occupied anyway.

I had a proper cry on Thursday. You know the ones where you can't help but groan a bit, and you get all puffy and snotty? smile Was not pleasant, in fact it was downright painful, but it's been a while so I guess it needed to come out.

shelleylou Mon 31-Jan-11 11:14:30

Yes it is.. klots of things going on in my family and got a NM so not really having a lot of time to myself to let things get to me too much.

dejavuaswell Wed 09-Feb-11 10:11:04

I have put a picture of each of my siblings on display in the lounge hoping it will make me feel calmer about Jane's death. I will let you know if it works!

Hunkerbunker2 Sun 13-Feb-11 19:07:39

My young sister Diane died on 13th February 2001 while working in South Africa. She died from Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS). She was buried there and sadly I have not yet had the opportunity to visit her grave.

evansmummy Mon 14-Feb-11 20:46:13

Hi Hunkerbunker. Thanks for your post and, as always, sorry you have to be on this thread. How sad to have not been to see your sister's grave. Do you think you'll be able to one day soon? I hope you find a way to get there, and that you are doing ok. We are a group made of many lurkers, but someone will always post eventually! Do post again if you want to. How old was your sister when she died? How do you feel about it ten years on?

Hunkerbunker2 Tue 15-Feb-11 07:46:08

I will travel to South Africa when I retire in December 2011 and I will be able to see Diane's grave then. She was only 45 when she died and as the post-mortem didn't reveal why she died the doctors just called it Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. 45 seems so young to die and it was a real shock when her husband phoned the UK with the news.

evansmummy Tue 15-Feb-11 20:25:41

Funny how you remember the shock. I could almost relive the feeling of it from how it's etched in my memory. Were you very close as siblings, even though she lived a long way away? How hard to not have any explanation for her death. It must seem so unfair. I hope the visit in December won't be too hard, though it may well be. Keep in touch.

dejavuaswell Fri 18-Feb-11 15:46:38

I thought I would just pop in to say my good-byes.

Real life has taken over even more of my time than previously and the endless troll hunts here on Mumsnet have made me really cynical about much that I read on the site.

I will pop back to read this one thread from time to time but that will be the extent of my involvement. Certainly for a few months while I recharge the proverbial batteries.

Best wishes and hugs to the regulars on here. smile

caffeineaddict Sat 19-Feb-11 16:28:59

Goodbye Dejavu, hugs to you as well. But hope you and everyone else who posts here reads this.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/feb/19 /letter-to-sister-killed-plane-crash

evansmummy Sat 19-Feb-11 17:39:31

Bye deja. All the best, xx

evansmummy Sat 19-Feb-11 17:39:46

Just you and me then caffeine...

evansmummy Sat 19-Feb-11 17:44:09

caffeine, she writes exactly what I feel.

caffeineaddict Mon 21-Feb-11 19:14:19

Hi evansmum, just wanted to let you know am still here x

Hunkerbunker2 Tue 22-Feb-11 13:38:24

Dejavuaswell: sister Jane, birthday 26th October, died 24th October 1992

Hunkerbunker2: sister Diane, birthday 27th November, died 13th February 2001

Cyteen: brother Simon, birthday 9th July, died April 26th 2007

Caffeineaddict: sister Jenny, birthday 15th Jan. Died 14th October 2007

Evansmummy: brother Jonny, birthday 6th March, died 30th May 2008

MissM: brother Jim, birthday March 9th, died October 17th 2008

Binary (was Oneofapair): twin sister Caroline, birthday September 29th, died August 27th 2009

Shelleylou: brother Matt, birthday 28th June, died October 19th 2009.

Hunkerbunker2 Tue 22-Feb-11 13:42:43

Rest in Peace Diane and I hope to "see" you later this year down in sunny Durban (Natal).

evansmummy Tue 22-Feb-11 18:14:19

And that makes three of us grin

Thanks for adding your dates, Hunker. I try to remember but sometimes am a day or two out. You are all never far from my thoughts anyway.

shelleylou Fri 25-Feb-11 13:26:59

I'm still here. been struggling with the death of a friend its brought back many memories from just after my brother died. He was in the same viewing room in the hospital as db. Even though i haven't been to see him i can picture clearly how he would look.. Got to pay florist today for his funeral flowers

caffeineaddict Fri 25-Feb-11 20:04:01

so sorry shelleylou. Hug to you.
Anyone hear Lawrence Dallagio talking about the loss of his sister on Desert Island Discs? x

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