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Original poster

37 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that our baby has died

886 replies

CheeseandGherkins · 03/12/2010 12:17

I'm still totally in shock, as is DH, our little girl has died. I hadn't felt movements since late on Wednesday and when I went in on Thursday they couldn't find a heartbeat with doppler. Sent straight for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I already have 3 dcs who are so upset but it was DH's first baby.

I have to go in today, in a few hours, for a tablet to start things off but I can come home after an hour apparently and then go back 24 hours or so later (if nothing happens) to start inducement properly.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm scared of being induced, which sounds stupid under the circumstances but there it is. How long will it take? First 3 labours were fast, 3 and a half, 3 hours and just over an hour.

I still keep expecting to feel her move but of course she won't. Feels so surreal and that it can't be happening but it is. I was due on Dec 23rd.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
MamaChris · 03/12/2010 12:19

have no experience, but so so sorry.

lal123 · 03/12/2010 12:20

oh no cheese! I don't know what to say. There are other women on here who've been through similar - I hope someone can come along and give words of comfort/practical support. Take carexxx

girliefriend · 03/12/2010 12:20

Oh my goodness I haven't got any experience to share but my heart goes out to you, am so sorry for your loss. xXx

winnybella · 03/12/2010 12:20

Oh God, I'm so so sorry.

I can't advise you re induction, but I'm sure there'll be lots of more knowledgeable people here soon.

Beachcomber · 03/12/2010 12:21

Also so sorry to hear your sad news. Best wishes to you all.

Christmasbelle · 03/12/2010 12:22

oh I am so sorry cheeseandgherkins. I dont know what to say apart from I will definately be thinking about you over the next few days. Is there someone with you now? Just do whatever you need to do at the moment to get you through this. I am really sorry, I am not being much help or can offer you any advice or comfort Sad

gregtheguineapig · 03/12/2010 12:23

I am so sorry, thinking of you all x

ilovemydogandMrObama · 03/12/2010 12:23

Sad Sad Am so sorry.

When I was induced with DD, it took 2 pessaries to get going, and then it was quite quick, about 45 minutes.

Am surprised the hospital is sending you home given your previous history of fast deliveries.

Portofino · 03/12/2010 12:23

I am so, so sorry to hear this! I have no practical advice either but my thoughts are with you. Sad

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster · 03/12/2010 12:25

I'm so so sorry.

I was induced. They use a pessary and there is a sudden onset of contractions. The labor goes normally from this. They also broke my waters. If the pessaries don't start to work then they can use a drip (oxytocin I think), which does the same thing. The midwives will look after you all. I am so truly sorry.

SparklyJules · 03/12/2010 12:25

I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your family xx

domesticslattern · 03/12/2010 12:25

Cheese, So very sorry to hear this.

Has anyone mentioned SANDS to you yet? They have advice sheets for now, and support groups for later. The helpline is open right now.

autodidact · 03/12/2010 12:26

Oh no. I am so terribly, terribly sorry. What a heartbreaking tragedy. I feel so sad for you and your family reading this.

Can you call your midwife or doctor for information about the induction?

Sands are a charity who may be able to help you, if/when you feel ready to contact them.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 03/12/2010 12:27

Oh, and please ensure that they put you in a private room, and not on a ward. May seem trivial at the moment, but please ask.

lia66 · 03/12/2010 12:27

CAG i am so so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl.

IME it may take a little while for things to get going as your body is not ready to go into labour, and your mind is in emotional termoil that will prevent you from letting go.

If the tablet does nothing and you have to go in, you will be allocated some private space for you to come and go however you like, your dh and/or other members of the family will be able to be with you and your labour will be mostly unmanaged once it is established.

You will have access to as much pain relief as you need, and you should be supported by a mw/(s) that have experience in this kind of thing.

MrsTedHughes · 03/12/2010 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFeministParent · 03/12/2010 12:29

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not in the know with inductions.

sethstarkaddersmum · 03/12/2010 12:30

I'm so sorry.
my friend whose baby was born asleep found SANDS a very helpful organisation.

MeowyChristmasEveryone · 03/12/2010 12:33

So sorry for your family's loss; no help or advice to give, just sorry.

lollyheart · 03/12/2010 12:34

I am so sorry to here this Sad

I think i have you on facebook and when i saw your message yesterday my heart sank for you. sorry if i have the wrong person.

my sisters dd was born asleep at 34 weeks, her labour was quick from what i remember.

The midwifes were really nice and caring. all the close family got to spend time with ellie and hold her.

I will be thinking of you all xxxxxx

Original poster
CheeseandGherkins · 03/12/2010 12:35

Thanks so much. I have heard of SANDS and had a brief look at their website. Everything is still so numb and surreal. I've had 6 miscarriages before but never anything that required hospital management.

I really don't want to be in hospital any longer than I need to be, I was booked in for a home birth due to quick labours. Baby is breech as well, I don't know what that will mean, if anything.

I will have a chance to ask the dr questions today, I could barely think yesterday and just wanted to get away from there and home.

DH is home, dc's are with my parents although I've seen and spoken to them. They are just up the road.

Thanks for the advice on a private room, you're right I won't want to be on a ward at all.

I keep wondering what could have gone wrong and if I could have done anything. I only had a scan on Monday and everything was fine then. I can't believe it.

OP posts:
TooBlessed2spendxmasalone · 03/12/2010 12:36

so sorry for your loss,

pink4ever · 03/12/2010 12:37

I really feekl for you as have suffered something similiar(my 3rd son was stillborn at 28 weeks-also went for scan after feeling no movement).
At the moment it is very normal to feel this is all surreal and not really happening,is too much for you to take in. Re the induction I was taken straight to private room given pessary and then they broke my waters. Were also going to put me on oxytocin drip but didnt need it as labour progessed quite quickly(3 hours). We then spent the night there with my son beside us in bassinet. Hospital staff couldnt have been kinder.Put notice on door explaining situation and asked staff dealing with other women down the corridor to try and be as quiet as possible. Also took photos,handprints etc and explained our options with regards to postmortem/funeral arrangements etc(sorry if this tmi at the mo).
All I can say is I am so so sorry for your terrible loss and feel free to pm me if you have any more questions.
So sorry again.

KnowNothing · 03/12/2010 12:38

I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you all.

FetchezLaVache · 03/12/2010 12:39

So, so sorry to read this. Thinking of you and your family.