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AIBU?

to not want to go to this wedding

149 replies

scrummymum · 10/05/2010 12:41

I know this is a common question so sorry.

Me and DH have been invited to a wedding in September. It is one of DH's friends who he has known for about 10 years. He used to work with him until about 2/3 years ago but he does go out socially with him occasionally (although it was a lot more often before we had the DC's). I know him too as in the past I have been to parties/nights out where he has been, picked him up from nights out and he came to my DD's christening and our wedding. I haven't seen him for over a year as DH has only seen him on lads nights out and I have only met his bride to be on a couple of occasions.

My problem is that it states on the invite that they are not inviting children. I am in the camp of thinking that weddings are for families and basically, if they don't want my whole family there, then I won't be going too. I know that this is something that people do and that is up to them of course, its their day, but then I won't be attending. We have also found out since, that the best man is allowed to take his then 3 month old baby as his gf may be bf'ing. Again, I understand why she is allowed to take her baby but it just annoyed me. She may not be able to bf in which case will she have to leave it at home. It obviously goes without saying that this couple that are getting married are childless.

The other thing is that it says on the invite to rsvp in the next month but how do I know 4 months in advance, that I can have an all day/all night babysitter. My parents are retired but go on lots of holidays in their caravan. They may be away that day. My sister and bil work on a weekend. Sister takes her DD with her but I can hardly ask her to take my two too.

AIBU or are they to think that parents can just magic up a full day of babysitting this far in advance. I am quite lucky. Some people don't have anyone to look after their DC's at all. Do couples with no children think that you wave a wand and the kids can be made invisible for a day.

OP posts:

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RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:44

YANBU to not want to go to the wedding and to not go. However YABVU if its because you are having a hissy fit because your little darlings are not invited. Their day, their choice. If you like them respect their wishes, if you aren't bothered dont go!

scrummymum · 10/05/2010 12:45

I forgot to say that DH completely agrees with me but still wants to go. I have said that he can go on his own but he wants me to go too.

He thinks IABU for putting my principles into action rather than just not agreeing with them but shutting up about it and go/grin and bear it.

OP posts:

runnybottom · 10/05/2010 12:45

Don't go. But don't be bitchy about it. Its really not about you.

waitingforbedtime · 10/05/2010 12:46

Well I wouldnt be able to go as no babysitters so would have to say no.

However, you dont really, imo, have any right to be annoyed about it. It is their wedding at the end of the day and fair enough that the best man is bringing his wee one.

If you dont want to go, dont. If your dh wants to go ask your parents if you can 'book' them for that weekend? Why not just bend a little?

waitingforbedtime · 10/05/2010 12:46

Principles? It is their wedding.

deaddei · 10/05/2010 12:47

You're hardly bosom buddies, so you should not expect your whole family to be invited.
Let dh- sounds as if you don't want to go anyway.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 10/05/2010 12:47

DH go alone?

RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:47

YOU think weddings are for families, THEY dont. THEIR wedding, not YOURS. I also agree with your DH and it seems like you are cutting off your nose to spite your face a little, ive never understood why people take it as such a personal snub if their ikkle wikkle precious sunshine's are not invited to someone elses wedding.

Reality · 10/05/2010 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jeee · 10/05/2010 12:48

With your attitude, I think that it would be nicer for the bride and groom if you stayed home.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 10/05/2010 12:48

Sorry yabu, their wedding and all that. We have been invited to DS's Godfathers wedding next year, DS who will be nearly 3 is being pageboy, his older sister who will be 5 is not invited so we are taking someone else to have her during the wedding and babysit both of them in the evening.

emsyj · 10/05/2010 12:48

If you don't want to go or it isn't convenient to go then politely decline and don't go. YOU think that weddings are about family and children, but not everyone does. It's their wedding, they're entitled to do what they want. If it doesn't suit you then by all means stay at home, but I think it would be unreasonable for you to take deep offence that your children aren't invited. Your babysitting issues aren't their problem anyway.

FWIW, we invited children to our wedding as it was more important to us that everyone was able to come and was not put to inconvenience (not because we think weddings are about 'family', because I don't think that particularly). But for some people a child-free day is their priority.

Blackduck · 10/05/2010 12:48

Please don't refer to other children/babies as 'it'.
In the end it is your decision, go or don't, but as others have said stop being stroppy about it.

extension · 10/05/2010 12:48

YABVU, you are not even close family. And even if you were, it doesnt mean that the bride and groom have to invite your children. They may be limited on numbers and by inviting one set of children makes it unfair on all the others.

As for the lady with the new baby, well it sounds as though the bride and groom have sensibly realised that if she is breasfeading then she needs to have the baby with her.

As for needing to reply 4 months in advance, I think its great that you have so much notice for a babysitter. Sounds more to me that you are a bit miffed at your children not being invited (which I can understand why you would feel that way but you are still bu).

boatgirlie · 10/05/2010 12:49

"AIBU or are they to think that parents can just magic up a full day of babysitting this far in advance."

Yes YABU thats why they have given plenty of notice for you to be able to plan effectively! It would have been unreasonable if the wedding was in two days time but they have given you 4 months. The bride and groom are entitled to have the wedding of their dreams, whether that involves DC's or not. You should respect their wishes, if you're going to be cross about it then just don't go.

PatriciaHolm · 10/05/2010 12:49

I would have thought the further in advance the better to produce babysitting! My ILs are away a lot, but if we give them enough notice are happy to take the kids for the weekend. Have you even asked your parents?

DumpyOldWoman · 10/05/2010 12:50

With 4 months notice surely you can ask your parents?
If they can babysit, and agree, go and have a good time.
But it sounds as if you are having a hissy fit about your child not haviung been invited. Sometimes they are invited, sometimes not. Why are you over-thinking the situation of the best man's 3m old baby?
Guestzilla!

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 10/05/2010 12:50

You don't want to go so don't go, who cares what they have choosen as their wedding YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

MmeLindt · 10/05/2010 12:50

I don't see the problem tbh.

They are giving you plenty of notice to organise a babysitter, and presumably you can ask to your parents if they can take your DC now and they can keep the weekend free.

The bf baby is irrelevant. I would not have left a 3mth old baby for the day, whether she was bf or ff. He is the Best Man, not a random guest.

YABU.

MumInBeds · 10/05/2010 12:50

It's fine for them not to invite children and it's fine for you not to want to go without your children. They've invited you not demanded you go, you have the choice.

OrmRenewed · 10/05/2010 12:50

Don't go. Not on principle but because you can't/don't want to leave your DC.

RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:51

Instead of whining how it goes against your principles why not use it to your advantage. Ask your parents to take the kids to the caravan for the weekend, stay over after the wedding, spend the day with your DH afterwards.
Are you afraid the best mans baby will get the attention your precious ones should have got?

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bibbitybobbityhat · 10/05/2010 12:51

Omfg ... is this the 10,000th thread on this same old tired chuffing subject?

scrummymum · 10/05/2010 12:52

DH's other friend has no family in this country and all their friends are attending the wedding. They will either have to both not go or he will go alone and his wife will stay home with their baby.

I personally wouldn't want to have a wedding that causes problems for my guests (and didn't). They are family occasions so why do children stop being family for the day.

OP posts:

alarkaspree · 10/05/2010 12:52

I agree with waitingforbedtime, don't make it about your principles. This isn't a moral issue. The couple are well within their rights to not invite children, and to make an exception for a 3-month-old baby.

I do think it's pretty strange to expect an RSVP four months before the event though. If you wanted to go I'd suggest negotiating on that point. But as you don't, just send your dh on his own.

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