very unhelpful things your other half can say whilst in labour

(343 Posts)
benbon Sun 10-May-09 10:39:29

just wondering if anyone else's other halves have come out with very unhelpfull advice whilst you were in labour. aibu to think this was not very helpful?

after being in labour for about 6 hours at this point my husband told me "WELL YOU ARE DRAGGING IT OUT ABIT!"

so what helpful things did your partners say to you,.

MrsThisIsTheCadillacOfNailguns Wed 15-Dec-10 19:51:46

I went into labour with dd1 at 3.15 in the morning of my due date.I rang the hospital,who told me to come in,as my contractions went from nothing to 3 mins apart.I woke up dh,who sad that there was no need to hurry as the ante natal classes had said it would be ages yet and we should play monopoly or something to pass the time.I managed to convince him that playing monopoly wasn't the first thing on my mind and off we went.It took 15 minutes to get to the hospital and I actually ran down the corridor to the labour suite.By the time I got there I was 9cm already.DD was born pretty swiftly,but dh was most miffed that it hadn't been like they'd said at ante natal.He kept saying 'but they said it would take 12 hours or more.' 'They said there would be plenty of time for me to shower and put clean clothes on,and there wasn't.'I think he regards ante natal classes as a big swizz now.

He then rang my mum to tell her she was a grandma,and she said 'But she can't have had the baby yet,she was only in Tesco yesterday afternoon!'

QuizteamBleakley Wed 15-Dec-10 17:25:35

LeQueen, PMSL at "Oh look, the Umpalumpas have arrived..."

Am 40+3 with PFB and whilst I can't say that my feelings of dread at the (hopefully) imminent proceedings have gone I have printed out all 14 pages of these and written a note to DP that each utterance of any of these 'quips' entitles me to kick him in the nuts! I'm sure he'll come up with his own gems...

TottWriter Wed 15-Dec-10 17:12:29

During labour with DS my mum, brother and sister all turned up and came in to say hello. Now, this I didn't mind as they live a long way away and I hadn't seen them in months.

However, my mum then hung around, and as I'd been up since early in the morning the day before, I was too shot away to tell her to piss off. She then proceeded to tell my Dad (who had driven me to appointments throughout the pg and to the hospital as DP and I don't drive) that he may as well go home as "it will be a long time yet" He arrived home in time for a call announcing it was a boy. angry

While I was in transition and begging for a c-section or death, she offered me a plastic cup saying "have some magic water" as though I was five or so. DP has never forgiven her for ruining the birth for us both, and I'm not sure I have either.

Also, DP has been reading a few of these over my shoulder, and admitted to thinking some of them himself, but said he had the tact not to actually say anything. (thinking the episiotomy ones in particular.)

LeQueen Wed 15-Dec-10 14:56:01

Oh, and when in theatre with DD2 MrQ saw fit to lean over and whisper in my ear 'Oh, look the Umpalumpas have arrived' By which he was refering to the lovely, but extremely tiny (not even 5 foot tall, she had to stand on a box at end of the operating table) surgical registrar and the equally diminuative SHO.

toadinabathingsuit Wed 15-Dec-10 14:55:05

"Ooh look, you've done a poo, ha ha".

Yes, fucking hilarious.

LeQueen Wed 15-Dec-10 14:52:44

My friend's DH (whilst helping her into the car, as she was doubled up in pain and mooing on their driveway at 3.30am) thought it helpful to mention 'You're looking a bit washed out, shall I nip back in and get your make up bag?'

Apparantly, she actually hit him.

toadinabathingsuit Wed 15-Dec-10 14:37:07

I started having long, painful contractions. I slept on the floor all night because I wanted DH to have a good rest so he could be alert to help me/drive to the hospital (and I wasn't going to be able to sleep, anyway). In the morning he went downstairs while I was getting ready to go to hospital. When he came up, he said he had just hurt his back putting some washing in the machine (why he felt the need to do this, I don't know) and that he was in too much pain and would not be able to help me during labour. I carried my own heavy bag into the hospital and he was right, he was fucking useless. I've never forgiven him for that.

LeQueen Wed 15-Dec-10 14:32:44

Oh, and when wheeled into theatre with DD1, it all got a bit nasty because they couldn't detect her heartbeat. First words out of MrQ's mouth "Hello Jim, haven't seen you since that Wonderstuff concert. I was sick down your back, remember?'

[turns out he'd been at university with the aneasthetist]

Then had to listen to them reminiscing about 'the good old days' as the surgeon sliced me open in about 20 seconds flat hmm

LeQueen Wed 15-Dec-10 14:28:54

With DD1 waters broke when I turned over in bed. Hurridly got out, and stood on our (wooden) bedroom floor. You could hear the amniotic fluid hitting the floor. MrQ half woke up and asked why I was up, I replied 'My waters have broken.'

'No, they haven't' he reassured me, rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. He'd obviously been keeping his 5 years of medical training at university, followed by 2 years hopsital training a secret hmm

I hissed at him to wake up. He reluctantly got out of bed, walked round to me and prmptly slipped in all the amniotic fluid grin

whensitgunnahappen Wed 15-Dec-10 13:25:59

My best friend had her dd on the hottest day of the year, after a 48 hour labour, was in a birthing pool. her ex p held up a mirror to her face an's said "wanna see what you look like?" she kicked him out and he missed most of it!

ShuffleBallChange Wed 15-Dec-10 12:54:55

Oh these have made me laugh. I'm now very grateful DH was AT AN OASIS CONCERT when DS1 was born but I am looking forward to what gems he will come out with when DC2 is born, due in 9 days hmm

charley24 Tue 14-Dec-10 16:45:36

Not my partner, but after an emergency section and my baby being born at 32 weeks weighing 2lbs and straight in an incubator, the nurse lifting me from the operating bed to a trolley said 'oh you are very heavy, maybe you should think about dieting'.....yes thanks for that my daughter was seriously ill and losing weight was not really on my list at that point. She ended up spending 31 days in SCBU and had a 5% chance of survival (many medical problems)......I did lose the weight eventually....but have never forgot how insensitive she was.

catdoctor Tue 14-Dec-10 16:18:12

me - mooing, like you do
MW - do you want some gas and air?
him - yes do something, she's making a bit of a fuss

him, years earlier to me after driving myself home from hospital having had cast put on broken arm, what was broken 3 days earlier and I'd been to work, cleaned house, dealt with animals etc etc - I hope you're not going to milk this?

and then he wants sex

mendipgirl Tue 14-Dec-10 16:12:56

When I woke him in the night saying "I think my waters have broken". He said, "You think they have broken? or they have broken? which is it?"

Shortly before leaving for the hospital - contractions were about every six mins or so - I was alternatately laying on the bed and walking around the bedroom.

All of a sudden the bedroom door opened and all my in-laws poured in, said hello, and started talking about the curtains. MIL was altering them for us, but needed to know something about the curtain pole, so they all stood around discussing for about 45 mins. Then DH rocked up and started talking about the car with his dad. All this as I was laying on the bed groaning my way through each contraction. I was trying to tell my husband that I needed to go to the hospital but MIL said it was probably false labour and that it didn't sound too bad.

At one point my FIL strongly advised DH to go to work in the morning (it was a Sunday) because they would be sure to let him know if anything was up.

I strongly advised him not to. They all cheerfully finished their small talk and left. No-one really seemed to be even entertaining the idea that I, at 39.3, could possibly be on the verge of having an actual baby!

pinkhyena Tue 14-Dec-10 15:33:48

My DH was really good during it actually, apart from one moment. I was induced and labour came on very quickly, they were trying to move me from the observation ward to a delivery suite in between my contractions which were on top of each other by this point. In the middle of one contraction I wasnt able to move and was gripping the end of the bed, DH said 'come on the sooner we get into the room the sooner you can get the epidural.' I don't think I swore at him but my reply was rather strongly worded!

DH phoned the parents a couple of hours after DS was born, you know after we'd all bonded and i'd been stitched up etc. First thing MIL said was 'why didn't you let us know sooner?' sod off!!

My dad was prob the worst though, he went round telling the relatives 'oh yeah the labour was really quick and easy' right. You were there were you?? Ok it was quite quick for an induction (10 and a half hours) but the PAIN!!!! I went in with an open mind for pain relief but when they broke my waters I was begging for an epidural nothing was touching it. Git.

Nikkid21 Tue 14-Dec-10 14:43:23

Another dh who stopped for a mcdonalds drive through when mw had sent me home for a few hours. He didn't know "when he would next get a chance to eat but we would have to wait a few minutes as it wasnt a standard order."
With dd I left it a bit late to go to the hospital as I insisted on doing my accountancy exam that morning( with tens machine on). We walked into delivery suite, my water broke as we reached the room and I couldn't get on the bed. I delivered standing up with my pants round my ankles 5 mins after arriving. Mw complained that her knees were sore and that it wasn't good for her back to 'play catch' like that.

backintraining Tue 14-Dec-10 14:20:44

Not in labour as such because DS had to be born by EMCS 7wks early due to pre-e.... however, as I was laid on the bed in the operating theatre, bits out and everything DH came out with a classic. When I had been admitted to hospital 2wks previously, the Paed who had been to see me was --frickin gorgeous-- quite a handsome man and I had told my friend about him when she visited me, obvously all tongue in cheek etc........ so there I was, numb from the middle down, bits out for all to see, absolutely shitting myself and said Paed walks through the door... DH: "Oooh look love, its that Doctor who you were saying you fancied so much". Brilliant!!

My DP was great when I was in labour, which went on and on and on.

He was overheard by my mother however, in the early stages when I was generally being demanding and whiney saying resentfully "well, do you want me to have the baby for you?????"

welshbyrd Tue 14-Dec-10 14:14:49

Brilliant thread - cheered me right up smile

SeaTrek Tue 14-Dec-10 14:10:43

I don't remember my DH saying or doing anything silly whilst I was in labour. Well, apart from when he dropped the dog off round at the ILs before me left for hospital and asked them for a coffee before he came back for me. MIL asked him how far apart my contractions were (4 mins) and then told him he could forget that coffee (40 min drive to hospital).

He was appallingly bad after I had been in hospital for 4 nights at the height of the summer and had completely had enough. I was very close to asking to have him removed from the ward (we were waiting for the billirubin test results before we could go home). I had repeatedly warned him that on day 4 PP he would need to be kinder than usual. Apparently he could do that as he was 'hot' so it was more appropriate for him to sit moaning endlessly at me. I think I did hiss at him to ** off and I would get the bus home. I have barely forgiven him now and that was six years ago (he also shouted at me in the car park becaue HE hadn't worked out how the car seat when in beforehand).

FatherChristmasatemyhamster Tue 14-Dec-10 14:01:03

While friend mid labour, friend's DP came out from using en suite loo with (clean) bedpan on head and said in dodgy American accent "Saddle up cowboy, we're gonna ride out of here". Apparently he got a look from wife, mil and mw.

Cosmosis Tue 14-Dec-10 13:48:25

Not my DH who was brilliant, but the Dr. I had a back to back labour and for some reason baby was only happy when I was lying on my left hand side, which meant I was really struggling to push. About 2 hours in to a 2.5 hour 2nd stage, the obs (who was otherwise a lovely lovely man) said to me; come on really try with this push, remember, you're trying to push out something the size of a grapefruit. hmm
Anyway, ended up with ventouse and he admitted I'd never have got ds out without it as he was stuck!

I had had an epidural which was wearing off and I suddenly felt the urge to really bloody well push. You know what it's like at the very end, when you've no actual control over it, you just bear down.

After the second big push I said to DH 'honey, I really think it's time now, I am pushing, I need the midwife in here right now'

Him - 'OK.' <pats hand and smiles>

<pause>

Me - '....... So.... Can you get the midwife in here right now, then?'

Him - 'what, me??' <horrified at the idea of having to go and look for someone>

DD was born 15 mins later!

welshbyrd Tue 14-Dec-10 13:39:05

DH asked me if I would like a sip of lucozade, to keep my energy up hmm, I replied "im going to hit you with that bottle in a minute"

2nd quote from DH "do you want to squeeze my hand dear" reply? "I want to squeeze your throat" grin

He pissed me off prior to this though, he stood up earlier on, and banged his head on a tv, free floating on a bracket, himself and midwife laughed at this, which irritated me more

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