Mil forcing dinner

[Pleeeeaaasehelp]

I’ll make it brief. Mil has never liked me, never really tried to hide it even in front of the kids( constant rudeness and belittling). We don’t see her often as she lives abroad. She’s not your normal Gma, never Birthday or Xmas gifts! But every time we do see her someone ( usually more than one!) ends up in tears when she leaves.
Now the kids are all young adults they don’t want anything to do with her. They pretend phones aren’t working etc…. However that comes back on me.. I’ve turned them against her.
I really haven’t.
For 30 years I’ve put up with her emotional abuse.
Anyway…. She’s coming over, demanding a family meeting about how badly she is treated in this family.
I’ve finally decided I can’t face her anymore and I don’t want to go. I’ve spent 27 years saying to DH it’s only a week, it’s your mum etc…. ( He gave up years ago)
Aibu.
Go She’s old, you’ve put up with it for this long…..

Uanbu. Don't go, let shit hit the fan, but know you’ve been forced a death by a thousand cuts

My patience would have run out years ago no you dont have to go

If DH isn’t interested in doing it then you don’t have to either.

Let ‘shit hit the fan’ and fall back down all over her - mute her, block her, stop engaging.

Why bother? Let him deal with it or get him to send an email.

Is she going to turn up at your house and bang on the door? She can’t force anyone to meet her. It sounds as though her own son has no intention of doing so - is that right? If so, I’d ignore her messages. She should be communicating with him.

@sparkie81 i know I’m a mug!
I don’t know why it’s taken me soooo long.
Thanks

Tell DH he can go if he wants to.

I would LOVE her to come over for her 'family meeting' and find the doors locked and nobody home.

It's batshit that she's expecting you all to sit there whilst she rants at you about how badly she is treated in the family. Just go out, ffs.

Your options:

1. Don’t let her in
2. Let her in, don’t engage in anything she has to say
3. Let her in, listen to her diatribe then let rip with explanations as to why no one wants anything to do with her.
4. Let her in, listen to her diatribe then apologise profusely yes mil, no mil etc

option 3 won’t work, she won’t listen, option 4 won’t work because it’s stupid, option 1 is the easiest and probably the best option 2 will take great strength of character to let her say her piece and say absolutely nothing in return until she’s finished they say ‘are you done, ok bye’

good luck.

If she was suggesting a friendly dinner - yes maybe

But as she is suggesting a "family meeting about how badly she is treated" - nope!

She probably will sit on the doorstep until she’s let in. She has done that before. I pretended I didn’t hear the door. And DH came home from work!
Shit really will hit the fan if I don’t go to her demanded dinner!

He has, she’s not listening. She’s arrived in the country

Don't go. Why would you, especially when you know the purpose of the meeting is to scold you?

What will the fallout be, with everyone on your side? (I am assuming here you DH isn't expecting you to suck it up. If he is, he can go and tell his DM that is DW isn't playing.)

You've allowed this monster to continue her abuse of your husband and she has treated your own children so appallingly they have no time for her.

YOU need to apologise to your husband and children and then tell your MIL she isn't welcome near your family, that you have been the only one pushing for her to be included all these years and you've realised your mistake.

That’s exactly what I’ve said. But I feel guilty. She’s so horrid, and he’s so lovely

You get the police to remove her from your property, this is harassment and no one should give two figs that she is an elderly woman she is crossing a line.

Let her sit there. Have DH step over her. Let shit the hit fan. Let her scream and cry.

The only way you’re going to get through it is by being a united front - don’t let your DH down by being weak.

@TomatoSandwiches
Youve hit the nail on the head