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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex had my sons hair cut after I begged him not to

180 replies

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 18:41

I have a 4 year old boy and he has (had) longish hair....looked like a little rockstar and people always commented on how good he looked.

Anyway, he is having his school photo on Wednesday and I was happy he would have long hair on this school photo as last year I cut his hair the day before photograph day (which I dint realise was photograph day) I was gutted and was adamant to have it long the next time around.

Anyway, when my xh picked him up last night I said he has his school photo on Wednesday and im wanting his hair long for the photo. I got a text this morning saying that he has asked him if he wants his hair cutting and my 4 year old son apparently said, yes, I want to look like a boy. So he booked him in to have it cut this afternoon. I text him pleading that he doesn't get it cut, I rang but he never answered and when he did I begged in tears he didn't do it, that he just leave it for this weekend and Id get it cut after his photo. He said hes going to see what my son wants.

The thing is, my ex has it in his head that only girls have long hair and boys hair should be short. he is very steryotypical Hes due to drop my son off at 7pm tonight, and im dreading seeing his short hair. Im going to show a smile for my son and say wow look how handsome you are, but inside I will be heartbroken.

Whats your opinions??

I text him pleading him not to go ahead with it and called him crying and pleading and he just didn't respond

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2016 18:44

Yabu and very over dramatic. He is also your ds other parent and also has a say. It will soon grow long if he's had it cut.

whatishistory · 08/10/2016 18:44

I'm a bit lost as to why you're so fixated on this, but I think that I would let my DS choose how he wanted his hair. Obviously it may be that your ex has convinced your DS that he should want it short.

I don't know. I don't think I could get quite so worked up about it.

Cheby · 08/10/2016 18:46

At 4, I'd say it's up to your son what his hair looks like (within reason!) not you.

SenoritaViva · 08/10/2016 18:46

Your ex did the right thing. As his father he has equal choice as to how your son looks. Your ex did the right thing by asking what you son wanted. Sorry.

PuntasticUsername · 08/10/2016 18:47

So you desperately want his hair long, and his dad wants it short. Ok, got that. What does your DS want?

Original poster

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 18:47

Yes it is more my ex has put it in my sons head that he would look like a girl with long hair. My son, although he is 4 is still very oblivious to things, he is a little behind with development. Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 08/10/2016 18:47

Nobody should ever beg an ex for fecking anything imo.

This is why.

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 08/10/2016 18:47

Your son said he wanted his hair cut and his dad had it cut so I don't see the problem. I know you're upset, but it's not your hair.

Littlepeople12345 · 08/10/2016 18:48

Fucking hell its just hair. It should be up to your son.

Coulddowithanap · 08/10/2016 18:48

I think yabu. Could it be that your son has decided that he wants short hair?

Surely you must have lots of pictures of him with long hair?

Original poster

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 18:48

I was combing my sons hair the other night, and for some reason he thought I was going to cut tit, and he shouted don't cut my hair. Ive shown him pictures of how he might want his hair, and he pointed to the longer styles. He is too young, I think to have a distinct opinion.

OP posts:

neonrainbow · 08/10/2016 18:49

It's only hair. It's your sons hair and he wanted it cut.

Original poster

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 18:49

My son told me he wants it long, but his dad said he told him he wants it short!

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 08/10/2016 18:51

You think he looked like a little rock star yet think your ex is unreasonable?

BestZebbie · 08/10/2016 18:51

Sounds as if what your son wants is to please his parents by saying what they have prompted him that they want to hear....

Thefishewife · 08/10/2016 18:52

Halle berry and her ex fought about there daughters hair for ages

He kept trying to chemically straighten it

Went to court judge said both leave her fucking hair l alone op I feel your pain it's most likely he's cutting it because you want it long if you wanted it short he would of been like keep it long

EatsShitAndLeaves · 08/10/2016 18:53

When I opened the thread I thought you were posting to say your EX had insisted on a hair cut against your DS's wishes.

That doesn't seem to be the case.

I'm sure you have lots of pictures of him with "rockstar" hair.

I can't really understand the crying, begging and wailing about a haircut YOUR DS wanted.

You sound like your priorities are far to driven by what you want your son to look like rather than what he wants TBH.

I'm with your EX on this.

MuttsNutts · 08/10/2016 18:54

Your son is saying what he thinks each of you wants to hear, can't you see that?

Do your son a favour and stop creating such a huge drama over it.

It's a haircut fgs.

MidnightVelvettheSixth · 08/10/2016 18:54

You were crying & pleading to your ex, why the fuck would you give him this kind of power over you?!

Sounds like the little lad doesn't have any strong opinions either way but you & his father both have strong opinions & he is trying to please both of you. Inevitably he will get it wrong & have to upset someone so you are both forcing him to upset a parent & he has to choose which one. At age fucking 4.

Stop it both of you! His hair does not matter.

ConvincingLiar · 08/10/2016 18:55

Perhaps now is the time to teach your son that his value is not in how he looks but what he does.

Chippednailvarnishing · 08/10/2016 18:55

I think you need to concentrate on bigger things than haircuts and stop being so dramatic.

I'm guessing your child will also tell each of his parents what he thinks they want to hear.

RebootYourEngine · 08/10/2016 18:55

Yabu its what your ds wanted.

When my ds was little he had long hair. However at the age of 2 and a half he asked for it to be cut to be like his grandads. So i respected that and got his hair cut. I was nearly in tears in the hairdressers.

phillipp · 08/10/2016 18:56

You want it long and your ex wants it short.

And your poor ds is caught in the middle of some sort of power okay over his hair.

He told his dad he wanted it cut. So he did it.

Possibly ds said it because he thinks that's what his dad wants. Possibly he wants it short but since he knows you want it long, tells you he wants it long. Or maybe he changes his mind from day to day. That's ok. It grows back. If he wants it long again, it will grow.

Rather than getting hysterical over hair. Think about your son. If he feels you are both putting him in the middle, growing up will be shit for him.

You don't seem to get that your son has 2 parents. Your ds wasn't pinned down or dragged to the hair dressers. A decision was made that your ds was happy with. End of.

Original poster

4n0nym0u5 · 08/10/2016 18:57

Thank you for your replies. I will suck it up and move on I guess....thank you...x

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 08/10/2016 18:57

You were foolish to mention the hair, the ex wouldn't have done it had you kept quiet. I agree that YABU and ridiculously dramatic. Dear me, here, have a grip.

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