Leaving OH in charge without proper briefing

[poupeedecire]

Name changed for this.

I went to a (work-related) workshop this afternoon/evening, leaving first a babysitter, then DH in charge of the DC. Whereas I previously fed the DC their dinner before I went out, DC1 asked today to eat with DH. I called DH to ask if that was ok, and he said he would prepare some pasta.
I forgot, however, to mention that DC2 would also be included in this, as well as the fact that I had put some fish in the oven for him. I asked the babysitter to put the fish in the fridge until DH was home.

Now, during the workshop I cannot use my phone at all. When it finished (it takes a little under 2 hours), I found 10 text messages and two missed calls on my phone, in which he asked me what to feed the DC/what the deal was with the fish/why I'm not answering. So I tried to call him immediately - he didn't pick up. Then I sent him a text message explaining the situation (fish was left in the fridge by babysitter/I cannot use my phone) - and got 5 messages back complaining that I hadn't given a proper briefing, not mentioned the fish to him or that both DC would be hungry, and he cannot rely on the babysitter's testimonial that the fish was fresh.

Whilst I admit that I forgot to mention the fish - does something like this warrant such a reaction? He hasn't spoken to me either since I came home.
I thought he can feed his DC? I really don't know any more whether IABU.

[BlueFolly]

He's sulking cos you went on a course? Twat.

[GoodLuckTime]

I think you need to go out more often until he gets the hang of it

[Sparrowlegs248]

Yanbu. Surely he could offer them both pasta even if he didn't know what the fish was for? Saying that, mine is useless and has never fed ds.

[SpeckledyBanana]

He's being a bit of an arse. Is he usually more helpful?

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

He is not a babysitter and no one wrote you a manual.
I'm sure he can easily heat pasta for 2 (3 including him) and could have either just left or eaten the fish depending on his decision?

[sentia]

It's not that hard, surely? DH does all the cooking and most of the child wrangling in our house, but even so I'm fairly sure that if left to my own devices without DH I could feed DD - it's just food, not landing a person on the moon.

[Dinosauratemypudding]

I'm glad he's not my dh

[NapQueen]

Oh my god! What a tool!

Smell the fish. Smells ok? Then eat it.
Kids hungry? Feed them food.
Unsure of what to do? Use logic and common sense.

He sounds like a middle management, "I have staff for that", cant wipe my arse without an SOP arsehole.

[AuntieStella]

No. Total over-reaction.

He ought to be able to pick his way through and work out the significance of the fish, or embrace the weirdness and turn it towards another eating plan, and that could have been toast and baked beans, for all I'd care, because he ought to be capable of feeding his infants even under adverse circumstances.

I'd expect to be teased rotten, and be on the receiving end of bad fish puns, as a kind of good-natured penance for not explaining. As that's the kind of thing that binds families together.

But nothing nasty. That drives people apart.

[dalmatianmad]

Seriously?! He text you to ask what he should feed his own kids?
That's ridiculous, I think you need to leave him to it more often

[meditrina]

"I think you need to go out more often until he gets the hang of it"

Fantastic suggestion!

[PikachuBoo]

Sounds pathetic.
He needs more practice,

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu

Why would babysitter lie about fish???

It's common sense surely, if kids are hungry you feed them. If he was unsure of the fish he could've done pasta for all of them. You shouldn't have to leave a manual for him, he's a grown man and their father

[Lovewineandchocs]

No initiative whatsoever! He could've made pasta for 3 without needing a briefing fgs 😬 Then sulking! The only way he'll learn is to practice-therefore you need to go out loads after work

[poupeedecire]

That's kind of what I thought...that I haven't committed a crime, and that he shouldn't need a 'briefing' for this kind of thing.

I like the suggestion of getting out more !

[FurryLittleTwerp]

"a proper briefing" WTF

[NauseousKitty]

YANBU. And if you haven't stood in front of him and told him exactly how inept he is, using non-child-friendly adjectives, you are a far better woman than I.

[clumsyduck]

I think people are being quite kind to your dp in their responses Iv seen ltb for less !!

Seriously though did he say the word briefing?
Also the fish situation is irrelevant your kids are hungry feed them it's not hard also no need for all the calls and texts

The fact he is sulking is pretty shit behaviour is he normally like this ?? My ex would have behaved like this . My now dp would say something along the lines of " I was confused what the fish was for so i made something else " when I got home which I think would be the more normal response

[FreshHorizons]

There is no need to brief him- he is not a babysitter. Just go out more often- leave no instructions other than 'use your own initiative' and if he phones tell him to do as he thinks best. He will get used to it.

[Somerville]

How old are the DC that he has gone this long without being able to feed them?

He should be embarrassed and apologetic about needing your help - not sulking.

[NickyEds]

Oh for goodness sake, what the he'll is wrong with him!?! Feed your children. It's just not that difficult. You definitely need to leave him to it more. "Can't rely on the baby sitters testimony"! Because babysitters are well known for their lying about the freshness or otherwise of fish

[poupeedecire]

I have learned from experience - it's no use arguing, I'll be ultimately at fault.

This is not a one-off, this kind of thing has happened a lot - that's why I need some feedback on whether I'm actually unreasonable or not!

[poupeedecire]

DC are 7 and 8.

[Swissgemma]

I left my dh with ds(14 months) from before dinner Thursday until about 2hours ago. I hadn't really been shopping for food and left no instructions. Came back to a perfectly well fed happy small person (and apology that only one load of washing was done - I tend to blitz laundry at the weekend when there is two of us!)

[Bagina]

My first thought was: you're not going out enough. He's ignoring you cos it was stressful and he couldn't cope. You need to leave him more, but can't complain if he does things differently.