I genuinely don't know. He is 20 and home from uni. Mil lives with us as she can barely stand without her zimmer. She doesn't need any personal care but we do all her meals, drinks and tablets. We don't use carers but have 3 older children, all of whom have finished college etc and between us we manage. I don't think its unreasonable to say to any of them you do nans lunch as you are at home anyway (to whoever - probably shared evenly). One of us nips home if they all have plans. I nearly always do the evening meal, dh does breakfast it usually lunch n doesnt have to be elaborate. That's all - no care, a basic meal, a drink n take tablets from a nomad n put them on her table. Don't expect them to stay home but do it when they are in anyway. We are all except eldest son going away for a fortnight shortly. He has a holiday job but the plan was always he was taking 2 weeks off, looking after Nan , dogs n other pets n getting paid for it. Sightly less than his wages but he was happy as not exactly hard work. Would also involve washing her clothes n probably other minor jobs but thats all. Much easier than his job n she didn't want carers coming in. Today though things have deteriorated to such an extent that I don't even trust him to feed the animal's. Twice this week have come home to her in tears. He burnt her lunch the other day, forgot it was in the oven, went back upstairs n then told her to stop whinging when she said it was inedible.
Similar thing today. Boiled a pan of soup almost dry, then left her to shoot back upstairs n she smashed the dish as he ignored her shouting him to take it away n get her tablets.
Aibu unreasonable to think he lives here rent free, we help him out (and so does she with an allowance) at uni? These aren't horrible strenuous chores n he can't even manage them. We are going away in 2 weeks and now having to source very expensive care (which she really didn't want) and to be honest I don't even trust him to feed the pets. I have visions of him forgetting the fish n Guinea pigs and dread what we might come home too. Am going to have to ask someone to have them. Money isn't the main issue, she has had carers before and didn't like it. To be honest I am livid with him
I feel like telling him to pay board himself now. I feel like he needs a dose of reality n we mollycoddle him. If he can help out, even when he is being paid then why should we sub him? It costs me a fortune when he us home especially in food. Aibu?
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Re: expectations of adult son
129 replies
Tink06 · 18/07/2016 00:22
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