Would you be pissed about this??? Family and money.

(143 Posts)
FlyingRussianUnicorn Wed 16-Mar-16 13:40:59

My grandmother has just died. We weren't particularly close- i havent even seen her since my grandfather died in 2014. Same with all other grandchildren. She hasnt even known who we are since about 2011.

Mum and my 2 aunts will obviously inherit everything. They have made a deal between themselves to give each grandchild £5000.

Except- im not getting anything. Yes I still live at home with board and rent free, but I still could do with the money. My car is fucked, my parents know this and know something needs to be done about it before the problems get worse. Id also like to move out in the next year or so.

AIBU in feeling this is unfair?

rollmeover Wed 16-Mar-16 13:42:20

Why aren't you getting anything? Are you the only one left out? Why didn't you see you grandmother for the last two years of her life?

cabbagefordinner Wed 16-Mar-16 13:42:57

What reason have you been given for not receiving anything?

curren Wed 16-Mar-16 13:43:48

What's the reasoning behind it?

Is it to cover your rent and board?

While I think that's a bit unfair, it sounds like your mum isn't happy you are living there rent free.

JanetOfTheApes Wed 16-Mar-16 13:43:49

Depends. Why aren't you getting anything and is anyone else the same?

Shoxfordian Wed 16-Mar-16 13:45:23

Assume there was no will?

If none of you saw her then why have they decided to give to other grandchildren & not you?

Did she not know who you were due to dementia or alzheimer's?

I think it's unreasonable to expect money from someone but it's not unreasonable to think it's unfair if every other grandchild benefits from the estate apart from you. Have you spoken to your mum?

mummymeister Wed 16-Mar-16 13:46:55

You must be at least 17 if you have your own car so why are living at home board and rent free? are you a full time student?

has the money gone to any grandchild over 18 and you aren't?

Not enough info in your original post to really decide what is/isn't reasonable tbh. at the moment, you are coming across as a bit of an entitled adult/child. but maybe that is because you are upset.

hejsvejs Wed 16-Mar-16 13:47:38

Sounds very unfair and a bit mean. What's their reasoning? How many grandchildren are there?

TurnOffTheTv Wed 16-Mar-16 13:48:35

Can't really comment until we know the reason!

Lightbulbon Wed 16-Mar-16 13:50:41

If you don't pay rent why can't you afford to fix your car?

If you can afford a car at all you're not that hard up.

It's still unfair though to be treated differently.

FlyingRussianUnicorn Wed 16-Mar-16 13:51:37

None of the grandchildren did. Shes had Alzheimers and my aunts and Mum decided it would maybe too distressing for us all to see her as we all had a very close relationship with her growing up. I do feel shit in a way like I abandonned her but my Mum would never let me go and see her and I was never told what care home she was in even.

Everyone else is getting the same although they have agreed the £25000 for the grandchildren will be split equally between the three of them (ie they are all paying a third of it rather than Mum deducting 10k from her, A1 deducting £5k and A2 deducting 10k)

Mum was the one who told me. I dont "need it" apparantly. Im not irresponsible with money- never had a CC or loan. Pay my phone bills on time and while I go on the odd shopping spree- how many people dont?!

Its pissing me off because my relationship with them is fragile anyway and they dont see they are pushing me away even more.

Kidnapped Wed 16-Mar-16 13:53:12

Have you already had money from your grandmother? Or your mum?

That said, do not say anything to your parents about this now; just try to support your mum as best you can.

You can perhaps tactfully broach the subject when the will is settled.

kickassangel Wed 16-Mar-16 13:53:19

Are you the only grandchild not paying rent or a mortgage? Is that the reason?
Do you have an income?

curren Wed 16-Mar-16 13:53:40

So is it independent grandchildren are getting the money? And you aren't independent.

It does seem unfair, but I also think it's unfair that you are an adult and don't pay rent.

How are you going to be able to afford to move out of you can't afford to pay for it now when you aren't paying rent?

NeedACleverNN Wed 16-Mar-16 13:54:31

No that's not fair at all and the fact you are responsible with money should mean you DO get it...

Waltermittythesequel Wed 16-Mar-16 13:55:59

But is it to help the others with mortgages or rent? I'm sure you're saving far more than 5k by living at home rent free!

Brokenbiscuit Wed 16-Mar-16 13:56:02

I think they should give you an equal share and then start charging you rent if that's an issue for them.

curren Wed 16-Mar-16 13:56:44

Yes broken I think that's a much better idea. Then she isn't left out.

hejsvejs Wed 16-Mar-16 13:57:02

Instead of feeling mis-treated, maybe you can view it as a rent payment to your mum so you don't have to feel bad about living there rent free?

Threesquids Wed 16-Mar-16 13:58:42

Did your grandmother have a will? Did she specify that all children should have money each, or is this an agreement between her children (your mum & co) who have decided to give some of their share away?

I am all for the school of thought that you should never expect anything, but this does sound rather unfair if they all are getting something and you are not.

Surely your Mum could at least put it away for you?

How old are you?

I'm going to say now, if you are a grown adult and not in full time education then I have no sympathy if you are living at home rent free.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 16-Mar-16 13:58:48

Is the money for a specific purpose like education? Because if you're not in education I think that would be fair enough.

Are there any other excluded grandchildren?

FlyingRussianUnicorn Wed 16-Mar-16 14:03:23

Sorry I should give more information of my background.

I have been unable to work for 5 years due to Quite severve MH issues. Ive manaed to get a part time job working 10 hours a week because I dont want to throw myself in the deep end sort of thing. It is a very big deal for me. My monthly take home pay will only be about £300 so while I intend on making a token payment towards board and rent I cant afford to pay the full whack.

Mum brought a car 4 years ago, I passed my test and we shared it. When she retired she brought another car abd she gave the car to me. I was on ESA at the time and gave her a token payment towards insurance and tax. I lost both my ESA and DLA at pretty much the same time so she has been paying for it for six months. Now im working I will be paying for it again.

I 100% understand it must be hard having an adult child living at home who doesnt pay rent or board. But she gives handouts to my sibling like theres no tomorrow and he is fully independent and is earning more then she gets from her very good pension.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 16-Mar-16 14:05:54

Is there a reason you don't pay rent?
My DD is 18 and she pays me rent.

NerrSnerr Wed 16-Mar-16 14:08:10

I would firstly figure out what your share of the mortgage would be if split equally between adults living in the house and your share of all the bills (council tax is usually £1000+ for the year) plus gas, electricity, internet, water, TV. I can imagine £5000 wouldn't cover it for more than a few months.

Does your brother get more than that in handouts? You're saving hundreds of pounds a month.

It must be tough to be too unwell to work full time but it sounds like you're already getting loads from your mum.

kickassangel Wed 16-Mar-16 14:08:52

IF you have the kind of family where one sibling is favored over the other, then the best thing to do is to step away. don't get caught up in the politics of money, it will never change their minds and just make you look greedy.

focus on getting yourself independent, and then spend less time with them until you are confident enough to spend time around them.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now