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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my kids to spend Christmas in an old people's home ?

267 replies

Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 17:52

Long back story I won't bore you with, but ex is in australia. He plans to fly home at Christmas and book two rooms at his mothers sheltered accommodation for him and four children. At first I thought fine I get a break, don't care about Christmas we will do that another time but all my friends and family are telling me I'm mad to allow it. The rooms aren't interconnecting, god knows who lives in this place and frankly it's not much of a Christmas for the kids.
Wwyd ?

OP posts:
specialsubject · 11/08/2015 17:56

I used to spend a lot of Xmas's in old age homes; as a member of a non-Christian girl guide group we used to go on the 25th and help provide tea and cake, general useful things. (probably wouldn't be allowed now, elf and safety and all that)

don't recall it being a problem, nice to feel useful.

old people are not actually evil, you know.

kids might be quite pleased to see their dad at xmas?

SpringBreaker · 11/08/2015 17:56

So what would your suggestion be? I'm it's not a retirement home for paedophiles Hmm

NynaevesSister · 11/08/2015 18:00

How old are the children? Are the rooms next to each other? I presume the children are old enough to be in a room on their own. I wouldn't have a problem with it myself. It depends on the accommodation. My husband's nan lived in sheltered accommodation. It had a large family lounge that was specifically for families. Had games and a pool table. Was a large space and only used when families were there so kids could really run around.

The5DayChicken · 11/08/2015 18:01

DM worked in an old folks' home while I was growing up. I used to spend Christmas mornings there with them helping out with breakfast and stuff. I don't see the big deal with allowing it one year if you don't mind having Christmas on a different day.

DurhamDurham · 11/08/2015 18:02

The accommodation for guests is usually really nice, I'm aware that's a huge generalisation but I've seen several because of my job and they have all been fine. Older people enjoy Christmas too and having children around will make it really special. Surely their dad will make sure it's a good for them? He's trying to see his children and his mum, I'd go for it, especially as you don't really like Christmas much anyway.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 18:04

I have no opinion either way at the moment, mulling it over.
There are people with Alzheimer's living there I know this to be a fact, one friend pointed out that might be an issue.
Are the children old enough, not sure, I book family rooms when I take them anywhere so the 5 of us are together.
My youngest is a five year old boy who needs to let steam off, no idea if there's room or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 18:06

The rooms bother me a bit tbh, they might be next door to each other I don't know but they definitely only sleep 2 .... 2 single beds so I hope it's him on the floor not one of my kids

OP posts:
ilovechristmas1 · 11/08/2015 18:06

im sure they will enjoy it and im sure the residents will do to

they will be spoiled rotten by the residents

The5DayChicken · 11/08/2015 18:07

Would your 2 youngest not top and tail?

caravanista13 · 11/08/2015 18:08

What a horrible attitude to old people. And if it's sheltered accommodation then people will be living pretty independently.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 18:08

Youngest two are a 5 year old boy who wets the bed every night without fail and an 11 year old girl.

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 11/08/2015 18:12

Check with your ex (and get it in writing) that all the kids will have a proper bed to sleep in.

And then ask the kids what they think.

TendonQueen · 11/08/2015 18:14

How long for? A few days would be a different matter to a week, for me. They'd get bored of it by then unless he's also planning to take them out a fair bit. Is that likely?

Possibly a daft question but does your ex know about your 5 yo not being dry at night? Can you organise pyjama pants or something?

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 11/08/2015 18:14

Well, at least he is making a plan, they will see their grandmother, he's showing them that Christmas isn't just about stuff, it is about being with people they love.

I'm not saying that you don't do those things too, just that these are plus points.
I would be worried about the bed wetting and want to know that he would deal with that without upsetting the 5 year old.

WhetherOrNot · 11/08/2015 18:16

My Mum lives in sheltered accommodation - this is completely different to an 'old people's home' !! Each resident has their own flat, there is a communal lounge with kitchen for 'events' like afternoon tea. No doubt your MIL has her OWN accommodation in this place?

I think you are being totally unreasonable in talking about alzheimer's - people with this awful disease are not usually in sheltered accommodation where the residents are deemed to be able to fend for themselves with just a warden popping in occasionally.

They will not be murdered in their beds you know if they come into contact with the elderly!!!!!

Original poster
Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 18:16

He hadn't told me if they will be there the whole two weeks .... He's told me very little tbh I've got this from his mother who thinks kids sleeping on the floor is entirely acceptable and made them all cry last time by telling it would probably be the last time she saw them before she died but anyway, if he has them it'll be for the two weeks and they will all just have to muffle through I guess.

OP posts:
WhetherOrNot · 11/08/2015 18:18

You deemed your Ex capable of having children with - now you will have to just deem him capable of looking after them. You cannot dictate HOW he deals with them when he has them - much as you would wish to.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 18:19

Two residents have Alzheimer's ex mil moans about them regularly running around in all sorts of condition.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/08/2015 18:20

Why is kids sleeping on the floor not acceptable to you? Confused

We always used to bunk down on the floor as kids when we had family staying. We loved it and so did our cousins!

My understanding of sheltered accommodation is the same as WhetherOrNot's

FannyFifer · 11/08/2015 18:22

Might be a good thing to let your children learn about kindness & understanding toward the elderly as they sure as hell are not learning it from you.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 18:23

I beg your pardon ?

OP posts:
yellowdaisies · 11/08/2015 18:23

Kids sleeping on the floor whilst visiting relatives is totally normal and acceptable in my book. An adult sleeping on the floor so that the kid gets the bed would be very strange. I'd leave him to it. I'm sure the old folks will love having some children around at Christmas, though there's quite possibly other familes visiting too.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 11/08/2015 18:24

The other thing that crossed my mind is do the other residents want them there for two weeks, does this need approval of some sort ?

OP posts:
msgrinch · 11/08/2015 18:24

Leave him too it, they'll be fine and it's really up to their father what the arrangements are during his time with his children.

The5DayChicken · 11/08/2015 18:25

If he has to book the rooms, them making that booking for him is approval I'd imagine.