To think a 'cheap' wedding is just fine?

[Noseyvalentine]

First of all, apologies, this board seems full of wedding woe at the moment. Dp and I recently got engaged and have been looking at options for our wedding. I don't particuarly want a long engagement as we have other things we've been saving for, namely a deposit for a house, and I think the longer we put off a wedding the longer it will be before we can get a house as it will eat up those funds. We both have a very similar attitude towards money, we don't have a lot of it by any means as only dp works and we have three dc, but we're very good at living within our means and actively love a good charity shop! Ive looked into nearby venues and the cost is actually unbelievable, and in most cases doesn't include catering which can be up to £30 a head.
I'm more than happy to get a second hand dress, as really, I'll be in in a few hours maximum. But I seem to be hit with absolute disbelief when I mention to friends the corners I can cut. Favours for a start. I don't understand the obsession with buying each guest a piece of tat that they'll just throw away. Similarly, I'm a good baker and have every intention of baking my own cake. This was met with actual gasps of horror by my friend. My ideal day would honestly to get married at the church then bring everyone back here for a picnic. The problems with that being relying on the weather being ok, and also wether the garden is big enough. My house is a pretty modest size and not that pretty. My suggestion of people bringing a dish to share in lieu of a wedding present has also been deemed rude. I feel a bit stuck and deflated. As it is, we're looking at spending £6000 at least to hire and cater for a modest amount of people, less than 60, about a third of that number being children.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I being wildly cheap, and would you look down on my wedding? I think with some decorations my garden could look lovely, and yes I'd have to clean up afterwards but so what? It would save us thousands and we could even maybe afford a few days away afterwards too. Anyone had a cheap wedding and regretted it? Or an expensive one and still regretted it??

[MaelstromOfLunacy]

My mum and stepdad had one of the loveliest weddings I've ever been to. Registry office, non wedding dress from Monsoon, buffet and drinks back at their (not large) house made by myself and my brothers. Cake made by a friend, photos done by my brother - it was just a wonderful, happy day, and cost them next to nothing. Go for it!

[wigglesrock]

I think it sounds lovely, my only worry would be the weather but you can cope - what are your numbers like? I hired my wedding dress , many moons ago and a relative of my husband made the cake, the woman I babysat for when I was a teenager made my bridesmaids dresses. We had our reception at a hotel but that was most expensive bit of the whole thing. I think our wedding cost about 3 thousand (16 years ago).

The bring a dish to the reception would bother me either but I'd be more likely to ask if I could bring something I didn't have to cook ie drink.

[wigglesrock]

Sorry the bring a dish wouldn't bother me

[AnnaBee36]

YANBU! You should have your wedding exactly as you want it. The picnic/everyone bringing a dish idea sounds lovely, and you can make anywhere look pretty with some cheap bunting and flowers. The only thing that matters is you saying your vows to each other, and then celebrating with people who love you. If anyone thinks you MUST spend a silly amount of money on a lavish wedding they are missing the whole point of marriage. I've been to loads of different weddings from lavish stately home affairs to dancing-in-the-village-hall ones and not once have I judged them on how much has been spent. they have all, without exception, been utterly lovely and joyous. Good luck with your planning.

[LovelyBranches]

I'll be honest, my wedding was big and it was perfect for us. It was OUR day. You and your dp should have YOUR day and make it about your relationship.

I hate that mumsnet always divides people into cheap weddings=great, expensive weddings=awful. Surely the best day is one filled with love, happiness and joy whatever your budget.

[Ijustdontknowwhattodowithmysel]

What size are you?

[tabulahrasa]

Making your own cake might be a bit of a mistake...as in, it's time consuming and if you're doing other things yourself like decorating or any other food you might end up a bit stressed.

Other than that, I don't see an issue. My sister had friends (and me) decorate and bring food for the buffet, no one cared at all as it was all planned like that well in advance and people were more than happy to help out with little things like that.

[momb]

Pot luck buffet is definitely a good thing.
I know we can't link to other boards per se but have a look at Lucy and Rob's wedding on rock n roll Bride (Feb 5tth) . They used church hall but otherwise might be all the inspiration you need.

[Moomaloo]

A village hall is your friend - no weather issues and plenty of space! Consider a fish and chip van to cater if you don't want to do bring a dish. Or friends of ours got indian caterers in for a fab banquet at a great price. Cheaper weddings can be more fun and more personal.

[victoryinthekitchen]

the best wedding I've been to was a simple one, family used their own cars, flowers were from the local market and the party was in a marquee in the garden. It was magical, the couple were obviously besotted and everyone was so pleased for them. It helped that it was a lovely sunny day and the local pub set up a mini bar in part of the garden. Do what's right for you.

[throckenholt]

FWIW I lean towards, the cheaper the better. Why waste so much money on just one day, when you could put it to so many other better uses. Having fun and enjoying your day doesn't have to cost a fortune.

We did our wedding party at home, with a buffet (which we catered ourselves). No-one (so far as I am aware) looked down on it. And if they did, I am glad I didn't know, because I wouldn't have welcomed them to my wedding !

Your wedding, your choice - do it any way that suits you both.

In answer to your last question - I am sure there are lots who regret spending a fortune on their wedding. But I guess it is easy to get caught up in all the possibilities, and completely lose the bigger picture.

[MildredDreadful]

Had a cheap wedding myself and been to several....all lovely. Your friends are talking nonsense. People love to participate in weddings and bringing food, loaning a dress/veil/shoes, helping with or donating flowers etc are all lovely 'gifts' to both give and receive. Of course, make your own cake etc. and do a buffet picnic. Friends to take pictures. It will be fabulous.

[ShaynePunim]

YANBU. In my experience people have more fun and have fonder memories of simple, home-spun weddings.

Go for it, it will be lovely!

The only thing I'd be worried about is that you can't rely on the weather. But you can think creatively...can you host at one of your parents' if they have a larger house (where you could fall back on the inside of the house if it rains)?

[newtonupontheheath]

We had a "cheap" wedding- registry office, driven by friend with nice car, we had around 50 people at the local (naice) Indian restaurant and then back to ours for drinking later for those who wanted to.

I was pregnant at the time and spending a fortune on a wedding was never a priority for me. MIL mixed in some of the aspects of Hindu culture/weddings as we wanted to show both cultures without the associated cost/thousands of guests.

Everyone had a great time... It did rain, despite it being in July but the next day was sunny and we had a lazy day in the garden when friends who were staying local popped round for tea and cake. In total we spent approx £2k but probably less as some stuff we bought has been used since.

[wigglesrock]

Meant to add when my sister got married, she found a great wholesale florists locally and made up the flowers herself, they were beautiful. She hired a private room in a restaurant for her reception and we decorated it ourselves, posies on the table in IKEA cheap vases, tealights etc. She had about the same numbers - it was a lovely day.

[bellbottomedtear]

We got married at a registry office then back home with about 70 odd people we had a gazibo in the back garden. Food my mum got from m&s where you order it a friend made the cake. It was lovely and relaxed was what we wanted and didn't cost a fortune

[Noseyvalentine]

Thank you. Village hall might be an option but around here there'd be a bit of a trek to get to a nice one and I want to make it as easy on everyone as I can, not least autistic ds1. I'm really worried he wouldn't cope with a more formal day, and as it is will probably declare he's bored before I've even walked down the aisle the church hall of the church we'd like to marry in is very small, dusty and cold. the cake, I can kind of see your point, but the person I spoke to about this seemed to think £3-400 on a cake was nothing. At a push, I'd get some ready make ones from M and S and decorate hem myself maybe? Seems an ok compromise. I'm a 12-14 and another reason I don't want to drag out the engagement is previous eating disorder issues. If I'm given a year or two to prepare I know I'd probably get carried away, as it is, I'd like to be a comfortable 12 which I know I can do in a month or two and take it no further.

[YouKnowNothinJonSnow]

We had a cheap wedding, registry office, back to my dad's house for a few drinks and then on to a local restaurant for a nice meal and a piss up. It was a great day!

[Viviennemary]

It's not U to want to cut costs. But a picnic sounds awful with the unreliable weather here. I don't think older people would appreciate the bring a dish. But I think quite a cheap way to do it is to have the wedding and afterwards a buffet at a local pub or small hotel.

[Pootles2010]

Looking on MN should tell you people will bitch whatever you do - so do what suits you. I think previous posters are right with village hall though, you do need to keep everyone comfortable.

[tabulahrasa]

When it comes to enjoyability for guests, I've been to cheap weddings that were great and expensive ones that were great too.

The ones that were bad were ones were people wanted a big lavish wedding but couldn't afford it and cut corners on things that affected guests, like food or having it on an awkward day where you've had to get time off work so that they had pictures that made it look like an expensive wedding, but the guests didn't have as good a time.

Things like whether your dress cost £60 or £6000 or whether decorations are a load of balloons rather than big fancy feathery things make no difference at all to how nice a day a wedding actually is.

[CMOTDibbler]

I made my own cake (3 tiers) and actually it was no hassle at all. The cakes were made well in advance, marzipanned 2 weeks ahead, and iced a couple of days ahead. I had made silk flower decorations for the top and between layers, so it took less than 5 minutes to assemble on the day. For a friend I did 3 stacked tiers and her florist did a lovely arrangement for the top and it couldn't have been easier with lovely ribbon round each tier.

I'd love to go to a bring a dish wedding, and tbh would go over the top in making nice things. Over the years my friendship group have done a lot of parties like that, or supplemented the hosts provision especially with stuff for those of us with dietary restrictions.
There could well be a clever way to set up a website to make sure people provide a variety, and you could have easily bought things too. Maybe also offer the option to give you a voucher for x supermarket if they don't want to bring anything or will be travelling to get to the wedding

[specialsubject]

if your friends are really horrified at the idea of no wedding favours, I suggest you find some new friends!

one way round all this is not to tell any supplier that it is a wedding. Ask them to cater for a party and that will halve the price.

[sansou]

One of the loveliest wedding receptions I've been to was set in the mother of the bride's back garden. It was an average sized garden and they put up a few small marquees. So, the venue was free (and also had cover in case of rain!). What they saved on venue hire, they were able to hire in good caterers with the requisite staff who kept everyone fed and topped up with alcohol (which you could supply yourself) and everyone had really posh canapes. It really stood out as a tastefully done family affair. Her mother even planned/planted her garden 12 mths in advance to make it look fantastic that summer. If it was me, I would prioritise the catering - you don't want to cook for your own wedding!

[Scotchmincepie]

It sounds like a fabulous day. We had my sister's reception (it probably helps if you stop calling it a reception and start thinking party!) at the house in the back garden - and it was lovely. Not a big or pretty house. Lucky with the weather though...

Brother in laws reception was down the local (nice) pub after registry office, no free bar bar bar some fizz at the beginning, long shared tables and his MIL had made the cake. It was a brilliant wedding - really relaxed.

You don't need favours...I mean, really? Also think carefully about whether you want a photographer, we had quite a chilled wedding but the photographer was the one unchilled and expensive bit of the day. And I don't think anyone bought an official picture and the nicest one we have was from a friend... who'd taken it on her phone.

I got the flowers done by a local garden centre - a posy of in season flowers as I love flowers but tbh a bouquet from the local flower shop wrapped up with ribbon would have been fine. Also got button holes which I rather wish I hadn't as I forgot a couple of people who obviously thought they should have had them!

Don't get sucked in by the wedding industry = they want you to spend money and it won't actually make the day any happier. That will be made by you and your new husband being happy and relaxed.