Partner lending money to cocaine dealer when I'm 38 weeks pregnant

(143 Posts)
bunglesmum12 Sun 25-May-14 23:39:20

Hi, not sure if this is the right place to write this but I have had some problems with my partner doing drugs, coke and weed in particular. At the beginning of our baby journey he agreed that everything would stop and of course it didn't and I battled with the idea of leaving/ having an abortion. Over time, things have got better but he has found two new friends who just happen to be massive cocaine dealers. I have problems with him having these new "friends" as he has trouble saying "no". I am now 38 weeks pregnant and was having quite a good day yesterday until my partners phone rang. He said that one of said "friends" was coming to the house to borrow £200 and that he was going to pay him back tomorrow. I immediately said I didn't want him coming to the house and I don't think he should lend him such a large amount of money. I mean, what else does a drug dealer suddenly need £200 for at 4:15 on a Saturday afternoon for? He reckons it was to pay his mortgage! But how many people pay their mortgage in cash late on a Saturday afternoon and are able to give the £200 back the very next day??
Am I being unreasonable being angry?
I don't want anything to do with drugs and I don't want them in or near my house and I don't want drug dealers coming to the front door asking for money.
I was furious that my partner would lend such a large amount of money at the drop of a hat to someone like that, especially when we still have some large baby purchases to buy! My partner thinks I am being "unhinged". So hurtful

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 25-May-14 23:42:14

Yawn

I reckon he was actually paying his tick.

Leave. As soon as you can. He will not change, he has dangerous friends, he does not care about the safety of you or your baby. Run, do not look back.

bunglesmum12 Sun 25-May-14 23:46:58

Ha! OMG do you know what?? I didn't even think of that!

CoffeeTea103 Sun 25-May-14 23:51:45

I remember your thread from the last time, and you're still dealing with the same issue months on, drugs. Not sure what it's going to take for you to see that you're wasting your time with this man.

Drug dealers don't really borrow money from drug users. Drug users give money to drug dealers in exchange for drugs, usually.

You won't have a happy family life with a junkie.

QuintessentiallyQS Sun 25-May-14 23:59:08

Are you on glue? Why else would you stay with a drug addict?

PrincessBabyCat Mon 26-May-14 00:02:33

Why does a cocaine dealer need money? Cocaine sells for a pretty good price.

Your DH is doing drugs again. Sorry.

Bogeyface Mon 26-May-14 00:03:04

If he is giving £200 on the basis of a dealer coming to your house its because he has negotiated it to stop him or you getting a beating.

He will owe far more and the dealer will be threatening him/you/your home with violence. What if he didnt have the £200? Well he would be beaten, you would be threatened to the point where you are scared for your life and they would take things from your home.

Leave. Now.

This man will never change. The next time he owes them money, if he cant pay then they WILL threaten your baby.

The son of a school friend is in prison for dealing and she said that the worst things is that he threatened the kids of his "customers", he even cornered a woman and her young kids outside their school because money her patner owed. It happens.

AnnieIncognito Mon 26-May-14 00:03:49

You need to look at your situation from the outside. This man is a junkie and is toxic for you and your baby. Leave and never look back.

You won't ever have a fulfilling life for yourself or the dc. Cocaine cost's a fair bit and imagine what else the money he wastes on it could buy?!.

Every other expense, need ect will be secondary to the payment of his drug habit. The £200 was clearly payment for what he has had on the slate. So he has lied also. Get out now look after you and the lo.

thornrose Mon 26-May-14 00:12:30

I havent read any of you'd previous posts but I agree with other posters, he is paying for what he has 'bought' on tick.

he has found two new friends who just happen to be massive cocaine dealers you sound incredibly naive. They are his dealers not his new friends!

I think it sounds like your partner is up to his neck in it and now they're visiting your house you too are involved.

unrealhousewife Mon 26-May-14 00:14:44

Erm OP has it occurred to you that if social services or the police or anyone else with a need to speak out, found out about this you would certainly lose your baby's father in prison and possibly lose your child into care.

Effectively by putting the drugs and money first he is abandoning his baby and if it continued he would be wilfully putting his child at risk because drug dealers never play fair. It's child neglect which, if it put the baby at risk is a form of child abuse.

Get your facts and talk to him. Give him a day to think it through and if it doesn't click, leave him. If it does click, leave the area so he's not near these people any more.

It's time for him to grow up, he can take it or leave it.

Doinmummy Mon 26-May-14 00:17:57

You seriously need to be looking out for your safety. Drug dealers are dangerous people to know. Your DP owes them money because he has bought drugs from them and I bet £200 is the tip of the iceberg.

I wouldn't believe anything your DP says , these people are not his friends, they are drug dealing , dangerous criminals.

Leave ASAP

hakunafrittata Mon 26-May-14 00:19:47

Sorry to be harsh, but you would be a terrible mum if you stayed with him.

bunglesmum12 Mon 26-May-14 00:20:44

Thank you everyone for your comments and no, I am not on glue, how rude!
It's so difficult to hear your comments at 38 weeks because I know you are right and that I have been putting up with it for way too long and have been through hell. Iv not been able to talk to anyone about it as I'm from a good background and have a good family and I am ashamed to be in this situation where I am having to deal with a partner who not only uses drugs but is also lying to me too. I'm emotional to say the least. It's awful that he is also making me out to be some irrational idiot where as I know I'm right not wanting any of this around my children or myself.
How do I leave? Do I do it now?

Doinmummy Mon 26-May-14 00:21:46

I think talking to your DP and giving him time to think is a waste of time, he's an addict who if he had any regard or respect for you, wouldn't be taking drugs in the first place .

If you do talk to him about this I'm sure he will reassure you everything is fine- don't believe him.

Doinmummy Mon 26-May-14 00:23:33

Give Women's refuge a call, they're fantastic

Doinmummy Mon 26-May-14 00:25:46
olgaga Mon 26-May-14 00:27:30

Get out now. If you're from a good family go to them and keep your children safe.

Bogeyface Mon 26-May-14 00:27:51

Could you move in with your family?

You necessarily have to tell them the truth but if they love you then the truth would probably be the best. They will want you and the baby safe.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, unless you stay. You didnt use the drugs, you didnt have dealers threatening to come to your house, all you have done is trusted a man who lied to you. If you leave and keep you and your baby safe then you will have done the right thing and no one can criticise you for that.

Bogeyface Mon 26-May-14 00:28:12

Sorry....you dont necessarily have to tell them the truth

Beardlover Mon 26-May-14 00:34:21

Have you family you can turn to? Lay all your cards on the table and see what they say. Maybe you could negotiate living with them for a few months.

Alternatively, ring women's aid and make steps

Beardlover Mon 26-May-14 00:39:03

Cocaine is a class A drug as you probably know = class A drugs mean up to 7 years in jail, an unlimited fine or both for possession. For supply and production it's up to life in prison and/or an unlimited fine.

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