to not want the OW at my child's football match?

(264 Posts)
Yogagirl17 Thu 09-Jan-14 20:41:17

Am I within my rights to tell XH that he has no fucking right to bring OW to our DC's football match? I would like to watch my son play football and don't think I should have to set eyes on her skanky face in order to do it?

ivykaty44 Thu 09-Jan-14 21:06:10

Go along and smile and say good day then move over and chat to the parents you know and ignore her.

Whilst all the time you know she has to be there... As he has a history of not remembering which woman he is with so she has to keep a very close eye on him to make sure he doesn't stray.

Whereas you are now free ;)

Yogagirl17 Thu 09-Jan-14 21:06:25

Hugless - why is it a good thing that she cares about my son? He is MY son. They don't live together. She doens't look after him. I couldn't give two shits if my DCs like her or not. I'm going to tell him he's an insensitive asshole and he can decide whether he thinks it's more important for OW or me to be there.

Monetbyhimself Thu 09-Jan-14 21:07:05

Skanky she is indeed. And she doedn't need to be there at all. She has no place there. But it probably gives her a kick to upset you so the best possible thing to donis hold your head up high, surround yourself with other parents and let her stand in the cold. Ow had the nerve to show up at a school event against DDs express wishes. My friends and family closed in around us like a protective blanket and the happy couple had to slink out at the end when Dd refused to go near them. She hasn't shown her face since. I know she has to spend time with my children but she can do it on her turf, not ours.You are a better person than she is. Keep your dignity.

SirChenjin Thu 09-Jan-14 21:08:37

As others have said - YANBU to not want her there, but FGS don't give either of them the satisfaction of seeing that you are bothered by their presence. Shoulders back, smile, say hello, move away.

You might also volunteer her for kit washing duty wink

SirChenjin Thu 09-Jan-14 21:08:47

them not her

Monetbyhimself Thu 09-Jan-14 21:09:03

Actually Ivy makes a good point grin I'd never thought about why OW have to be so clingy. Of course they're scared that the bloke will forget who he is supposed to be shagging wink

tiredandsadmum Thu 09-Jan-14 21:09:13

I've had this on various school events like Christmas concert. DS barely had a part. Apparently there is nothing that you can do, but it is insensitive. Ex didn't even let me know they would be there. I do know with them it is part of rubbing my nose in it. YANBU. The very worst one at the moment is her (with ex) going to meetings at school about my son and his learning difficulties. That has me white-cold with fury.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Thu 09-Jan-14 21:09:48

I really wouldn't say anything to him - sorry sad

I wouldn't be above casually telling the other football mums and dads how I felt though.

LittleThorinOakenshield Thu 09-Jan-14 21:10:00

Look happy, even if you have to snort drugs before you go!

LIGHTHEARTED.

Bowlersarm Thu 09-Jan-14 21:10:53

I wouldn't give him that ultimatum OP. I would imagine he'll chose his girlfriend over you, which would mean you'd either lose out, or lose face.

Miserable for you, though.

Yogagirl17 Thu 09-Jan-14 21:11:13

Monet - thing is kids moved schools a couple of years ago. Old school, I would have gone in a heartbeat and, like you, known all my dear dear friends would have my back. Doubt either one of them would have the nerve to show their faces in that situation. But new school is much, much bigger. I will only know a few other parents, and not well. I would love to go looking fabulous and breezy and not giving a fuck but I just don't think I'm capable of that right now.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Thu 09-Jan-14 21:11:44

Lets face it- we all hate standing on the sidelines on a freezing Sunday morning. (Or is that just me?)

She has to be a loon.

Lizzylou Thu 09-Jan-14 21:12:04

What does your son think? How does he feel about OW?
I feel for you op, I do. It must be heartbreaking.
But the focus must be on your Ds here and making this change as easy as possible for him (bitter experience).

WooWooOwl Thu 09-Jan-14 21:15:29

he can decide whether he thinks it's more important for OW or me to be there.

Why would you want to give him that choice, and the power that goes with it?

It's not up to him whether you are there or not, and it doesn't matter whether he thinks it's important for you to be there or not.

If you want to be there and your son wants you to be there, then you have reason to be there! Your ex and his new girlfriend are irrelevant to what you decide to do, because you aren't going for their benefit.

I know it must hurt like hell, but don't let them think that you are that bothered. If you do, then they will just feel all superior because they will have reason to believe you are still pining for your ex.

jacks365 Thu 09-Jan-14 21:16:43

How recent was the breakup as you seem so bitter still. If it's that recent then he really shouldn't have introduced her to the children yet so yanbu.

Crazyex Thu 09-Jan-14 21:17:42

YANBU - she is there for herself and perhaps him for various reasons- very unlikely she is there for altruistic reasons of supporting a young boy she barely knows and has no responsibility for. Tell them "whatever" - my ex seems to want to be permanently attached to the GF but the kids have made it clear that he gives them previous little attention as it is so they'd rather have him to themselves.

sockssandalsandafork Thu 09-Jan-14 21:17:58

pair of twats ... can you take a friend for moral support?

Crazyex Thu 09-Jan-14 21:18:13

Precious...

LittleThorinOakenshield Thu 09-Jan-14 21:20:58

No to the ultimatum. It's not a good idea.

They will just take over.

OBehaveMaeve Thu 09-Jan-14 21:22:06

as pp says.

That Leanne Rimes singer shows up to her husband's children's football games and looks like a pushy stepmonster for doing it.

so let her! everybody will be so awkward. It will highlight how insensitive she/they are and what a 'prize' he is.

TaraLott Thu 09-Jan-14 21:23:16

Nope, not U at all, it would boil my piss, but I don't see how you can actually stop her going without a scene.

PurpleCrazyHorse Thu 09-Jan-14 21:23:19

Feel for you. But as the daughter of divorced parents (dad had an affair) I am so grateful that my mum never gave an inkling that she was fazed by dad or the OW. I never had to choose, I was never put in an awkward situation. Even now at 35 with a DD of our own (who they both want to see as much as possible), there's never a comment about when we see each of them, or seeing one more than the other.

Whatever you feel about him and her, please don't let your DC get wind of it.

I really hope it goes as smoothly as it can do. You can't stop her turning up or him being an arse, though. hugs

DoYouNeedAWahhmbulance Thu 09-Jan-14 21:23:21

YABU

But I can totally understand why you're upset, it's such a hard situation

Hold your head up high and ignore them, they are irrelevant to you now

PurpleCrazyHorse Thu 09-Jan-14 21:25:52

Ooops, my hugs is an accidental link to nowhere... oh dear.

Good luck at the match, maybe the OW will get frozen solid or fall over in the mud (due to ridiculously stupid footwear) and you'll sweep on in looking as glamorous as you can do at the side of a football pitch grin

lunar1 Thu 09-Jan-14 21:26:07

they are a pair of skanky wankers and though i guess id have to tolerate him being there she would be about as welcome as last weeks fish.

Take the high ground, take a couple of trusted friends. One to support you and have lots of quiet chats and knowing pity smiles towards the OW. the other friend, and this one should be your most stunning friend should be there to give your ex lots of discrete smiles and knowing looks. make the ow feel as insecure about her 'prize' as possible.

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