Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be bored of it?

233 replies

LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 09:22

I am sure many people share my angst here.I am SICK TO DEATH of asking him to do one sinple job and it taking him seven days with my consistently reminding him to do it for it to get done.He does NOTHING in the house,no diy,nothing and the little jobs like just washing a cup he simply leaves for me.So i say to him yesterday " you know its getting really boring having to remind you constantly" so he tells me im boring for nagging him.Erm....I just asked you to do a simple job and you havent done it as per usual so that your fault is it not?I am just fed up of basically having to run the house,finances,sort out ds alone and looking after a 30 year old man like a teenager.He goes to work but apart from that he does nothing so why is everything my responsibility??aibu.

OP posts:
SoloXantiaClaws · 15/12/2013 09:51

YANBU. I think it's a man thing sadly. My 15yo Ds seems to be training to do the same thing.

CailinDana · 15/12/2013 09:54

It's not a man thing. It's a lazy disrespectful person thing. Stop washing his clothes, ironing and organising anything to do with his life.

BoredHorse · 15/12/2013 09:55

This sounds so familiar!

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2013 09:56

I asked DH to replace the felt on the shed roof for 4 years before he did it.

thoughtsbecomethings · 15/12/2013 09:57

I could have written that post. My Dh exactly the same.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/12/2013 09:57

It's not a man thing, don't lump my DH in with dickheads like this.

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 09:58

I find it VERY unattractive.

OP posts:
CatAmongThePigeons · 15/12/2013 10:01

What CaitlinDana said.

What an arse he is.

TTTatty · 15/12/2013 10:03

Another 'it is not a man thing' from me. Don't think this is just how men are because that excuses what is lazy and disrespectful behaviour.

Stop doing the things you do for him - look after your ds and yourself and stop cleaning up after him, doing his washing ect.
Although I don't think things should have got to this stage and it is very sad things have got so unfair in your household.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/12/2013 10:03

I have one of these sort of husbands.

He hadn't had any clean clothes for 2 weeks because I'm refusing to do it. I have explained to him that I was clothes that are in the washing basket and seeing as all of his worn clothes are in a massive heap next to the bed and across the floor of our spare room that's where they are staying until he does something about it. Even when they go in the washing basket, I'm not doing them. I just pick out my own clothes, bedding, tea towels etc and wash them Grin Ne had to go to his Works Do in his unwashed and I ironed suit (still sitting on the bedroom floor from when he last wore it about 5 weeks ago) and now he is on a Stag Do with dirty clothes, haha - I hope he stinks and all his friends take the piss Grin

I also used to be picking up after him, putting his stuff away whereas now I just pick all his crap up and dump it in the spare room - he is now moaning all the time that he can't find things... Grin

But do I care?? Not at all Smile
When he asks me where x, y or z is I just smile and shrug my shoulders!!

We also have separate bathrooms because I refuse to share one with him, lol. I have the gorgeous big one with all the fancy towels whereas he gets the smaller crappy one. It's filthy because he won't clean it but seeing as I don't have to look at it then he can choose to do as he likes.

I have only taken this approach over the last 2 weeks but I'd just had enough!! It was hard at first knowing there was mess around the house that I was jut leaving, but I just keep the doors closed to his bathroom and the spare room etc and just pretend the chaos isn't happening. It's easier now though, I'm quite enjoying the sneakiness of it and the best thing is that I know he will soon get the message Grin

We are not their cleaners or their slaves!!!! Grin

OwlinaTree · 15/12/2013 10:03

Seems that men are last minute beings. My DH is! He can't plan very well, so if we go away for a couple of days if it happens to be warm as we leave he won't bring a coat, or if it's raining but it's July he doesn't bring sunglasses. There's no point saying to him ' hoover by next Saturday cos we've got visitors at 2pm' he'll hover at 1:45pm on the Saturday. Better to wait till 12pm on the day and say 'can you hoover visitors arriving soon'. Then he does it straight away.

Can you agree one job he will do each day like for eg the washing up? He can get into the habit of it then rather than you having to nag about different things.

mewmeow · 15/12/2013 10:05

Aw hell Yanbu, lucky we never really need DIY in our flat but if we did I think dp would get round to it. It is the lack of help with everything else that pisses me off, it is all some how inherently my responsibility to make sure someone (usually me) does it. Drives me mad, but to be fair he doesn't sound as bad as some of the partners/ husbands on here so I guess I shouldn't complain.

ThurlHoHoHow · 15/12/2013 10:06

I have been asking DP to change the broken landing light bulbs for about 4 months now. I would do them myself but I can't reach. It is slowly driving me barking...

The thing is he does so much else. It's not like he's sitting on his arse, he's doing lots of other housework and DIY. He just can't seem to remember the landing lights.

Maybe today I'll hold him at gunpoint make him do it!

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 15/12/2013 10:10

It is not a man thing. Even my DSs are more helpful than that.

Start making small changes. Instead of "you never help" conversations, ask every thing that needs helping with, like " can you take the laundry out of the dryer" can you and the kids set the table ? Make washing up a family responsibility.

Small steady changes,

If he refuses to help at all, point blank, I would stop doing his laundry/food/ etc. and seriously consider if this is the life I wanted for the next 40 years!

CailinDana · 15/12/2013 10:15

To give you an idea of what a decent husband can do - this morning dh got up with ds at 6 then took dd (who cosleeps with me) downstairs at 7 while I slept till 9. While I was in bed he tidied the kitchen and sitting room and is planning on going food shopping later then doing baking with the kids before he cooks the dinner. Oh and he put a wash on too.

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 10:38

I know what a good man does,my father is one of them too.The worst thing is I feel lonely,lonely although im not alone.Theres no team and I feel like Ive got noone looking out for ME.ds is great hes not got the lazy procrastinaters part of his genes.How do i change this without a massive battle?

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 15/12/2013 10:43

Rubbish! You need to sort something out OP, relationships shouldn't be like this. Me and DP have our own duties in the house like he is washing up man, I'm laundry woman and we help one another give the house a big tidy once a week. DS is a bit of an early riser so on days off, we take turns who gets up with him and who gets a lay in. We also take turns with cooking to. Seriously your DP is just a lazy git.

SoloXantiaClaws · 15/12/2013 10:50

Not every man of course Hmm

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 10:51

He is isnt he and i think hes really selfish. hes pushing me to the edge in so many ways and i tell him in such a calm collected way yet he still doesnt change,even a bit.He picked his job as washing up,did half,i ended up doing the rest and now he does none because he makes such a drama or "ill do it later" Im not a crazy nagging partner,i just want him to hrow the shit up and build this family.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 15/12/2013 10:54

Oh my God I hate all the "I'll do it later" and the "I'll do it tomorrow..."

They don't mean a word of it!!!

The only fights me and DH are over the housework and I really, really, blow up at him!!

I have considered walking out on many occasion......

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 10:59

Thats kinda what im thinking writer.What will it take?I told him im unhappy,so does this mean he doesnt care?

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 15/12/2013 11:00

Another one here with a wonderful partner that does his share and more.
If mine was like yours OP I would most certainly LTB.

CailinDana · 15/12/2013 11:02

Pretty much LEL. The dh I described earlier cleaning while I have a lie in etc used to be incredibly lazy. But I told him it had to change and so it did. Because he cares.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/12/2013 11:02

I know now that I'm at the point where if I hit breaking point again I WILL walk out - enough is enough.

I wouldn't leave our marriage over it but I would certainly leave the house, tell him I'm not prepared to live like this anymore and go and stay with my mom or something and tell him to have a good, hard think about how he views our marriage. I have had the same argument over and over and over again with him and nothing has changed, despite his assurances it would. Sometimes taking action is the only way. I will tell him that he clearly doesn't see me as an equal, he treats me like the cleaner, has no respect or care for my feelings, I don't feel we are a team and that I've had enough. Because I really, really have.

icclemunchy · 15/12/2013 11:06

My DP does this, I ask him to do something he says "yeah" then never gets up and does it Angry

so my new trick is to wait an hour then get up and do it, as soon as I touch the hoover or whatever he jumps up and does it telling me to sit down. This works for us because rather than being truly lazy DP has no sense of time nor urgency but this way I don't have to nag constantly!!