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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to get in a night nanny

221 replies

Rhubarbgarden · 19/06/2012 11:09

I know it's cheating. But dc2 is breaking me. I can't get him to settle after his night feeds, and last night was just the pits with him having a feed at 11 then wide awake crying till about half 2. DH and I took it in turns with the jiggling and shushing, but we are still both a wreck today. It's like this to a degree every night.

I have a 2 year old dd too, and I simply can't summon up the energy needed to deal with a toddler with this going on. I've got in extra help temporarily but dd is clearly feeling 'farmed out' and got hysterical when the nanny arrived this morning, and clung to my leg screaming mummy mummy while I was trying to rock the pram to get ds to nap - who was also crying. She's fine once the nanny has got her out the house and off to the park or something, but she's getting increasingly upset on a morning when she realises it isn't a 'mummy day'.

I can't keep going like this. I'm worn to a thread. I remember it being hard at this stage with dd but we got her sleep trained eventually and then it was fine. But I just don't have the mental or physical reserves needed for it this time, so I'm sorely tempted to get someone in to do it, just for three or four nights, to let us get some sleep and get on the right track. But it feels like a cop out...

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 19/06/2012 11:11

Do you have the money? If so, go for it.

crikeybill · 19/06/2012 11:11

How old is dc2 ?

KellyElly · 19/06/2012 11:12

YANBU. I would have done the same if I had the money. Or at least a morning nanny so I could lie in. In fact I want one of those now :)

Flisspaps · 19/06/2012 11:13

How old is DC2?

What methods have you tried to sort the sleep (sometimes jiggling and shushing can make it harder for a child to go to sleep)

If you really need it, and can afford it, go for it. But you need to do it alongside sorting sleep for DC2 (depending on age) - even if you and DH do an alternate might each so you get a full nights sleep every other night each.

Declutterbug · 19/06/2012 11:16

Oh you sound knackered Sad. Baby and toddler combo is so so exhausting.

How old is DC2?

What is your aim with the night nanny? Is it someone to be an extra pair of arms and help soothe the baby after feeds, or are you expecting them to come and do sleep training? The only person I know who used one handed her 3 month old over to the nanny for 3 nights and the nanny did controlled crying with them whilst mum slept with earplugs.

Would a postnatal doula in the mornings or at teatime be another option that might give you some support and help with toddler/house and maybe a rest during the day? It might be cheaper than a nanny.

ceeveebee · 19/06/2012 11:16

Cheating? Motherhood isn't some test of endurance. If you can afford it I highly recommend it. We had a night nanny for alternate nights for 9 weeks with our twins, and any night nanny worth her salt will help you with the sleep methods.

If you are anywhere near London I can recommende nightnannies.com

accountantsrule · 19/06/2012 11:21

YANBU but 3 or 4 nights will not solve your problem. I agree with Flisspaps you need to sort out the sleep issue on a permanent basis.

If you need advice and a plan then it is worth visiting the HV and sleep clinic. We were doing the same things as you and it was a nightmare, once we were told how to sort the sleep issue out we were completely sorted within 2 weeks.

On the other hand, if you get someone in for 4 nights they will probably have sorted the sleep issue out for you in that time however this always involves a certain degree of crying so you may not get that much sleep anyway (but at least you'll be in bed!)

Original poster
Rhubarbgarden · 19/06/2012 11:22

Gosh thanks for the sympathy. I thought I'd be told this is just motherhood so get on with it. We can find the money. We are in London so good to hear that recommendation, thanks ceeveebee, I was looking at that website earlier. Ds is four weeks, I'm not sure what my aim is really, I'm so woolly headed now, I guess just to take him after I've fed him and do the settling so I can sleep. Presumably a professional will know tricks I haven't thought of.

OP posts:
SooticaTheWitchesCat · 19/06/2012 11:23

I can completely understand you, if you have a child who wont sleep it is completely draining and effects the whole family. If I could ahev had someone to help me it would have been wonderful.

If you can afford it then do it. I'm sure it would only be for a short while until your baby sleeps properly and you could get some decent sleep yourself.

Tee2072 · 19/06/2012 11:23

If I could have afforded it, I would have hired one in a heartbeat. And I didn't have a toddler to deal with.

Go for it.

tulipsaremyfavourite · 19/06/2012 11:24

Don't hesitate. Call the night nanny and get her in. This is not a competiotion so you are not cheating even though i understand what you mean.

If you can afford it do it. I called a night nanny and she helped me over the phone. Well well worth it.

accountantsrule · 19/06/2012 11:27

As you can afford it get someone in but get someone in to help you understand how to sort out the issue, not just someone to hold the baby so they don't cry in order for you to sleep. It is really important to sort it long term or you'll be forever tired.

GravyHadALumpyMashBaby · 19/06/2012 11:28

I had a great sleeper compared to most and I would still have LOVED a night nanny!
Go for it!
Good luck!

ReelAroundTheFountain · 19/06/2012 11:28

Do it! Even one or two nights of sleep will make you feel rejuvenated. As the others have said - a good night nanny will help you get ds settled.

With the day nanny you have - could you not get her to take ds out instead of dd? So she has some time with just you?

It is sooo hard going back to the newborn days. ds1 and ds2 slept like a dream from the start, dd1 was a different story - I did the pacing up and down but both ds1 is at school and ds2 at pre-school so I had some time to recover.
It will get easier but I would def get the nanny in, call them today!

Bagofholly · 19/06/2012 11:32

If you can, you should.
We had someone for our twins from about 7 weeks when I thought I was going to self destruct. I also had a 20 month old whose sleep cracked at the very moment I needed him to go right through. Sleep deprivation is AWFUL and IMO the start of a road to depression if you're not v careful.

So there's two ways of doing it - get a sleep specialist in for a bit - eg Millpond/Andrea Grace and try and crack the problem for good, or get a long term night nanny.

Best of luck.
(And one more mention of "cheating" and I shall hunt you down and get me evil on your ass.)Grin

Bagofholly · 19/06/2012 11:33

Does he sleep in the day? I'm just wondering about the dreaded reflux...

mayaswell · 19/06/2012 11:40

Go for it, sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture. Thank God I had help, that feeling of dragging exhaustion still haunts me now.

sashh · 19/06/2012 11:45

Cheating? There is a professional service that provides for your family's needs and you can affors it, what is cheating.

The same with a cleaner, a tutor, a gardener any other professional that comes in to help.

Bagofholly · 19/06/2012 11:47

Yeah, or hairdressing. Or dentistry. Imagine if it was cheating to let someone else do your teeth? Smile

MarySA · 19/06/2012 11:50

Cheating?? Absolutely not. If it makes life easier then why not if you can afford it. Maybe the night nanny will get the baby into a proper 'routine'. Which I certainly never managed to do with DD when she was a baby or even a toddler.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret · 19/06/2012 12:08

Of course it's not cheating. I would warn though that I got in a night nanny a couple of times for dc2 and missed him so much I couldn't sleep anyway. Plus I found the supposedly reputable night nannies who supplied her a bit shambolic, there are a lot of women out there promising they'll solve your babies' "problems" who basically just want to earn the (good) money. But it's definitely worth a try. Good luck.

Original poster
Rhubarbgarden · 19/06/2012 12:18

Thanks, you're all so kind. He has colic, but not reflux, and we've got it under control with Colief though it does sometimes bother him. His daytime napping is all over the place - some days I can barely keep him awake for feeds, sometimes he refuses to nap at all and gets angrier and angrier. I keep finding myself falling into bear traps like feeding him to sleep - did that just now Blush because I haven't the energy to do it properly. I've got myself into a horrible vicious cycle.

I was really on the ball with dd and got her into a routine quite quickly, but it's all so different this time around.

Right, I'm going to tell suggest to DH we get a night nanny and I shan't feel guilty Smile.

Thanks again

OP posts:
MamaChoo · 19/06/2012 12:18

Do it. Ours solved a lot of the sleep problems over the phone with brilliant advice before I even met her. Best thing I did.

everlong · 19/06/2012 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumbleymummy · 19/06/2012 12:20

When people are talking about 'sorting out problems' here - are you forgetting that this is a 4 week old? I sincerely hope that no one is suggesting any kind of sleep training for a 4 week old to 'sort out' sleeping!

OP, where is your DS sleeping? Is it possible for you or your DH to sleep in another room so that one of you gets a few hours straight of sleep and then the other can take over? Have you tried bringing him into bed with you? There are safe ways to do that and, while it's not everyone's cup of tea, it worked for us. DS slept for 4-5 hours at a time when he was in beside me compared to 20 minute stretches in the Moses basket beside the bed!