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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

999 replies

moogster1a · 15/11/2011 12:39

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 15/11/2011 12:40

Me too!

Bossybritches22 · 15/11/2011 12:42

YANBU - agreed if in a private room if if you are one of those lucky ones that gets a side ward, but not otherwise. Midwifery led units can sometimes support this.

Lovely idea for both the new parents but impractical in our current hospita
set-up.

fuzzynavel · 15/11/2011 12:44

YANBU - how bloody ridiculous. I'ts a hospital not a bed and breakfast.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 15/11/2011 12:45

Does it really matter? If he's the Dad of a newborn he's probably got a pretty good idea of basic biology. You'd deny a Dad spending the night with his partner and his newborn baby to spare your blushes? I don't get the problem, a stranger is a stranger - whether it's a woman or a man and you are already in a room of strangers, with strangers dealing with your needs. Would you like to ban male Drs & Nurses as well?

stillorsparkling · 15/11/2011 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morelovetogive · 15/11/2011 12:47

Agree with above. I was in 4 nights after dd was born, hubby aloud to stay for first and last. First was on hdu with me and last was in a side room on ward after 2 nights with no sleep, at all, and in a lot of pain. Think they were worried about pnd f i didn't get the support i needed for the last night.

piprabbit · 15/11/2011 12:48

TBH I found my first nights quite tough, even second time round. I'm not sure I would have wanted my own DH there, it would have just added an extra layer of complexity to me getting on and doing what i needed to do. I had a side room both times, and was still glad to be on my own to muddle through the nights. DH would have felt compelled to be 'helpful' in some way, would have wondered aloud if I was doing stuff right, was it normal for baby to cry etc. He wouldn't have had any answers, but may well have unwittingly upset me.

I'm not keen on the idea of having any 'guests' staying, male or female.

I also think that there is a good chance that a significant minority of 'guests' would actually increase the workload for the staff, and not actually be hugely helpful.

Acceptableintheeighties · 15/11/2011 12:48

Yanbu! There was enough noise on the ward at night with mothers, babies and staff without adding in more!

My dp is incapable of walking softly or sleeping without sounding like a chainsaw, cannot imagine how that would go down in a ward full of labour exhausted, post natal mothers!

If there were a few partners like that, I dont think it would be as helpful and relaxing as some may think!

valiumredhead · 15/11/2011 12:48

Yes, it would matter to me.

Shall we have mixed changing rooms in shops as well?

I was very grateful for my own room!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 15/11/2011 12:50

Agree

I didn't want other (non-medical) blokes around me when I was in pain with leaky boobs and blood everywhere. I wanted peace and quiet (or as much as you can get in a PN ward) without blokes and their wives/partners yakking all night.

morelovetogive · 15/11/2011 12:50

Sorry cross posted i meant agree yanbu, wouldn't like it on the ward, i think a lot of women feel exposed and vulnerable enough already. At least with other mums on the ward you are all in the same boat.

Original poster

moogster1a · 15/11/2011 12:50

chipping I don't think I'm being overly precious not to let another man see me bleeding from the vagina. And yes, it does make a difference whether it's a woman or a man. All the other women have just given birth, and most importantly are not men. Same as I will happily change at the swimming baths in front of women, but would not take myself into the men's changing room and strip off there.

OP posts:

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 15/11/2011 12:52

I don't think I'm being overly precious not to let another man see me bleeding from the vagina

What the Fucking hell!!

for the love off god keep your curtain closed

Original poster

moogster1a · 15/11/2011 12:53

Difficult to keep curtains closed when you're shuffling off to the loo at the end of the ward. Unless I wrap the curtains round me

OP posts:

piprabbit · 15/11/2011 12:55

I agree with others about noise levels too.

When I was on the ante-natal ward having my first induction, they ran out of space on the post-natal ward that night. So a new young mum, her baby and her bestest friend in the whole world ever were put in the cubicle next to me. The friend was given some pillows and a blanket so she could sleep in the cubicle.

They chatted, laughed, texted and watched TV until 3am. 3am. And I got to enjoy every moment through the dividing curtain. We were woken for BP checks at 6am. Deep joy.

StrandedBear · 15/11/2011 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarianneM · 15/11/2011 12:57

YABU

I remember asking how much a private room would be when I was nearly insane from lack of sleep, tearful, hysterical, and desperately wanted DH to stay with me - £800 a night so DH went home. I think husbands should be allowed to stay over, new mothers may need support that the hospital just doesn't have the resources to give.

fotheringhay · 15/11/2011 12:57

Yes it's the extra talking at night that would bother me, rather than having men around.

ChunkyPickle · 15/11/2011 12:57

I was lucky enough to have my own room, but the thought of having to cope for the first night with my first newborn after an EMCS horrifies me. TBH I'd prefer not to be seen by any strangers - whether they are men or women, but if the choice is be seen waddling to the loo by people, or spend the night alone, in pain with any movement, with a newborn then personally I choose strange men and women every time.

blackteaplease · 15/11/2011 12:57

YANBU.

AFKM I wasn't allowed to keep my curtains closed, the midwives kept opening them which meant that everyone on the ward got to see me vomiting and also having frequent bed changes due to pph.

It would have been nice to have dh stay if I were in a private ward, but to be honest I sent him home asap so I and he could rest (it was 4am by the time I moved to the ward.

Where would they sleep? In the chair? That wouldn't be very comfortable.

SoupDragon · 15/11/2011 12:58

I assume you actually mean post natal ward.

StrandedBear · 15/11/2011 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TroublesomeEx · 15/11/2011 13:00

YANBU. It's a post natal ward. The women are post natal, the men are not.

Besides my DH was far too busy doing stuff to have stayed over night with me and I didn't want anyone else around and I had a room to myself.

Peachy · 15/11/2011 13:00

I would have loved Dh tehre; I had a very traumatic first birth- we both almost died- and in fact when I had a small seizure a day afterwards I was too exhausted to actually call anyone, it would have been good to have DH: wouldn;t have wanted the side room though, it came with a free bug infestation (note this was 12 years ago, have ahd 2 and a homebirth since and hospitals much cleaner now so if you are pg please do not panic).

Mind, I am quite a private person and could not imagine being in the scebario in the OP and showing blood anyway; this is to my detriment not OP's, spent far too much energy being embarassed about such things. but I am not more embarassed around men than women tbh: I won't do communal changing either.

Ultimately i don;t get it but heck I am nt having any more so...

even if not overnigt though some flexibility would be good: after having ahd a fit and induction I went into labour at 2am, called Dh at 7am and he was refused entry even though I was really upset (had been in and out for 7 weeks, ended up a nervous wreck)

Peachy · 15/11/2011 13:00

(should add he did get in, but it was no easy feat and took a lot of arguing)

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