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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she's a bridezilla??

221 replies

bridesmaidzilla · 13/07/2010 21:22

My friend is getting married in December and decided to book her bridemaids dresses fitting on my wedding anniversery (tomorrow) - I mentioned this when she told me 3 months ago and she said I know but it will only be for about 2/3 hours.

Anyway, 2 months ago she informed me we had to purchase our own shoes but she didn't want me to have too high a heel!!

I have arranged for a friend to have my dc's tomorrow - my dc's know her well as she's my closest friend - friend is willing to have dc's as long as needed.

Bride has rang me tonight to say she'll pick me up at 9am (changed from 10am) and I said I'd drive in case any problems etc I can leave if needs be. I cannot go before 9.30am as dc's have swimming lessons - and I've said I'll drive to meet her and others at the bride shop. When I asked her how long she thought we'd be (as friend has dc's, I have optitions at 4pm, and DH is home early so we can have takeout for anniversery).

She was extremly 'off' with me stating that there was no time limit she'd set and she wanted me to have a day without worrying about my dc's (she doesn't have dc's) and after bride shop visit to go into the city about 30 mins away and buy the shoes.

I said that I didn't expect to be buying the shoes tomorrow and that as I am going on holiday in 2 weeks do not have the money. Also have had unexpected bills this month e.g car broke down and now problems with my glasses hence opitions appointment which I've had yo get them to squeeze in (work weekdays)

I suggested that if she wanted us all to wear the same shoes she bought them (don't wanna pay more than £50) and I pay her back next month. She has refused this.

She was extremly rude to me about the optitions appointment and I explained it's the only one they have this week that I can attend and need new glasses sorted asap (can't see without them) and it takes 7-10 days for them to be made and need them before I go away - and she had said originally 10am for a FEW hours.

So AIBU or is she being a bridezilla and WWYD???

OP posts:
traceybath · 13/07/2010 21:23

I'd try and back-out of your 'duties' right now.

Will only get worse.

proudnsad · 13/07/2010 21:24

YABU. You sound like you've put obstacles up and burst her balloon at every turn.

matumble · 13/07/2010 21:26

YANBU you have tried your hardest to fit in and she is being very over the top, i agree with tracey, back out now

nigglewiggle · 13/07/2010 21:26

Perhaps you need to gently reassure her that you are really excited about her wedding, but your children and being able to see will always come higher up on your priority list .

compo · 13/07/2010 21:27

Sounds like she wanted a girlie day with her bridesmaids
and is now hurt that you booked the opticians for the sane day

Original poster
bridesmaidzilla · 13/07/2010 21:28

how have I burst her balloon she decided to do this on my anniversery and she keeps changing the plans over and over and just expects my dc's to be palmed off at her request. I've made arrangments for childcare going by her 10AM for a few hours.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 13/07/2010 21:29

It sounds like neither of you is listening to the other - has this been the history of your friendship? She wanted, as compo says, a jolly day out with the girls. You wanted to get the dress fitting over quickly and do something else, but somehow neither of you managed to communicate this to the other properly.

KarmaAngel · 13/07/2010 21:32

YANBU as you explained it was your wedding anniversary and she said it was only for a few hours. I suspect she's not exactly a bridezilla (yet) but has forgotten that her wedding isn't everyone else's sole purpose for existence. Is she normally a good friend/level headed? If so I'd let her off but explain your other commitments and just leave when you need to. Also, see what type of shoes she wants you to get and then maybe order them online when you have the money? If she's normally selfish anyway I'd back out of being a bridesmaid.

LimaCharlie · 13/07/2010 21:33

YANBU - deffo bridezilla - in a couple of years she will maybe cringe with embarrassment

mazzystartled · 13/07/2010 21:38

she IS being a bridezilla
but you are being a miseryguts

traceybath · 13/07/2010 21:40

I think this bride really wants bridesmaids who can really get involved in the build-up to the wedding and the actual day itself.

Perhaps if you can't commit to that you should explain that you have too much other stuff on and really don't want to let her down.

But as others have said - it depends on how good a friend she is really.

ChippingIn · 13/07/2010 21:40

proudandsad must have been reading a different thread and posted on here by accident - it's surely the only reason someone would say YABU.

You told her it was your anniversary when she first booked it - she should have changed it. As it's your anniversary it's reasonable to expect you would have other plans/arrangements later in the day. She said 3 or 4 hours and you were supposed to know she meant all day? She is getting you to buy your own shoes (kind of acceptable), but if that's the case you get to choose the shoes and you get to decide when to buy them (so long as they go with the outfit and you don't stress her out by not buying the 2 days before the wedding!!) - that's all without the issue of the children/opticians...

She's a right bloody nightmare - do you really want to do this??

scurryfunge · 13/07/2010 21:40

She expects everyone to fall in line with her wedding plans and you expect it to be an insignificant event because you are so busy. Either decide to meet her half way or forget being bridesmaid.

proudnsad · 13/07/2010 21:42

Ok this is how you've burst her balloon:
She changed the time from 10am to 9am (gasp).

My kids go swimming at 9.30 (they cld actually miss it for ONE week)

I can't afford more than £50 for the shoes (but I've booked a two week holiday)

I can't buy them on the day all the bridesmaids are toghether for a lovely day because of car blah blah whatever

It's my anniversary (err can't you just go out in the evening or am I missing something?)

I have to go to specsavers (ok, admit opticians is important but really you can change app)

If I was her (and funnily enough I wouldn't be as I never craved a big wedding or wanted to be 'the bride' - but my bf did and I was so delighted for her) I'd sack you!

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 13/07/2010 21:43

YANBU. I agree, once she is married and thinking about her first wedding anniversary she will be cringing. Likewise, when she has children, she will be cringing.

Out of interest, was she your bridesmaid? Were you like this?!

compo · 13/07/2010 21:44

But maybe all the bridesmaids aren't local and she's having trouble getting them all together on the same day hence getting the shoes at the same time

dearprudence · 13/07/2010 21:49

YANBU. If she wanted a full day out she should have said so.

I love going to weddings, but they are primarily for the two people involved. Other people should be invited to share the day, not the entire bloody build-up.

ChippingIn · 13/07/2010 21:50

IF what Bridezilla wanted was a girls day out, with all the bridesmaids, to do the fitting, buy shoes, have lunch out etc she should have said so, she should have chosen a date that suited them all. She said she wanted the OP to do a fitting for the dress that would only take a few hours from 10 in the morning.... how was the OP to know she really meant 9 and all bloody day? There is nothing wrong with what Bridezilla wants - there is everything wrong with how she has communicated this to the OP.

mazzystartled · 13/07/2010 21:55

I agree there should really be no need to buy shoes in July for December wedding, but it is the sales so it may be a good idea.

As you are marking your anniversary with a celebratory trip to the opticians, it's hardly like she's keeping you from a day-long romp on a bed strewn with rose-petals. You can still be back in time for dinner with DH.

WWID? I'd go and enjoy myself and support my friend. It's supposed to be fun, not a duty.

mumbar · 13/07/2010 21:58

proudnad - why would the op get her children to miss a paid for lesson to go and spend more money she doesn't have at the mo??
She has said she's not got £50 tomorrow as bridezilla demanded not that she's broke. Changing the time the night before is a bit off when you know op has childcare to arrange is a bit much and op has said she can do til 3ish and then has apt (no other time poss she says) and is having eveing with her dh.

YANBU op you have expected what you were told was happening and arranged your day around this. I personally would have told her NO from the start as it's your anniversery as she sounds like the type that wouldn't consider doing anythoing for anyone else when its hers.

Like the order onlive advice above think maybe you should try that.

Good luck

Maylee · 13/07/2010 22:00

YANBU - she should have said that she expected you to spend the whole day in the first place - then you may have been able to make alternative plans.

proudnsad is being unreasonable though.

Why should OP's children miss swimming because Bride didn't communicate her plans?

And why shouldn't OP book a 2 week holiday? It's her money FFS. And as for OP having to pay for her own shoes - that's vulgar bride behaviour if you ask me. IMO, if the bride can't afford to buy the bridesmaid's whole outfit, then she should have fewer or no bridesmaids. How rude to expect the bridesmaids to pay!

And OP IS spending time in the evening with her DH. Read the post.

Hulababy · 13/07/2010 22:02

YANBU

She has knowingly chosen your anniversary to do all this - thus putting her wedding above yours.

She knows you have DC but has neglected to remember this in the plans and is now offended that you are a mum first and bridemaid second (as it should be IMO).

She has changed plans and expects everyone to toe the line. Togugh - world doesn't revove around her.

And expects you to fork out cash at her sya so and when she says. The family holiday and the car are a bigger priority than buying shoes for a friends wedding.

But she has two choices - she accepts that sometime syou have priorities beyond her wedding, r she looks for a new bridesmaid.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to need to only spend a few hours on this, esp on your own wedding anniversary.

Some people really annoy me with all their plans for their weddings, etc. It is as if the whole world should stop and do heir bidding.

proudnsad · 13/07/2010 22:02

Alright, alright Chippingin with your many italicised words...calm yourself.

In MY opinion, a bride gets married but once (hopefully) and the bridesmaids can make themselves available for a day that is v special to her. Be that at 9am or 10am and whether their dc have swimming lessons or not.

And we only have the OP's words to go on. Reading between the lines I think OP has hardly been acting in the spirit of things and perhaps harping on a bit about how her life is busier than everyone else's?

lovely74 · 13/07/2010 22:04

Of course YANBU, SHE is being a nightmare!

I understand why she would want to make a day of it but she cannot decide that this is what is going to happen without telling you first. She hasn't got kids, but she knows you have so she knows that you cannot just change plans at the drop of a hat. Why should they miss swimming for the sake of half an hour???

For the shoes, fair enough that you buy your own. But if that's what she wants then you are well within your rights to set a price limit. And so what if you can afford to go on holiday? That doesn't mean you should have to spend loads on shoes you may never wear again. (fair enough about the heels though, my bridesmaids weren't allowed to wear heels either as they would both have been taller than the groom!) We all allocate money to the things we need and if her shoes weren;t in this months budget then tough.

Of course she wants to be the most important person and her wedding to be the most important event of the moment, but life goes on and she needs to bloody accept this!

Pancakeflipper · 13/07/2010 22:08

you are hacked off cos' she's invaded your Wedding Anniversary so every alteration is going to nark you even more. She wants a "oh I am the bride and these are my bridesmaids" day.

Just try to organise what you can do with good grace and hopefully she'll get over herself.

But if it's always like this between the 2 of you... Why are you being a bridesmaid?

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