Drugs again. Please someone tell me I'm doing the right thing.

[MercurySummer]

First of all, sorry if this is a bit rambly and not as intelligently written as most MN posts... I wasn't going to post at all as most of his stupid family are probably on here, but then I thought, f@*k it.
Dp and I together over 6 years, have a DS (4) and a DD (12 weeks). He has what you might call an 'addictive personality' and has had a previous problem with cocaine. we broke up over it when DS was small (I was informed of his problem by a 'friend'). Things haven't been right between us for a while, and the old warning signs had returned, so last week when we had had a row I looked at his mobile. I found some fairly incriminating messages. I then checked his bank statements and found MANY occurances of large sums of money being withdrawn for no apparent reason. I confronted him with this, and he tried to explain it away (unconvincingly). After more pressure from me, he finally admitted he's been using Mephedrone ('not regularly... probably once a fortnight')! Since then he seems to have lost the plot completely, not going to work and basically behaving like a prick. I've kicked him out and he's gone to his mothers. That was 3 days ago and I've heard nothing from him . I'm gutted about it all. He knows how I feel about drugs (never touched them, infact I don't even drink). I'm not even gutted for me (I will get over his betrayal eventually), just for my poor DS and tiny DD who will grow up without their dad around.

So sorry for rambling. Please someone reassure me that I've done the right thing. Was feeling so strong but now... I don't know how I feel.

[colditz]

Oh you have SO done the right thing. Just think of all the attention you can lavish on your children now that prick is gone! Just think - next time they need new shoes you can get the money out of the bank without worrying whether or not he will have spent it!

His nose, his problem. Well done, you brave woman!

[MercurySummer]

Oh, and I forgot to mention the message I found to a girl he works with, it looks like he was inviting her to spend the night with him.
And the money he's been spending on drugs and god knows what else has meant that we have had no money for food and nappies for weeks.
Writing this all down, he's a total loser isn't he?

[maxpower]

What an awful situation. I think you've been very brave to take such decisive action.

[MercurySummer]

Thanks Colditz. X-posted. That's what I needed to hear.

[MercurySummer]

I'm thinking I should go to the CAB and find out where I stand re house (rented) and access etc. Do you think it would be fair for me to say supervised visits only until he can prove he's not using? (unlikely I think, as the friends he does it with at colleages and he's already told me he won't leave the job).

[MercurySummer]

*are colleagues

[lolabanola]

You really have done the right thing, it may not seem like you have but when you get a bit emotionally stronger you will see that this is the best thing for you and your children. You say 'I'm not even gutted for me .... just for my poor DS and tiny DD who will grow up without their dad around' - you wouldn't want a drug user around your children anyway. He's extremely selfish if he can find money for drugs and not buy nappies or food for his own children. Good luck and whatever you do - never take him back, he wont change.

[bananastainsonallmytops]

MercurySummer I am sorry to read what you've been through.

I don't know anything about drug addiction but I just wanted to say that I would have done the EXACT same thing.
IMHO he seems selfish and doesn't consider your children at all. Does he even realise the danger he is putting not only himself in but his family too. You have my deepest sympathy and I think the fact he hasn't contacted you (even for the childrens sake) says a lot.

I hope you have someone to support you

[Coolfonz]

Well he sounds like a tool but nothing to do with drugs, he just sounds like a tool.

Is he really taking Mephedrone once a fortnight? If so that's nothing, wont make him behave like anything, even if he took a load of it at once.

The reason it is so popular is that it doesn't really do anything to you afterwards if you don't do too much/don't do it regularly. Which ipso facto is when people get into trouble with it as they start to take too much too often.

If you say he's been taking out large amounts of cash. It's not for Meph once a fortnight.

So either you've overreacted or he's a liar. Or both.

[Eurostar]

I'm not sure if the price has gone up since it became illegal but mcat was a cheap drug before. I don't think it would involve large amounts of money unless he was taking large amounts regularly. The text might well be to do with him being high on it as I've been told by users that it enhances sex, been told it's like a mixture of ecstasy and viagra.

So..yes...you've done the right thing. Good luck for the future.

[Coolfonz]

"I've been told by users that it enhances sex"

No way Pedro. It's generally floptastic at the time. It does makes you want it more tho'. But then so does walking down the street for me The day after can leave you a tad frisky though.

Unlike MDMA which encourages you to hoist the flagpole but won't allow the band to play. Stupid band hating MDMA.

[Eurostar]

coolfonz - I guess it affects different men differently - like some men flop with alcohol while others can just bang away for ever when drunk but nothing "comes" of it.

[MercurySummer]

Coolfonz- I am almost certain it's either a lot more than once a fortnight, or it's not Meph but Coke again. The cash withdrawn was like £100, £150 a time. I'm aware that heavy drug users will lie to cover the severity of their habit, and all the signs are there (dripping/bloody nose, snoring, either not sleeping or sleeping for days, staying out all night).
Thank you Lola and Bananastains... am once again amazed at the support from MNers for someone they have never met

[Coolfonz]

MS - Well that isn't Meph once a fortnight.

To do £100 worth of Meph on your own would really take some doing in a short space of time, like a week. How frequent were the cash withdrawals?

Some signs of overdoing Meph are what look like bruised knees, some people get bad gurning and chew their lips, some people feel faint-ish for weeks.

It does have a very bad rep for snorting in terms of giving folks bleeding noses, worse than coke, never did that myself. But then coke also does similar.

You wouldn't imo withdraw £100 to buy Meph, or £150. I mean even if you were going really mad on it and people have done. Whereas that is 2-3gr of coke depending on quality.

I've never done coke and I hate it for clarity, bad shit etc.

[Karmann]

£100-£150, dripping/bloody nose, not sleeping or over sleeping, staying out all night = Coke.

You've done the right thing.

[MercurySummer]

I looked at 2 months worth of statements, and there were 7 occasions where he took out £100 or more.
The other thought I had was what if he's dealing as well as taking? I don't know enough about that world but would you buy, say £100 worth and sell it? Or is that too small an amount to bother with? (coolfonz, I'm not saying you are an expert but you seem to have some knowledge on the subject!)

[AnyFucker]

MS, I know very little about drugs

You are doing the right thing, love

he is a waster and not likely to change

you thought he had once, he threw it away...no more chances for him

he loves the drugs more than his family, I am afraid, I am very sorry

coolfonz ? err, you know too much

[CoteDAzur]

coolfonz - I am really curious to hear what on earth this means:

"MDMA which encourages you to hoist the flagpole but won't allow the band to play."

Do you mean that men get erection but can't orgasm on MDMA?

[CoteDAzur]

Mercury - No, he wouldn't buy £100 worth and sell it.

[susia]

I would advise you not to throw him out over this - because you have a 12 week baby and it will be very hard on your own.

I know that most of you will disagree with me but I have been a single parent since my son was born and it is really hard.

I am sure that the drugs your partner is taking is coke (and maybe methedrone as well) but the cost implies coke.

The reason I am saying not to kick him out is because coke is so expensive that £100 is actually a relatively small amount - probably enough for a couple of evenings and if he has done this over a period of time, it implies to me that it is recreational use - not a serious drug habit.

I am not in any way saying this is ok when you are struggling financially and need the money for food and nappies and need the help when you have a newborn etc, I am just trying to put it into perspective.

To me it sounds like he has a recreational drug habit - it isn't ok of course - he needs to support you, not sleep for hours or be up all night but that I don't think it is the major drug addiction you think it is.

I am only saying this from someone who has brought up a child on my own and I know it is really hard and have seen many of my friends take coke and other things.

Please don't slate me too much...

[BertieBotts]

Wait, which drugs give you a bloody nose? Do you mean like a nosebleed? Would it happen some time after?

XP used to get completely random nosebleeds in the middle of the night and I am wondering now... having recently found out that he DID cheat on me when we were together, and I thought that there was no way he had done

OP you have definitely done the right thing. And supervised access - yes, that is a good idea. You need to set it up ASAP, because if he's started having unsupervised contact it can be hard to get supervised.

The fact he is not around for his children is his decision, not yours. He must have known that drugs and a young family are completely incompatible. He has made that choice. You can concentrate on your babies now, and not on him

(Also, come and look at the "good things about being a lone parent" thread in Lone Parents if you want something to cheer you up )

[AnyFucker]

susia...not going to slate you too much but that is seriously bad advice

the OP is better off without a twat like this

being a single parent is infinitely better than wondering who the fuck is going to come knocking at your door at 3am

to wonder where the money went...to not trust what he is doing every time he leaves the house

perhaps you would settle for such a shit life, susia...but you should never encourage someone else to do so

how do you know OP doesn;t have a perfectly good support network around her to help out ? That she should tolerate this ?

you are seriously out of order

[susia]

I am not meaning to be out of order or offend anyone, I am just saying there is a big difference between a drug addiction and recreational use.

If it is the former then of course the OP would be better without him but if it is recreational and due to the cost of coke, it implies to me that it is, then it would be a shame to let a long term relationship go without trying to work it out. That doesn't mean I am condoning drugs, the huge waste of money or the lack of support.

[AnyFucker]

they have tried to work it out...he chose drugs

what more is there to "work out" ??

drugs and young family...not compatible

I would be furious beyond belief if family money was being spent going straight up the nostrils of some fuckwit who couldn't be trusted, instead of where it belonged on the family

drug taking is the ultimate in selfish behaviours...best saved for those free and single with no responsibilty for young lives

susia...you are of course entitled to your opinion

is your partner a drug user ? are you ?

[AnyFucker]

oh,and Mercury, you say your OP is not "intelligent"

I say you have just done the most intelligent thing you could have done for your family...now you must stick to it, or else "white card" for your partner to continue his utterly selfish behaviours at the expense of you and your kids