For the past few of weeks I've not been sleeping very well and keep waking around 1.30 - 2am 'ish. Each time I've done this dh is awake and flicking through the sky channels from one porn style / mens movie channel to another and lay there pleasuring himself. Tonight he was doing it again and I feel really unsettled almost quite sick about it.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm in no way opposed to porn or pleasuring yourself but it's the way in which he's doing it thats bothering me.
Over the 15+ years we've been together I've suggested watching something prn'ish / erotic together a few times but each time dh has scrunched up his nose and said he's not into it. No problem and each to their own. I have and always have had quite a high sex drive and would happily partake in sex every night of the week if dh wanted but he's got and always had a low sex drive and 2 - 4 times a month is usually all he wants. If I suggest it or try to instigate it he says I'm a nymph and tells me I put too much emphasis on sex in a relationship !!!!
Like alot of longterm relationships / marriages we've had our low points and I've always tried to put a more effort in and spice things up and add a bit of fun into the relationship. I've bought over the years a selection of various adult toys etc but he just doesn't seem interested in them. He won't under any circumstances let me cuff him to the bed or blindfold him and thinks that if I want to bring any toys into the bed it makes him feel that I'm not happy with what he has to offer. No matter how many times I've tried over and over again to reasure him that I'm very happy and just wanted to add a little bit of spice and something different we could both enjoy he's not impressed with it.
I've accepted the way he feels without any complaints and although he knows where they all are and if he ever decides he would like to try anything out I'm more than happy but I've said no more about the matter.
This is really whats pissing me off tbh, I feel like I don't know him at all, he is well aware that I enjoy to watch him touching / stroking himself and it turns me on and am more than willing to watch or get involved. All the years he's been telling me he's not into porn but I've woken up to him watching it several times now :-(
I just don't know what the hell to think. We had sex on Monday night so it's not like he's gone without for ages and I'd have been more than accommodating had he woke me up as he well knows. I was really quite upset and pissed off about it this time though and just as he climaxed I got up and went to the loo so he knew I was awake. When I came back he'd obviously cleaned it up and rolled over pretending to be asleep.
Now I'm up, going over it all in my head wondering what if anything to say to him and can't get back to fecking sleep
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Relationships
Woke up to dh wanking again and don't know really how I feel :-(
MamaAlly · 09/09/2009 05:56
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