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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is the OW back in our lives

117 replies

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 19:14

Name changed as know doubt someone will know me, DH was late again after a night out half 3 this morning he rolled in , this has happened a few times in the last 7 weeks.

I know that she was out in the town the other weekend where my husband goes out and they where chatting. He just got up this morning & went to work & now just gone out again like he does every sunday.

We are just getting our marriage back on track after he had an affair with this woman.

Do you think that she is on am i just being parnoid?

OP posts:

Report

iMum · 17/05/2009 19:15

I raelly couldnt say but if you are in any doubt you need to talk to him before it festers in your mind.

Kimi · 17/05/2009 19:18

I think the fact he goes out and was talking to the woman he had the affair with is disrespectful to you if there is something more in it or not.

Maybe he needs to spend more time at home trying to make his marriage work

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 19:26

Tried to about it but he just said he had a lock in, dont believe that. Also smelt different when he came home.

I havent mentioned to him that I know he was talking to her but I know that he know's that I know. We had even been out together the night before.

He does work long hours as we have our own business. I just dont know what to do as he left me for her once and we got back together after 18 months only I think because I played it cool, and we had been making great progress, gone back to making love him being affectionate, spending more time at home.

So why ruin it all now when we have got every thing, some one tell me that.

what has she got that I havent?

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AnyFucker · 17/05/2009 19:31

whether she is back in your lives or not, he doesn't sound like he is making enough effort to reassure you that he is exactly where he wants to be...with you

talk to him

you sound frightened to find out the truth to be honest, because then you will have to face it

but that has got to be better than this horrid limbo

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 19:36

I suppose i think ignoring it will make it go away but its just a niggle as he just change in the last 7 weeks.

We still making love,sending sexy text's, going out together but its this coming home late one night on a weekend that is making me think.

Why would he go back to seeing her,thats what's on my mind when we have both been working hard on our marriage.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 17/05/2009 19:37

ask him honey

junglist1 · 17/05/2009 19:53

She doesn't have anything you don't apart from slack morals. No way should he be talking to her, how rude. Tell him you know about it and if he speaks to her again you're out.

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 20:02

i am scared to as what if i am wrong & then he will think i am not trusting him.

Do I go ask OW?

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junglist1 · 17/05/2009 20:07

Don't speak to her, she could tell you any old crap. And even if you're wrong he should understand, considering. Trust needs to be built over time, and the best way of building trust is through honesty.

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 20:16

I have text him, he is going to coming home wish me luck.

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poopscoop · 17/05/2009 20:19

poor you. best of luck.

junglist1 · 17/05/2009 20:21

Good luck, hope it goes well

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 21:13

well I am sat here in tears, he has gone in the shower. He was with other women last night, told me he told her that he loves her and that he misses her .

god what has she got that I havent. I have had his children, I know she has got children and same age as me so what is so good about her that he still wants her after a year of us trying

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kalo12 · 17/05/2009 21:18

oh poor you. that is awful. what a bastard

MuthaHubbard · 17/05/2009 21:20

oh my word, am so sorry this has happened, after everything you have done to try and get things back on track.

he is a knob jockey. hopefully someone will post something more helpful but i do think it's time to focus on you and the dcs, focus on what YOU want

cheekysealion · 17/05/2009 21:22

OMG how very awful for you... i can feel your pain i have been there... you deserve so much more than this man can ever give you... to do it twice is unforgiveable (sp)

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 17/05/2009 21:22

This is horrid for you but now you have to put your foot down and tell him to leave and go to her if he wants to be with her so badly. It's very bad for your self esteem and mental health to put huge amounts of effort into trying to 'keep' a partner who doesn't want to be kept, or who is going to fanny around indefinitely 'being 'torn' between you and her. Tomorrow morning get started on finding out all the relevant information WRT your legal position, the house, access to DC, finance etc.

BrokenFlipFlop · 17/05/2009 21:22

What a complete and utter knob.

How awful for you. Im really sorry.

Do you have any family or close friends to support you?

whatdoyouallthink · 17/05/2009 21:22

I am really and for you, that is really just awful. I second kalo12 what a bastard.

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 21:25

I want him, he came back to me. We have been together for 18 years and had a great marriage until she came along oh why has she come back in to our lives.

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poopscoop · 17/05/2009 21:27

oh shit a brick , what a wankmeister.

When he gets out of the shower, tell him o sling his hook. There are plenty of people on here to talk to, just get him out asap

poopscoop · 17/05/2009 21:29

i know you want him, because you still love him, but if you allow him to spend his time between you and OW, it will not do any good. He would be happy with that of course, but about time he grew up. He cannot have his cake and eat it.

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pottycock · 17/05/2009 21:31

It's not her fault - it's his....he's doing this to you. I feel for you so much, but don't excuse him - he's the one who has betrayed you. SG is absolutely right, you cannot hang on to someone who does not want to stay, you will end up destroying yourself. Keep your head up and think about yourself and the dc - I'm so sorry pet.

ClaireDeLoon · 17/05/2009 21:34

I'm sorry sadhoney what an arsehole, you and your children don't deserve to be treated like this. I would ask him - actually tell him not ask - to leave.

sadhoney · 17/05/2009 21:37

But poop I dont want him to go, I want him here with me, He never been unfaithful before until she came alon, he just said that she has just got unblieveable sex appeal and that he cant keep away from her....god i want to go to her and slap her and tell her to find her own man not mine, what sort of women does that not just once but twice...with the same man..

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