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Has anyone been 'dropped' by someone you thought to be a good friend for no reason you can discern?

(166 Posts)
badsmell Sun 18-May-08 22:11:33

This has happened to me twice in the last couple of years since the birth of my first baby. Whilst normally this might upset me a little bit and then I would move on just lately I have spent more time than is healthy dwelling and speculating on wnat I might have done. Is this something I have in common with other sahm as I spend alot of time on my own? It is a horrible feeling thinking that I might be doing or saying something that winds people up.
I wanted to start a thread as I am interested to know how others have found new and old friendships post baby.
I may have a touch of paranoia too so if there are no responses I know I must be functioning very badly socially!

eenybeeny Sun 18-May-08 22:13:51

YES YES YES YES YES

Just recently. I have no explanation for it. I thought things were fine between us we have a lot in common live in the same small village and I have really gone out of my way to be nice to her all the time. For some unknown reason she has totally dropped me. It really hurt for a long while but now I have decided I am better off without her for reasons I wont go into here in case she checks MN and recognises herself!

eenybeeny Sun 18-May-08 22:14:19

is it your smell?? grin

just kidding

southeastastra Sun 18-May-08 22:14:58

yes my friend dropped me. she went on to get a coke habit and went mad, she should have stayed with me

Psychomum5 Sun 18-May-08 22:16:24

((this was on an email recently, I needed ot to send to a friend.....this may help!))

Are Your Friends Here for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?

Anonymous

Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends who are a consistent part of our lives throughout all our ups and downs. However, sometimes others we consider friends appear to enter, then depart from our lives for reasons we try to, but don't always, understand. This piece nicely explains the flow of people in and out of our lives.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON, b ecause your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

FairyMum Sun 18-May-08 22:17:38

yes have been dropped by a friend, but I wasn't the first friend she dropped and I think I always knew I would be dropped so never got too attached to her in the first place.

Joash Sun 18-May-08 22:21:29

No - but I have dropped someone who was convinced that we were bossom buddies.

PortBlacksandResident Sun 18-May-08 22:22:56

Two of my friends stopped talking to me when i announced my pregnancy with DS1 - 7 yrs ago. They both acted like i had let them down somehow. Not my problem!

I have one friend for life and we are very different but get on well no matter how often we see each other (sometimes 6 months can go by). She has recently become pregnant and i am sooooooo pleased for her (and vicariously broody) but am determined not to interfere too much iyswim.

badsmell Sun 18-May-08 22:22:59

it is interesting how different friendships can be, i also wonder whether this is a female thing. Men have different relationships with friends - maybe?

Thanks eenny beeny - it does hurt doesn't it. It reminds me of being at school....

I probably smell of nappy sacks - even without a nasty nappy inside they are truly repellent!

eenybeeny Sun 18-May-08 22:23:41

hmmm... joach, do I know you?

grin

foxythesnowfox Sun 18-May-08 22:23:57

Yes, we had a lovely day out at Wimbledon, then I never heard from her again. I'd known her for years.

I phoned her a few times, leaving messages, left a message with her DH, sent Christmas card asking if I'd offended in someway.

Never heard from her again.

badsmell Sun 18-May-08 22:27:22

do i know you as well joash?

Foxy - that happened to me too - it's pretty rude of the person not to return yr calls.

Perhaps you smell too - like me!

badsmell Sun 18-May-08 22:28:29

clearly this is a common trait in female friendships - there are a few of us!!!

Joash Sun 18-May-08 22:30:24

I am sure that we don't know each other, unles you are the woman who has stalked and harrassed me for the past year and a half grin

LittleBella Sun 18-May-08 22:35:49

foxy maybe she was murdered?

Not being facetious, but it's just so odd when people go completely awol without any prior notice.

Yes this happened to me, gradually, over the course of about 5 years. Friend just stopped returning calls, coming to see me or inviting me over to hers, saw less and less of her. Eventually took her off my christmas card list as couldn't see the point of sending christmas card to someone who is obviously not remotely interested in me.

It happens. <shrug>

TotalChaos Sun 18-May-08 22:40:08

Yes. I was obviously just a stopgap till she found more interesting friends.

pinkyminky Sun 18-May-08 22:49:33

I have found myself a number of times being the friend needed during a crisis and then dropped for some time. I find it very frustrating, and think it rather selfish of these people. I often feel sort of taken advantage of, if that makes any sense.

Beauregard Sun 18-May-08 22:50:49

This has happened to me twice since i had dc.

Totalchaos - yes, here too. The trouble is that she bitches about me. DS was playing with her ds today & he told me a comment she made about my taste in music shock I'm obviously not as cool as she is hmm but she made it obvious she doesn't want to know me so why does she continue to have a bitch?

TotalChaos Sun 18-May-08 22:56:26

oh dear. i'm guessing yours was a school friend, so you have to see her a lot then?

eenybeeny Sun 18-May-08 23:52:09

joash I make a point of avoiding stalking people so no I guess I dont know you!

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow Sun 18-May-08 23:59:08

I've never deliberately dropped a friend, but I have tried to be a bit less available to someone who appointed herself my new best friend when she saw me as a useful source of whole-day babysitting and meals at short notice.

nappyaddict Mon 19-May-08 02:35:50

someone did it to me. it turned out this girl from a parenting site had bothered to copy, edit and paste msn convos to her saying i had called her a psycho wife who was paranoid everyone was after her dh and to me saying not to be my friend cos i tried to steal her dh and she was pissed off cos i'd added him on facebook.

i didn't believe the girl cos it seemed so unlike my friend and i didn't bring it up cos it seemed pointless, i didn't want to stress her out cos she'd had lots of problems in her pregnancy and i didn't want to lose her as a friend. anyway i kept trying to get in touch with her with no success so thought that she actually did think i'd tried to steal her husband.

i finally did get in touch with her and she said what this girl had said. why i've no idea cos we haven't ever even met her.

elportodelgato Mon 19-May-08 08:38:45

Yes, I was dropped by a very close friend just around the time when I fell pregnant.

Eventually I had it out with her as it was causing me much stress / tears. She claimed she was still angry with me for something which had happened months previously and which I had already apologised profusely for. I obviously apologised again but my hunch has always been that it wasn't about that at all and that it coincided with my pregnancy for a reason.

Since then we have had a long period of not really seeing each other that much, and in that time I have realised that I just don't miss her as a friend. She chose a time when I was really vulnerable to fall out with me, IMO over something which had already been dealt with between us. Maybe you'll find that this "friend" is not really the kind of person you want in your life in the long-term? This is basically the conclusion I have come to. I went through so much worry and stress about what I could have done to offend her just at a time when I should have been concentrating on me and my baby.

Being more charitable and understanding, I would say that choosing to have children has a really big effect on female friendships, esp if your friends either don't want children or do want them and are having trouble conceiving. It can bring up lots of emotions for people. Obviously if you are a SAHM and your mates are all single and going out on the pull, you are bound to have less in common than you once did, but IME this doesn't have to mean the end of a friendship. I hope this isn't causing you too much heartache though - my hunch is that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with other people's reactions.

vermilion Mon 19-May-08 08:44:57

I have been dropped - person quite politely stopped all contact and it was hurtful a the time. Now when I see her she is all over me - wants to meet up, families to meet up for lunch, etc - but I am not interested. I never figured out why it happened but since then have heard how she treats people in general and it seems she is one of those people who behaves gregariously when it's socially necessary but basically doesn't think a lot of people.
So if you're reading and think this is you (I think she's a MNer), let me tell you, you are fooling nobody and the way you treat people does not go unnoticed and uncommented on. It has already hampered you in life, though I am sure you have rationalised it in other ways.

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