be honest, were you madly in love with the father of your dcs or did you "settle"?

[redwhiteandblue]

Done a name change here. I've been thinking about this a lot recently given unpleasant things going on in my life and friends' lives
I have some friends who married their dhs because they genuinely adored them, just like in the fairy tales. However, I have others who were in their mid thirties, wanted kids and decided to hitch their star to guys who - if we're honest - they would not have stood for a decade earlier. If I'm really truthful that goes for me as well, if I'd been with my dh aged 25, he would have got the boot after a couple of years, but because my clock was starting to tick I decided to stay with him and make the best of what we had and as a result we do have two beautiful dds whom I wouldn't be without for anything but I can't say we have the happiest marriage on the planet. But if I hadn't had babies with him I might have ended up like several of my friends who missed the boat entirely or are having IVF and are in a very bad place indeed. Plus, I've seen friends who married deeply in love become disillusioned over the years anyway and suffer terrible heartbreak when the man they married turned out to be not quite what they expected. Just wondering what anyone else thinks.

[OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL]

madly in love

then had children and did the quite common thing of "oh ffs I hate you (because I am tired and stressed)"

now in love again

I think you have ups and downs and if you wait for Mr Right you will be waiting a very long long time

[MellowChristmasEveryone]

No I fell hook, line & sinker.

I listened to no-one, dropped all my friends and didn't want to go out/work ever again, I just wanted to be with dh.

It had nothing to do with clock ticking as we were 21, so very young. We tried for dc until I finally fell pregnant when I was 26.

Yes I was very disillusioned and yes I have suffered terrible heartbreak due to this "obsession" with dh.

I am very much over it now. I do love him but will never look at him in the same way or feel the same way about him.

I'm not sure if this answers your question though tbh.

[scorpio1]

I adore mine, and would walk the earth barefoot to find him.

[Anna8888]

Madly in love

[paulaplumpbottom]

I was and still am madly in love. I would never have settled. I saw what my parents divorce was like and I knew I would only marry someone I was crazy about.

My Mom settled because she wanted out of her parents house. Their marriage was a nightmare

[redwhiteandblue]

Think what I'm saying is women over 30 have to drop a lot of romantic notions and realise if they're going to stand a chance of a family they'd better take what's on offer, despite his faults. Am very happy for you guys who are madly in love but I think others have had to be more pragmatic but are ashamed (understandably) to admit it.

[Peachy]

Madly in love.

I tried the settling thing- chap beofre Dh, my then fiance, was very reliable stable well eduated etc- a 'good bet' and we were getting amrried and planning a family but I couldn't do it, even if I hadn't met DH and fallen amdly in loveI don't think i'd have gone through it- I liked him well enough but as soon as children came into it I had started to back off, it seemed wrong somehow

[OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL]

we still laugh and joke and I think that is very important

romance I can take or leave, I want a best friend

and I think if you 'settle' you do not get that

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

Completely adore him, he is the love of my life, couldn't be without him, couldn't manage without him.

Having had bad boys in the past has made me appreciate him but when I was in my late teens I ditched the doormat ones.

[SweetSnowflake]

while pg with dd i could have sent him to the other side of the world, we bickerd constantly and then for about 9 months after things were the same!, but i do love him, hes a fab dad

[Pickie]

madly in love. Saw him coming down the stairs when visiting a friend on Oxford and thought: I'll have a bit more of that thank you. 10 months later moved from Holland to the UK.

Sometimes I can throttle him but generally madly in love

[Peachy]

(Oh I was 25 when I met Dh and 21 when I met ex, BUT in the rural place I hail from I actually felt and was told I was 'on the shelf' at that age!! , most of my friends were settled by then)

[HairyIrene]

love him deeply, truly and madly

he drives me to the madness sometimes too though..

been together about 18 years then ds, so we knew each other and were team already so made it much easier for the huge life changes our baby made...

[OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL]

the only time we have not got on, is with young children

my god, the STRAIN!

but that is normal (according to the survey of, erm about 6 friends)

now it is great

I can't imagine being childless and looking now, at 38. Not sure what I would do tbh, I don't think I would settle for whatever was there.

[Fennel]

No, I don't think i was ever madly in love with DP. He was a casual weekend shag, 13 years ago, that just went on and on (the sex was very good). 13 years on we are happy together, but I wouldn't say we had that madly in love phase.

I'm rather cynical about being madly in love anyway. it may work for some but my experiences of that did cause more heartbreak than my 13 happy years with DP.

[dingdongMegaLegsonhigh]

Fell in love with him almost instantly when I saw him up a tree nearly 20 years ago!! We got together briefly then but he travelled, we split, I was heart broken. Engaged to another for a bit (rebound!!)but always loved DH. Finally got him back 10 years ago. Like Cov had a bfew moments of hating him when sleep was limited and babies were crying but couldn't be without him.

[mumblechum]

Madly in love (for about a year)

2 Kids in quick succession, one brain damaged, hated each other, always on brink of walking out for 4 or 5 years

Now back to madly in love . Think we've kind of knocked the sharp edges off each other and fit together nicely now.

Am v. v. glad didn't split up when going thru hellish phase

[SpawnChorus]

Madly in love, though currently have 2 toddlers so have less energy to be quite so mad

Would never have embarked upon marriage/children if I hadn't found a soulmate.

[dingdongMegaLegsonhigh]

mumblechum - that's a bit like Dh and me. We are sort of having a second wind and are quite loed up agagin at the moment.

[Mumie]

very much in love and extremely happy.

i also have friends who got to their early 30s and did decide to settle with the guy they were with at the time. one friend, the week before her wedding, told me her fiance was, clean, honest, kind, employed and she wasn't getting any younger and it was silly to wait for someone she also loved because it might never happen. for me that's sad but for her it's enough.

[Hulababy]

Definitely in love. We met age 16 and it was both of ours first proper relationship. Still have a very happy and stable relationship now, some 16 years later.