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Original poster

Bollocks, he's invited his friend to our 'date'

155 replies

wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:25

He's not interested after all is he? I met a guy I really liked, friend of a friend. I thought we got on really well, lots of laughs, stuff in common. I was pretty taken with him tbh. After some effort of getting in touch with him again, I asked him if he would to got to see a film with me tonight. He agreed - it was by text - I asked my friend to pass on my number so he could get in touch if he wanted to go with me ( I was going to see the film anyway) - so he could have easily just ignored the text or sent a text blowing me off. But he said he couldn't make that showing but could another, I said I could make the alternate date and he said 'good news that you can make that date'. I was really excited thinking he was interested in me too. But just picked up a text from him saying his male friend is coming along too!.

It couldn't be clearer that he is signalling he is not interested. I'd have rather he just blew me off from the start. I've just spent ages getting ready - I'm all dressed and made up (well, as much as you can for a cinema date), and now I feel really stupid for making the effort.

Maybe I should bloody change and dress down so I don't humiliate myself further. Should I dress down?

So fucking upset. He's the first guy I have liked since my marriage failed. I really liked him - he seemed such a good egg. Bollocks.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 30/07/2019 16:26

Any chance he thought your friend was coming too?

category12 · 30/07/2019 16:27

Yeah, quick change into jeans and a top and wash your face.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2019 16:28

After some effort of getting in touch with him again
This jumped out at me.
Why did you make loads of effort?
Did you not exchange numbers on the first date?
How did you manage to set up the first date?
Yes, dress down and go any way.

ConfCall · 30/07/2019 16:30

Maybe he thinks erroneously that your friend is coming.

I wouldn’t assume he’s uninterested just yet. Keep an open mind.

Pinkbonbon · 30/07/2019 16:33

A cinema date for a first date was a terrible shout anyway.

Maybe he thought your mutual friend was coming? Otherwise I would assume that he us signaling that he isn't into you that way. Or perhaps his pal was really insistent, not knowing it was a date.

Just go! Semi dolled up. Maybe you'll like his mate more xD

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:35

No, he knows his friend is not coming. This is our first 'date'! I met him at a thing my friend invited us to , and stupidly left without asking for his number.
I guess he doesn't see it as a date at all though. Why has he bloody bothered agreeing to come!

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 30/07/2019 16:35

I’m sorry OP, but don’t be too downcast - you did a brave thing and this guy could be a great new mate....finding good friends is never a waste of time

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:37

Yes I know cinema is terrible, but only way to see him again was through our mutual friend who I didn't feel comfortable saying, 'I fancy your mate' to (not known him that long). So asked him if he wanted to see film and if his friend would fancy it as it was something he has expressed an interest in. My Friend couldn't make it so I asked him to pass my number to the guy I fancy in case he wanted to go with me.

OP posts:
Hirsutefirs · 30/07/2019 16:38

I’d call it off. Tell him why if necessary.

Bluntness100 · 30/07/2019 16:38

When you met him did anything happen between you?

It seems odd that someone he only met once would approach him via a friend to go see a movie. I think that's clear your interested. I've no idea why he's bringing a mate. It's odd.

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:38

I feel so humiliated. I'm getting changed to jeans and t-shirt.

OP posts:
Belfield · 30/07/2019 16:39

If someone asked me to the cinema I would not think it was a date as you can't talk in the cinema. I'd keep an open mind as he might like you but keep it casual by inviting friend. I wouldn't dress down but then I then to dress up for most things.

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:40

Yes Bluntness - I agree it is obvious that I am interested! And that it why I think it is so off he has invited his bloody mate! he could have just not go in touch or said not really my thing. I would have been a much more face saving way to let me know he's not interested.

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 30/07/2019 16:40

He’s agreed because he likes you as a friend , he wants to see the film and his mate wants to see the film too. I’d still go to be honest. You never know....

Bluntness100 · 30/07/2019 16:41

Ah cross posted, I didn't realise you asked your mate to come too. He likely doesn't think it's a date as it seems you just wanted someone to go with.

Pancakeflipper · 30/07/2019 16:41

Go - his mate might be gorgeous

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:42

Bluntness - nothing happened - he did check out my single status just before I left but I just thought we go on really well. He spoke to me more than his friend was warm and engaging, made me laugh till I cried. I just thought we go on well and I wanted to see if he felt there might be something to pursue.

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/07/2019 16:42

Tbh it doesn’t sound like it was clear that it was a date. You say you were going to the cinema anyway so maybe he misinterpreted your text as an invite to come along as a friend rather than you asking him on a date.

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:42

God, I've just thought - what if this mate is actually his boyfriend.

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/07/2019 16:43

Because if someone said to me they were going to be in X place at Y time and did I want to come along I wouldn’t consider that a date at all.

Atalune · 30/07/2019 16:43

I think you’ve got this all wrong!

He is interested. It is your mutual friend who is tagging along, not the sexy guy you like adding him? That’s how I read it anyway.

Don’t give up!

Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:44

Maybe Joxer - but if he were interested he would have taken any opportunity to try to move things to something more than mates. If I were interested in a guy and he asked me to pal him along to something there is no bloody way I would invite my sodding frineds along.

OP posts:
Original poster
wellthatsdeflating · 30/07/2019 16:45

Atalune - no the other person coming is not our mutual friend - he's some random I have never heard of.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 30/07/2019 16:45

Haha very possible xD just go anyway, I mean you only met the guy once right? And you know what they say, you never meet the real person first, you meet their representative. You might decide u don't like him anyway. And friend 2 might be cute.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 30/07/2019 16:46

So asked him if he wanted to see film and if his friend would fancy it as it was something he has expressed an interest in

That doesn't sound anything like a date. Your mutual friend probably said, X has invited us to see Y, I can't go but do you fancy it?

And hot guy has thought it's open for everyone. He could be sending a signal that he's not interested or he may well have just presumed it's a wide invite as you were hardly going to date him with mutual friend as a third wheel.

I'd go, still look nice but not overly dressed up, and see if you can get his number tonight. Arranging dates through someone else is always going to be fraught, try and establish direct contact.