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Relationships

Pregnant and he's thrown me out

428 replies

Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 22:28

Hi everyone - I'm turning to you lovely people to help me!

So it's a long story...

We met a few years ago, hit it off straight away. He was a gentleman, good job etc etc. Treated me like his best friend. We supported each other, we laughed like nothing before. It was just amazing. My family loved him and his did me.
He had a little boy and I have a little girl from previous marriages and they got on so well.
He began to stay over at mine more and more and before you knew it we were practically living together.
I saw him every night almost the whole time we were together and we had his little boy every other weekend.
We holidayed together and started to build a life together.
We decided to buy a house and move in together and that I would sell mine and put the equity in the bank for my little girl one day.
We chose a new house and it was being built.
On New Year's Eve he asked me to marry him! It was the most amazing time of our lives.
The house was supposed to be finished in Feb but kept getting delayed so we were living out of boxes which wasn't ideal but ok.
Then in March we found out I was pregnant! We were over the moon. But that turned into disaster when it turned out to be ectopic just before our engagement party.
He was by my side through the operation and was so sad afterwards. He was distraught!
We were told that to be on the safe side we would need to have ivf to bypass the use of my tubes but probably wouldn't have much trouble conceiving as we just had by ourselves albeit in the wrong place.
We left it three months and then decided to go to a clinic in London to discuss the details. The nurse said yep, we could go for it but as I was 36 and he was 38 to not waste any time.
We had a holiday planned in August but she said it would be fine to still go if we did get pregnant before as we would be over 12 weeks.
So we went home, discussed it and we both agreed to give it a shot!
Next thing you know we are booked in and ready to go. The drugs came and I started injections.
Now anyone who has had IVF will tell you it's not easy. All the travelling on its own was hard. The hormones. The weight gain. The tiredness. It was draining but so worth it that I didn't make a big fuss because I didn't want it to be a big thing if we needed to go through it again.
He even did the first injection with me and held my hand.
There were a few bumps along the way and at points thought we might have to cancel due to complications but to cut a long story short we got pregnant!!! I did about 500 tests!!!
You have to carry on taking hormones after the positive test and on top of the begins of pregnancy (morning sickness/ extreme tiredness etc) but we carried on.
Then my Nan who was so close to me died which was awful.
And then I started a new job as I was full time and we decided that I didn't need to do that anymore.
We moved into our new house when I was 6 weeks pregnant And were busy organising it for the first week.
Then we had our first scan. Another trip to London, all very scary to see if baby was in the right place. And it was! Lovely heathy heartbeat! We were made up. He even stopped on the way home to buy it a little outfit!

We picked his little boy up on the way home. I was so tired after such a draining day and 7 hours in the car that i asked if he could feed the kids while I had a little lie down, to which he said yes.
I went to sleep for about 10 mins and was woken up by the kids playing!
I was a bit miffed he could have kept them quiet but went downstairs and sat at the breakfast bar while the kids ate their dinner and I was sewing a blind.
He said to me that his little boy had done well in his school report to which i said "oh well done" and then thought oh crap where is my little girls report?!! And proceeded to ask her.
That was it.
He sent the kids across the road to the park and he said "I don't wanna make this into a big thing but why were you like that about the report?"
I was fed up anyway and said "what?!! What about it!?" And we blew up and has an argument about how I should've been more enthusiastic.
I just needed to get out of that house and that situation so I said I was going to go back to mine to continue to sort it out.
I was so upset that I decided to stay there and talk about it in the morning.
Well in the morning he was furious that I'd gone and taken My daughter. There was no talking to him.
He didn't have the best childhood in the world but certainly not the worst but he said that it triggered a memory of something that happened to him when he was a boy and he won't have his son feeling like that!!!
We spoke about it and sorted it that night. Had a nice evening together and took the kids out.
Then the next morning he said "I'm sorry but I still feel like I can't do this."
As you can imagine it went from bad to worse.
He spoke to his sister who obviously said he can't have that and then decided to block me on fb and told him to tell me and my daughter to leave. Which he did.
I had my first midwife appt that following day and by the time I came back to the house he had packed boxes.
He said some horrible things like:
He had doubts the week before he asked me to marry him
He wasn't in love with me
How could I treat his kid like that?
Very hurtful things

He then got a van and dumped all mine and my daughters things back at my sold (but not completed just yet) house.

So basically, I'm pregnant
I soon have no home or anywhere to live
I have a temp/ part time job
No money
And I little girl who has no idea what's happened.

So that was 4 weeks ago.
Since then not much has happened. He has sent the wedding venue an email to cancel it even though it was only booked a matter of weeks ago.
Most of my messages get ignored.
Until I sent a nice one to which he replied "he was broken"

This guy was all about family: he treated my little girl like his own. Me like a queen. There wasn't a day went by that he didn't tell me how lucky he felt and how much he loved us.
How can you go from all that to nothing over night? To creating a life to walk away from it.

All over this.!

I am obviously heartbroken. Lost. I feel like I've had my whole life ripped apart and now I have nothing.
I miss him so much but I know I shouldn't.

Any ideas?

Xxx

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IdahoJones · 18/08/2018 22:31

Don't complete on the house. Stay in it.

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 22:36

I have to, I have exchanged contracts. 😫

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Singlenotsingle · 18/08/2018 22:36

What a strange and sad story. It sounds like the business over the school reports was a jumped up excuse to end the relationship.. There must be more to it. . Have you exchanged contracts on your house? If not, you could withdraw from the sale. And the new house, is it in joint names? If so, you've got as much right to live there as he has! What's he going to do about the new baby?

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ListenLinda · 18/08/2018 22:37

There is something more going on with him. Massive over reaction to a flippant comment.

And yes, stay in your house.

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ListenLinda · 18/08/2018 22:38

Just seen that you’ve exchanged, is the new house in both names?

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SusieOwl4 · 18/08/2018 22:43

It’s all very odd . Surely there has to be more to this ?

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 22:44

So i was selling my house and he bought the new house for us all to live in. Once my house was sold he was going to put my name on it too.
I literally cannot stay in my house, I'm legally bound to sell it now.

I know he's riddled with guilt that he doesn't see his son all the time and apparently he can't risk his son not wanting to come and stay with us. And that report thing triggered something!!!!
I mean how to make me feel like crap! I was the one who did everything for him while he was with us. The two kids are very different and his son is very babied by his parents which I didn't enforce on my watch. He's 8 and couldn't/ wouldn't do many things. Apparently he would always grow up second best to my daughter.
And also there was a comment in there about how he would feel that daddy had a new family when the baby came??

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ItWasAlIADream · 18/08/2018 22:44

There must be more to this. I wonder what his side is.

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RoboJesus · 18/08/2018 22:44

It sounds like he's using you to have another kid that he can be a Disney dad to. If you have the name on the house he can't kick you out. I'd tell him to man up or stay the hell away

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lifebegins50 · 18/08/2018 22:45

What a shock! How long have you been together? What ages are the children?

His initial approach about the report was fine and I guess he expected you to apologise. What is he saying is the issue?

Blending families is so tough and there arw bound to he issues along the way..if he doesn't want to make it work then you will have to accept it.
I really hope you haven't exchanged on the house

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 22:47

Everyone who knows us has said that there has to be more to it. But as far as I know from being there and what he's said, that it!!!

I'm quite an aware person and I didn't see this coming from a mile off. I certainly wouldn't have gone through ivf and given up everything I had worked so hard for!

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RoboJesus · 18/08/2018 22:49

Wow ok then he definitely planned this. Once you get the money from the house you can just buy a little place for you and your kids and forget he exists

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lifebegins50 · 18/08/2018 22:51

Sorry xposted.

I guess his side of the story is that you didn't care enough for his son..irrespective of the reality.
First step is to get housing sorted or stay with family, do you have people closeby?

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 22:52

I just can't believe it. We were perfect together.
We booked a wedding just weeks before. I wanted 2020 and he wanted 2019!!
I miss him and my family so much.
I can't eat. I can't sleep. I have no answers. I'm pregnant. I just don't know what to do.

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 22:54

@lifebegins50 I think you're right. Which couldn't be further from the truth. I loved that little boy. And now I'm the bad guy and it's hard to bear.

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Elijem01 · 18/08/2018 22:55

Oh you poor thing. What a terrible time for him to pull the rug out from under you!

I suspect he has some major issues which are not about you, and unless he got some help with them you’d never be able to count on him.

Can you use the money that was to be set aside form your daughter to set yourself up somewhere?

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TaMamaiSaChistinAgusSanOifig · 18/08/2018 22:57

dreadful situation, awful to be thrown out when you're pregnant. That is no gent.

Don't start clouding reality by attributing emotions to him that he doesn't have. ie, his being ''broken''. His being guilty that he doesn't see his son. That doesn't excuse how he's acted to you.

You will get through this Brew

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Urbanbeetler · 18/08/2018 22:59

How pregnant are you?

Will you be able to buy another place taking stamp duty etc into consideration?

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 22:59

Well I'm trying desperately to gain a new mortgage and on a fixed term contract that's easier said than done.
The money will all have to stay in the house if I do manage to blag a mortgage on 2 days a week. Unlikely. So it'll be me renting somewhere and paying someone else's mortgage using the equity from my house.

I was super sorted before I met him and now I literally have nothing.

I don't know how I'll ever trust anyone again.

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Urbanbeetler · 18/08/2018 23:01

What a shit he is! He’s stuffed you here. You were on your feet and he right royally pulled the rug away. No wonder you’re angry.

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 23:04

I'm desperately sad rather an angry.
My whole life just totally crumbled and I'd do anything to get it back.

I get that he protects his son but what about his baby? Has he even thought that one through?
What about my daughter who he told he loved every single day?
It's such a mess.

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Girlslikeme · 18/08/2018 23:05

That’s awful that he went along with the ivf when he supposedly wasn’t happy.

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 23:08

@Girlslikeme and booked a wedding and let me sell my house and us all move in together.
It makes zero sense.

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Urbanbeetler · 18/08/2018 23:09

How pregnant are you?

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Windmill1828 · 18/08/2018 23:10

@Urbanbeetler 13 weeks with a little girl 💗

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