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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Poll - how often do you have sex?

116 replies

showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 21:00

And who wants it more, you or your partner?
And how long have you been together?

Feel free to expand on this - I'm interested in this topic as for the first time in my life as I want it more often than my partner - which is, slightly worrying so just wondering what the ratio is out there!

OP posts:

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Ilikefrogs · 13/09/2015 21:33

2 x daily
We're pretty well matched in terms of who wants it more although if I had to say one of us it would be me.
We've been together just over a year and living together a few months.

showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 21:35

You are very lucky :-)

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 13/09/2015 21:37

3 x per week on average. We've been together 2 years.
He'd like it more but I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and too tired.

Desperatediana · 13/09/2015 21:43

Wowzers! I'm definitely not doing something right. I'm in the same boat OP my other half has recently lost all interest in having sex. We're currently 7 weeks (and I'm most definitely counting!!)
Currently trying to work out if I can stay in a sex less relationship. We've been together 4 years and it used to be so good not sure if it's just a phase or he's gone off me? Either way it's frustrating

Stylingwax · 13/09/2015 21:46

4 years. With a co sleeping toddler and 24 weeks preggers. Not an awful lot bless him. He'd like more and I'd like more minus the co-sleeping toddler and large bump lol.

SevenSeconds · 13/09/2015 21:47

Around 2 to 4 times a month. We've been together 18 years. He'd probably like it slightly more frequently.

Chala86 · 13/09/2015 21:47

On average 2 or 3 nights a week. DP wants it more often and it has caused issues for us both in the past that has been a difficult thing to deal with. We've been together for 10 years.

dementedpixie · 13/09/2015 21:49

About once a week. Been together for 22 years!

nilbyname · 13/09/2015 21:49

15 year relationship, married for 9. Up and down, we have had some barren patches following breast feeding, but around 4/5 month. Once a week.

showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 21:57

Glad I'm not the only one then Desperate - we've only been together just over a year and a half and we only see each other at weekends because of distance and work - but sometimes it doesn't happen at all over the weekend. It's on MY mind most of the weekend and would personally like it every night we're together, but to not have sex at all during our weekend together is a bit depressing! I'm not sure if he just has a much lower libido than I or that he's just not as attracted to me as he was - but yes, it's frustrating

OP posts:

TRexingInAsda · 13/09/2015 22:02

Been together 10 years, it's up and down (fnar fnar), but currently we're in a bit of a lull, and I want it more often than he does. It happens less than once a week at the moment, maybe 2 or 3 times a month.

Desperatediana · 13/09/2015 22:04

I think ever since I moved in it's been about once a month. He says I think about it too much and relationships are about more than that, which is true but equally if you aren't having sex you're just friends who live together?!
I guess it's like everything when you don't have it you want it more but myself esteem is on the floor and I spend most of my days thinking I'm repulsive as he doesn't come near me in the bedroom

BearFeet · 13/09/2015 22:07

Together 15 years, married 10. 1-2 times a week. Both happy with that.

dontcallmehonreturns · 13/09/2015 22:09

New relationship of 5 months or so. We see each other once or twice a week and probably have sex four or five times each time (sometimes more)! That won't last, but I'm loving it at the moment.

Heathcliff27 · 13/09/2015 22:14

Together 16 years, sex 2-3 times a week.

showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 22:15

Do you think mentioning it, and saying the lack of sex is an issue, puts more pressure on the other person and makes it worse? I feel like saying something - but worry that as soon as I do, I create an issue thus pressure

Both receiving ends of this' opinions welcome!

OP posts:

ouryve · 13/09/2015 22:18

Together 13 years, both in our 40s, a couple of times a month. Our libidos are usually pretty well matched.

MrsFrankieHeck · 13/09/2015 22:20

Together 24 years, married for 21, 3-4 times a week. I really like it when it's happening but DH usually initiates it as I'm always tired.

Desperatediana · 13/09/2015 22:24

I've tried both OP. The times I have sulked and brought it up he's all like begging for it makes me want it even less so I feel like I can't win and worry if I don't show that I'm concerned and upset we'll never do it again and just become one of those couples who are together but have seperate lives.
I try and put myself in his shoes and think how it would be if it was me who didn't want it and I can see he would be called all sorts for pesting me but its so hard. I think we are led to believe men think and want sex all the time so don't know what to do when this doesn't happen

Wibblywonder · 13/09/2015 22:25

About once a month, I always initiate, he isn't really interested anymore and generally makes excuses not too. Been together 10 years.

gatewalker · 13/09/2015 22:26

showsomeclass - Go and have a look at some of Esther Perel's videos - especially the two on Ted Talks. I think they might help.

MajesticWhine · 13/09/2015 22:27

On average 3 times a month. Been together 25 years. I'm slightly more interested than him, but it's not a big issue.

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itallsucks · 13/09/2015 22:32

About once every 3 or 4mths, been like this for past 5 or so years, been together 13 yrs, I always initiate, he's always too tired

EngTech · 13/09/2015 22:36

What is this sex thing? LOL

Stopped 10 years ago, married31 years

You adapt :(

Intheprocess · 13/09/2015 22:38

I think frequency is much less important than agreement between what you both want. If you feel lack of sex is a problem, then it is a problem. Do not play down the importance of sex, you'll find it on the first level of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. In this model of self-actualization you can't become a fulfilled individual without enough of it.

www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

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