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Daters/Online daters - what comments/behaviour instantly think "nope?"

(304 Posts)

I'm mildly addicted to flicking through profiles on POF. Rarely meet anyone. Sometimes I end up chatting to people but mostly I barely even continue past a few messages. I know I'm intolerant but so many things annoy me:
* Self-proclaimed music snobs who send you links to "awesome" bands and have a 30 strong list of the most obscure bands possible on their profile. Hate being forced to listen to some else's music - it just guarantees I will dislike it.
* Men who try so hard to sound reasonable and "modern man" but slip up with gems such as "I don't mind you having your own career," or "looking for a passionate girl but not TOO opinionated, lol."
* Anyone who tells anyone to "jog on" (cringe)
*People who message, then follow it up five minutes later with "You there?" "Not talking then?" or "Oh...ok then....bye."

What are your instant turn-offs?

Disclaimer - I'm very aware I'm not perfect and probably have many irritating aspects to my personality!

RedRoom Mon 31-Mar-14 19:43:22

Text talk: Lukkin 4 a hot grl 2 spend 4evr w/

Men who list 30 things they expect in a woman without thinking that maybe some info about themselves would help them get a date.

The above listing of expectations when they include things like stunning, sexy, slim... and they are totally average themselves. Deluded.

Agree with yours, RedRoom!
Had a message from a builder, 19 years older than me, offering to "fill my cavity."
This is not. Going. Well.

LoisPuddingLane Mon 31-Mar-14 19:54:04

Men who mention being in bed within the first four messages. Started off all nice talking about chips and then suddenly bed.

LoisPuddingLane Mon 31-Mar-14 19:54:49

Men who, on OKC, in the questions bit, say women have an obligation - an OBLIGATION, mind - to keep their legs shaved.

Ohhh Lois those questions are absolutely invaluable for sussing out potential dates, aren't they?

Q: "Are there certain situations in which it would be ok to force a woman to have sex?"
A: "Yes"

Oh. God.

LoisPuddingLane Mon 31-Mar-14 20:02:10

Yep, I've seen that answer too. It gives you chills. That and the attitudes to homosexuality. I check them out right away - if they think gays shouldn't adopt, I "hide" them. Not the gays, the dating profiles...

HorseyTwinkleToes Mon 31-Mar-14 20:02:50

When I was online dating I got a message from a guy who obviously thought he was a comedic genius. He had a "novelty" picture up, and his profile was full of quotes that he obviously thought made him look wacky and original, but most were cliches and the ones that weren't were just weird.

He messaged me (again "wacky" message) and as I was trying to formulate a polite but firm response that he wasn't really what I was looking for, he messaged again, genuinely surprised that I hadn't responded, and started giving me the "nice guys finish last" sob story. I blocked him.

So, THAT is an instant no!

Also, guys who ask "do you want to flirt with me?" erm, flirting is something that comes naturally with attraction as you get to know someone, what you're basically asking is "do you want to pretend to be attracted to me?". Very weird. I got told I was boring, a waste of time, a prude etc. Two weeks after the last message of that ilk I was flirting merrily with my now husband, showing him my cleavage over webcam. But I'm obviously a total prude!

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 20:05:16

There was this one time I got chatting online with one and he happened to ask why I was divorced.
I told him it was because my ex hit me.
He asked me why. shock

LoisPuddingLane Mon 31-Mar-14 20:07:19

I imagine that conversation shut down pretty fast.

Oh cringe, Horsey!! I hate wacky.
How very rude the "flirters" sound. And how weird!

Oh cringe, Horsey!! I hate wacky.
How very rude the "flirters" sound. And how weird!

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 20:15:23

It went on a little bit about there being "reasons" for a man to hit a woman. I think he backtracked a bit, but the damage was done.
Nobody else has ever asked me why, including other men.

Whiskwarrior Mon 31-Mar-14 20:24:01

Poor spelling - great 'sence' of humour - puts me straight off - I love to read, suspect they don't!

Text speak for me too - lol from a man in his 40's, in his profile, is a no-no. My 12 year-old uses lol.

Overweight, bald men, supposedly in their early 40's, looking for slim, attractive girls - I'm a plus size myself - I haven't said I want a Hugh Jackman lookalike (although I do blush).

aurynne Mon 31-Mar-14 20:26:54

The professionally insecure: "You wouldn't be interested in someone like me. People don't like me. I would like to see you again, but you probably don't want to". AAARRRGGGHHH! Always expecting you to tell them: "Of course not, you're fantastic!". I just ignore and move on. They need a therapist, not a date.

The horrible spellers. Spelling mistakes really put me off. needless to say, that used to rule out 3/4 of all chances when I was online dating.

Any reference to their cock in profiles, or in the first chat. Some men are absolutely obsessed with their cock. It's alright, but they need to understand their obsession does not apply to other people. I have seen many cocks, they're nothing special and yours isn't either.

The ones who expect that make up is a fundamental part of a woman. I don't use make up, never have, never will. If you don't like it, move on, but don't try to tell me what to smear my face with.

The ones who try to impress you with money. I earn my own, thank you very much, and it is often much more than what you can make. If I was attracted to money, I'd join sugardaddy.com

borisgudanov Mon 31-Mar-14 20:28:24

Well the only sensible answer to "Why?" would be "Because he was a twat." However, what this arse presumably meant was "What for?"

Whiskwarrior Mon 31-Mar-14 20:35:59

Another two, prompted by an email I've just had from POF about men who want to meet me.

1) if my profile says I'm looking for a relationship why would I want to meet someone who is only looking for casual dating (which surely means casual sex, doesn't it?)?

2) if your only photo includes one of your work colleagues it would help to specify which of the two you actually are - especially as one of you is extremely my type and one of you is seriously not - it will be the second one, won't it? I don't want to ask him...

LoisPuddingLane Mon 31-Mar-14 20:37:32

I specify "relationship" too. Also somebody fairly nearby as I don't have a car. So I get loads and loads of Americans. READ THE FUCKING PROFILE.

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 20:38:38

But that he was a twat would be obvious. smile
His profile did raise a couple of yellow flags. It sounded wounded and hard done by the previous women in his life.

Whiskwarrior Mon 31-Mar-14 20:40:21

This thread makes me think that OKC might be better for weeding out knob jockies though grin

Whiskwarrior Mon 31-Mar-14 20:45:04

Oh, and the ones who can't be arsed to read back through their profile once they've done it (so it reads like they're pissed) or even write the bloody thing to begin with!

Anyone who leaves/writes 'fill this in later' - I don't read any further.

borisgudanov Mon 31-Mar-14 20:48:37

Lweji - not to another twat it wouldn't grin

LoisPuddingLane Mon 31-Mar-14 20:51:35

Those who don't write ANYTHING on their profile and just say they are looking for friends aged 18-50. Or sometimes some really arbitrary upper age like 63.

Those who pose in sunglasses. Those who don't smile. And wear sunglasses. Those in hats, and sunglasses. Sunglasses generally.

Dwerf Mon 31-Mar-14 20:53:52

Any profile that features the word 'ov' (or textspeak at all really)
Men that proclain "I am a happy bloke" yet in every picture is miserable as sin
Men who say "no timewasters" or "this site is a joke" etc. ooooh Mr Negativity!

VintageGal Mon 31-Mar-14 21:17:46

Any man that messages me and uses the word "Hun"

Photos taken of themselves with a mobile phone in the bathroom!

The men that just answer any questions you may ask them but don't reply with a question about you!

My all time favourite.....after about 2 messages..."Do you have a cam at all? "

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