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AIBU to be annoyed at DH

(277 Posts)
MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:16:52

I have a 13 week old who screams all evening, 3-4 hours almost solidly, she has done this for weeks. She also has reflux which is controlled pretty well during the day but this screaming often sets off a vomit fest.

I have PND and anxiety and basically just hate being alive right now and this screaming doesn't help.

DH often works late (to 11pm) but after me calling him home in tears several times his boss allowed him to change his hours so he could work earlier and get home at a normal time. This happened for one week, DH has now switched his hours (by choice, not his bosses say-so) to working till 11pm EVERY FUCKING WEEKDAY hmm

I am on day one of this and the baby is screaming right now and I am feeling like he has done this on purpose so he doesn't have to deal with it and I can't see past the next 3 hours let alone doing this every day for the next however many years.

I have no other local support and he knows this. I fucking hate him right now and I feel like telling him to not bother coming home. I don't know if my judgement is being clouded by this incessant noise and stress but I don't want to see his face after he has done this to me.

She will be angelic when he comes home so he is of no use to me then.

bonzo77 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:54:54

What happens if you put her on her tummy with the head of her cot propped up a bit?

DS2 was a refluxy, colicky screamer. One day when he was about 10 weeks I very nearly lost it. So I put him down as described, shut the door and sat in the garden. After 25 minutes I came in and he was asleep. Everything I had been doing to calm him had actually been irritating him. At 9 months his reflux has all but gone, the colic is a distant memory. He's still a sensitive soul who likes specific conditions to sleep.

If your baby is now 16 weeks, she'll be rolling soon anyway, so I'd really consider tummy sleeping.

purrpurr Mon 16-Sep-13 20:55:20

Marmalade sad fuck, what a horrid thing for your DH to do. Nothing useful to add as suffering similar but your DH is unfuckingbelievable.

enormouse Mon 16-Sep-13 20:55:43

I cant offer any better advice than whats already been given but Im in NI too and would be happy to help you any way I can if you're in this part of the world.

BishBashBoshBoo Mon 16-Sep-13 20:55:50

And you're right emoticons and 'wish I could help' are worthless.

Changing his shifts and him actually helping are what you need.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:55:53

Getting angey doesnt have any affect, he just goes quiet and puppy dog eyes. He doesnt react to emotion to the point where i think theres actuallu something wrong with him. I have cried and screamed alot since she was born saying i cant cope and i wish i had died in childbirth and he gives me a hug but acts like nothing has happened half hour later. 'm in the wirral

stillstanding29 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:56:20

That sounds really tough.I don't have any experience of reflux but I do have experience of husband going AWOL when the going got tough. He always used to get home after the kids were in bed and buggered off for hours at the weekend. In a very unMumsnetty way I learnt to work round it - I couldn't change it - and I didn't want to ltb. My DH is much better now the kids are older. Not sure that's terribly helpful. Think you need cake

gordyslovesheep Mon 16-Sep-13 20:57:23

oh I am from there but not anymore sad I hope someone can volunteer a shoulder and a hold of your daughter x

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:58:08

and thanks for all the practical advice, I am taking it all on board just moving a bit fast for me to reply to everythjng

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 16-Sep-13 20:58:21

Can you talk to your dr OP you sound very down which is understandable the amount of pressure you're under but concerned about you and your baby please can you call 999 if you feel desperate at any point please call them or someone you can trust.

teacher123 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:58:46

Can you go and stay with your parents for a few days or get someone to come and stay with you to help out a bit?x

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 16-Sep-13 20:59:08

Anyone from the Wirral or near OP to offer a helping hand?

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:59:19

I posted when I was 6 months pregnant because he walked out on me without a word and you all told me to LTB! Wish I had!

magicstars Mon 16-Sep-13 20:59:32

YANBU. He is.

Dd was like this, it's terrible and so, so hard on your own. Happiest baby on the block has great suggestions, only wish we'd discovered it when she was tiny. Basically - swaddle, white noise (a hair dryer or we preferred rain on YouTube). Sucking if she'll take a dummy, there is also a special hold which you can find on tinternet if you google happiest baby on the block reflex, and last rocking/ motion.
Strangely walking up and down the stairs helped dd (and I've read other people saying it helped their colicky babies too). Though it is too exhausting to do for prolonged periods.
Really hope some of this helps- let me know if you are in Herts and I can help.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 21:00:32

I'm ok I'm not desperately down, I have some coping strategies for the PND and anxiety and know when to take myself off for help if need be. Don't worry about that.

BishBashBoshBoo Mon 16-Sep-13 21:00:55

If getting angry doesn't work you need to take action.

At the weekend, hand your baby over to him and leave, out of the door and do something you enjoy. make sure this time includes an evening, so he knows exactly what its like.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 21:02:10

Donyou have any tips for swaddling? It helped when she was teeny tiny but she's a great big strong lump now and fights her way out. I don't know how to do it so she can't kick it all off.

Oh god exh was like this re the emotion when dd1 was a baby and I think I had postnatal psychosis then hmm
This is unhelpful but things didn't improve.
Yanbu. I left tb

Do you have a car? Can you go out for a drive somewhere, like a 24 hour supermarket?

Ignoring your other problems with your DH, could you go and stay with your family for a bit? you obviously need support.

MrsOakenshield Mon 16-Sep-13 21:08:47

take the swaddle cloth and fold over one corner. Pop her down so her head is at that corner. Wrap one side over and then tuck under her tight. Do they same with the other side, tightly, and you should be able to fold up the excess and tuck it away. Then hold her up by your shoulder and vigorously rock her - sounds a bit mad but DD would be asleep in about a minute using this method and couldn't kick it off.

Second going out and leaving him to it right at the witching hour.

Please do look into cranial osteopathy - DD had something much much milder than this and one appointment had it sorted - a few could make the world of difference, and spending your 'D'H's money on it should make you feel better!

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 21:10:03

My family live really, really far away and we have only recently got back in touch so I don't think going there is practical. I just need her father to take his share of responsibility. At weekends when he is here I can cope beautifully because he does do his share.

stiffstink Mon 16-Sep-13 21:10:10

I think that if she's 10lb she could go in a baby sleeping bag, my DS loved having his lower half swaddled so the grobags/sleep bags were ideal.

teacher123 Mon 16-Sep-13 21:11:38

He walked out on you when you were pregnant?! What a bastard.

pianodoodle Mon 16-Sep-13 21:12:16

It's probably not recommend but one day DD was screaming for hours and I actually put a pair of ear plugs in. I still tended to her etc... the same way but for half an hour at least it was a bit more muffled and not so shrill. Obviously I didn't go to sleep with them in smile

A few days before I actually had pains in my ears and pressure due to sudden wax build up - when I googled it it said prolonged loud noise was the culprit I'd just been screamed at so much my ears had tried to block themselves!

StraightJacket Mon 16-Sep-13 21:12:37

Oh I am sorry I can't come and help. I am originally from the north west myself too, but not from the Wirral area so don't even know what to advise on if there are local places you can go to for advice or help.

Definitely go back to the gp though and tell them the ranitidine isn't working! Do it tomorrow if you can. Sooner you get different medication, hopefully the sooner they can help.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 16-Sep-13 21:15:47

She's 14lbs so I'll get her a grobag tomorrow, she doesn't have one.

Yeah, popped into work for half hour and just never came back! I had the police involved and everything! He came back and I took him back, I often think what if I'd just left at that point? He is such a cunt and I hate my relationship.

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