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I have done something silly

(176 Posts)
bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 21:55:42

DP left his phone. I don't trust him yet due to cheating etc in the past. We are trying to move forward.

I couldn't help myself so I had a nose through the phone. Months worth of text messages to workmates, me, his mum etc etc. I noticed the other day Cass (they have sec history) had text him but strangely none of those texts were in the inbox.

I looked at his call log and sure enough there were records of hundreds of texts sent between him and her over the past few months. I don't know what it was about it was just times and dates of sent and received messages.

I decided to text her pretending to be him to see what happened.

Nothing really much was said just hello, what you doing etc.

DP is in the pub. Turns out she is on her way to that pub with a friend.

they will chat and realise that he didn't text her and that it was me that was texting pretending to be him.

I shouldn't have done it. He will be so pissed off with me when he gets home later.

What I don't get though is why he deleted all the texts in the first place? It was only hers that were deleted, nobody else's.

It seemed a bit strange to me which is why I looked.

How do I explain myself?

He will never admit to anything going on between them now if there is. Also, if there has been something going on surely I've just pushed them further together?

It all comes back to my lack of trust.

BeCool Sun 12-May-13 22:03:07

It doesn't come down to your lack of trust. You acted in your instinct that something was up and your instinct was right!

Think of what kind of person you might share 100's of texts secretly with and go on secret nights out with?

It's not you OP, it's him.

Sorry this has happened. What will you do?

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sun 12-May-13 22:04:46

Who exactly is she?

myroomisatip Sun 12-May-13 22:06:41

No... It is not your 'lack of trust' more his 'lack of you not being able to trust him'.

I would say nothing and admit to nothing.

I would also be making plans to leave! ASAP!

Hassled Sun 12-May-13 22:06:45

You've answered your own question - you explain yourself with what you said: "I don't trust him yet due to cheating etc in the past." Neither of you can wave a magic wand and create that trust - he fucked up and your lack of trust is one of the consequences. And so he's not in a postion to have an issue with you looking at his phone - as I said, he fucked up, not you.

And yes, the missing texts are dodgy as hell. It stinks like rotting fish.

Beckamaw Sun 12-May-13 22:10:09

Sounds like you need to go to the pub and see for yourself what's going on. hmm
Doesn't sound like you were snooping for no reason.

Can you switch on 'delivery reports'?
I did that. In the delivery reports were copies of the sent messages.
It was gutting, but told me enough to LTB.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sun 12-May-13 22:12:12

I would say nothing and admit to nothing.

I agree. I bet he's sat there with her know shitting himself wondering how to get out of this. If he brings it up it proves he's been with her. If he doesn't it proves he's guilty and thinking what to do next.

bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:14:23

He cheated on me with her before. He never admitted to it, but she did when I had her by the throat a couple of years ago. Not my finest moment (vodka) blush

She has been shagging round the town and back again and is the kind of girl who would drop her knickers for anyone. It seemed really dodgy which is why I text her in the first place. I suppose I kind of wanted to catch him out so I'd know for sure. I'm not proud of myself and i know it's going to cause a huge row which is why I'm going to try and get to sleep before he gets back.

I'm due a baby in a few weeks and we have a home, 3yo etc together. I am trying to trust him it's just difficult as I'm sure you can imagine after being betrayed so many times.

Thanks for the advice.

You don't trust him. Presumably he knows that, and hopefully as you are still together, he understands and accepts that you don't/can't trust him due to his cheating. Knowing this he is deleting texts and having secret get Togethers with women who, of I read your post right, have form for this sort of suspicion.

He isn't deleting the texts to 'protect' you, or to stop you from being 'paranoid' (which he will claim) he deleted them to hide something. Surely you forgave him on an honesty and transparency basis. He is being secretive. Whatever crap he spouts about your actions that is what this all boils down to.

sad

SueDunome Sun 12-May-13 22:18:15

Are you sure that it's just a coincidence that they are in the same pub tonight?
sad

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sun 12-May-13 22:20:05

You probably don't want to hear this but you will be better off without him. Think about the sort of life you want for you and your baby. Is this it? Always wondering what he's up to.

He's cheated with her before and lied to you about it?! You sound angry at her? He is making a choice, it's his fault, his betrayal, his responsibility. What a prick. LTB.
You don't need a row. He will deny, you will be manipulated. He's a cheating prick, and you (rightfully) don't trust him. Houses built upon the sand. LTB.

He's cheated with her before and lied to you about it?! You sound angry at her? He is making a choice, it's his fault, his betrayal, his responsibility. What a prick. LTB.
You don't need a row. He will deny, you will be manipulated. He's a cheating prick, and you (rightfully) don't trust him. Houses built upon the sand. LTB.

Say nothing, it is him that has to explain himself, not you!

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 22:24:17

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bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:26:48

The reason I'm angry at her is because she knew about me. She did the chasing knowing he had a girlfriend at home.

I will have to wait and see if he brings it up. He is hiding something if he's deleting texts that much is obvious but it could be innocent. They were friendly before I met him.

I need to re think my choice of giving the relationship another go.

BriansBrain Sun 12-May-13 22:26:57

S you text her in the guise of him and it turns out she is on the way to the same pub he is in?

What do you do?

Lock the fucking door and let him try and get out of it in the morning.

Lock up well and go to bed, do you own,is he named on the property?

OnTheNingNangNong Sun 12-May-13 22:27:48

You will never be able to trust him.

scottishmummy Sun 12-May-13 22:28:00

you're pg,you've got a child by this man,he's got you completely in a spin
for good reason it seems.you pg with a 3yo idont be happy he in pub with an ex
much as you dont want hear this it takes two she hasn't forced him.dont let him off hook by demonising her as a trollop

bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:28:01

AnyFucker - please enlighten me as to why you don't like the 'sound' of me.

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 22:31:11

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scottishmummy Sun 12-May-13 22:31:20

ignore any lock him out/change locks advice.its provocative and he old inform police if it his house
this isn't about the girl,she has no responsibilities to you.he. had2kids with you
don't get hung up on her morality,as frankly this is all about your fella being a shagger.

Doha Sun 12-May-13 22:33:09

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ImperialBlether Sun 12-May-13 22:33:50

I was wondering about that, AF. Wouldn't you have looked at the phone? I would. I probably would've sent the text, too.

OP, what did your and her texts say? Did she sound as though she was meeting him deliberately?

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