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Dating thread 44

(1000 Posts)
lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 09:46:59

Here we go - all dating chat here!

Pomegranatenoir Fri 08-Mar-13 21:52:48

How long has it been ike?

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:52:48

Yeah ... I have a perverse sense of humour and I like to write and have a laugh..but .I am still in shock 3 years later... that is very true.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:50:26

Absolutely Lulu this was not a seemingly abusive relationship at all....because I had no idea what was going on....it has only been since we divorced that the true natue of the beast has shown itself...so I lived life in a very happy comfy bubble for a long time. Life is very different now.

Pomegranatenoir Fri 08-Mar-13 21:50:06

I can relate to that ike. I was married to one of those too - public face vs private face. Today is a bad day, it will get better and you will feel happier. You know that don't you. I don't want to be patronising but sometimes that is all I need to hear. An acknowledgement that it is shit but a reminder that it won't always be this way. A

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Mar-13 21:48:34

Sometimes when you post Ike it feels like you are still in shock too?

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:47:13

People thought we were the ideal couple..he with the kids in the backpack, the dog. long walks together.etc...what a shock he had been cheating for 5 years!

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Mar-13 21:46:05

Ike forgive me for presuming, if I'm wrong here, but I think part of the loneliness after someone you loved leaves you, is that however much they may have treated you badly and lied or cheated on you, is that you grieve the life you thought you had, the relationship you thought you had and the future you thought you were going to have.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:43:57

Oh no Pom I will never know if he has had an awful time ....he is the great PRETENDER.
A man who will never show his true emotions unless it does not matter any more. Hence it is ok to let me know I am a shit parent NOW but when we were married he was the best partner.

It was a terrible for everyone when the truth came out. I have neighbours that are still in shock and treat me with suspicion.

Pomegranatenoir Fri 08-Mar-13 21:36:06

ike I've been in a relationship and felt dreadfully lonely.

I have plenty of friends that are in relationships and unhappy. Not 100% of the time but prob about 70% - way too high!! I hate to think of you being lonely and unhappy. You are usually so upbeat!! Is there anything (apart from relationship status) that you can turn around to make you not feel lonely. I think you will feel better when your twat of an ex gets back from his holiday and you realise he had an awful time. It is never as lovely for them as we imagine.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:34:46

Its a strange paradox because I loved my ex H very much and he was very good at pretending he loved me. So now I feel alone even though I have many more friends and a greater authenticity in how I live my life.

ike1 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:30:48

I guess I have never been in a relationship and really miserable but I am single and have felt very lonely and miserable...that is my strange paradox

OhWesternWind Fri 08-Mar-13 21:28:02

No more pain for you Pomegranate -exactly! What wonderful news about your job. Well done you. Bet you are just chuffed to bits. Mr Irish is sounding quite likely too. So glad life is going well for you, I know you've had some hard times but it looks like you're finally out of the shadows and into the sunshine.

Brilliant!

Pomegranatenoir Fri 08-Mar-13 21:20:23

Hello all,

Back from a brilliant week at centreparcs!! It was amazing. I love my kids and friends. Smiling from ear to ear!

Moving - you can only call when you feel up to it and prepared on what you want to say. Maybe try again tomorrow. I feel your pain! I don't think you will have a negative response though

oww - you are being rather brilliant about the whole LM situation. You know him best and you know what you want/need. I'm hopeful for you.

Whit woo snape - check you out getting all Facebook friendly with nameless! Amazing!!!

velvet - you have the patience of a saint with Cuthbert. I just couldn't deal with the mental anguish. I hope you get what you want from him.

lubes - you go girl!! Scotland won't know what's hit it!!

Bill- loving the hair! Don't change a thing. Cool is where it's at!!!

Big hello to everyone else!!

Well big news from me is that I have got a new job!! Not the one I applied for - an even better one!! Can't quite believe it. It's amazing and I am ridiculously excited. My dream job!! I've only been back from maternity leave for 8 weeks!!! Things are going well with Mr Irish. He's taking me out for champagne and cocktails next week to celebrate because we are both busy this weekend with our children. He is proving to be rather lovely and my feelings are really developing for him. Eek!! He isn't a longtermer I don't think but he is perfect for now. He makes me laugh and smile - that is good enough for me. No naughty action yet though..... Seriously scared about that!!!

Bit self indulgent so sorry but life is going really well at the mo - for how long I don't know!! it's almost a year since my cheating exh left me and my babies. It has been awful, horrendous at times but I think I am managing to turn it around - new job, new man, happy, happy kids that I love to bits, new wardrobe(!), new attitude, brilliant relationships with my friends and family. Might be getting divorced but I honestly
Believe the future is going to be happy. It is all good. Wow. Never thought I would say that!!! I used to be nomorepain - the pain is dead and buried!!

OhWesternWind Fri 08-Mar-13 21:16:20

LM being particularly L today smile. Lots of contact which I must admit I do like. Found some good offers on the old bubbly so will be down the shops first thing tomorrow. Champagne for your real friends and real pain for your sham friends!

OhWesternWind Fri 08-Mar-13 20:52:37

What would you say if you were ringing a mate up for a chat? Hi, how are you? What have you been up to? How was your trip away? Etc etc. if you're a bit nervous, have an excuse ready why you have to go if you think you won't want to chat for too long. Oh and ask if he's okay to talk because he might be shy of talking if there are other people there, or can't talk if he's driving. You know him best so you know what to say. It'll be find when you get talking.

If you're really not feeling confident, do it another time. Or have a small drink first!

Good luck!

lulubellaboozle Fri 08-Mar-13 20:49:01

Moving just say, Hi, how are you? what have you been up to? tell him you have been a bit fed up being laid low with your ankle and staying at your Mums. But the upside is, I do have a babysitter and I wondered if you fancied meeting up and going out for a drink or something to eat? simples!

Needs some dutch courage, but what's the worst that can happen, he makes some excuses and says no and then you have your answer which will be disappointing but at least you will know. OR, he could say, great, when were you thinking of? grin

Moving if you really don't feel up to it then best to leave it for now. See what you feel like another day, or just wait and see.

Movingforward123 Fri 08-Mar-13 20:36:32

Well he did say he likes me. And said he wasnt only after one thing! And seemed sweet before and when he came round brought the exact wine and lemonade that I drink! And also asked me to go out for valentines! So seemed like he was making an effort!

But what am I going to say if I call him?

I'm just not feeling very confident at the moment!

VelvetSpoon Fri 08-Mar-13 20:06:18

I would text but not call.

(but thats only because I am so phone-averse!)

Moving this man has said he likes you, has previously made an effort. Now call him! You don't have to meet him if you really don't want to but if he likes you he will want to. Do you think he would be hesitant because you are with your family and they wouldn't like it? The alternative is sitting around wondering.

Movingforward123 Fri 08-Mar-13 19:56:24

Well as I'm at my mums I can't have him over! And I feel silly on my crutches so not sure if I want to ask him to go out!

OhWesternWind Fri 08-Mar-13 19:44:00

Honestly Moving it's easier to call - texting leads to more angst if he doesn't answer your text straight away, or sends an answer that's a bit short or whatever. Or at least text and ask him out (or to come over if you're not very mobile) then you can ask him if he's okay and gauge his reaction, body language, tone of voice etc.

Movingforward123 Fri 08-Mar-13 19:36:26

Also ex p who is dds dad has just booked theatre tickets for me and him! To cheer me up! And apparently he's not gonna get the wrong idea!

Movingforward123 Fri 08-Mar-13 19:22:46

Well I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that feels like this when they go all quiet!

So any tips on the text that I should send?

VelvetSpoon Fri 08-Mar-13 19:11:59

I don't mind a bit of Shakespeare. But poetry is my thing, especially Donne (which I studied for A level). The Good Morrow has my favourite ever line in a poem

'If ever any beauty I did see, Which I desir'd, and got, 'twas but a dreame of thee'

Or as I remember us interpreting it in 6th form 'all my Exs were nowhere near as fit as you' grin

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