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DP sleeps too much during the day.

(178 Posts)
Mytimewillcome Sat 22-Dec-12 16:29:36

I know alot of men have 'naps' during the day but he can sleep practically the whole day leaving me with 2 children under the age of three. I am waking up for the baby during the night and if our other DC wakes up. He doesn't wake up at all. If he is asleep then I obviously can't catch up. I have started going out without him at weekends and am worried that we'll end up having separate lives with him just sleeping the whole weekend and me spending it on my own with my children. Does anyone have any practical advice or did anyone manage to change their DP from being a lazy git to someone more dynamic or is it a lost cause?

DefinitelyNotMe Sat 22-Dec-12 19:59:30

DP sometimes does this, it drives me insane, but he's on medication for a mental health problem. Having said that, 90% of the time he manages to get up when I need help with DD.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock Sat 22-Dec-12 20:01:24

if he is fit and well then you need to walk into the bedroom at 9am tomorrow morning, plonk the dcs on the bed with him and tell him you'll be back after tea-time.

Mytimewillcome Sat 22-Dec-12 20:19:20

He says that he isn't getting a good enough sleep at night but if I can wake up a minimum 4 times a night and still keep going then so can he! I have spoken to him about it and now he'll nap when the youngest one naps but that makes it seem like an even bigger problem: if he has to nap in the same way a 9 month old does!

I think I might go into the doctor with him and embarrass him there. Whatever I say to him just seems to roll off him and I can tell you I'm not placid!

dequoisagitil its the 'sleeping away family times and weekends' that annoys me the most.

He works and is 41. I'm pretty sure it isn't depression.

deste Sat 22-Dec-12 20:40:17

If he is napping all day it's no wonder he can't sleep at night.

judefawley Sat 22-Dec-12 20:47:18

I don't think I know of any men that nap during the day, apart from my retired dad - and he gets up at 5am.

He is either ill or a lazy git.

TisILeclerc Sat 22-Dec-12 20:59:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointysettia Sat 22-Dec-12 21:18:33

The only adult man I know who naps during the day is my Dad. He is 71 and has Parkinsons disease, which comes with severe sleep disturbances. And even he has only 1-2 hours a day.

Either your DH has a medical issue or is is extracting the urine. My bet is on the latter.

foreverondiet Sat 22-Dec-12 22:19:19

Does he work? Does he get up for work during the week?

Assuming yes, then need to have a chat that its not on for him to sleep all weekend, and that the fairest thing would be that he sleeps until 11am on a saturday and you'll take the kids out somewhere and you'll have sunday morning to yourself say to go to the gym / have a lie in whatever while he looks after the kids (think better to actually leave the house so you can't infact look after them.

If he can't get up in week he needs to see a doctor.

Mytimewillcome Sun 23-Dec-12 08:41:13

At the moment he has a cold but then so have I so basically all things are equal. I am also back at work and was told not to come in on Friday because my cough was so bad. He hasn't been sent home from work.

I told him that we were going to see the doctor in the new year about his sleeping and he refused.

Sometimes he sleeps downstairs to get a better nights sleep but then he says he needs to sleep during the day to make up for not sleeping in a comfortable bed.

DS2 (9 months) had a bad night last night and was waking up alot and of course he is still in bed and I am up with both children.

He is a very selfish person. He was lovely when we first met over 6 years ago but not now and I just don't think I can do this anymore.

Mytimewillcome Sun 23-Dec-12 08:43:02

And also when looking after our 2 children he will also fall asleep when our younger DS falls asleep and then that leaves our 2 and a half year old on his own basically and I think this is unacceptable and I have told him this.

TisILeclerc Sun 23-Dec-12 08:43:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana Sun 23-Dec-12 08:45:18

The sleeping is just an excuse to get out of childcare. As you've said, he is selfish. Do you think it's time to leave?

fiventhree Sun 23-Dec-12 09:09:31

What is he like in other ways? If he is selfish in other departments, you have your answer. Sure he is actually sleeping on that sofa, or tv/laptop? When my h was in bed till 12 and napping after tea at the weekend, it was sleep catch up from his 330am cybersex habit, it turned out.

MavisGrind Sun 23-Dec-12 09:26:45

I was married to one of these. Oh so tired despite a full nights sleep and I was up with the dcs. A lie in would last until lunchtime and we never did anything as a family. Life is so much better without!

If your H refuses to see a doctor does he not accept that his sleep habits are not normal?

Good luck!

mercibucket Sun 23-Dec-12 09:36:05

He needs to rule out a thyroid problem. Rare in men so often overlooked.
There could also be other underlying health problems

I had a thyroid problem and couldn't sleep well at night, managed work ok while feeling like death but needed to catch up on sleep all the rest of the time. I would also nap while the kids played. I didn't have much choice really, my body would just start falling asleep.

Either that or he's a lazy arse. But start with the blood tests

mercibucket Sun 23-Dec-12 09:36:05

He needs to rule out a thyroid problem. Rare in men so often overlooked.
There could also be other underlying health problems

I had a thyroid problem and couldn't sleep well at night, managed work ok while feeling like death but needed to catch up on sleep all the rest of the time. I would also nap while the kids played. I didn't have much choice really, my body would just start falling asleep.

Either that or he's a lazy arse. But start with the blood tests

dequoisagitil Sun 23-Dec-12 11:12:58

If he won't see the doctor and thinks this is acceptable, then you don't have many options.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 23-Dec-12 12:16:40

If he refuses to see a doctor, then you have to act as if there is no medical problem

ie. he is deliberately opting out so you do all the shitwork

time to take action, love

and no, him napping while a 2yo runs free is not appropriate, and not safe

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 23-Dec-12 12:59:18

I think you need to get rid, as you've said there are other manifestations of selfishness and he is refusing to address the excessive sleeping.

Sleeping a lot is actually an abuser indicator: it's another way of making the household revolve around you. Everyone's got to be quiet, because the Important Person is sleeping again. The wife has to hush the children all the time, or she's going to get attacked, as well as having to do all the domestic work...

Fairylea Sun 23-Dec-12 13:08:15

Check his thyroid at the GP. But even saying that I have severe thyroid problems and a pituitary tumour and I look after dd aged 9 and ds 7 months all day every day (and night) and never nap.

Dh works 60 hours a week and never ever naps. When he has a day off he can't wait to spend it with us.

lisad123 Sun 23-Dec-12 13:15:44

My dh started doing this and drove me mad, sadly he was very poorly and we didn't know. Please get him to see a doctor.
If there is no medical reason his a lazy sod

EleanorGiftbasket Sun 23-Dec-12 13:25:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RacHoHoHog Sun 23-Dec-12 13:31:38

My exh used to do this, we both worked full time but he would come hoee everyday and have a nap. His excuse - his job was physical and mine was sat on my bum all day. Fair enough but mine was still mentally demanding and I was doing night times with both children.

He was abusive in other ways too.

Tell him doctor or door, his choice but something needs to be done.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sun 23-Dec-12 13:54:17

Yes, get the blood tests. It's not just thyroid, other endocrine problems can cause fatigue, and other medical conditions.

Once you know whether there is anything physically wrong you can get him treatment or make him pull his weight.

AndrewMyrrh Sun 23-Dec-12 19:30:12

I seem to be in the minority here - my DH naps a lot. In fact, he is sleeping on the sofa as I type this, although to be fair he got up with the DC both mornings this weekend.

He has a condition called Gilberts, which can cause fatigue, but it used to really piss me off. I accept that he naps now, but I find it less irritating to tell him to go to bed, and that I will wake him in an hour.

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