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just found DH in DD's cot

(233 Posts)
sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 01:49:25

where he had passed out drunk. I am still shaking. My first thought was "where is DD?" as I couldn't see her, he was taking up the whole cot. She was fine, curled up in the tiniest corner and hidden from view under (D)H's leg, but still.

There is no point trying to talk about it with him until the morning (or later) but I need to vent and try and get my own thoughts straight. This might be an epic post.

He has always drunk too much, it has got worse over the years though and now it is "normal" for him to have at least 1 bottle of wine every night. On a night like that it doesn't even cross my mind that he is drinking too much, his behaviour is usually fine, or at least unremarkable.

Since DD (1 yo) was born, he has given up smoking which he found very difficult and I think has contributed to his drinking getting worse. He used a particular book/technique to help him stop smoking and in the last couple of weeks he has bought the equivalent book for stopping drinking (but hasn't read it yet) so I am hopeful that he at least has the intention to stop. He has said on a few occasions that he wants to be able to cut down his drinking, but tbh I try not to engage him in conversation about either smoking or drinking as it always tends to end with an argument because our expectations are so different.

Anyway, obv tonight he drank way more than usual. I'm not entirely sure why, but SIL (his sister) and DN are here to visit, perhaps he just got carried away. But he was the only one drinking.

He must have come to bed about 11 ish (I had gone to bed early) but at around midnight he got up to go to the loo, made loads of noise, turned on all the lights etc etc. I was inwardly groaning and just waiting for him to come back to bed. Must have drifted off again and woke up with a start hearing weird noises on the baby monitor, went to investigate and found him sprawled in her cot.

Is it time for me to make a stand? I am so scared for DD right now, I am just thinking of all the other awful things he could have done without realising/thinking. He could so easily have just squashed her. What if he'd decided to take her out and dropped her? Am I an idiot for not having thought about this sort of thing before?

Right now I honestly don't feel safe with him in the house. I can't entertain the thought of going to sleep as I have to be awake to protect DD incase he does something else I haven't thought of. Am I over reacting?

My gut feeling right now is to tell him (in the morning) that he has to stop drinking or get out. To pour all the alcohol down the sink. But I know he can't stop, and so I'm scared of the outcome. I do love him, and 95% of the time his behaviour is fine.

WWYD?

ArtexMonkey Sat 08-Sep-12 01:53:14

Where is your dd now? Where is he? Can you bring her in bed with you and boot him out? Maybe get some sleep that way? Then talk in the morning. You sound really scared and I don't blame you, what a cock.

izzyizin Sat 08-Sep-12 01:55:59

How old is your dd?

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 01:58:58

DD is 1.
She is sleeping peacefully in her cot, I don't think she even woke up at all thankfully. DH is in our bed, I am on the floor in DD's room.

SkipTheLightFanjango Sat 08-Sep-12 01:59:41

I'm no expert but you really have to think of your little one here.He is putting her in danger. His drinking is having a big impact on your family. If he cannot stop then he has a problem that needs sorting! I won't say "leave the basterd" as there is still a chance this can be saved..but he needs help. NOW!
You must ensure the safety of DD. If he can't be safe around her after drinking then he needs to get out while he sorts himself out. Do you feel safe? May sound silly,but, if you mention it will he go mad?
Keep calm and try to think of the long term. Can he make the changes, or, if not, can you live with the way things are?

OrangeLily Sat 08-Sep-12 02:04:07

Another message about drunk to the point of disgusting DH/DP. He could have easily have hurt your DD and imagine what would have happened of you hadn't woken up. What a stupid situation he had put you all in.

Good luck for the morning and the future.

ArtexMonkey Sat 08-Sep-12 02:04:07

Put drunky mctwat on the floor and you and dd have the bed, you will sleep better.

Ihaveaveryleakybrain Sat 08-Sep-12 02:10:43

Oh Crikey I'm another one with a drunk OH and I'm also on the floor of my ds's room. I have bugger all advice being in a simlar pickle but heartfelt empathy and an unmumsnet hug.

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:11:09

no way i will get him out of bed without a major row, and tbh DD has never slept well in our bed so I'd prefer to just stay in her room.
i have just read the other thread on here by someone who has just thrown their drunk DP out. I am wondering how long it will be before that is me. sad
I am sure that in the morning he will make out like it's nothing and I'm overreacting, I should try to see the funny side. The trouble is that the sober DH doesn't ever get to meet the drunk DH so he doesn't actually know what I go through on occasions like these.

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:12:21

leaky i just read your thread and felt just the same. Sorry I can't help. Well done for getting him out.

Ihaveaveryleakybrain Sat 08-Sep-12 02:14:53

I know exactly what you mean tho about him down playing it. I tried recording him once when he was being vile but never had the courage to play it to him.

I would video record drunk DH

SkipTheLightFanjango Sat 08-Sep-12 02:16:12

Get hold of a camcorder..show him what he is like when drunk! He can meet his drunk side then. TBH it's not his choice..you see the truth, you need to keep you and dd safe. If you don't feel he will take you seriously then you need to show him you mean business. Give him an ultimatum..behave or we are gone!

anniewoo Sat 08-Sep-12 02:18:07

How did a grown man, drunk, climb into a cot??? confused

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:18:10

good idea, but i never think of that in the heat of the moment. too late now. must try to remember for next time. oh god, that's just it, isn't it, we all know it will happen again, just don't know when or what it will be.

Xposted with leaky sorry but yes, i would, and stress to him how bloody irresponsible and dangerous he is .. I've been pissed enough pre-DS2 to fall asleep hugging the toilet, but no children in the house (both safely at GP's) and i knew exactly where i was, just couldn't move.

Move the baby and chuck a bucket of water over him

We can safely assume it will be next friday confused

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:21:50

i think my tactic of not talking about smoking/drinking is backfiring isn't it? I have to make it clear where my boundaries are (when he's sober). But i need to decide for myself where they are first.

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:24:04

i have no idea annie but when i saw him he was flat on his back with his head at one end and his bum diagonally opposite, with legs hanging out. DD was in the corner opposite his bum. It was actually almost funny watching him trying to get out.

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:27:13

would it be unreasonable (or counter-productive) to pour all his drink away and insist that the house became "dry"? i.e. if he wants to drink he has to go elsewhere (and stay for the night).
Right now, that would mean he would have to leave as he can't get through an evening without drinking.
He won't go quietly, no way.

SkipTheLightFanjango Sat 08-Sep-12 02:30:53

If he's that bad then YES! Get rid of all alcohol, if he drinks elsewhere lock the door and he can come back when sober!

Show him This when he's sober

Sorry its a bit harsh but he needs shocking

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:40:39

whenever we do talk about alcohol, he thinks I'm nuts because I don't drink at all. (no particular prejudice or anything, I just don't like it) I do wonder if that makes me more prone to overreact because I just don't experience drinking/being drunk myself.

sleeplessbunny Sat 08-Sep-12 02:41:17

that makes me shiver things

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