How do you cope when it's all over?

[DifferentFutureAhead]

I asked h to leave tonight. After the most recent bout of domestic abuse on Wednesday, I came to my senses and surprisingly he's gone without a fight.

Despite it all I still love him. And now I'm all alone. And I have to somehow tell my 5yr that Daddy doesn't live with us any more. Thankfully my youngest is too little to understand.

I've gone from thinking about a 3rd baby, to being a single parent in a matter of days.

All our plans gone. I know it's for the best. The police and social services were against me letting him back last night and I came to the same conclusion this afternoon.

But what do I do now? My whole life changed, all our plans gone.

[DifferentFutureAhead]

13 years up in smoke

[Dprince]

Right now. You just keep breathing. Tonight you don't have to make plans or decisions. That can wait until tomorrow.
I am so sorry you are in this position. But in time you will feel better and free. You have done the right thing for you and your kids. Just hold on to that.

[DifferentFutureAhead]

He's all I've ever known. My whole adult life has been with him. I don't know how to live without him.

[Dprince]

No not right now you don't. But you will survive. Learning to be alone is much easier than living with an abuser.
You will be fine. It doesn't feel like it, I know. But you will.
Do you have any rl support?

[DifferentFutureAhead]

Not really. My parents have passed away.

I have friends but no one really close

[DifferentFutureAhead]

It's so empty now the dc are in bed. I can't imagine this every evening

[MissFaversam]

Well you have my support OP for what it's worth

I know it sounds like sheer bollocks but you have your gorgeous children and IT WILL get better x

[MissFaversam]

Stay on mumsnet, you will be guided all the way.

[DifferentFutureAhead]

Thank you. I just need someone to talk to.

How on earth do I tell my 5yo? We are going to do it together over the weekend. How do I tell her that Daddy doesn't live here any more? She thinks the world of him. My poor little girl.

[MissFaversam]

OP your little girl will be absolutely fine. She will have two parents that love her who live apart thats all. She will have two homes to go to, how exciting is that at her age.

I kicked my DS's dad out when he was two and he is the most balanced teen I have ever come across. If I had have stayed with his dad god knows how he would be.

She's so young, it will be better for it.

[MissFaversam]

"she will be better for it" of course.

[DifferentFutureAhead]

What do I say to her? That we still love her but don't live together anymore, is that enough?

[Elephantscantdothemoonwalk]

I had to tell my DD this op. Similar reasons. I said that whilst i loved him,he was not living with us anymore. We didn't get along and wanted the best for her.

We had to leave everything behind though. Move hose etc

[Beckamaw]

This is the best thing for her.
You can't allow her to grow up thinking that this is acceptable in a relationship.
Hold that thought and get through tomorrow. Then the next day.

[DifferentFutureAhead]

Elephants that must have been so difficult for you. I can't imagine leaving everything as well.

[Elephantscantdothemoonwalk]

It's not easy different. I posted in chat as well.

If you want any advice pm me. Happy to help

[GemsAngels]

HeyDifferentFutureAheadyou have been very strong, in as you say coming to your senses. You have taken the first step to a better future. Things seem all over the place at the moment and I know how this feels. Its all alot to take in right now, try not too think too much. Your DD will adjust and she will still have both parents that love her.
You will become stronger and things will get easier, I promise. Its ealy days.

[struwelpeter]

Don't worry about saying anything or doing anything but putting one step in front of the other for now. Try to keep doing what your DCs like doing with you, and try to get out once a day, even if you have to wear dark glasses in the rain.
Whatever you feel is ok. It is no crime to love someone, his crime is to have abused your love and trust.
Just talk here, you have the force of MN behind you. Slowly, slowly, at their own pace things will fall into place. Perhaps ask the SS or find out if there is a WA or Freedom programme near you so that you are in a place where you can talk with people who understand and will accept your feelings.
I for one didn't believe the time will heal phrase, but it truly does.
for you in a difficult time

[glitch]

I'm heading for a similar thing soon so I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone, and I'm sure we aren't the only 2.

Keep in mind that you will come out of this a happier person and that has to be good news for your children. From a practical point of view it seems that the Citizens Advice Bureau is a good place to start.

Lots of good luck to you. x

[DifferentFutureAhead]

It's going to be a long night and an even longer weekend.

Thanks for all the reassurance, it really is helping. Reading through tears and it's nice to know I'm not alone. Although I wish none of us had to go through this. It's awful.

I'm going to do a big clean tomorrow, cleaning is theraputic and take the girls to the park after h has been round. I can't even bear to think beyond that.

[aleene]

What a horrible time for you. I know the future looks scary but do it one day at a time. You are doing the best thing.

i know you said you have friends but no-one close. I bet if you pick up the phone to someone they will try their best for you. Invite someone for coffee this week?

[glitch]

Think of a new plan, a holiday, a weekend away with friends. Make one plan to look forward to and that is a start in your new life.

[DifferentFutureAhead]

I took up your suggestion alenne and I am meeting friends on Sunday with the dc That's something to look forward to now.

We have a holiday booked glitch. I can't imagine doing it alone though.

I'm going to talk to social services about groups etc.

I've never felt this low before.

[DifferentFutureAhead]

Glitch, sorry to hear you too are heading for this

[solidgoldbrass]

You've done the right thing. He is the one to blame here, for not behaving like a civilised person, and for his abuse of you. You and the DC are better off with him gone. It's also OK to tell your DD that he no longer lives with you because he behaved so badly - especially if she saw any of his abusive behaviour.