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attracted to my dentist, what do I do? try not to laugh..!

(175 Posts)
hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 21:13:41

I just realised that I really like and fancy my dentist of many, many years. I don't see him often, once a year usually. In Last two weeks I saw him twice for check-up and then some work. I'm a nervous wreck with dental stuff, and I was just struck how gentle and nice he was. I started thnking that I'd like his touch generally blush. I think there is a bit of attraction from him, he looked at my body couple of times but also we make each other laugh. He used to be married and he generally never seriously registered on my radar as I was in other relationships, even though there was always a bit of rapoprt and I liked him, he's youngish, 40s, and used to look nice but this year he looks very rundown and thin, which is not putting me off, the opposite! He's also a small guy and I usually go for tall (I'm tall). I find myself thinking about him a lot, as so many men I've been with in the past lacked this sensitivity. Suddenly it's not about looks or social confidence, I just like his personal qualities and that makes me attracted rather than obvious outward sexiness!
How do I approach it? I don't have his email address and it's not on their site. He's very busy and a partner in practice. I want to find out whether he's separated or divorced. There are no photos of the wife anymore, but I need to know for sure. I don't know either whether he'd be interested but would want to take a chance.
Has anyone got examples of this working for you, or for a friend?

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 22:04:22

anyone?

Lizzabadger Mon 20-Feb-12 22:08:32

It's just a crush. Enjoy the frisson when he's checking your molars and leave it at that.

swallowedAfly Mon 20-Feb-12 22:08:55

argh! trauma bonding! grin

i don't know - ask? are you married? you could just be making chit chat as you do so if he says yes it doesn't have to be awkward. if he says no i guess if you're brave you could ask him if he'd fancy meeting for a coffee sometime or something.

i really wouldn't be that surprised if he lost his appeal out of role though.

nothing ventured?

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 20-Feb-12 22:09:17

Open wide? grin

merryberry Mon 20-Feb-12 22:09:26

You could 'open wider'? <ker thump cheesy drum punch line>
Sorry, I hope you get some sensible advice soon.
Except, maybe, you are responding to a decent, nice human being who shows care. It might be that, rather than him.

kissmyheathenass Mon 20-Feb-12 22:09:42

How exciting! Dont know how you could let him know how you feel tho. YOu could drop a card into the surgery asking if he would like to meet for a drink. Hmm, if you are misreading him, you will have to change dentist.

RecursiveMoon Mon 20-Feb-12 22:10:12

Floss grin?

KellyKettle Mon 20-Feb-12 22:13:24

I say just call the surgery and speak to him. Don't ask him out in front of the hygienist.

Is it ethical to date patients?

AKissIsNotAContract Mon 20-Feb-12 22:17:32

As a dentist I would say that most dentists are weird, don't date one!

It's not ethical to date patients but that is easily solved by transferring their care to a colleague. I've never dated a patient as their teeth rarely meet my standards though.

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 22:40:31

AKiss - I assume you are a woman? and what if they did meet your standards grin? did anyone ask you out? how are dentists weird, do they talk on the subject day and night?!
Personally i can't see how it's unethical, he's not psychoterapist, surely it's up to you two. I would still want treatment with him, whether he's interested or not. So far it's nothing deep, so I won't feel rejected.
Belle and merry :-D! he did look me up and down a couple of times.
There is always a nurse there and i can't chat with him in situ. Also now I won't see him for another year probably, thought it was a good opportunity.
kissmyheart, I thought of dropping a message but without directly asking. How about a thank you message?
swallowed, very interesting! trauma bonding, eh? I have to say there is something in feeling vulnerable and him being nice, though I hate being in the chair and always am petrified. not a good look. Also you say, won't be the same appeal out of his role - you may have a point! but I really do want o meet a gentle sensitive guy, yet not 'wet', and they are scarce.

AKissIsNotAContract Mon 20-Feb-12 22:55:24

Yes I am a woman. I've been asked out a couple of times but wouldn't date a patient. I have very high standards when it comes to teeth and once I've seen what's lurking in someone's mouth it tends to put me off.

Your dentist came across as caring and kind because he's good at his job. I'm sure he's like that with all his patients.

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 23:03:36

oh yes, I'm sure he's like that with everyone, but I am extrenely nervous and more tiresome than most! Do you mean he's not like that in real life neccessarily?
btw my teeth are pretty good!

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 23:05:33

AKiss why wouldn't you date a patient if you see them once in 1-1.5yrs? I don't mean lots of them, but would you date just one (with good teeth :-))?

ToscanaBambina Mon 20-Feb-12 23:13:42

You could try acting these scenes out grin

daenerysstormborn Mon 20-Feb-12 23:24:06

you could do what i did. went for a filling, i thought the chair had arms on both sides and was gripping them both as my rather good looking dentist applied the anesthetic injection. turned out there was only one arm on the left, on the right i had been gripping his thigh blush

at least, i think it was his thigh wink

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 23:25:31

ooh..
I would if it wasn't for the nurse! I did slightly bite his finger (tmi!), unobtrusively and with no eye contact so pretty non sexual (I did enjoy it though).

ProcrastinateWildly Mon 20-Feb-12 23:26:20

I fancy my dentist too, but tbh I've never considered following it up, I just enjoy looking at him while I'm there. It takes my mind off things smile

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 23:26:54

daenery, what was his ahem reaction?

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 23:28:19

Procrastinate, but you are prob married!

tb Mon 20-Feb-12 23:29:11

Why don't you just ring the surgery and ask the receptionist if he's married? You could say that you had noticed he doesn't have the photos any more, and that you didn't want to put your foot in it by asking about her if they've split up.

Or, you could ask a friend to do it!

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 23:32:23

I never asked him personal q's before, and receptionist would find it also v.odd. I'm not friends with them, not such a regular.
Do you think that a thank you message is a good idea, with my number or e-mail on it?

ProcrastinateWildly Mon 20-Feb-12 23:34:17

No, no, I'm single. Actually, maybe I'll book a check up...

hisgentletouch Mon 20-Feb-12 23:37:51

what type is he, P? also gentle or more macho? most likely married though.

daenerysstormborn Mon 20-Feb-12 23:38:55

he went red, said 'oh, isn't it hot in here' and asked the dental nurse to open a window.

i, on the other hand just wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole. am only allowed to go to the dentist now with the dc's as chaperones according to dh grin

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