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advice needed desperately regarding social services

(882 Posts)
wannabestressfree Wed 28-Sep-11 21:10:18

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

fedup2012 Tue 03-Jul-12 15:51:29

They think a civil case against the Maudsley will not result in a large payout as he wasn't injured.

I think damages covers a lot more than physical injury. They are covering up.

It's disgraceful that they are not allowed personal items on the bed. Did they give a reason for this?

seaofyou Wed 04-Jul-12 00:14:48

Oh that is fantastic news wannabe!

Have you visited Oakview? You need to go and see it and get a feel for it's theaupeutic worth! After all you sadly have lots of experience of bad places and your gut instinct will tell you as you go in the door! See if their are other dc functioning like ds too?

Would ds have to go to forensics as on section MHA?

Their is a LD unit their too...see if it is for HFAS like your ds? They do CBT and Behaviour Modification which is good but you need to visit and get feel for place. Is it structured activities? Consequences for behaviours (not punishment based therapy)? Describe ds on worst day possible and see if they blink? Or in other words can they cope! Sounds like they can but you would want ds moved away from forensics as soon as you can?
I like the transition support too!

Have you told the hospital, LEA and SS you are going to radio? Maybe just maybe they may move ds fast to ind to ensure bad press is avoided...it's worth it to save time etc going through MH and LEA tribunals!

You have not second but 100th wind back as you just keep going for your lovely boysmile

You are incredible Wannabe and your ds sounds so much better want want to be close to you so much. This move will only help ds heal with his amazing mom their supporting him all the way!

TheEnthusiasticTroll Wed 04-Jul-12 00:31:12

Hi wnnabe i have followed and posted on your thread under another name.

I was thinking about you just a few days ago, I think it was stemed from the current debate about placing children in care away from home and I wondered, after everything you and your Ds has been through, what you would think of this.

And if the government has done enough for ALL children particularly the amount of moves and distance your ds has had to cover.

But of course I understand it is a seperate debate altogether, as always situtaions like you and ds are forgotton.

from what Im reading it appears, some progress is being made and I am glad that things seem to be in your ds favouir even if a pay out is not forth coming, but I know that is not your motivation.

Youi are so styrong and have so much support. Im going to read back over your thread to remind me of your journey.

lots of luck and best of luck, and admitration to you, ypur ds and your family.

TimeForMeAndDD Wed 04-Jul-12 07:24:21

I'm afraid I don't have anything useful to say Wannabe but I just wanted you to know that I do still think of you and your lovely son. Your posts of him really melt my heart, I feel for you so much. I am pleased to read that you are going to have him moved, I hope this means you will be able to spend more time with him. Anyway, I am rooting for you, wishing you luck as well as lots of love and strength X

wannabestressfree Thu 05-Jul-12 11:13:41

I spoke to someone from Oakview yesterday and am hoping to arrange a visit. They are calling me today.
Ds is quite anxious though as I had to mention to him that I was looking into moving him. I didn't want to do all the work and he refuse to go [I wouldn't put it past him]. He is keen though.
Thank you all for the kind messages........

seaofyou Thu 05-Jul-12 11:20:55

What if you give ds brouchers on the place...will he be allowed to spend the day their to visit(s) first? This should be done for ds tranistion as it is so hard moving!

That's if you think it is suitable first Wannbe?
Really hope this place is right...the right environment can totally change the person and for your ds the better! Think is it 'nurturing, structured, consistent', and is it based on positives and consequences not punishment all the time.

Will you get opportunity to speak to the children themselves? You can tell if they are settled happy by their body language anyway without words!

pinkbraces Thu 05-Jul-12 13:01:47

I have just read your thread and I think you are amazing. I wish I had the words to say how inspirational you are.

The love and strength you have for your DS just shines through. I have no advice for you but just wanted to offer my support.

I hope you get him moved quickly x

scummymummy Thu 05-Jul-12 21:27:25

Hope the visit goes well, wannabe.smile

wannabestressfree Wed 11-Jul-12 14:01:45

Sorry I haven't been on for a while feel so run down and crappy.....

The papers today are discussing a nurse who worked in my son's unit who had sex with one of the children and said 'there was two of us there' a 16 year old.

I want him home. I am seriously considering appealing his section. They are pushing for a move as am I but its all too much and I just want him home with us.

Feel so upset today and very estranged from him.

sugarice Wed 11-Jul-12 14:20:50

Oh Wannabe what a dreadful story to have to read and those poor kids if that is the kind of staff they have there. I don't know what to say sad how did you get on with Oakview and arranging a visit?.

wannabestressfree Wed 11-Jul-12 15:30:25

I got told I need to leave things to the solicitor / barrister for the time being. Ardenleigh have suggested their sister unit in Ealing in London but DS was not happy about this. Oakview seem to cater more for children from all differing degrees of mental illness and he thinks he could make progress there rather than be stuck in a forensic setting forever more.

The local social services have finally granted me a meeting on friday. I just hope they don't cancel again. I am so so tired. I am debating going sick for a couple of days to get my thoughts together.

sugarice Wed 11-Jul-12 15:40:56

Go sick and gather your thoughts ready for your meeting and let's hope they don't cancel.

fridakahlo Wed 11-Jul-12 15:57:25

Wannabe, I have been following your thread for a while now. You and he really have been through it all.
I don't know if this is helpful but I just thought I would put it out there, would there be any point in trying to garner some support using MIND, NSPCC or autism/aspergers organisations? People who know about this kind of stuff and could act as advocates for you?
I hope a resolution comes about soon.

wannabestressfree Tue 17-Jul-12 21:35:35

I will be on Victoria Derbyshire on August 14th to talk about my experiences.
Social services were very helping and are supporting a move......
I just feel everything needs a shove now.......

mummytime Wed 18-Jul-12 07:28:58

It sounds like good news. I'm still hoping, (praying), crossing my fingers etc for you.

sugarice Wed 18-Jul-12 07:32:56

This sounds more positive Wannabe, good news.

manup2012 Thu 19-Jul-12 01:13:41

A nurse had sex with one of the children on your son's unit? Not sure I would ever read something like this on mumsnet. I can't believe the unit hasn't closed down. It is a massive red flag. Call Alison Holt from the BBC.

I wish there was something I could do for you, it's time you got some backup from someone in real life.

justaboutisnowakiwi Thu 19-Jul-12 06:08:42

No advice, but have lurked and wanted to delurk and say, you are so strong and impressive. Keep going.

c0rms1lkye Sat 21-Jul-12 07:52:38

also delurking...this thread fell off my threads I'm on, but now I've found it again. Wannabe you are amazing. Hopefully the VD show will give everything another push in the right direction.

wannabestressfree Sat 21-Jul-12 22:08:01

Yes manup I am sure if you google it the story will come up.
When I challenged them they said it had happened a while ago and it takes a while to come to court.
I am going to London to make a statement on monday. Its exhausting and I am wading through paperwork I don't entirely understand but I am trying hard to remain positive......
We have a family day next saturday. Am expected on the ward by ten so leave my house at 4 in the morning......... this is one of the many reasons he needs to move.
Thanks all for kind comments. I hope I don't end up a mess on the radio. Will post more info nearer the time......

annalovesmrbates Wed 25-Jul-12 22:16:17

Wannabe-found it!

annalovesmrbates Wed 25-Jul-12 22:16:17

Wannabe-found it!

wannabestressfree Wed 25-Jul-12 22:17:53

Oh god I am a fuckwit.............:}

seaofyou Wed 25-Jul-12 23:20:52

I was looking for your thread last night and thought you maybe hid/deleted it as could not find it!

OMG nurse had sex with child...oh this is just OMG OMG I thought it was just another child sexually abusing the other children...which well you can understand the behaviour of a disturbed child not supervised...but a NURSE!

OMG!

I don't know what to say to that ...blown away with shock

But get ds moved asap as I have said all along to a nurturing environment!
Frigging red tape! Is ds taking meds now? You can get section removed if accepting treatment now but it has to be after renewal of section...it goes to yearly for adults not sure with under 18 yrs...so hope ds has renewal soon Wannabe.

Wannabe you are a super most loving strong mother who has been through the worst fight for your child I have read!

I cannot believe they expect you their at 10am for visiting knowing you have other young children and live so far away...again forensic environment is not for a child with who does not warrent it and at risk of imitating these behaviours because of aspergers.

I hope your visit goes well Saturday with ds and you find ds in good health.

JsOtherHalf Wed 25-Jul-12 23:21:16

How are things?

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