Aarrgghh. Third time DS has come out of school in shitty pants!

(178 Posts)
Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 16:21:33

Please tell me if I'm over reacting as I had a baby 2 weeks ago and my brain hasn't fully returned to full capacity.

I've posted before about DS (4) and his toileting issues. He had been doing so much better lately and then today for the third time since starting school came out covered in shit. I could smell him as soon as I picked him up. When I asked him why he hadn't asked someone to help him (teacher and 2 TAs in class) he said something about missing playtime or losing golden time if he's naughty.

I'm not brave enough for AIBU but WIBU to compose an email to school asking what they are doing to support him and why no one noticed? He bloody stank and had obviously been like it a while.

I had a meeting before he started where I explained he has a problem. I let the teacher know last week he was on medication and may have an accident.

I don't want him to be bullied. He's waiting for a paediatrician referral for suspected encopresis. He's managed the toilet 4 times last week and I really thought we were getting somewhere.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 18:54:30

I'll phone reception tomorrow and arrange an appointment. We have parents evening on the 7th Oct but I don't really want to leave it that long to sort out.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 18:55:14

I only have a school email not for individual teacher so would hope it would get read although cannot be sure!

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:56:26

I do think writing / emailing them is perfectly reasonable. Then follow up with an appointment if necessary. That way you can be certain something will be done.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Tue 24-Sep-13 18:57:02

I agree with not sending an Email and going in.

Is he on movicol?

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 18:57:33

X posted. An appointment is fine. However if nothing gets done I would be contacting the LA.

kilmuir Tue 24-Sep-13 19:01:13

Sorry but i would want to have a word ith the teacher tomorrow. Do they have a school receptionist, tell her you need a private word with the teacher or Head.

steeking Tue 24-Sep-13 19:03:46

They aren't allowed to clean up children if they have an accident. Or so I was told.
In p1 he pooed his pants and I was called to the school. I arrived to find him sitting on his own on a chair segregated from the others. The smell was awful. He'd been given a clean pair of pants and trousers but no-one helped him clean up. They could have let him wait in the medical room. I thought it was humiliating,
When we got home I realised there was poo everywhere- all over his bottom and halfway down his legs.
After that I gave Ds a couple of wipes in a sandwich bag to keep in his pocket in case of mishaps.

Tabby1963 Tue 24-Sep-13 19:04:31

Can you make an appointment for the end of the school day? That way your teacher will be available to chat with you and hopefully, come up with a solution. Good luck.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 19:07:35

Yes movicol. At least when I can get him to take it as not having control and poo leaking out of him is distressing him a lot. I've been hiding it in black currant squash but he's caught onto that and is refusing to drink anything but milk at home!

Regards Tue 24-Sep-13 19:12:23

They are 'allowed' to clean up children. In fact they have a Duty of Care which means they should do this.

mrz Tue 24-Sep-13 19:13:05

Staff are allowed to clean up children if they have an accident, in fact they have a duty to do so (if the child agrees), but sometimes staff can be unaware, or if like the OPs child ... the child doesn't tell anyone, noticing a smell in a class of 30 with no one taking responsibility and discovering the source can be impossible. What we can't do is to insist a child allows us to inspect their pants ...

clam Tue 24-Sep-13 19:15:15

What a distressing situation for you all.
Is this a recent thing, and he was at one stage managing "normally," or has he suffered some kind of setback more recently?

spanieleyes Tue 24-Sep-13 19:15:31

We have a reception child still in nappies, there are no medical reasons why, Mum says he is "not interested" in toilet training and doesn't want to start. We change his nappy 2-3 times a day.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 24-Sep-13 19:23:36

Saying not allowed and technically not their responsibility is all very well but what about basic human kindness. Of course they should help him.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 24-Sep-13 19:24:45

Saying not allowed and technically not their responsibility is all very well but what about basic human kindness. Of course they should help him.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 24-Sep-13 19:27:21

Oops sorry

ILetHimKeep20Quid Tue 24-Sep-13 19:32:34

Have you had information on how to work the doses to clear him out first? My eldest had encroprisis, it's bloody infuriating.

Basically his bowel has been knocked out of shape through impacted poo. So poo is getting stuck, the soiling is poo seeping out, not actual movements. He might, like mine did, manage a poo of monster proportions every so often. That's not solving the problem though.

The clear out using movical (you increase dose over the course of a week) won't be fun and it really wouldnt be fair to make him go to school through it, he willl soil and smell. After that you need to keep movements regular and easy to allow the bowel to shrink back .

ILetHimKeep20Quid Tue 24-Sep-13 19:35:31

It really shouldn't take a specific referral to tell you all that, your gp should advise. Of you do that a couple of times to no avail then yes, seek specialised support.

Kyrptonite Tue 24-Sep-13 21:39:24

He's supposed to have 1 sachet in the morning and another at night. He hasn't had any for a week as he's refusing to take it and I can't exactly pour it down his throat.

He's always had pooing issues since he was toilet trained 18 months ago.

noramum Tue 24-Sep-13 22:12:39

When DD started school we signed letters actually allowing the staff to clean our child in case if accidents.

She now has constipation problems and the school is great with her. We emails the school and explained, asking if an appointment to speak to the teacher was necessary. They declined, saying that they had experiences with similar cases and just asked us to be available for school trips as it wouldn't be fair to other parents to help DD if necessary. We spoke briefly to the teacher as, like the OP, we didn't want to speak at drop off more than necessary.

She has seen a specialist now as Movicol was useless. We still experience the odd accident but supplied DD with spare pants and wipes in her bookbag. Knock on wood, no accidents since starting Year 2.

Kyrptonite Wed 25-Sep-13 15:59:19

He had another accident. He told someone this time. They bought him out at home time waving the carrier bag with his dirty clothes in in front of everyone

lotsofcheese Wed 25-Sep-13 16:11:16

Sorry to hear you're having issues.

My DS is very similar - late to toilet train & still having accidents age 4. I believe it's related to his prematurity.

Anyway, he regressed considerably when I had DD. We "blackmailed" him with toys, chocolate, magazines etc, which did help. Although I found it hard to be consistent with a new baby.

Does he have a key worker at school/nursery who you could have a word with? Perhaps phone in at lunch time & leave a message asking them to call you back?

ILetHimKeep20Quid Wed 25-Sep-13 17:40:31

This won't get better until it's dealt with, go back to your gp

clam Wed 25-Sep-13 18:17:24

Sorry, who was "waving the carrier bag," your ds or the teacher/TA?

Kyrptonite Wed 25-Sep-13 18:37:15

The TA. Sorry should have said. The teacher matches them to a parent at the door. I couldn't see DS then the TA led him out with the bag of soiled clothing. I said "at least he told someone this time" and it sounded as though her reply was "yes this time he told us we didn't have to smell him"

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