Hi all,
My heart is breaking for all who have had a MC recently or in the passed i can fully understand the pain of a loss!
Hope is the only thing you can grab hold onto and not let go, i think you are all strong wonderful people and if its your hearts desire to have a child dont let go off that thought and desire, we women are real strong we are made not to break or shatter! thats why we have babies and all the emotional things we have to overcome!
I have 2 lovely DD - preg where a breeze! after i got married 2006 i found out i was preg but then came the pain i found out in an e/scan i was having an eptopic pregnancy i couldnt believe it!but was grateful had no op and baby passed on it on the stresful things was going back to the hospital for scan and blood tests looking around the room with women with bellys and geting good news! my world was turning upside down and inside out why me, why me! before this i would of said etting pregnant was easy but since then i have been trying and i got obsessed! every month checking preg tests! then i decided it was driving a big wedge between me and my DH so i decided to focus on my job and family hen we decided to do special guardianship to 2 wonderful boys - 9 and 3! then i had my hands full no time to think about babies! in march i lost my DM my heart hurt more than the ep and my world just crashed! then in may i was wondering no period due to my stress of he funeral and not eating, i decided to do a test and as waiting thought its nothing and stop being silly just about to throw in bin when it beeped and told me 3-4 weeks pregnant! i was shocked! now with what had happened in the passed i was a nervous wreak wishing time will fast forward every pain every twidge i thought no not again!but this baby is a fighter and now at 31 weeks im just happy baby is moving all over the place! the main thing is there is hope so please dont give up!

Hugs and kisses to you all - Sh77 and willibe - praying for you. xx

Lunatic - Tentative congratulations! the line may be faint but you well know you wouldn't have those hormones if there wasn't something going on!

My god you had a terrible time. Whilst Niamh's stillbirth was absolutely heartbreaking I was fortunate to have had an uncomplicated pregnancy and nothing detectable went wrong. I was at home when my waters broke with meconium in them so ambulance in but no time to scan as she was already crowning. Whilst I know it wasn't going well I am so glad I didn't know for sure that there was no hope at that final stage.

Knowing that carrying another baby could have dangers for you must be tough but I envy your 'action plan' simply because with us they don't know what went wrong so don't know what to look for and are just waiting to see what happens. Unfortunately all the scans in the world aren't going to help much as I was scanned at 36 weeks with Niamh (because they thought she was huge, and she was, about the size her sister was at 6 weeks) and she was moving the morning of the day I delivered her. As Rolf said, I'm not going to believe it will be ok untill I have baby in my arms.

I am probably getting completely ahead of myself but I have been thinking about who we will need around us should we get as far as delivering this baby as there will be an element of grieving involved which means that DH will probably not be in the position to be a negotiator for my treatment and care.

I have asked my sister if she would be with us as we can't afford/not sure I would want a doula.

11 weeks this weekend, booking in with the mw mon and nuchal scan on Thurs and thenthat's it until mid jan. Hoping xmas will make the weeks pass quickly.

Hoping someone's around tonight. Am in a bit of a tizz. Sorry if this is long.

I think we have a BFP. Last AF was a bit all over the place so don't know when this was due - anytime from last week to yesterday I guess. V. faint but think it's there. I am scared to believe anything but a thumping great solid block of a line. And I'm scared to even hope.

I know I've been lurking and posting but if this is a BFP then I suppose I ought to give you a fuller version of why I'm with you. Dd1 is 3. Nov 08 I had a mmc at 8 wks. Pg again in January and was due in mid October 09. Pg was OK. Was v. tired and often felt a bit dizzy and faint but iron levels were hovering around 12. Blood pressure was up but not seriously. Had seen the consultant twice but things seemed to be improving. At 32+5 I went to work for my last but one day. Came home, had dinner and went to bed. Started getting mild pains at the bottom of my bump at about 11pm. Woke DH up at 11.30pm. Bump was getting rigid in places but still soft on top. At midnight I was sick and was then finding it difficult to move so DH rang the hospital about 12.30am. They said not an emergency but come in and we'll see you so we started to think about who we were going to wake up in the middle of the night. Nearest family over an hour away. Had decided to ring a friend to ask her to come down so DH rang hosp to say we were coming in. Whilst he was on the phone I felt something go pop, put my hand down, thinking it was my waters, and realised it was blood. DH rang 999. Ambulance crew arrived and by then I was fainting and fitting. Once in the ambulance they couldn't get a line in and I very nearly died then.

They got me to hospital and although I was sure by then that there was no chance for our baby I was still hoping. They scanned and were reluctant to show me but I was able to see that there was no heartbeat. I was induced and delivered dd a few hours later. I had had a massive placental abruption (placenta detaches from the uterus) which is not common at all. My only comfort is that she will have died quickly and there was no meconium so she didn't suffer.

They cannot identify a cause of the abruption and it is something that is more likely to happen again once it's happened. We have an action plan agreed with the consultant as she knows we were ttc. I am lucky that I have lovely friends who I know will support me but I don't want to tell them until I am sure.

Sorry this is so long and horrible but I am one quarter excited, one quarter thinking it's a mistake, one quarter just terrified and the last quarter is in tears.

Hey Rolf
Thanks for sharing your experience. I am sorry for your loss and the stressful pregnancy. Your experince goes to show the docs do get it wrong and there is hope. I agree that loss makes you lose the innocence of pregnancy. In my first pregnancy, I never looked at any forums or read about complications as I didn't think anything would go wrong given all scans and blood tests were fine. In this pregnancy/MC, I have read so much, which has wound me up to be honest but has also been helpful as I have been able to question my doctors and push for tests. I wish you all the best.

I hope nobody minds me posting on this thread as I'm not pregnant or ttc.

My 3rd child died in utero when I was 19 weeks pregnant. My subsequent pregnancy was very thoroughly monitored, which backfired when, halfway through the pregnancy, my consultant found a potentially severe problem with the baby that made me a nervous wreck for the rest of the pregnancy. As things turned out, my daughter was fine and is now a wonderful healthy 4 year old. But it was a horrible, frightening time.

I think that after a loss, the next pregnancy is almost inevitably one to endure, rather than enjoy. All I cared about was being handed a live baby. If I was asked about a birth plan I just looked blank - my pregnancy and birth plan was to have a live baby, nothing more. And once you have lost your innocence about pregnancy having a happy ending, you can't go back to that lovely state of innocence and optimism. You become a "case" at the hospital, with a big fat file with stickers on it. But when I became pregnant again a few years later, I really wanted to try to cope with some of that anxiety and the reason I'm posting is in case any of you can benefit from the things that helped me.

I learned hypnosis techniques, which involved 3 sessions with a teacher (in my case an independent midwife). We had 1-to-1 lessons as I wasn't comfortable with other pregnant women. I listened to the CD every day and it was very relaxing, and gave me a chance to think about my baby and consciously relax and bond with her. Even in my darker moments when I feared that she would die in utero, I knew that I'd had some special time with her each day.

I saw a homeopath who gave me a remedy for the panic attacks that I sometimes had when I thought I would lose the baby. I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea but I found it helpful.

I booked a doula with whom I could discuss my plans for the delivery of my baby. I had a lot of fears about delivery, based partly on sad memories of the night I was in labour with my dead baby (in the same hospital) and partly on the delivery of my subsequent baby when I was so distressed and frightened. Little things, like a superstitious fear of a particular lift, of recognising the delivery room as being the one I'd been in before - I could leave all of those in the hands of the doula. She was a very calming, nurturing presence during my pregnancy.

I hope I'm not out of line in posting - please forgive me if I am. I wish all of you well.

x

Hi everyone

Hope you are all as well as can be.

ERPC went as I had hoped. My consultant had already spoken to the nurses and anaethetist about my history and they were all so amazing. It was very touching. I just remember crying in theatre before it took place and the anaethetist offering me tissues and talking to me. After that, I woke up to a silly nurse (the exception) who asked if I would be trying again - I was too knocked out to speak my mind. I have no pain and minimal bleeding. Consultant sent the tissue off for testing and took swabs and my blood for more clotting tests.

I do feel very relieved it is over. I couldn't go on any longer waiting for the natural loss. Now, I just need to focus on healing and living again for a few months without the burden of TTC.

Please could someone tell me what a sac looks like once passed? I did pass a really big clot this morning before ERPC but wasn't sure if it was just a clot or the sac. Would you just know when you passed the sac?

xx

Sunburn - I just saw your other thread - congratulations! hope all continues to go well foy you and the little bean.

Sh77 - how are you? hope it all went as you hoped.

sh77 - thinking of you today and hoping it went as well as can be hoped.
thanks for posting on here sunburn, you have given us hope and I am sure this is your time so try and relax and enjoy this pregancy x

Its blowing a hooley out there tonight!

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow ssh hope it goes according to plan.

thanks shh, i never thought i would get here, never in a million years.

I know that i should be really really happy and joyful, but the thing sticking in my head is, that i still have such a long way to go and so many things can go so very wrong.
I think that this is because it just goes so wrong for me every time.

The other thing is other people. I just want to switch off to them telling me about people they know who are pregnant because in my experience, for every 3 people anouncing thier pregnancy i always am the 1 in 3 who miscarries. So if i dont know of any one else, it cant come true...sigh

Its So hard to get out of the negative cycle

There is hope out there xx