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Why are people so negative about parenting?

(137 Posts)
youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 18:59:12

Apparently I'll not have sleep for another 18 years, never have any money, won't celebrate my birthday, won't ever have time to have my hair done, won't be able to have nice furniture, will be fat for years, my career will end, I won't be able to have the same hairdresser, I'll never have sex again.....the list goes on and on of things I'll

Surely if it was that bad people wouldn't reproduce or would stop at one?

youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 19:00:16

*i'll not be able to do/can't have/won't enjoy. These people know nothing of my financial situation btw!

ACM88 Mon 21-Jul-14 19:01:38

I know!!

Some people are just so miserable, that's my reckoning!

I can't wait for DC1 to arrive, and I'm a CM so I know the difficulties that children bring, but also the many many joys that far out weigh the bad! X

youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 19:02:56

Apparently I won't be able to leave my baby with its grandmother either (?!)

TerrariaMum Mon 21-Jul-14 19:05:44

But you will also have sleepy baby snuggles, toddler headbutt kisses and somebody saying ' I love you Mummy, you're my favourite friend'. there are some positives for you. Just had all 3 of those today.

not really an answer but a counteract to help.

Because a lot of those things are true
But normally the good outweigh the bad but just like in everything else (think the relationships section) people talk more about the bad than the good.

DearDinah Mon 21-Jul-14 19:10:16

People just like to paint a miserable picture! They were the same when I was planning my wedding, marriage is awful too! Lol

stooshe Mon 21-Jul-14 19:13:50

They are just trying to give you the heads up that parenting, if done with a conscience is life changing and children come first. Being a parent isn't "bad", but many people (men and women, it's just that if single, most parents are female, but that in and of itself doesn't confer "good parent" status) are not cut out for it, or have expectations of how much joy a child gives to the parents and not the other way around (you know the type). As for the "stopping at one child" scenario...whoever said that humans are sensible as a species? Lol!
Good luck with your pregnancy and birth. And don't take what I have said to heart. I say that as a mother of one who still wants another one, but isn't prepared to be a single mother (again), which is completely different from being the residential parent who shares parenting with a responsible father.... so what do I know?

youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 19:17:24

I can count 5 of the things on my list that I will be able to do. All financial related, but in reality my income won't be massively impacted as I don't work anyway.

melissa83 Mon 21-Jul-14 19:17:44

None of those things in your op are true and god knows why people say them

fledermaus Mon 21-Jul-14 19:18:57

Some of those things will be true for some people, but it is unlikely that every single one of them will apply to you.

youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 19:19:13

Deardinah- I had that too about my wedding. Apparently it was all a 'waste of money'. A year later I don't regret a thing!

Dangermouse1 Mon 21-Jul-14 19:20:53

The sleep one is fairly on the money though....

youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 19:21:24

What for 18 years?!

youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 19:23:38

What's sparked this is a picture on Facebook of my DH and I enjoying an afternoon tea for his birthday.

Comment was "Enjoy, because you won't next year".

LittleBearPad Mon 21-Jul-14 19:25:07

No, probably not for 18 years but most will be true at one time or another.

It's a big change and being a child minder is very different to actually having your own child acm

fledermaus Mon 21-Jul-14 19:25:43

It was only about 3 years without decent sleep after my first... and then about 3 months good sleep before I was in my 3rd trimester and stopped sleeping well, and now the baby hasn't slept more than 3 hours in 5 months grin

I still celebrate my birthday though!

melissa83 Mon 21-Jul-14 19:27:15

Having your own child is so easy compared to working in childcare. Thats why its amusing when parents of 1 are all argh its so hard! and you are like really? confused

ACM88 Mon 21-Jul-14 19:28:44

littlebearpad of course it is! I was merely pointing out when I spend 11hrs a day with 4-5 children, the joys definitely out weigh the occasional cons!

HecatePropylaea Mon 21-Jul-14 19:30:34

I think people think they're funny when they say stuff like that. I don't think they actually mean it.

Koothrapanties Mon 21-Jul-14 19:33:28

Because its better to prepare yourself for the worst and then have a pleasant surprise. If you think it's all going to be roses, you will really struggle. It is tough. It's the best thing you will ever do, but also the hardest.

TarkaTheOtter Mon 21-Jul-14 19:33:47

Of course you will be able to have the odd quiet, relaxing birthday tea with your husband. But unless you have very involved grandparents those moments will be few and far between.
The sleep thing is an exaggeration, but I think a lot if new parents are very naive and expect to be able to get a good nights sleep within a few months of giving birth when the reality for a lot of parents is that it can take years.

Redling Mon 21-Jul-14 19:37:22

When you get told you'll Never get hair done/have any time to yourself at all. You'll never go for a meal out with partner, a night out etc. Do people never leave their children alone with their fathers? Or with grandparents? I'd hate to think my child couldn't have a night with granny etc, they are family too and I loved staying with grandma. Also if I want to pop to the shops on my own for a couple of hours leaving baby with his Dad, would I be some kind of monster?! I have heard a lot of negatives in this pregnancy too. Weirdly about clothes as well, was wearing a fairly cheap new look dress very early on, it was a bit fancy and floral, a friend with a child was taking great delight in pointing pity how id be in jeans or trackie bottoms after the birth, all the sick etc. pointed out that the dress was £20, made of polyester and therefore as washable as anything she was wearing, also it was one item of clothing to take off and chuck in the wash rather than top and jeans! Why should I dress differently with a baby?! I'm not in the habit of wearing silk during the day, I just like a nice frock!

squizita Mon 21-Jul-14 19:44:14

The one upside of having had a mixed medical past and being the last of my mates to have a baby is... I know the truth! smile And that goes both ways ... I'm neither "ooh it will be like a cute dolly" but nor do I believe the naysayers.

I've had a number of smug unasked for comments, all of which I've thought (but never said) "that's YOU love not EVERYONE" e.g.
"Your career will be over" ...lady in my team with 2 toddlers just got promoted.
"You will look much older and have no time for clothes or makeup" ...several of my (very responsible) parent friends look amazing tbh!
"You will never go out again" ...except that you, the person saying this to me, go out with us fortnightly to the pub/restaurant? How much exactly do you think I actually go out?
grin
Some people are pessimistic I guess (or maybe it's their own 'shock' when they had kids transferred onto others).

Likewise I know lots of things about sick, poo, sore boobies and sleepless nights so I'm bracing myself!

youbuggerz Mon 21-Jul-14 19:44:27

Redling- I get the same but about furniture "you won't be able to have nice cushions when you have a baby"- really? Will the baby fairies come and steal them? Will the baby eat them?

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