What would disappoint you about your children?

[fizzybottles]

I want my children to be happy and to be whoever they must be. My love for them is fairly traditionally unconditional.

However, I would feel disappointed and somewhat a failure if my children do not grow up to be kind. That's desperately important to me.

(I'm kind of hoping they have a broad taste in music, too).

[SenoraPostrophe]

I would be disappointed if they spent all their free evenings on internet chatrooms.

[cheekysealion]

I would be disapointed if they didnt treat others how they would like to be treated becasue i drum this into them constantly!!!

And i would hate it if they ended up in prison... think it would kill me, as obviously they would have commited a crime, and also i would be so worried about how they were surviving in there.. but i feel this way about all i know not just me children

[Shitemum]

@ senora

(How you doing?)

[dilemma456]

Message withdrawn

[Thunderduck]

No children,yet but I'll answer anyway.

I'd be disappointed if they weren't happy.
If they weren't kind and caring.
If they weren't open minded.
If they took drugs and drank to excess.
If they committed crimes.
If they weren't open minded
If they were selfish
Perhaps controversial but I would be disappointed if they were right wing.
If they were racist,sexist,homophobic etc.

[Thunderduck]

I've no idea why I typed open minded twice.

[plonker]

I would be hugely disappointed if they settled for things in life.

I want them to be happy and to follow their dreams and most importantly, I want them to be happy with themselves and their achievements, regardless of how big or small.

[chickatee]

I had this very discussion with dh earlier today. I said that if the dc turned out to be ultra right-wing, racist, mysoginistic, homophobic, intolerant adults I would be more than disappointed. I would have to disown them. I couldn't bear it if any of them turned out like that and I would consider myself to have failed utterly as a parent. It's one of my biggest fears actually, as I know that I couldn't have a relationship with my children if they held those kind of views.

[TheArmadillo]

I was watching wife swap last night and one of the women had been signed off work with exhaustion and was still doing all the housework for her 4 teenagers (tbf on her husband he was working all hours). Not one of them had offered help.

I would be really disapointed in my child if they had done that. I would be furious.

[cory]

I hope they will be happy- but I won't be disappointed in them if they're not

nobody can be happy all the time

I would be disappointed if they were not good people; anything else takes second place

so if they turned out to be racist or misogynistic or any of the things mentioned by chickatee, if I thought they enjoyed hurting people or belittling people, that is when I would be disappointed

I would be sorry if they were unhappy but not disappointed

I know already that it is unlikely that they will enjoy good health, it is extremely likely that dd at least will be in pain every day of her life- but I think her life will still be worth living

[BonsoirAnna]

I want my children to be self-aware, considerate of others and to have excellent self-defense mechanisms and negotiations skills. If they don't have all those things I will have failed as a mother - I will not be disappointed in my children.

[whereeverIlaymyhat]

I agree with Anna if they are anything but good people it'll be down to me, but my definition of a good person might not be anybody else's so clearly I want them to be just like me and their dad

[cory]

in a sense I agree with Anna- on the other hand, I also believe in free will

I don't think of myself as a shapeless lump of clay in my mother's hands- I have made my own choices in life, partly from what she taught me, partly from decisions that I have taken myself that are different from hers

I don't see that my children will be any different: I believe in a combo of nature, nurture and choice

can I just ask, Anna- you say will have failed as a mother if your children do not have excellent negotiations skills. So if one of your children had happened to be on the autistic spectrum- would you have failed as a mother? or even if they had just been naturally extremely shy and awkward? can you force somebody to be sociable if that's not who they are?

[whereeverIlaymyhat]

That's nature v's nurture though cory, somethings you can control others you can't. If they are by nature shy, by nurture you can help them to make the best of that etc etc

[Earthymama]

My chidren are grown up so I know the adults they have become. I'm proud to say they are two open-minded rounded individuals and it is a pleasure to spend time in conversation and discussion with them both.

I agree with all of you that I dreaded them becoming rightwing racists or misogynists, they were children of the Thatcher era and their father is not open-minded or open-hearted.

We don't agree on everything but our core values are the same. They are kind and funny, work hard at their relationships, show love and affection, have overcome adversity with strength and courage, love their mother despite all her faults and failings so I'm a very lucky EM.

Like Anna I would consider myself a failure as a mother if they weren't good people.

After some rocky years exploring and discovering true selves, (and that was just me!!)we know we love and respect one another and that our family is very important to us.

So just the grandchildren to worry about now, the five year old at school and trying out how far he can go...

The wheel turns......

[muffle]

As I have a DS I'll be disappointed if he turns into a sexist blob or has a relationship that isn't equal. I will be really disappointed if he chooses a simpering yes-woman as a partner and I have to watch them being in an unequal relationship. It would drive me wild. But I really don't want to be the MIL from hell so I would have to suck it up.

Feel that I even think about this though, as I do feel it's none of my business really.

[GooseyLoosey]

I would be disappointed if when they grew up we did not have a close relationship. I'm not sure that it would be right to say I would be disappointed in them, but I would be disappointed.

I will own up to one more thing. I am very tall and all my life have been aware that many of the men around me are much smaller than me and at times this has not been fun. I would be a teensy weensy bit disappointed if my son was not the same height as me or taller (wouldn't be disappointed in him though!).

[Laquitar]

Earthymum, lovely post

For me:

• if they become bigots. I could tolerate anything else but not this

• If they don't have children. I know this sounds a bit old fashioned thing to say but i can't help it . And actually i want them to have them early in life so i can enjoy them (can you tell i am 'late mum'?)

[BonsoirAnna]

cory - if children have SN or are very shy, it would seem to me that excellent negotiation skills were even more important to devote time and energy to teaching than if children were naturally sociable.

We absolutely all need to learn to stand up for ourselves in life, while acknowledging that others have needs too.

[sweetkitty]

If they became drug dealer/addicts/prostitutes etc
I want them to grow up to respect themselves, their sisters and their parents
To be able to think for themselves and not be bigoted

[Overmydeadbody]

I would be disappointed if they where not nice people and if they didn't care about me or keep in touch with family.

[Overmydeadbody]

I would also be very disappointed if they where fat and lazy and didn't do any sport.

[fircone]

I should like my dcs to carry the thought "do unto others". If everyone lived by this, the world would be a better place (I'm beginning to sound like a Michael Jackson song!)

I think it's way too much of a burden on your children to ask that they be happy. What is happiness? It could be contentment, or smugness, or erring on the side of manic joy which clearly has its corresponding pit of depression.